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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Five and the Mystery of the Declining Fertility - the BESH engage the services of the Famous Five to track down their baybees and finish with lashings of ginger beer. Topping!

997 replies

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 15/01/2013 10:59

Morning everyone, just let me wolf down this amazing meal of tinned tongue, hardboiled eggs and ginger beer (don't you find food always tastes so much better outside?) and we'll toddle off on our latest adventure. We'll make sure Anne does the washing up (you'll make a proper little housewife and no doubt the fecund mother of four fine sons one day Anne ) and us boys can have the proper adventures! No, not you George - you're nearly as good as a boy but not quite. Leave the actual procreating to me and Dick. Woof woof! Shut up Timmy!

OP posts:
Original poster
ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 02/02/2013 10:46

Your MIL who you just met fondled your bump? Yuck! I am very grateful that such a scenario would never present itself here. She finds it impossible to hug her own child - MrA - let alone touch anything else.

Blimey, HawaiianCuntshine!!!!!@@@1!1! She is such ancient BESH she predates even me. How lovely to pop in!

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HavingALittleFaithBaby · 02/02/2013 09:17

Grin euro Tis a good job she is 4 hours drive away and works full time! We have agreed the minute she starts misbehaving/playing up we will pull back but while she is trying we have to give her a chance. She was over familiar with the bump which I really dislike. Only MSB and my sister really have permission to fondle the bump!

Grow little follies, grow! Sending big vibes to you Frank,

Yes the ESH bat signal is the MN symbol on a bottle of gin :)

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn · 02/02/2013 09:01

Well done Faith, hope it all continues to go well.

Scan is at 11.30 this morning so keep those follicle growing thoughts coming my way Grin

EuroShagmore · 02/02/2013 09:00

I'm glad the family meeting went ok. Although I do see a future for you in which AIBU threads entitled "WIBU or was my MIL?" will feature heavily.

I'm loving the idea of an ESH bat signal. What shape would it take? A gin bottle, perhaps?

HavingALittleFaithBaby · 02/02/2013 08:50

Old skool ESH do indeed have a group in t'other place bat signal. Luffly to see you all coming out the woodwork to celebrate jeffer's different ex-hags! :)

jeff how you doing? Pee on more fivers this morning?!

Well I've finally met the MIL! Very surreal experience. She is Quite Something. On her best behaviour of course but...it's hard to describe. Reading between the lines I suspect she has MH ishoos (very hard done by, all her problems are because of other people, world revolves around her, all or nothing) but I can't deny she's excited about our baybee and I can't deny her the chance to be involved if she can behave. Her H (MSB's parents are divorced) is a knob is not the most enigmatic of chaps. Happily his cousin and wife, aunt, uncle and other cousin are all luffly :)

DolomitesDonkey · 02/02/2013 05:45

madameboo I am about halfway through and I am sooooo bored of the lead character, what a drip. She needs a make-over and a damned good shag. All those alleged "friends" and not one of them has the gumption to say "your life is shit". Meh.

I believe islegrin is who was previously known as "HawaiianCuntShine* - although she could be a dirty faker.

Good luck Bazzer!

TWinklyLittleStar · 02/02/2013 02:46

Pleased to hear about your dad rie

Well done euro, have a lovely weekend, hope you feel better soon and fingers crossed for EmBarryO.

Where have all the old skool ESH come from, by the way? Is there a secret ESH win Bat signal somewhere?

MadameBoolala · 01/02/2013 23:51

I liked Jump Alpy. I did! I liked it because it talked about where I live, innit?

EuroShagmore · 01/02/2013 23:16

Hurrah for the first stab being over, Norfy. Well done.

It's great news about your dad Rie. And I am very envious of your business. It definitely beats sitting in an office all day.

Thanks again for all your kind wishes. I'm farty bloated and uncomfortable this evening. I want a hot water bottle, but apparently that is a bad idea.

starrystarrymole · 01/02/2013 22:25

In all my delighted excitement this morning I've realised I never actually posted my congratufuckinlations jeff, was too busy sniffing in Aldi car park. Not glue,just snotty tears.
Much hooray for Barry too- legs and bits crossed in a most unJC like fashion for you, euwannashagmore (my eshlet was also known as Barry in utero, though after Manilow,not white,so its a v lucky and prestigious name)
Best of Beshluck to all other stabbers and stickers-you all rock Big Time.
(I believe islegrin is so named as she lives on that there tropical island, garamond, and the grin refers to thefact that she lives on a tropical island,and we don't.) ps brill news about your dad xxx

(yes I did)

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn · 01/02/2013 22:06

Well done Norf, you're a brave little soldier Wink

Original poster
ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 01/02/2013 22:02

Now I want to know who islegrin is. Is that you MsFC?

OP posts:
Northey · 01/02/2013 22:02

First stab is DONE! AMNH did it for me, and I'm afraid I giggled all the way through.

islegrin · 01/02/2013 21:31

Another ancient BESH coming out of the woodwork to say CONGRATS on the win SunnyJeff and best of luck with that juicy embryo Euro!

I'm a bit nostalgic now... and all that. Gin all 'round!!! Here's to a maaoosive cluster diff!

captainmoll · 01/02/2013 21:18

O M Freakin' G. I have missed quite a day!
Amazing news Jethro - I am on a train by myself grinning like an idiot. Have a tinned sardine to celebrate, old chap!

Still got everything crossed for Euro and EmBarryO Grin

I have read 1 and a half JC books so am no expert, but as I understand it, the essential ingredients are lovely hair, lots of innuendo, horses, stupid amounts of money and throbbing members and - this is the weird one- obsessing over people "smelling of good (or bad) digestion".

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn · 01/02/2013 21:00

This may sound strange as a horsey-sort, but I've never read a Jilly Cooper book Blush

SinkyMalinks · 01/02/2013 20:43

I might like it....

Original poster
ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 01/02/2013 20:34

Sinky, you have it.

OP posts:
EuroShagmore · 01/02/2013 20:29

The great thing about having an ebook is that I can now read this stuff on the train without people sniggering at me. I must see if they are available for download.

SinkyMalinks · 01/02/2013 20:22

I've never read JC. I'm guessing, horses, posh girls and dirty boys called rupert.

Am I close?

HavingALittleFaithBaby · 01/02/2013 20:15

I liked the one about the orchestra....would make a great theme.

Original poster
ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 01/02/2013 20:14

Jump is shit

OP posts:
DolomitesDonkey · 01/02/2013 19:47

rocket JC abandoned all that Apassionata crap and has gone back to nags. I'm currently reading Jump. Which I bought before Pickle was born a year ago. :( JC is great reading for mums. Each chapter is approximately 6 pages long, uncomplicated and everyone knows who Rupert is - the remaining characters are interchangeable.

QuickQuickSloe · 01/02/2013 19:40

No just fancied a change, you may call me whatever you like!

I have hair envy over Amber Lloyd Foxe's glossy mane Envy

bluer · 01/02/2013 19:34

many congratulations Jeff! ! Been lurking sometimes and was crossing things for you!
Hi everyone else go Barry! !