Elderberry Pavlovas And The Eternal Sausage of Wang (Part 4): a frightfully good thread for the over-30s TTC their first baby.

Merkin, may I suggest that the Super Shagger also be awarded the aluminium-plated sausage to hold aloft as a phallic symbol of her shagworthiness? It could be fashioned to match her Crown of Glory.

Thanks, Pipbin, yes I've read all the blurb. Unfortunately, the cynic in me believes this will not make a scintilla of difference with the postcode lottery which already exists in this country. These guidelines are just that - guidelines - they are not mandatory. Pip, I know you had a lap & dye recently; I had mine two days ago an they found a blocked fallopian tube and a bit of endo behind my right ovary. Doc did not (and will not) unblock the tube. Do you think IVF can help me?

P.s..the 48 hrs after the lap & dye were fucking horribly painful - particularly the trapped gas in my shoulder and diaphragm. So glad I had the procedure though.

The next thread has to be the Elderberries and the hunt for immaculate conception. Can't remember who suggested it but we all seem to be shagging at the wrong time! From now on I am offering an incentive. The Elderberry deemed to have done the bestest amount of well timed shagging shall be henceforth awarded the Super Shagger Crown of Glory and must be addressed as Lady Super Shagger. You must always courtesy in Lady Super Shagger's presence. You will hold the crown until another Elderberry is deemed to have achieved more/better shagging.

Someone best claim it quick because in 2 weeks time that crown is mine!! I am planning on staying nekkid with my legs apart for at least a week

Hi Kerry, great to have someone completely new on board!
Did you hear that they have upped the IVF age?

Merkin - I know EXACTLY how you feel, and anyone who's been trying longer than a few months is lying if they say they don't! I too have those thoughts about wanting more than one baby but there's so many other things to worry about, I just can't let them in. In my experience at least, when these thoughts come along, I wallow for a day or three and then it passes and onwards I plod. However, and this is of no help to you, I am terrified that one day I'm going to go into that mood and I'm not going to be able to shake it. What then? (Boodle opens can of cheap frankfurters, only to find it full of worms and quickly tapes it shut and flings it to the back of the mental breakdown cupboard...)

I will of course slap you around the face with a sausage if you want though - would never pass up that opportunity! (Kneels on Merkin's arms and slaps her around the face with a bockwurst whilst repeatedly shouting "I challenge you to a duel!")

Now then, I'm just going to say it...would you really be cheered up by a BFP from someone else?! I wouldn't...! Don't get me wrong, Elderberries, I will be absolutely chuffed to bits FOR you, but I will also be insanely jealous and will want to instantly banish you to the graduated elderberries! (Waves to the ones who come back and check on us to make sure we're not causing any more trouble.) Does that make sense or do I now sound like a horrible green-eyed little monster? Probably...!

Oh dear merkin (great name by the way) I expect we all have days like this, i know i do, whether we have been trying 3 months or 3 years! Once you make the decision to actually TTC that's all you want and all you can think about!!!

Only symptoms here are pre-AF ones I'm afraid , even though we only DTD twice on the wrongs days you always have a tiny glimmer of hope I guess!

(slaps merkin round the chops with a pork and Stilton sausage just for fun)

bunny or fairy any symptoms i can obsess over?

Or alternatively somebody getting a BFP would cheer me right up

God i'm feeling shitty today. Apologies for moaning without any real reason. I'm just feeling really down about not being pregnant. And feeling like it will never happen no matter what I do. And (selfish bit) I don't just want 1 baby I want lots and I feel like time is running out (again apologies to everyone older than me who has been trying longer than me) to get a family (not just 1 baby iyswim). And i hate my cycles because despite AF having left the building I have another 2 weeks to wait before O. Its a frigging cycle of waiting for AF to end, waiting to O, waiting for BFP then starting again. I think about it all the time. I'm so fed up and HATE not having any control over this.
I appreciate that I have not been trying that long by most people's standards/efforts, that I do not have any diagnosed issues, and that some people everyone on the conception threads has much more to be mad/sad/worried about than me and therefore have little right to moan. However I can't pick myself up today. It's the first time it's all hit me all at once like this and it's crap. Admittedly I am on the job hunt which is also getting me down (hardly any jobs in my specialist area) and I do have a hangover (which always makes me feel miserable) and I have post wedding blues BUT i'm not normally a negative / miserable person so it's a bit unusual for me. Have spent all day on the sofa moping in my PJ's, poor DH has been at work all day yet I have just texted him to ask him to stop at the supermarket because I am a lazy cow and didn't go and do it earlier. Can somebody please slap me round the face with a sausage, give me a good talking to and reassure me that everyone has days like this

OH caught me lying with my legs up the wall post the sechs last night - quote "oh is it that time again already?" -

fortunately my OH doesn't drink anywhere near as much as I do I suffer from a sad lack of will power/self-control on occasion!

Girls do your OH's still drink as I think that's the key. Alcohol doesn't affect out fertility the same way it affects men's sperm.

I don't know, I'm looking at my pusscat lying here on the sofa with her legs akimbo, no modesty whatsoever, and I'm thinking a merkin is EXACTLY what she needs!

I contemplated thecatsmerkin but decided it sounded very wrong!

Unless you made your merkin out of a cat... ! Poor pussy! (Oooops...I went and did it anyway.)

Captain any news?

Yes am happy to be called Merkin! There was no intentional cat link but I see where you're going

NotWithoutMyMerkin...snort! and how would you like us to shorten that? Can we just call you Merkin?! Do you consider your name to still have a cat link? I can think of two possible links...not sure I want to write them down though...I'm a bit of a prude!

Yes I'm afraid to say I have never stopped drinking... Although I think about it a lot. A bonus of stopping now is that i will never be able to keep a bfp secret if i suddenly stop drinking, but if i do it for a long time it won't be so obvious!

navis176 I think I'm going to go along with your excellent justification. I've got 4 weddings to attend this year as well as at least one hen do and a couple of 40th birthday parties. While AF keeps appearing every month I think I'll go back on the alcohol. In moderation, and in strict moderation post O and pre AF, but the tee total thing hasn't helped me for the past 14 cycles!!!

Oh Ps it's 2cats, finally name changed

navis176 I think I'm going to go along with your excellent justification. I've got 4 weddings to attend this year as well as at least one hen do and a couple of 40th birthday parties. While AF keeps appearing every month I think I'll go back on the alcohol. In moderation, and in strict moderation post O and pre AF, but the tee total thing hasn't helped me for the past 14 cycles!!!

boodle we shall all shout at you motivate you to be firm and hold your ground with the doc. What day are you going?
Snigger at peering round corner

Hellooooo! Sniggering away at Thunderbaps! That should be your next name!

Well, I've plucked up the courage to go back to the doctors next week. I'm going to take a copy of the NHS Clinical Knowledge Summary (which talks about when treatment should be considered for subclinical hypothyroidism) with me and I'm going to ask for a treatment trial. If they refuse, I'm going to ask for a referral. Yes I am. Yes I am. Yes I am. (Will probably sit in surgery and cry until they tell me to come back in 6 months...)

Mother, I think I have the same progesterone cream in my drawer upstairs! I bought it about 8 months ago and was never brave enough to use it. Perhaps I will if it goes well for you! (Boodle pushes her new guineapig, Mother, forward into the hormonal firing line and cowardly peeks around the corner...)