[rubs sausage-inflicted wound delivered by the surprisingly violent Twinkle]
Captain 
(you always make me grin)
Hey, Sidney, your symptoms, constantly smelling things nobody else could, cripplingly tired, terrible backache in my lower back, I have those all the time due to giving up smoking and being fucking old.
Pip, whassup with your hubby? Doesn't he want to move? I love viewing houses especially if there are items worthy of stealing
Aquarius the Sausage Shuttle is indeed a sausage-inspired means of aviation, shaped like a phallus, with a destination called Sausage-Wangers Paradise. The Sausage Shuttle is not to be mistaken for the Sausage Shuffle; a dance involving a conga line of Elderberry Pavlovas shuffling around the room wanging the person in front with a sausage.
Happy Birthday, Bunny!!! [drapes string of sausages like a sash around Bunny's neck]
Mother, laughing my head off
Happy, it is particularly torturous to get your period late (mine was two days last month). I'm so sorry, love. Sorry about yours, too, Bunny [runs off to find more robust sausage with which to beat off approaching AFs]
Sidney, ignore the shit CBFM, it is probably having a mid-life crisis. At CD12 everyone should be shagging (except for me and my floppy-schlonged lover).
I am off to Sausage-Wangers Paradise for lunch and will probably stay for the evening if there are enough of you to join in the Sausage Shuffle. See you there!