Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

Good Evening Thread-Sisters
I haven?t had a chance to post but have been trying to keep up with everyone.

I finally got my temperature rise and appear to have ovulated on CD16 (which is quite late for me ? maybe a hangover from my previous 20 day period or acupuncture as she told me it can help lengthen cycles?) After last month?s AWOL +opk I was very excited about it but almost immediately began worrying as I had cramps and spotting from ovulation day until CD19 ? so have now convinced myself that I have rubbish levels of progesterone. Hey ho, I went to have my bloods taken today to check my levels so should find out next week. Obviously, given that my DTD timing was not great has in no way dimmed my enthusiasm for 2WW symptom spotting my next phantom pregnancy. This month?s latest dreamt up symptom is a numb feeling in left nipple?

Sparkly I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time still. Can I ask you a question? Are you so sure that you want you DH to stay whilst he is behaving as he is? I say this as someone who stayed in a relationship for many, many years when it wasn't good for me and in all that time I never considered for one minute leaving the relationship ? I was hanging on until the bitter end even though I wasn't happy. You sound like a lovely lady who deserves some support right now. I really hope things work out for you and your DD.

isabeller good luck tomorrow ? I will everything crossed for you.

drwhofan sending you hugs (even if you are not reading this!) Sorry to hear things are a bit tough for you at the moment. Think you are doing the right thing by getting the relevant tests?always best to know what you are dealing with at our age.

hopeful your symptoms sound like real ones ? very exciting. Here?s hoping for you x

calibee your DP sounds like an absolute prince! It was lovely for him to come home ? hope you let him take care of you.

Hope everyone else is doing ok?

xx

Wow calibee, what a lovely surprise for your DP to turn up, realising you needed to be together. He sounds like a gem. It does sound like the m/c is/has resolved naturally, and you hopefully won't need an EPRC. Do you think you'd be ready to go back to work at the end of the week, even without the prospect of the scan? If not it's probably worth extending your sick note for a couple of days?

Drwho, we're here when you need us. I totally understand the need to step back, even without the bipolar, I did it a few months ago, and I did stop stressing about ttc so much. I hope the tests when you have them show that all is well.

Jbrd, I hope you feel better about your job this week, and the job hunting goes well. I have phases where I think that I just can't keep on doing what I'm doing, but I don't think it's equipped me to do much else and it's a steady job that pays the bills. I do enjoy some parts of it. If I had a plan B, I'd be applying for redundancy next time it comes up, which it does fairly regularly, but at the moment I don't.

Good luck for tomorrow isabeller.

Thank you hopeful, Jbrd, isadorable & morien for thinking of me. We still haven't discussed things further, but day to day DH and I are getting on fine. He's been more affectionate over the past couple of days too, which makes me feel more optimistic that if push comes to shove, he'll stay. But he's going to have to decide what he wants most and if at some point he needs some time out to work that out, that'll be ok - I think. You're right about making appointments whether he's around or not, and I was hoping to able to report that I'd been to the GP today. However despite them claiming on their website about one third of the appointments are available to book in advance, I've not managed that, nor when I phoned this morning, did they have a suitable one today. It has to be in the morning after the school run (I rang when I'd dropped DD off as the lines open just when I'm cajoling her to have her breakfast every morning), and I want to see a female GP which I don't think is unreasonable. I'll try again tomorrow - I'll be 10 weeks and now worrying that it is a bit late. With DD I saw a doc at about 8 weeks but for some reason the info wasn't passed on and I didn't have my 1st scan til 16 weeks, which of course is too late for nuchal fold, CVS etc.

Hi to everyone I haven't name checked, hope everyone is ok.

Hi and thanks for asking about me Hopeful; we were going to start in January but didnt... I havent been well and wanted to feel better first. I know I desperately want my little one to have a sibling if I can do it but we're moving house, boyfriend is looking for work... There's a lot of stress and instability around us just now. I know time isn't on our side and it may already be too late but we won't know till we try, will we??

How lovely your DP surprised you for the weekend Calibee (though I'm not a massive fan of surprises personally!) but great you got that support. Take care of yourself JBrd. Hope you're feeling OK Pink?

Hello there
Calibee have a good day and hugs from mexxxx
Jbrd...thinking of you hun xxxx
Hopeful....any wonderful news???
Morien totally agree about stressing dh or dps when ttc...I just don't kno how to relax...
isabeller...good luck for Tuesday xxx
Drwho...hi to you (introducing myself)

Cd 21 and still only highs on my cbfm...but dtd during the weekend as weekdays dh is overworked...
So should I wait for a peak??? Anyways...good night everyone.xxx

Praying for your faint line Calibee xx Is

Posted too soon. Wanted to say hello to drwhofan too. It's so easy to get obsessed about this even without the bipolar disorder so you have all my sympathy. Hope the new doctor helps.

Oh calibee, what a lovely surprise. It is hard though, when you meet a good man at last, to believe that it's actually happening; that's what I find with my DP too. This weekend must have done you a lot of good. I know what you mean in your comment to jbrd too about the prospect of maternity leave being dangled in front of you and then snatched away. I got really down about my job when that happened to me (and there's nothing much wrong with my job!) As I said in a recent post, I'm just starting to catch myself feeling happy at work again - certainly helped by the fact that this coming week is my last full week for the foreseeable future as after that I'm going down to 4 days. My employer is wonderfully flexible about part-time - they can't refuse your request as long as you satisfy certain conditions, eg children under 12, dependent spouse or parent, winding down to retirement, etc. I've wanted to reduce my hours for ages but I don't qualify - but they're letting me do it on the basis of helping to care for DP's children

I'm still managing to be fairly relaxed about TTC, but it's impossible to turn a blind eye altogether (I mean, EWCM is EWCM, and even if I don't know what CD it is I do have a rough idea). I think I must have been more stressed than I realised though, and DP was picking up on it. I haven't told him I've relaxed about it but he must have noticed, and things between us have gone back to being very relaxed and normal, instead of me being all worried about DTD at the right time. I'm sure this last week has been key DTD time and I've done nothing about it. My lovely relaxed DP has done it all for me! It's amazing to see how he's reacting to the lack of pressure - pressure I didn't even realise I was putting on.

jbrd Sorry to hear your not having a great time at work. I guess..like me...you were appeased by the idea of a break with maternity leave and without that little gem on the horizon now its kind of hard. My sick note runs out on Thursday but I'm wndering if it would be wise to get my GP to extend that to at least next Monday. As EPAU wouldnt bring my scan forward from next Saturday and there is always a possibility they will advise an ERPC, it would be daft to go back for one day to then to have to go back off again. In the NHS that would then mean 2 episodes of sick leave and not look good on record.

sparkly I really feel for you..you must have the patience of a saint. I would have told him where to get off some time ago.

iasabeller thats great news...I hope everything goes well for Tuesday.

hopeful omg....how exciting x

drwhofan I totally understand where you are coming from....remember we are all here for you to chat to. I know I couldnt have got through the last few weeks without you all.

Well...DP gave me the biggest surprise on Friday night. Having texted me to say he was being punished for being found with his phone on him on the rifle ranges, he told me he would call me when he could (this was about 8pm Friday evening) . A couple of hours later he told me he was off out with the lads for a drink. Ok ok...at this point I popped and called him in a furious state and told him basically what I thought of him and where he could stick himself. Following a deadly silence on the phone (I actually thought the b'stard had hung up on me ) he walked in through the front door. I was so furious for a few minutes I just stamped around shrieking and crying and thumping him only to collapse in a big heap in his arms where I preceeded to sob for about an hour. I think I needed to do that...and daft as it sounds I think he needed to see me do it. I had put on such a brave face during our phonecalls during the previous days that he admitted he thought I wasnt too bothered but said he had a sneaky feeling all was not well and he needed to be with me. What did I do to deserve this man?? Its hard when I've been used to total shitheads for 20 odd years to believe he is actually true.
Anyway bleeding has dramatically lessened in the last 24 hours and a pregnancy test this morning showed the faintest of lines which took an age to appear.......all is looking good I hope.

Sparkly - I'm not sure I'd be so understanding about my boyfriend's feelings if he was doing this to me. Lots of very good advice already here but I was just wondering... How many weeks are you now? I do remember though that I waited till I was nearly 7 weeks before I saw a doctor with my daughter...

I too expected there'd be no baby on the scan or I'd miscarry. Clear Blue made a fortune out of me - cant remember how many tests I did. It was such a relief to get the scan etc but it did make it real - maybe you havent felt ready to do that yet?

Congrats to pink and a special hug for drwho, ooh and lots of luck Isabeller

Hi Pink, just wanted to say massive congrats on the bfp. I'm still lurking ladies but stepped back a little as all I keep thinking about is that if I do get pregnant by some miracle, then it'll end in mc. I can't help the obsessive thinking - all part of the bipolarity I'm afraid, but I've needed to step back a bit because it was becoming unhealthy for me. I'm going to register at a new doc and get some tests done to make sure my lh surges mean I'm ovulating, cos I'm not entirely convinced and at 45 I'm starting to really panic that I have very little time left.

Sorry about the me post. I'm thinking of you all, and I will be back when my stress levels have gone down a bit.

Love to all you gorgeous ladies xx

I feel bad that I can't catch up with the thread properly just now but I wanted to pop in to say our donor's egg collection is going to be Tuesday xx

isabeller great news about your womb lining! Fingers crossed it all goes to plan.

notsoold thank you for your kind words. Soul-destroying describes the whole affair pretty accurately. But I am finding myself getting back to normal slowly & carefully - my general mood is much better and the mood swings come along less often and are much easier to handle. So I'm optimistic!

sparkly I agree with what the others have said, you really should get your appointments etc sorted, regardless of what your DH is doing. Hopefully, he will come around eventually, but it doesn't look as if you can wait that long - get them in your diary, then you can deal with him. Maybe it'll be a trigger to kick him into action? My heart goes out to you, it must be so hard having to deal with his behaviour. How would he react to an ultimatum along the lines that gum is suggesting? Sorry, but I just want to kick him [bangry]

CaliBee I also had a couple of days of random bleeding/spotting, a week after the surgery, and I have no idea where I am now with my cycle. I think I will start using cheapie OPKs on a daily basis for a while, to see if anything is happening.
Fingers crossed it all settles down quickly now. How are you feeling about going back to work, will you manage? Please don't push it, if there ever was a time for being selfish and taking it easy, it is now.

DH and I had a lovely evening in London last night, we both loved the musical (and DH is not a musical person!).
I hit another all time low at work yesterday, up to the point that I decided to hand my notice in on Monday. I even made an appointment with my boss...[bshock] But have calmed down a bit now, after talking things through with DH. He's supportive whatever I decide to do, but I can tell he would much prefer if I didn't resign without a new job. So I will try a bit longer to find another job while staying in this one, although it's such a pain, argh! I'll probably change my mind again next Friday [bgrin] - our weekly group meetings have a detrimental effect on me.

hopeful, it's hard to imagine a hot day at the beach when it's snowing again here in Belgium. Enjoy!

sparkly, so sorry to hear DH is still being difficult. I tend to agree with hopeful - I think you've got to think of yourself and the baby and go ahead and make appointments regardless of whether he's around or not. He's going to have to face up to it sooner or later. I kind of understand that he might have needed a few days to get his head round the idea but now he's just being selfish, and I'd be angry with him too if i were you. Is there nobody you can confide in in RL? You must be feeling horribly isolated. We're all here for you, but even so...

I've been reading, but haven't had chance to post. Congratulations littlepink, fingers crossed it's a sticky one, as you say a BFP is just the first step.

Isabeller, that sounds really good news about your lining - how exciting you could have a transfer next week! Are you feeling less sick?

Calibee, what a horrible time you've had. It does sound like you're through the worst of it physically and hopefully won't need the ERPC. Continue to take it easy and be nice to yourself, the emotionaly rollercoaster may continue for a while.

JBrd, are you over the norovirus. I think I got off quite lightly when I had, though the after effects lasted several days. And I was very relieved that when DD had it she was only sick, and not the other end too.

Hopeful, the beach sounds lovely. After all this time, I think it would be very hard for you to just stop ttc, I know you have ups and downs about it, and if your DH won't do anything about contraception, he must know there's a possibility of pregnancy, however much he says he doesn't want another DC?

AFM, I still haven't been to the doctors, because I don't want to make the appointment or go when DH is around as I'm concerned about how he'll react. I know this isn't sensible as I really need to get myself into the system or I'll miss the window for screening. I've tried to make advance appointments but they haven't had any convenient times. We haven't talked about it this week, but he's been quite withdrawn physically, which I find hard, and I don't think I'm imagining it. I'm still expecting to m/c or find that there's no baby at the scan, due to my general lack of symptoms. I haven't told anyone in RL, but I wish he'd talk to someone, one of his mates or someone - men don't tend to do that so much though I suppose. What really confuses me is that some of his more irresponsible (for want of a better word) friends have been delighted by the prospect of becoming dads, and yet he says he "can't" do it again. I very much want him to accept this pregnancy for all our sakes, and want to help him feel better about it, but part of me is cross with him for being selfish. And he's generally not a selfish person. I'm sorry, I'm rambling, I'll go to bed.

I hope everyone I haven't name-checked is well, I'll keep reading if not posting.

Fantastic isabeller ! How exciting for you! You'll be hoping this w/end flies in!

Thanks for the congratulations everyone. Trying not to think about it as I found out so early and know it could just be a chemical pregnancy and AF will turn up as normal on Monday/ Tuesday. However if it happens, me being worried isn't going to change that either way so I a. Just goi g to enjoy every day

Pleased to hear your good news, Isabeller. Will be thinking of you over the next few days.

My scan was good! Womb lining 8.7mm already (8 -14 is ideal) and will continue to grow over next few days. I couldn't believe it.

My kind egg sharer has her scan tomorrow and we were told her egg collection could be as early as Monday . After years of waiting and hoping and some difficult detours on the way I can hardly believe we are here and if we cross all the bridges embryo transfer could happen within the week.

Thank you for all the crossed fingers and good wishes xx

I meant to say jbrd ..yes there are a lot of names to contend with in Game of Thrones...and some of them sound so similar. This is the third time I have watched series one and I notice something new every time I watch it lol

Calibee...mine did not change after both MC and CP...
I know about the prices!!! Oh dear...going with books to pay for sticks :)

Thanks Morien... as the women here are highly articulate I feel out of place sometimes!!!

Or even MORE regular

CaliBee yes! Mine have been mire regular (and shorter) since MC. Haven't asked anyone about it though.

morien I am experiencing exactly that...thankyou, I feel reassured.

notsold I only ever had one "standard" 28 day cycle whilst using my CBFM and I peaked on days 13 and 14....the next two cycles were 40+ days and it just couldnt cope with that (it just read highs until I had used a box worth of sticks)...nor could my purse, those sticks are quite expensive when you are using 20 a month!!!
On that note...has anybody heard of cycles becoming more regular after miscarriage?? My sudden long cycles were never investigated or given any possible explanations for. Of course my mind is now wondering if some hormonal imbalance led to my inability to sustain the pregnancy??