Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

Morning to all.
Oh hopeful you really are racking your brains to make that decision to stop aren't you?? I feel every ounce of your hand ringing. I wonder if just a complete pullback on all the activities surrounding ttc would be a kind of middle ground for you both. No charting or temping or using any sort of opk's....I'm pretty sure after doing it for so long you have an idea when ovulation is happening anyway. Make love because you love each other and if anything happens...then so be it. I also think that putting energy into yourself is an excellent way of distracting yourself. I think a lot of the activities surrounding ttc become habit and like any habit ,they need to be broken. I hope you can slowly come to peace with your thoughts sweet.

lizard I think the wait is because they saw progression...of sorts. Having never seen a fetal pole before, it was a new development, even the sonographer said she wished she hadnt seen it. It is absoloutely obvious to me that the pregnancy is not going to go very far (but an agonising wait nevertheless). From what I can work out the fetus is around the size of a 6 week pregnancy and it has taken nearly10 weeks to get this far....so unless I'm an elephant in disguise its pretty obvious its wrong. I do understand their caution....but not a 2 week wait. If a fetal pole had developed/become viewable between last Wednesday and Sunday then surely a week would be sufficient?? I may well in the next couple of days find the strength to call and push my point, but right now I feel fragile and strangely vulnerable (not a natural feeling for me...I'm usually pretty invincible).

hopeful You sound like you have done a lot of reflecting and your posts sound like you have finally found a small bit of peace with your decision?
I hope so..

I also hope that you do stick around on this thread!

Calibee I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Why do they need you to wait - is it just in case? Does that mean there is a chance?

If it isn't to be, then I really hope that nature deals with it swiftly.

Take care. xxx

CaliBee it just doesn't get any easier for you does it, it must be such a rollercoaster of emotions for you at the moment.
I agree with gum that going into work tomorrow might not be the best idea, you could be feeling very emotionally fragile and you're much better off at home if things progress physically.
JBrd having norovirus while you're still recovering from a miscarriage must be draining,look after yourself!
gum I don't think you're being insensitive at all,just honest and open.
I know there is a very real possibility that at some stage I'll have to face up to the fact that I just might not manage to have my much longed for last baby.
I find it reassuring to hear you say that time helps heal the hurt and that feeling of desperation and longing can fade.My losses still feel very recent and raw, I have another due date coming up at the beginning of February and then again in March.For now I still feel I would regret not at least trying but if it doesn't work out I hope I can reach acceptance.
Please stay on the thread even if you're not actively ttc, you'd be missed!

Thankyou jbrd it really is very similar to your experience.
The nurse who seemed to believe it isnt a viable pregnancy is also the one who booked the scan for in 2 weeks. To be fair she did say that if I began to bleed heavily with clots that they may be able to bring it forward.

I am feeling guilty about not being at work and had even toyed with the idea of venturing in tomorrow. But am put off as my emotions are a total mess and the thought of having a sudden large bleed at work is just too much to bear.

CaliBee - oh hun, I don't know what to say to you, apart from the so often used, lame-sounding 'I know exactly how you feel'! All this waiting, all the heart break, all the emotions, it really looks as if you are re-living my story. And I so do not wish that this should happen to anyone!
You are in the same position now, and from the sounds of it, you are feeling exactly the same, you poor thing. My hospital was exactly the same - as soon as they found the heartbeat, the pregnancy was back on track to 'normal', according to them. My next scan would've been the 12-week dating scan, nothing was offered!
But I was also so very sure about my dates, and because they measured the embryo more than 2 weeks smaller than what it should've been at that stage, I was very very wary of getting my hopes up... Which of course I did then anyway, especially when my bleeding slowed down.

But you say that the nurse agrees with your expectation of a mc? Might they then scan you sooner, if they also think that it's still ongoing? A lot can happen in a week... Making you wait another 2 weeks is brutal.
(I sometimes wonder if the NHS has to be seen supporting the natural management route for mc, esp before the 12 week point. After that, everyone appears to be getting an EPRC immediately. All very well, but it can be soul-destroying!)

I wish you all the strength possible for whatever is going to happen!

Sorry for not more name-checking, I still need to read the other posts! This norovirus well and truly floored me for the weekend, and I am most probably not going to go into work tomorrow yet, holding out till Tuesday - still feeling grotty.
That and the snow will most likely make driving to work impossible anyway!

Calibee, it sounds to me like it is happening naturally - which would be my preference, incidentally. Never had a mmc but had 2 x mc (at 13w and 6w) both of which resolved naturally - and started much as you describe your symptoms. I have read that the ERPC procedure can have a detrimental effect on ttc due to scarring (in the same way that instrumental births apparently can). I don't know much about it though so you might want to look into it - I imagine that the effects are fairly slight, but still...

remnant, I had to laugh at "I think you just have to convince your body you don't have a very young baby dependant on you." She'll be three in May! But she will often feed every 3-4 hours, day and night - the surprise is that my cycles came back at all. Interesting to hear that your DC is still feeding - I feel slightly ambivalent about ttc knowing how much she loves bf and not wanting to take it away from her by getting pg.

Hello to Zeuxippe and GogoGobo.

Calibee...I don't know what to say...but thinking of you and our jbrd...xxxx

sparkly I would be about 9 weeks now. But this uncertainty has been going on since the first scan three weeks ago on New 'years Eve. Thankyou for sharing your experience. I have decided that as my Gp has signed me off for 2 weeks that I will give it a week at least. I am bleeding heavier by the day and the pain is also steadily increasing. I would prefer to pass it naturally as much as anything because I have little support around just now should I need to be admitted.
hippy I too was shocked by this....last thing I expected. The sac size however had not increased since last week and is now irregular. Could two songraphers have missed it maybe.....or maybe because it is degenerating it has moved or somehow be sharper to see??
I dropped DP off earlier...I was brave and didnt sob, just a few tears lol. He will hopefully make it home intime for the next scan

Calibee - that is quite strange that a feotal pole appears like that. i suppose I just thought that it stopped developing or it developed at the right speed - I didn't realise it could sporadicly continue - IYSWIM. It's all so bloody torturous. Sorry you are having to go through this. i must confess i chose an EPRC the first time - once you know it's not gonna result in your dreams you do just kinda want the nightmare to end. The second time i did have a natural MC and it wasn't too bad - not half as bad as I had imagined. hoping this is all resolved really soon for you. The good news is that you and DP are obviously able to get pregnant you just need a good egg and I'm sure it will happen for you. XXX

Calibee I've been mostly lurking but had to come on to say that this is exactly what happened to me. I can't remember where you are in your dates, but I was certain about mine, we'd not had sex since the big event 3 months previous, so the sudden appearance of something most certainly did not mean we were going to carry a lovely baby to term. We put our foot down and very politley said that we were not happy waiting further, that if we'd come for an abortion they would not make us wait, that we would sign any form clearing them of whatever ethics must hold them to that policy... and in the end I was made to meet with a consultant who, I was told, would re-scan me, and I was prepared for this, but when he came in I repeated that we were absolutely certain of our dates, I was dry eyed and very rational (don't know how) and he believed us and got me booked in for the erpc two days later (in the end I didn't need it but that's by the by). Please, if you are certain about your dates demand what you need, it's cruel making you wait another week because of a simple mistake in by the technician. I've probably over reacted to your post having so recently beenthere myself so do also ignore the ravings of a loony. Of course it woul dbe better if it hapens naturally too if that's what you want.

Quick update ladies.....the torture continues.
This mornings scan showed a clear 3mm fetal pole (which has never been visible before)....this of course means that they will definately not perform the ERPC tomorrow. I am totally shocked by this and if I'm honest I found it a lot easier to get my head around whilst thinking that a baby had never developed. They have arranged another rescan in a fortnights time.
Due to the fact I am bleeding and have mild period pain the nurse seems to think it may happen before then.
This all sounds soo eerily similar to our jbrd's sad story.

Afternoon ladies from a very snowy Kent! Just trying to catch up with all the threads here! Hello to all the new ladies and much love to everyone having tough times, big hugs Calibee but it's lovely to have each other to chat too! I'm having a really funny day - have felt grotty past two days I'm about 7dpo (I think! only know that from temping!) having some spotting today actually starting to think my cycle is just all over the place - time for docs?

That's terrible about your aunt CaliBee ,it must be upsetting and a worry for your mom.
I think though that one of the reasons they recommend you have someone to bring you home from hospital and look after you is the general anaesthetic, you can recirculate it and go through phases of being sleepy and dizzy for a while afterwards.Hospitals seem to want to move patients out of beds as soon as possible! Could your sister or a friend come to collect you? Wish I could help.

Irish....raa to af. Bloody cow.
Sadly dp has to return to barracks tomorrow. :(.....and still dont know how i will get home from hospital. My lovely aunty had to have a bowel ressection op last week and it wasnt too succesful so she was taken to theatre again yesterday and is now on itu. She is my moms twin sister so they are very close and mom is very wrapped up with her just now, which i totally undrstand.
Im sure i will find a way home.

Just trying to catch up with all the activity on the thread in the last few days,it's been very busy!
Hi hippy it's nice to see you back again.
Welcome to captivatingtears Amberini Isadorable mumalah zeuxippe GogoGobo hope I haven't missed anyone else new,hope you all get get your BFPs soon.
mumalah how sad to lose your little boy,I'm so sorry.
CaliBee it must be a relief to have your DP with you giving you some support. It could be that things are starting up for you now if you're getting pains and the bleeding is getting heavier,maybe you wont need the ERPC after all. Glad DP is there to look after you so you don't have to go through it alone. Will he still be around on Monday?
gum thanks for the good wishes for my DD. She's doing ok post surgery,in a bit of pain and can't walk very well but is going a bit stir crazy with the inactivity and being confined to the house,she's even looking forward to going back to school!
My temp has dropped and AF is on the way, ah well, there's always next month.

Just a quick check in....dp made it after all last night. So glad to have him with me. Bleeding seems to have stepped up a gear and i have what feels like constant period pain. Is there still hope that this could happen naturally i wonder??
Waves to hippy x

Hello everyone.
Can I join you?
I am TTC to no.2 :)

I am 43, and have one DS born at the end of 2010 via ICSI. I did achieve a BFP from another ICSI treatment in 2012 and scanned revealed twins but sadly we lost the pregnancy at 10 weeks.
I have not had much encouragemet from my clinic since and they have suggested donor eggs because of my age and so we are TTC naturally (as we have "unexplained" infertility).

There are lots of inspirational posts on here and it will be good to throw my hat in with some like minded individuals - those looking to beat the odds!

calendargal, how often are you breastfeeding?
It's not much of an aphrodisiac is it?

I cut down to one feed, (first thing in the morning, giving me more of a lie in than I'd have otherwise) and that, combined with plenty of supplements, vitex etc, seems to have been enough to normalise my cycle. I think you just have to convince your body you don't have a very young baby dependant on you, rather than give it up completely. Having said that, I never planned on bf up till 3, but that's not too far off and ds seems to have other ideas. It'll be interesting to see, if the pregnancy progresses, if he manages to keep going all the way through.

NewPatches, yes - I admired its social realism The episode that sticks in my mind is when the other girls are starting to thaw towards Patches and one of the nicer ones gives her a glass of pomegranate juice. She thinks the seeds are drowned flies but is fearful of being impolite and desperate to make friends so drinks it anyway. Much later in the book her friend finds out. Another thing that sticks is early on when the other, mean Patty won't let her be called Tricia, and she knows it's because she'd "never allow her to have such a flattering nickname" (that sentiment dates the book though, doesn't it!) It's all very real and the characterization is so good - remembered at a distance of 30 years anyway! I loved the book and haven't thought of it for years, so thank you for reminding me of it - I'll hope to share it with my DD one day.

Well, AF just started - on CD37!! Last month was 27 days, and I'm not sure I ov'd either month (temping, but no clear pattern). Am still breastfeeding though, and cycles only returned six months ago - I'm hoping it's that rather than peri-menopause.

greenlizard, I wouldn't worry too much about not getting an opk. Some months I got a strong positive, and some months I didn't. For example, in November I got a peak status on CBFM, but no positive OPK at all. I think the hormone levels can peak and fall off in a short space of time so you might easily miss one if you're testing every 24 hours. Are you temping?

isabeller, excited for you
tina, will be thinking of you on tuesday. how are you finding the twin pregnancy so far?
hippychick, it would have been great if you got a bfp.

jbrd, hope you're feeling better
calibee, great that it seems like dp has made it

Welcome Zeuxippe, there's no reason to think you're not too late, you can get hormone level tests from gp if you're worried

I've got the fear today. It seems like my symptoms aren't developing, that is unless you include spots. I'm going to buy a CB digital test to see how pregnant it reckons I am.

Morning everyone. Am on my phone so apologies for not name checking everyone.... it's been busy on this thread over the last few days - I can barely keep up I have been at work pretty much constantly over the last week so am glad I have finally got a day off. Yay!

Wanted to ask your views (while I am waiting to go into my second acupuncture session). I am on cd13 and think that I am ovulating or just about to as have ovulation pain and clear cm. I have previously got positive OPKs with clear blue but I have yet to see that smiley face yet. I used a tesco cheap test yesterday and it seemed to give me a positive but again no smiley face this am? Does anyone have any experience of this?

Hello, I haven't been on for ages. I don't think I'm ovulating anymore so I am trying not to think too much about ttc and the 3+ years I've just spent chasing that elusive last baby. However, I've just spotted Calibees sad news and didn't want to read and run. So sorry, Sweetie. Hope your scrummy dp is with you soon. X

Gum - let's hope your ds is right. My son told me he knew I was pregnant the other day. So because my af was late and I keep craving pickled onions I did a test. What an idiot - of course BFN. My cycles are all over the place and I never see a temp rise - what did I expect! LOL