Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

Congratulations littlepinkfizz, that's wonderful news. And every successful pregnancy has to start with a bfp. FWIW I'm with notsoold - I wouldn't feel jealous hearing about a bfp here, or think whoever it is insensitive. This thread is something of a haven from RL, isn't it?

CaliBee, IME that's normal. I bled on and off for 3 weeks, sometimes just blood and other times clots and, er, stuff. I identified a pattern whereby I'd have sudden bad cramps (and feel miserable because I'd been thinking it was all over) and a short time later I'd pass some fairly big clots. And then one day it just stopped. I too had the emotional/hormonal dip quite a while after the worst of the physical MC. My gyne had warned me (just as she warned me about the excruciating physical pain) so I knew it was 'normal' but it was really tough.

notsoold it's only you that says you're not good with words. I always see exactly what you mean (I think!) and you always show a lot of compassion.

(delurking)

Hi everybody!!!!

I have been reading everypost,(lots of free time) but having problems with our computer and can not name check everyone from this (not )smartphone.

Calibee and Jbird... I am finding myself thinking of you and saying a little prayer (hope you don't mind) as I found MC an awful business and a soul destroyer (not very good with words ,you see!).

Gum I read your post and I can relate to certain things you said. Also agree about how hard is not ttc and I hope that peace will come to you. As the decision is related to your DP feelings I would think it makes everything harder for you. But please, please stay with us!!! You and irish are always so understanding and really helped me during some of my difficult days.

Isabeller... hugs for you!!!XXX

I am having a really quiet month . Maybe because I decided to take Agnus castus at lower dosage today is CD19 and still not OV (confirmed by CM, or lack of EWCM, fertility monitor and also OV sticks) I am trying not leaving things to chance but maybe agnus castus wasn't a good idea. Normally I Ov on CD16 so :( .
Just as well as DH is very stressed with work and only dtd once. I tried jumping on him during this week as I thought that I might Ov soon but NO!!! He was so tired and I ended up saying to him to go to sleep.
Might try again tonight!
Also keep telling myself (deluded I know) that if in November we dtd five days before OV day according to my diary (wasn't keeping tabs with fertility monitor then) and I got a BFP (albeit a CP) the same could happen now, but really need to ov soon???
Is it possible to miss the ov on the CBFM???

I also wanted to say that every every time a see a BFP (congratulation littlepink I am happy for you !!!). I don't get here at all. I do get like that in RL but not here. It does pleases me and I am glad for each of you. THis is the place where I feel safe to come and share and I know it is the same for all of you.
But when (and hopefully not ever again) things go badly, when one of you goes through difficulties, than I hold you in my thoughts, as I know as other here (unfortunately) also do that dark days do come.
As a happy Brazilian gal I want to say that happy, sunny days will visit us all, or at least peaceful ones
xxx

(relurks)

Morning all....
Irish I think you may be right...I was mistaking the relief for being ready to move forward. I woke this morning like I had a hangover and struggled to even get out of bed. Still having some mild cramping and debris like clots too....is that normal after passing the pregnancy??

jbrd have a lovely time.... I have just looked at flights to Grenada....only £800 + each... may have to do a raincheck on that one.

hopeful I did do a test yesterday but it is still positive...although it took a little longer to show the line. The nurse at Epau said it would take a week to 10 days. The scan is booked for a week tomorrow...so hopefully all will be clear. I would hate to have come this far only to need the surgical management afterall. Also I'm due back at work on the Monday so I really dont want to take any more time off. It can be a bit competitive at our place...you only have to be out for a day and they change things.

isabeller I hope you get good news today...fingers knotted for you.

Isabeller Good luck with your scan! Fingers crossed you get good results and it's going to be full steam ahead!

NewPatches sorry about AF, and sorry that your DH gets really affected by it, too! Is he really keen on getting pg? Hope you both manage to pick yourselves up again soon.

gum it's amazing how many bumps one suddenly notices when trying to make a conscious effort not to think about ttc, isn't it!
I made the mistake to click on a YouTube link of a video someone posted on Facebook the other day - showing a newborn being bathed/getting a water massage (not sure how to describe it, it was a promotional video demonstrating this particular bathing technique, all soothing with plinky-plonk music playing), and it just reduced me to a sobbing mess. Damn the hormones!

CaliBee Def book the holiday, if you can! We have just booked to go to (don't laugh) Centre Parks at the end of Feb - just for a nice little break with DS. I've never been, but I really don't care where we go, as long as we get to go somewhere.

So DH and I watched the first episode of series 1 of Game of Thrones last night, stumbled on a repeat of it on TV by pure accident. I have now just ordered the DVD - I blame you ladies!
I thought it looked intriguing (although soooo many characters, how do you keep track of who is who?!? It's worse than a Tolstoi novel!), and DH found the frequent nudity 'quite pleasant', as he put it. We'll give it a try.

So there. All your fault

Thinking of you Calibee and hope you have a lovely time today JBrd

Good luck pink I hope you continue to have good news.

Thanks for the encouragement everyone, it really means a lot as I'm not talking to anyone in real life. The lining scan today is just the next hurdle, there are so many unknowns, if my lining is ok will my donor produce enough eggs to share? Will DPs sperm be ok on the day (he's naturally stressed about that whole 'procedure'!). Will the eggs fertilise? Will they grow? etc etc

The next two weeks are going to be quite a challenge and DPs Mum's current carer now wants to finish her booking 4 days early for a social event - we'd usually be more than happy to cover for her. I don't want to say anything about our treatment so I'm just going "yes, no problem, have a lovely time" and praying that Embryo Transfer doesn't clash.

With luck we will get a lot more information today and I have to prepare myself for the possibility of bad news although I actually feel quite calm and positive by some temporary miracle

xx Is

Congratulations littlepink ,what fantastic news!

CaliBee my first and third miscarriages were similar to yours, I thought the GP's description of what the pain might be like as "similar to menstrual cramps" a tad euphemistic ! Everything eased off after the sac was passed though some bleeding persisted for a while and it was a few weeks before scans showed it was complete. I found for me after the physical side was over the emotional aspect really kicked in, I think I was in survival mode getting through the worst of the miscarriage , even feeling a sense of relief when it happened and then it hit me. You still may be on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for a while so go easy on yourself. Having a trip to plan is a great idea, going to Grenada would be brilliant!
My birthday is on 17th Feb so a week after yours. My baby from my second miscarriage would have been due on the 5th.

JBrd glad you're still able to get away tomorrow, hope you have a lovely time with your DH!

gum are you being stalked by pregnant women? They seem to be everywhere! I agree that it's easy to take fertility for granted when you're younger and it happens so easily,I certainly did, I think unless you've been through pregnancy loss or infertility it's hard to imagine what it really feels like.

isabeller thinking about that cake is making me hungry! Hope your scan goes well tomorrow.

Congratulations pink - fantastic news! I know exactly how you feel - I would be the same - but the conception is nevertheless a very important step!!

CaliBee - your experience sounds very like my later mc. In my case I had passed everything and so no need for ERPC - I'm sure it will be the same for you too.

Isabeller - good luck for the scan tomorrow. When will the embryos be implanted if all goes well?

Hello lovely ladies, thanks for the good wishes. I'm feeling a bit rough but wanted to say hi and wish me luck for my lining scan tomorrow. DP said he had a lovely birthday and he took his Mum a lump of my diet busting birthday special strawberries-and-cream-white-chocolate-explosion cake today which she devoured apparently

I just had a leftover bit too, it will probably show up on the scan...

hugs to all Is x

pink I can feel your apprehension in your writing and I'm absolutely sure that if I ever get a BFP again I will be exactly the same and I have only suffered this miscarriage...not 3 like you bless. As somebody said to me....for today you are pregnant....your very special, enjoy it x

Cut hanks ladies, your all so thoughtful. I have already had 3 mc so know getting BFP is only another stage on and a small one at that. I had only poas just to use it up as I knew AF would come next week and if I had no tests then I wouldn't be torturing myself to test. Does that make any sense?

I never for 1 second believed it would be positive. It does say it can detect 6 days early and I was fairly sure I ovulated very early this month.

Who knows ,it will probably all go tits up but for now I am just about pregnant. Will not be telling DP for another week,if all goes well as he would think I was a complete nutter!

I will be 43 in August...crikey...

jbrd am of your lovely things.
We were planning a trip to see DP's family in Grenada before I found out I was pregnant..............hmmmmm....I wonder

littlepink - you're not insensitive! I'm so happy for you, as we all are, this thread is for sharing both the good and the bad. Stay positive, fingers crossed it will be a sticky bean!

I'm getting my hair done at the moment, had a lovely facial earlier, I feel human again DH and I will go down to London tomorrow night to see the musical 'Matilda', my belated birthday treat. It almost didn't happen because the friend who was going to look after DS has now also come down with the Norovirus, but another friend has come to the rescue.
Plus, we have booked a little holiday at the end of Feb - it's great to be planning and doing nice things

pink...woweee I'm really pleased for you xx Be positive :)
jbrd yes I do feel relief. I had known deep down that things were not good....and the prolonging of it all was just awful. I am glad it happened naturally though. Just keeping fingers crossed that its complete and dont have to still face erpc afterall.

Its time to move on. I'm sure I will have sad moments. Two friends I used to work with announced the birth of their son yesterday on facebook which was hard...I confess to not congratulating them (evil witch that I am). And I happened to catch Jeremy Kyle earlier with some total scabber popping babies out like nobodies business...made me cross at the injustice of things.

Feel insensitive now. Sorry to calibee and jbrd but not expecting this one to stick x

Morien - I also think that's it is a lovely and really positive story! Shows that it can and does happen, very sweet

CaliBee - I can understand the sadness and grieving Do you feel a bit relieved now that it is over at least and you can try and draw a line? At least the waiting is over, I hope you can now focus on healing

Congratulations, littlepinkfizz, fantastic news!!!

blimey pinkfizz! that is testing really early no? how long is your cycle? congratulations anyway! really hope you get to share the news with dh!

tina, how did your scan go?

AF due next Tuesday and have one frer left. Used it today knowing it would be bfn just so I could stop obsessing about when to poas.....but I got 2lines!! Faint,yes, but definitely a line!

Can barely believe it! This is my due date for the mmc I had in July! I hope this is a good omen!

Know however that the chances if yet another mc are very high so not even telling DP til next week if all goes well...

I've just been to check out Game of Thrones too. We usually have a series on the go so I think I'll suggest it to DP.

Regarding stepchildren, I don't imagine anyone would actually want them (I may be wrong) - but that's the baggage that my wonderful DP comes with, so it was all or nothing (unfortunately the package also included a stinky old dog which I can't stand but he can't last much longer) I'm lucky in that my stepkids have been very accepting of me right from the start, in that we all enjoy spending time together, and in that DP instinctively manages things in such a way that nobody feels left out. greenlizard, absolutely! Things are improving but it got to the stage where I felt I only had 2 sentences in my repertoire - 'I'm not your family's skivvy' and 'I'm not a nanny'. As you say, it led to huge resentment and wasn't good for us as a couple...and I found it soooo frustrating that DP didn't seem to be able to see what the problem was. He does now

CaliBee, it sounds like you're getting there. I'm glad. Thinking of you - I know how horrible it is.

gum I'm sorry but I'm not convinced by your efforts to not ttc!!!

greenlizard your timing story made me laugh too, but aargh! How frustrating...

I have a group of 3 old friends from my London days, all early 40's, all childless (through just not having met the right men soon enough). One had her 4th MC in December. One has discovered that she has fertility problems and is unlikely to get pregnant (not age-related). Then there's me. And the 4th, who had been single for about 15 years and whom I suppose we'd all written off on that score, had a baby girl on Saturday...the irony, given all the ttc problems that the rest of us are having, is that it was an accidental pregnancy! One of the others thinks it's really unfair, but I think it's such a nice story - my friend is an only child and both her parents died a couple of years ago, leaving her utterly alone...and now out of the blue she's got partner and baby. (And in any case (she added more selfishly) it's not like there's a finite number of babies - just because she's had one doesn't mean that I'm less likely to).

newpatches thankyou for your thoughts.
I so get what you mean by that horrible down feeling of "is it actually ever going to happen".
I called EPAU this morning who confirmed that it probably was the prgnancy products that I passed yesterday and that they will still wait for the scan a week on saturday to confirm it's complete.She also said to wait for my first AF (hope its not one of my mega long cycles) before starting the clomid again. So I have just ordered both DHEA and COQ10 from Amazon and reset my Fertility Friend chart........here we go again.
I feel so sad for what may have been...and had I been 15 years younger I may have given myself a little time before ttc again, however I'm nearly 43 ...no time to lose.
Ladies I'm back

Morning ladies, and sorry for not being on and catching up for a few days...so much sickness in the house, we seem to be passing it back and forth between us constantly.

Firstly Calibee I am so sorry you have had to go through this, and alone too but I am hopeful that it is all over now, that nature has taken control and you can begin to move forward. I've been where you are, and it's awful.

Hello to everyone else; I haven't really had time to read all the posts since my last time on, but hope you are all well x

Well, when I told DP that AF had arrived he was so sad...it was horrible. He was convinced that I was pg, and was as disappointed as I was when it didn't happen. I fell so easily with my 3 dc's and also with the mc's I had, that I am not sure it's going to happen for us. I am so happy I found DP, he is the love of my life, but gutted that I didn't meet him years ago.

So we're back to ttc! I am going to stop obsessing (haha, if that's possible), and just see what happens. That said I know exactly where I am in my cycle and this week is bd week! CM has changed blah blah so let's see what happens.

Take care all

x

jbrd forgot to add that I dont think DP will make it home at weekend . It costs £50 a time on the train aswell as being a 4 hour each way journey. I can tell he really wants to be home but have told him not to worry too much. Money is so tight just now....how ever much I cut back I just cant seem to get on top raaaa.

hopeful no I havent seen Anna Karenina...I will add it to my list. I have so many films on my sky plus box to get through but have to confess that I am usually snoring away after about 10 mins....it drives me mad as I have a list of half watched films that I need to rewatch. Have you seen series 2 of Game of Thrones yet?? I managed to get a copy as its not been shown in uk yet (shhhhh) its fantastic. I hope you had a lovely day...sounds hectic, and that Dh didnt rumble you...hehehe.

jbrd good luck on the job front....exciting and nervous times. My Dc havent really been around too much. DD2 works 10 hour shifts (2 jobs) most days and spends a fair amount of time at her Dads or her boyfriends as I wont let her boyfriend stay here...but her Dad does does. But then he is a knob...enough said!!!. Ds goes to gym after school most days so he doesnt get home until 6ish and then disappears to his room in typical teenager style for the rest of the evening. I'm glad you feel a bit better in yourself.

Irish mine is on the 10th...how about you??

I think yesterday I passed everything (sorry if this is tmi). It started with an intense pain at around 4pm which was unrelenting and the closest thing to labour pain that I can describe. I took the dihydrocodeine and tried to sit it out with a hot water bottle. By about 6 pm I could tell it was different and was on verge of calling hospital (I admit I was a bit scared at that point).....it actually felt like something was stuck. Anyway without going into much detail...about an hour later I passed a big solid egg sized piece of tissue. I'm pretty sure this was the pregnancy products. I hope so. The pain immediately stopped and I have had very little pain since. Lets see what today brings.

Crossed posts with you JBrd. It doesn't seem very tactful having pregnant staff in the EPU does it? The two main midwives I dealt with in my EPU( who I got to know fairly well being a frequent visitor last year!) had personal experience of pregnancy loss. One had miscarried herself and the other had infertility issues for years and after multiple unsuccessful ivf attempts had given up ttc. They knew what I was going through and could really empathise .
I'm not surprised you feel tired back at work,especially when you're just getting over your norovirus too, it's sounds nasty!
Good idea to have a facial and a bit of pampering.
Hope your jobhunting is successful but try to take it easy and look after yourself !