Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

Hello from snowy East Anglia! Quite glad that I don't have to drive to work today, I still haven't got new tyres for my car...
(Sorry, emotional mum alert!) DS looked super-cute this morning, after I had put him in his puffer jacket, like a mini-Michelin man

Welcome to the thread, Amberini! Let's hope that you don't have to stay here too long

NewPatches your ear infection sounds nasty! Did the GP not give you any antibiotics? Sounds to me as if they are well in order... Just POAS, woman, what are you waiting for?!? Surely, being this ill wouldn't be good, should you be pg. You need some meds in you, pronto!

Diege hope your DD gets better soon! Sounds scary, did they manage to pin down the cause in the end?

twentythirteen Yay to your cycles being back on track!

greenlizard I'm with you on the being an emotional wreck/crying at random things. I came across the elephant mum scenes last week while flicking through the channels, and had to switch channels immediately, as I knew I couldn't bear to watch it. Same for the polar bear family documentary that was on another channel. And One Born Every Minute... Have watched every single series religiously so far, but have no desire whatsoever for the current one.
DH and I watchd 'Up!' last night, lovely film, but within 5min I was a sobbing wreck! Kept bursting into tears again in regular intervals during the rest of the film (but really liked it overall).
I am bad enough with welling up at TV/cinema at the best of times, but I think the hormones are still at loose here...

gum Glad to hear that you are feeling a bit more optimistic! Lots of stuff going on for you, I don't envy you! Having to worry about the DH-DS relationship and trying to decide on what to do about ttc is a lot to handle in one go. Be kind and try not to put too much pressure on yourself.
Have you thought about stopping the ttc just for a couple of months and see how you feel about it then? If you give yourself a time-frame to try and stick to, with the firm goal of re-assessing it all again at the end of it, but do nothing while it lasts, maybe that could help you figure out whether you want to continue ttc or actually would be fine with stopping? Sorry for the rambling, I hope this makes sense. Sometimes, when you hit a wall, it helps to step away from the problem completely, to get a better perspective.
(Oh, and I am also very very at meds bought on the internet!! Please be careful!)

I am finally starting to see a light at the end of my tunnel. So so glad that I made the decision to have the surgical ERPC, at least now I know where I (and my body) are at! I have only now realised how stressed I have been in the last few weeks, I feel so relieved and much much calmer. I still get sad and emotional, but find it a lot easier to deal with those moments and am hoping that the healing process will help with the grieving and that I can draw a line under this sad sad episode.

Decided to have this week off work, not so much because I couldn't cope physically, but to make sure that my emotions are coming down from this roller coaster. I don't want to rush because I know that work will intensify any negative feeling/emotion that I might still harbour, so I want to make sure that I have a reasonably thick skin again before going back.
This week, I am going to plan and do nice things - just booked a pedicure and a dinner with some girlfriends (both pregnant, hey-ho...), DH and I want to book a holiday/mini-break, and I want to do lots and lots of baking. Did quite a bit at the weekend already. Come my way if you want cake/biscuits/bread

Hahahaha, irishmammybread! Laughed my head off at what you put about my DP! He would too. He's very broken for his age - very physical job leading to lots of muscle and joint pain, and a DEEPLY unhealthy, boozy lifestyle before he met me. It would be nice to think his age would be a plus factor, but neither of us are counting on it.

Diege honey, I hope your DD is feeling lots better. That must have been pretty alarming for you!

Morning Patches - I'm in the East Mids too. I think it may be in for the day. My poor DP works outside so will be proper grouchy when he gets home tonight! I had a nasty bout of laryngitis last year that gave me a horrid ear infection - DP ended up having to take me to the emergency walk-in docs at the nearest hospital cos it felt like my ear drum was going to burst, so have plenty of sympathy and back rubbing from me, it's truly agony xx

Welcome to the new ladies. On my feckin' tablet again so apologies for the paucity of the name checking.

Back to the kitchen to make cup cakes to cheer up DP when he gets home

Sorry about the phantom pregnancy greenlizard, next time lucky hopefully...

So made me smile NewPatchesForOld - bonkers being the word! But babydust to all of us - sure we will cope! At least we are experienced!! x

Hi Amberini, and welcome. And yes...totally bonkers for starting all over again, haha. I'm in the same boat, 44 cycle no 4 ttc #4 (no 1 with DP). My youngest is 8 though so not as much of a shock to the system as yours will be! My other 2 are 18 and 15.

x

Morning ladies, can I join this gang? Big big hugs to JBrd. Just joined mumsnet and not really used forums before but such a relief to see all the hopeful posts! Im 42 yo on cycle 3 ttc no 4 (but no 1 with DP) have 3 DS 20, 18 and 17 (must be mad going again) fell really easily with them but obviously very different age. Not sure what to expect this time, charting taking all the recommended supplements - and enjoying trying. Scary though.

And a good morning from a snowy east midlands! Although I was so ill in the night I looked out of the window and swore at the snow, rather than my usual jumping up and down in excitement! I've just come back from dr's and it appears that my ear canal is so swollen that she couldn't even get the otoscope (sp?) in to have a look. No wonder I've been in so much pain. Poor DP didn't know what was going on in the middle of the night when he woke to sounds of me sobbing like a baby...it felt like an elephant was sitting on the side of my head! So, I now have ear drops and she told me to take anti inflammatories but I don't want to as they are believed to bring a higher rate of mc, just in case I am pg. I didn't tell her I thought I might be...

GreenLizard I have no advice or experience of IVF, but just wanted to say I'm thinking of you; it's lovely that your DP is willing to try it, and I guess as long as you talk lots and pull together the strain may not be as bad as he thinks.

Hopeful I am very envious of you being at the beach...it is well below freezing here and snowing. Let us know what you decide to do about the Clomid.

Irish I am in the same boat, I am 45 this year and wonder where do I draw the line? Myself and DP would dearly love a baby together - and it sucks that we didn't meet years ago, but at the same time I don't want to keep going and going as time is not on my side.

Diege how is your DD now? Hopefully the sight of the snow will cheer her up!

twentythirteen how are you faring in your 2ww? It's hellish isn't it? This seems to be the longest one for me so far; I'm now 11dpo and every day is dragging on and on. Obsess post as often as you need to on here, we're all just as bad but very nice .

Bblleeuughh...feeling sick again. But I have no idea if it's the ear infection or...

Morning from a very frosty London (-1c with snow predicted later)....

My phantom pregnancy is over and I thought I would pop on and say hello before rushing off to work.

gum I really feel for you, I say do what feels right for you at the time in terms of TTC (not sure about the internet clomid though if I am honest!). I was thinking if you can assist your DH and DS in bonding then it might make it feel better for you too? And maybe spending time with just you and you DH? Could you go away for a weekend together? TTC is quite a lonely journey (thank god you are all here to listen to my witterings!) even with my DP's active support so going it alone must be even tougher for you...so feeling good about your relationship with your DH can only help even if you can't share your desire for another baby? Just thoughts. Anyway I think you are very brave and honest and I really do hope you get the baby you want or the peace you need.

I spent some time with my youngest nephew this weekend - he is nearly one and cute as a button. Watching my DP play with him made my desire for a baby even worse (god help me) Anyway it made me a very emotional and then I ended up crying watching Africa - did anyone see Wednesdays episode with the elephant baby - I was a gibbering wreck - nature is extremely cruel. Clearly DP was looking at me like I was demented and had to go get the tissues (another TV programme that I will be banned from watching ). We had a chat about TTC over the weekend and he said that he will go through IVF treatment if that is what I want but is really worried the strain of it will affect our relationship - so I need to think carefully about that - has anyone been through it or have any advice?

First things first though, acupuncture tomorrow maybe she will be able to jump start my ovaries into something resembling action

deige - hope your DD is ok and recovers well - that must have been a hell of a fright!

Off to find the ice scaper. Have a great day ladies....

GL

Diege hope your DD is ok now, what a worry for you. The staff at Alder Hey are fantastic and very caring but it's still not somewhere you want to have to spend much time! We're back there this Tuesday with DD1 having her knee operation, finally! That's if they don't cancel again at the last minute.
Sorry you didn't get the job,I was wondering how you'd got on, but as you say it could be all for the best if it makes you refocus on your career,sometimes these things happen for a reason.

catdoctor I'm 45 in February. Sorry I can't really give you any advice on accepting the inevitable,I wish I could. I know what you mean,I too feel with each passing month my chances are dwindling, but you do hear of people older than us conceiving and having a healthy pregnancy so it's still possible. I just hope that if it doesn't happen for me, then over time will come a gradual acceptance,in the meantime I'll just carry on and try not to let ttc take over my life.(Yeah, right!)

gum glad your DH and DS had a good day together, your DH could feel left out if DS makes it obvious he's closer to you,maybe some male bonding was just what they needed!

wylie how frustrating if DH is working away, ttc is complicated enough without additional obstacles.

DrWho who knows,maybe having a young, virile partner at his physical peak will be an advantage in the ttc stakes!

twelve great that your cycle is back to normal, good luck with the 2ww, keep coming on here to post,it helps keep you sane.

patches hope you're feeling a bit better.

fireflies it's lovely to hear your success story and that babyFF is doing well. It is a dilemma when/how to change from breastfeeding to formula,will he drink expressed breast milk from a bottle? My DS and DD1 wouldn't accept a bottle from me but did at nursery. With DD2 because I had longer maternity leave and then was only working part time we didn't try her with a bottle for longer and she refused point blank. She would drink water from a cup but never would take formula, I ended up breast feeding for about 18mths, though just at night towards the end. My periods didn't come back till a few months after I'd stopped breastfeeding completely! If your DS has had 6 mths of breastfeeding it's been really good start for him whatever you decide to do.

Diege...sorry to hear about your dd, hope she gets better soon.

Well, I feel awful today. I woke up feeling like either a) dp punched me in the face or b) I'd had a stroke. I'd had an earache last night, but this morning my ear, jaw and eye feel like they're going to explode! I can't even touch my ear without crying. The vomiting has ramped up a notch, I was sick 3 times yesterday...I'm now 10dpo so will be testing on Thursday.
X

Hell everyone . Sorry I've been away for a few days (and missed the bistro yet again - it will have to be cold snacks on the trolley again today). Have had a bit of a stressful week. JOb interveiw was on Wednesday which went very well indeed but I didn't get it - absolutely fine, as has refocused me on my publications and what I need to do to increase them! Very stressed today though as dd3 has been admitted to hospital yesterday and transferred to Alder Hey last night with suspected appendictus, though they are thinking it might be something to do with colic now (apparently children get it too, not just babies - who'd have known?) Poor dh has been with her since yesterday with me holding the fort here.
Sorry not to name check, though I have been reading and thinking about you Gum - what a dilemma.I think I would just carry on with what you've been doing tbh, especially as dh knows there's no contraception being used. Not sure what the alternative would be really, other than not having sex And of course you'll be thinking about the right days still...
Hope everyone is well xx

Happy Sunday ladies, I haven't been on in a while but have been lurking. I'm in need a place to come and sit for a bit (a couple of weeks?). I finally got my positive opk, first since mmc finished 6 weeks ago, have had a proper period two weeks ago so all on track. I got the opk last night, I'd begun to think it wasn't going to come, and I'm still not confident about it as I normally get stronger ovary pains than I've had this month (oh good, so that's the worry, self doubt and symptom spotting starting up nicely then, sooo wouldn't have wanted to do this without them). We were too exhausted after a hard week at work so today's the day. My first dreaded 2ww starts tomorrow. I am going to stop myself from being neurotic as hell with friends and family - hope I don't wear you all out - in fact just ignore my posts.

(40, 3 mc's, no children, tears hair out silently...)

Morning all,

Gum, you most definitely shouldn't leave, unless you find it's the best thing for you. We'd miss you something rotten!

Hope everyone's ok. Glad to hear everything went as well as could be expected JBrd xx

I know how you feel Cat, although I'm trying for my first - at 45! Not my fault it took gorgeous (and shockingly youthful) DP so long to turn up/erm...grow up! He is "only" 14 years younger than me, but I feel frikkin ancient at the moment! As each month goes by, I just feel I'm falling ever closer to the point at which I'll have to admit to myself I'll probably never get the opportunity to be the mother I know I can be

I think you're being very brave Gum, at least outwardly, especially as we know on this thread how much you want one last DC. I don't think for one moment I will be able to be so good about it xxx

Hello Gum i'm glad you are feeling a bit more positive, I've been thinking about you. Not good with words but echo what notsold said.

I keep having the same pros and cons talk with myself but you are completely right in its a heart choice and I can't see that it won't always be in our heads each month - if you know what i mean. I keep thinking about the journalist who found herself pregnant at the age of 47 and think there is still a chance. I am planning trips, looking at work options anything to stop thinking about ttc. I sympathise with catdoctor I am a similar age to you. My husband has now started to work away a lot which is frustrating and upsetting because I feel like I have no control now in ttc - the dates of work can't be changed because of my hormones! Trying to develop a what will be will be attitude. Scared to take extra supplements etc as afraid they may make thing worse? Take care and best wishes to all.

Just popping in to give Gum a big hug.

Cat I'm not sure if we've been on this thread at the same time, so 'hi', and I feel your pain. It must be very difficult watching all your friends when their second child arrives or they find themselves pregnant again. Keep positive. That's a good start! I'm in a similar position to you age wise - I'll be 44 this summer and every time I BF my lovely little 6 month old DS (DC1) I think about how to get him on to formula and start TTC again. If I can manage another then it's going to knacker me out for a few years as they'll be close in age, but it's the only way to do it!! Does make me sad to think DS could be an only child, but am not giving up on the idea of another, while trying to focus on DS, and really trying to count my blessings and enjoy every moment with him as he is a little, lovely miracle. Oopsy, that was a little bit too much about me, but hope it's helpful to share. The weather's so grim at the moment too, that it's easy to feel a bit blue, esp once Christmas and NY have been and gone. Good luck and keep posting.

How's everyone else doing? FF xx

Jbrd

Hello all, been away since things got a bit 'near the knuckle' on last thread (or last but one?) - I havn't had a chance to read all your news, I'm sorry, but I shall.

As I've dropped off the list, reminder - I'm 44, ttc 8 cycles now, DS 2y5m; one chem preg and I think another non-stickybean last month.

All my 'mummy' friends now had their second or preggers. I'm 45 in March. DH on assorted meds and now his libido and ability to dtd have dropped right off.

I've chances in single figures now I think, so feeling a bit blue.

Advice please on how to face the inevitable - that it isn't going to happen,but despite that I need to keep trying.

Hugs to jbrd, calibee and gum.

Just been reading through last few pages and I'm feeling tearful just reading your experiences. Please take all our support here and know that you will always find an ear to listen to you and and hand to hold here as we'll as endless cake a d tea/coffee.

Take all care ladies.

Gum...may I offer my hand???( sitting quietly beside you)....
It resonated strongly with me your post, but because I am not good with words I can only offer my hand...

Echoes everything irish says hopeful
It seems like DH gets a lot of time away...maybe you could arrange to have a wee break yourself. Completely childfree for a couple of days?? It might give you the time and space to think about your ttc journey and where its going.

A much better conversation with DP tonight. I just miss him so much. No idea when he will be home again. He wont be there for the all important scan a week on Monday so I will be doing that one alone again. He has however told his closest friends at the barracks that I'm pregnant and that its a little touch and go just now. Thats the first people he has told as under the present circumstances we have decided to keep the news to ourselves. He said that they were discussing familes over dinner and the conversation got around to how the others were looking forward to having children of their own and it seemed an appropriate moment. I'm glad he now has people he can talk to about it.

gum please don't leave the thread whatever you decide to do regarding ttc, it wouldn't be the same without you!
I can see your dilemma if your DH definitely doesn't want more but it makes things very difficult for you, letting go of that dream of a last baby is such a hard decision to make.
If your DH is stressed at the moment maybe things are just getting on top of him ,as you say a break might give him a chance to unwind or (as my DH claims to need occasionally!) a chance to "clear his head".
Do you think he might start to feel a bit closer to DS as he gets older and they start to do more dad/son things together?
Sending you a virtual hug xxx

Bblleeugh...was quite happily watching most haunted, tucking into fig rolls when I had to make a dash for the loo and up it all came. Missed the ending too! X