Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

Hi everyone,
jbrd - thinking of you. I agree with the others, have a scan if you possibly can, even if it means paying privately, you can't go on 'in limbo' like this.
_Sparkly- You DH is really retreating into his 'cave' isn't he? My DH was like that when I was pregnant with our DS.Even after he was born, he would make the odd comment like 'I wish it was just the two of us sometimes.' Our Ds is now a strapping 14 year old and Dh and him do everything together, mountain biking, football, etc. I think that men sometimes like to get all the attention for themselves, honestly, and feel a little jealous and left out of the mother/baby bond. They often really bond with their kids when they are old enough to interact properly. He's just feeling scared and insecure, he'll grow out of it. i hope you make whatever decision is right for you, we'll support you no matter what you decide to do. xx
Well the bad news is AF got me today, really gutted. Keep going I guess. Will have a large glass of to drown sorrows. :((
Hi to everyone else, hope you settle in new place soon DrWho - moving is stressful!
xx

Hi ladies,

Moved house and without internet until the end of the week - borrowing MIL's internet at the moment - but wanted to come on and say hello. There's so much to catch up on and I have so little time here this evening, but I just wanted to add my voice to everyone else's Sparkly in support of you. I can't believe what an utterly awful time you're having of it. Your DH needs to pull himself together and get his ass to the doctor's and get some support. He was quite happily going along not using any contraception, and there is always a chance of pregnancy. He can't now start throwing his toys out of the pram because it's happened. And worst of all, he can't allow it to impact on your DD that is frankly rather unforgiveable. She's a child, she has no idea what's going on!

I really hope you get everything sorted out. To all the other lovely ladies here, I am really hoping that once I get the internet at home I'll be able to catch up with the thread - it all seems very busy!

In DrWhoFan news...been having cramps since 5dpo. Due on today or tomorrow. Nothing happened so far today. Nauseous on and off, sore boobs...heartburn after tonight's shepherd's pie (nothing to do with my cooking!), so keeping my fingers crossed, but after 2 chemical pregnancies, I've been here before...

Will catch up properly with you all in a few days.

Much love
xxx

sparkly it's one thing to not be happy about a pregnancy, but it's another to refuse to discuss or communicate. that is really unreasonable. good luck! I think for you finding someone else objective to talk (face to face) could be really useful.

jbrd a private scan might be well worth the £100, if you have it to hand, if not being more insistent every day with the nurses until give in might be worth it...?

isabeller best of luck with it all

I'm bloody knackered today, partly due to another late night but also I'm feeling faint and dizzy and flushed all day. I don't remember this from my last pregnancy. It's beginning to scare me a bit. You'll laugh but I'm worried I'm having twins, since my body is getting so carried away with it all so early. Twins would not be a good outcome for us. I have to keep reminding myself that the more likely outcome is that by the end of March I'm more likely not to be pregnant at all. It seems very cruel that it can take 3 months for chromosomal problems to manifest and meanwhile our bodies are perfectly happy with the pregnancy.

sparkly I want to hope that you will all find a way through this difficult time and have a happy and loving summer however things turn out.

Jbrd I hope it doesn't sound too idiotic to say 'Do what's right for you'. You might not feel like fighting for an earlier scan and a private one could be a good answer unless that will cause you more stress than waiting with the attitude that no-one has proved to your satisfaction that you have had a miscarriage.

hugs to all, I'd like to echo greenlizards post, you put it really well.

I was completely shattered when I got home yesterday. The nurse explained in great detail what would happen at each stage and that we will be kept in the loop about the egg sharer's treatment so we will know as soon as the clinic do if she is likely to have enough eggs to go ahead with sharing (I think the minimum is 8 = 4 each so we both have a chance of ET). I want to send her a card, the clinic can pass this on as long as we don't identify ourselves to each other, and I'm trying to think about what to say.

I'll be going for a baseline scan in 10 days then various medications and scans over the following fortnight to check the progress of my womb lining. At some point during this time I will no doubt get out my tarot cards and start bulk buying chicken entrails.

I had a nasty headache all day and couldn't manage the C25K session I was planning but did walk a fair distance. I really sympathise about the knee pain hopeful. I put on a few pounds last autumn instead of losing a few because I rested my whole body instead of just my achilles tendon when I strained it. Have you ever tried the Nordic Poles?

My last bit of good news is that DP and I braved the GP surgery today, I was fully expecting a very frosty reception due to our combined madness and ancientness but the GP was very kind and I am relieved to feel I could go there for antenatal care if I need it.

Oh my goodness jbrd the agonising wait.

I can't imagine how stressful that an be but I would definitely ask for another scan, private or not.i wouldn't trust anyone until I'd seen the scan myself and spoken to my consultant. You are perfectly within your rights to to see your consultant. At least then, you could ave all your questions answered.

If a private scan isn't an issue financially for you, I think you should go for it. Do you know how you go about doing that? Even if the scan confirms that you have miscarried you can at least start to deal with it rather than hanging in limbo -which must be so horrible and stressful. At least the second nurse sounded a bit more clued up than the first one.

I am still wishing you a miracle though! Xx

Thanks, Irish and greenlizard - I just called the EPU again and spoke to another nurse, to get more clarification about what is happening. Unfortunately, they still believe that the miscarriage has happened, going with everything that has been happening, and that the pregnancy tissue just hasn't been seen/felt when it was actually passed. They are not going to scan me at this point , I will have to wait at least until next week and do another test. I'm seriously considering getting a private scan...

Blimey jbrd you really should ask, no insist, you have another scan to check what is happening! I can't really appreciate what you are going through (look at me and my wobbly bottom lip just because my period came a week early! Ha!) but it must be emotionally exhausting for you. I really hope you can have scan quickly so you know what your situation is.

Good luck and wishing you a miracle. Xx

JBrd yes,I think you should have another scan, you need to know what's going on one way or the other and I'm sure they'd have a good idea from scanning you even at this stage.
Pregnancy tests can remain positive for a few weeks but what if your little miracle is hanging on in there!
From the EPU's point of view you're probably not coming to any harm physically by waiting but it's mental and emotional turmoil for you.
I would definitely request a scan!

sparkly So sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds horrible. I agree with Tina and want to slap your DH. Sorry, but he does need to pull himself together and grow up - there's nothing wrong with needing help and asking for it, instead of sticking your head in the sand, which appears is what he is doing!

Easier said than done, I know, I really feel for you - this should be a happy time!

Well, my rollercoaster continues. Just called the EPU to ask about the histology analysis they were going to do with the tissue clot that I brought in last week. Well, they analysed it, and it turns out not to be pregnancy tissue! Apparently, 'just' some sort of blood clot . I mean, WTF?!? Really?!?! The nurse I spoke was very vague, to say the least, asking if I happened to have done a pg test recently. Turns out I did, yesterday, and it was very much still positive. Which I had expected, since it's only really been a week since my miscarriage... If I can still call it that?

So now I'm supposed to do another test in a week's time and call them with the result, and then 'we'll take it from there'.
Argh! And Argh! I don't know what to think now. Apart from that I've really had enough of this whole business and want to know what's going on, for once and for all.
Should I have asked/insisted for another scan?! The whole 'What if...' situation is back on (well, in my head it is), just when I thought I'm starting to pick myself up again.

Sparkly I really feel for you, what an absolutely awful time you're going through, I want to knock your dh over the head to knock some sense into him! As others have said it shouldn't have been a surprise to him and it's totally unfair on you. I also agree that I'm sure you won't resent the baby, it's not your fault your dh feels like this, sounds like he's having some sort of a panic attack about the idea of being a father again and he needs some sort of counselling but won't admit it at the moment, I hope for your sake he comes round and realises what a blessing its going to be and gets some help! In the meantime please go to the GP yourself and get some support, I haven't been through quite the same scenario but my dh and I had issues a couple of years ago and he left me for a while, he went through a mid life crisis/breakdown i think and eventually went to the Dr which was the turning point for him, we're great now and have come through it, but it was terrible at the time

On another note did anyone watch 'babymakers' on BBC4 about an NHS fertility clinic last night? Had me almost in tears as it followed 4 or 5 couples going through IVF, it was so sad as only one couple got pregnant the others were devastated, made me think how very lucky I was that both of my embryos took successfully. I also thought that their care seemed a lot poorer than the care and attention I got at a private clinic, I know not everyone has that option and it's certainly beggared us but I wonder if these same couples might have had more success had they been able to go private?

Well, slept like a baby last night, but woke at 5 busting for the loo. I did manage another couple of hours afterwards though so feel a lot better than I did yesterday, although still tired and with a banging headache.

It's hard to say when I can test really sparkly...my cycle is all over the place at the moment. If it is 'normal' then I'm only OD+5 so af would be due around 17th. I did have almost immediate symptoms with my other 3 though and knew I was pg long before I tested.

Patience is not my best virtue!

I'm so sorry things are so hard for you at home; like Irishmammy said, you didn't do this alone so it's very unfair on you. If he won't go to the doctors or counselling then you go...go and talk it over with your gp, mw, whoever. And keep talking on here. And for what it's worth, I don't believe you would resent your baby at all, whatever the outcome.

notsoold ,what a lovely way to remember your lo, and great that your DH shared that time with you. xxx

sparkly you're going through such a horrendous time. I don't think you should feel guilty, you discussed having a baby, your DH agreed,he knew you weren't using contraception ,so how on earth could it be your fault? It's not as though he was deceived in any way. I don't think, whatever the outcome, that you would come to resent the baby but I hope you can resolve things .

greenlizard it's very generous of you to wish everyone else bfps, I know what you mean though, when someone on here gets a bfp it is a boost and makes me think it is possible for the over 40s and maybe I could be next! I think we all know what we're going through aswell so we know how much it means.
I have a love/hate relationship with One Born too and it always reduces me to tears!

sparkly if it helps you rant away as much as you like. It really does sound extremely difficult time for you (and your DH) and I would urge you to get some support for yourself - it could help clarify your thinking and give you strength. Perhaps your GP could give some advice? Thinking of you.

notsoold that sounds like a lovely way to remember your lost one and well done for making it through and i hope you feel some peace. Let us know how you get on with your CBFM - I am thinking of investing in one (although not sure why as we couldn't have any more sex than we do!)

hopeful really sorry about the bfn - it might well be too early what with all your symptoms. Fx for you and hope you get some respite from the heat (it's raining here again....it's a wonder we don't all have trench foot here in the UK)

morien have you tested yet? Such restraint! patches hope you slept well - have you tested yet?

deige did you (and your ds) sleep well - does he feel better?i think your interview is tomorrow but just in case it is today - good luck!!

My AF has definitely arrived (despite hoping the bleeding would stop and somehow be a weird pregnancy symptom!) bled heavily over night with very sore cramps. The blood is very red (so no brownish blood to start which would be usual) and there have been a few clots. Felt very sorry for myself last night (nearly fell off the wine wagon but resisted). As DP away I indulged myself watching back to back episodes of one born every minute (alternating between being pissed off that some people have babies like shelling peas and crying because it is amazing) DP wont let me watch it as it makes me cry so much but i felt much better after having a bit of a weep on my own in front of the telly. Given weirdness of cycle I am definitely going to try acupuncture and maybe do a bit more yoga.....think my chakras might be out of whack along with my hormones

I really hope that someone on our thread gets their bfp soon - if it can't be me this month [sorry selfish moment there!] I want it to be you.

Calibee, good to hear from you, sounds like your scan yesterday was more promising, but I'm sure waiting 2 weeks for another scan will seem like an eternity.
newpatches & morien, how soon before you test? Good luck! greenlizard that sounds like a very unusual cycle if in fact AF has arrived. If it has though, you're starting again and this will be your month . Sorry about the BFN hopeful, maybe it was just too early?

Isabeller, it all sounds very exciting, I hope it all goes smoothly. Notsoold, I hope you are feeling ok, getting through the due date is hard isn't it, but it sounds like you were able to commemorate it (if that's the right word) in a peaceful way.

diege, I hope the chickenpox is subsiding. Have you had your job interview or is it today? I'm on nights so I'm not sure which way is up, but I sympathise with those not sleeping as we had a lousy night on Sunday. And of course now I have to stay up all night.....

It is not going well in our house. We didn't talk on Sunday night, just sat in silence for an hour or so, which partly contributed to the lack of sleep (being visited by DD at 4.45 am didn't help either). DH was barely speaking to me, so we talked before I came to work. I say talked - I'd been in tears on and off all day, and he cried again as well. He says he cannot even look at me, he's struggling to interact with DD - she senses all is not well, even if she can't articulate it, and he cannot say he won't leave us. I love him very much and he loves me, but I don't know how to get through this. He says he's not having counselling again as he felt it was useless last time, and will not consider medication either. He won't come to the doctor's with me. He does not want the baby, and we are both very unhappy at what should be an exciting time. I can't terminate a pregnancy I really want, because I will grow to resent that he made me choose, but if he leaves, what if I resent the baby? I don't want to be a single parent and I don't want to destroy our family unit. But I hate DH being so unhappy, and feel it's my fault for even asking about another child - but if I hadn't I would have lived with the regret for the rest of my life. And we've beeh having unprotected sex for 10 months. I don't want DD to be an only child, I am close to my DB and really value that relationship and I'd like her to have the opportunity to have that. Also, I don't want to be a burden on her when we're old, I want her to have someon to share that with. Because DH is an only child, if MIL develops health problems in her old age, we'll have to deal with it as there will be no-one else. I realise I may not be very coherent, but nights tend to have that effect on me. I don't feel I can talk to anyone in RL at the moment so I really appreciate being able to vent to you lovely ladies. Thank you. SSxx

Irish....my dh took me to the seaside as it has been always a special place to us. For me particularly meant that although a ocean separates me from my country I am still a Brazilian girl the same is with the lo...the ocean separates us but I am still the lo's mother....
Peace to you in the coming months xx

notsoold your due date is a really difficult day to get through,did you do anything special to mark the occasion? I hope you had support . It probably didn't help AF arriving too!
I don't feel that my miscarriages are something I'll ever get over fully and sometimes little things hit you out of the blue and the feelings of loss come flooding back. Significant dates are a reminder of the loss. I found it hard to get through my edd in Oct and I have another the start of Feb and then the middle of March but I hope the pain becomes easier as time goes on.
Thinking of you xxx
Sorry but I don't know anything about the cbfm!

Isabeller sounds like everything is moving along towards your ET. What happens next?

gum sorry you got a BFN but hopefully it's just too early to test.

patches hope you get a good night sleep. I'm also confused by cm at the moment!

Morien I can't believe you haven't poas yet!

Appointment went well treatment explained in detail, really appreciate all the good wishes. Lots of hurdles to get over on the way to ET let alone new family member so trying to keep feet on ground. xx Is

Hi all and Calibee I am thinking of you with all this wait!!!
Today was my due date and it was quite difficult. :(
I have a question and hope someone can help me, please??? I have done my firsy cycle on the cbfm . my af arrived this afternoon so I should press the "m" button tomorrow right??? And then press as day 1 or 2???
Xxx

Hi hopeful, you're just getting up and I'm just off to bed.
I've had a lot of cm tonight, creamy in colour...in fact I thought af had come as it was so abundant.
I can't remember the 2ww being so hellish before!

Calibee...that's rough having him away so much. But you have all of us .

Morien...I will be beside myself if I don't sleep tonight. I have told the older DCs that I will be going to bed early tonight, and DP that there will be no action whatsoever!

I took a lungful of cigarette smoke today whilst walking in town and momentarily felt really nauseated. But that could be down to the tiredness...I don't function well without sleep. I also have this really weird prickling sensation on my face and neck, like someone is sticking sharp pins into my skin! I've never had anything like that before but it's driving me nutty.

I want sleeeeepppppppp

morien...not sure when DP can get home again. They now have some weekends off but its an expensive and long train journey to take too often. He has just said they may get a week off in February though...
I'm trying to not get my hopes raised too much...good news will feel even better then. I'm a bit concerned that my symptoms are waining a little too. Have had the odd wave of nausea but not much and my boobs are much less sore than they were.

CaliBee, that does sound like good news - I'm really pleased. And preparing for the worst isn't going to make the worst happen. When will you see DP again?

hopeful, can't wait for you to test!

glizard, grrrr to AF if that's what it is - but bizarrely early, no? But as someone's already said, the arrival of AF means a new cycle to feel optimistic about - I've been surprised to find that's how it works for me, anyway.

Speaking of which, still no AF here and it's now CD33. Last week I told myself that if it got to Monday I'd test, but I haven't because I don't feel at all pg and I don't want a BFN for nothing. Also, DP's got man-flu not well & just in case it is a BFP I'd rather everything were stacked in my favour so he might (this time) express just a little bit of joy.

patches, diege, hope you both sleep better tonight!