Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

littlepink....I'm so sorry to hear that.
hopeful diege and jbrd...it really helps so much to know I'm not going loopy loo and that you all felt/ are feeling this way too. I made the trip this afternoon as I know how much it meant to my Mom....however I have scuttled back home as soon as was politely possible and am now languishing on my trusty sofa once again. It was a tough afternoon all in all...my aunty is my Moms twin sister and has had health problems over the last five years starting with breast cancer and then last summer she had an episode of twisted bowel...she went in for a resection op 3 weeks ago but ended up the week later having another op and a temporary colostomy bag fitted. She knew nothing about my miscarriage...infact I doubt she would even know I am with my partner so it was all kept very under wraps for this afternoon. I felt like I was pretending...which kind of is what I am going to have to do for work next week.
I am finding myself counting down the days until I return to work with a certain amount of dread and am feeling resentful that tomorrow morning I have to be up and sociable for a workman to come and fit a loftladder.
diege DP can only come home from Friday nights until Sunday lunchtime...this week he has been on some outdoor exercise so I havent even spoken to him since Monday. He may or may not be able to get home this weekend.
jbrd you poor thing. I have heard after mc that the body can pick up everything going. I know what you mean about keeping a low profile. I just dont want to see or hear from anybody. I really hope you start to feel better soon x

Well, feel ashamed. Seems it was a chemical pregnancy. Period arrived full force this morning. Preg test negative. What a fool I have been. Good lucj to everyone. I'm through x

CaliBee I am feeling exactly the same. Very happy to stay at home and potter about, in my little safe bubble. I did not socialise during and after the mc/EPRC, kept thinking that I would quite like to, but never managed to gear up to it. Then the last week of my sick leave we had the D&V bug, so that ruled out any social life anyway. I'm finding it quite hard to get back into the world 'out there', if I'm honest! Keeping a very low profile everywhere.
As it turns out, I'm home again at the moment, as I have now come down with the 'flu - it just doesn't stop with all the illnesses And even though I feel really rough, as you do with 'flu, I'm quite happy to be at home again. It worries me a bit, too, as I am normally quite prone to cabin fever if I stay in for too long... So I am trying to start arrange meet-ups with (selected) friends - hopefully, I'll recover in time.

Isabeller that is excellent news! So exciting, fingers crossed that it will all go smoothly! Hope you are feeling OK, are you getting on with all the meds? How long after the embryo transfer do you have to wait before you know if it has worked?

notsoold I find that with the cheapie OPKs, I often got only faint lines for positives, rather that a nice fat dark one. I've started to go with those, since instead of getting a dark line next day of testing, I'd get nothing! I think that the test results can be affected by too diluted urine, and since I usually do the OPKs in the evenings, after trying to get as much fluid in as possible during the day, it could affect the readings.

Hello williamina Glad to hear I'm not the only one struggling in a university job! What are you doing, if you don't mind me asking?

Tina Lovely news! Is your DH resigned to a life surrounded by girls then ?

gum When is AF due? Your symptoms don't sound af-related to me, they are odd... How on earth will you be able to distract yourself over the next couple of days?!

Calibee that sounds very normal indeed to me. I felt very similar after my mmc at 10 weeks; I think you instinctively want to block out the world and feel safe and in control, and getting out and about sounds great in principle but in reality there are many 'what ifs' that your mind might be subliminally focusing on. Driving your mum seems quite a 'big' outing in my mind - maybe start off wth smaller things? Is your dp back at work now?
Isabeller that is truly wonderful news
Gum early morning waking is a dead cert for me and pregnancy. Really hope it's your time xx
Dd2 at home today with tummy ache (nothing sinister, just the usual bug I hope) so am trying to mark at home and getting hopelessly distracted. I have 249 exam papers being delivered here over the next few days too, so fingers crossed no more illness in this house!
Love to all x

Wow isabeller very excited for you.
Hmmmnotsoold I had that exact same problem with my cbfm. I probably wont be using it again as I'm confident enough withmy clearblue smiley and cheapy sticks now (I reserve the right to retract that statement at any time..)
hopeful...honey I so hope this time is "it" for you.
and tina...thats lovely news.

So for me time is moving on to when I have to face the world again (work next Monday). I'm just a little worried by my general wanting to" stay safe at home" feeling that has taken over me. I find myself wanting to get out and about and making plans and then when it comes to it just wanting to snug up on the sofa with the tv. No conversation or company. I have offered to drive my mum to see her sister in hospital in Birmingham today. Yesterday the plan seemed great...today I can think of nothing I would rather not do. Is this a normal reaction ladies?? I'm a bit worried.

Isabeller congratulations on getting such a great response from your donor! It really bodes well for you. Getting past each barrier is a major hurdle - firstly preparing yourself successfully then the worry of how many eggs your donor will produce, if they fertilise and then if they divide well and keep growing, every time you get over one of these stages your confidence will grow! Hope all goes well with the implantation, I had 4 fertilised eggs too. Do you think you'll let them go to blastocyst stage and ill you have more than one implanted?

In terms of my news thought you all might like to know I'm having two little girls! I was convinced one was a boy but I'm more than happy with girls as long as they're healthy. I was a little worried my bump wasn't very big but they seem to be growing well so I'm trying to stop fretting now! Just feel sorry for my dh as he will be outnumbered 4 to 1 by girls in the house lol

hope everyone else is well? Congrats to pink and gum crossing my fingers for you - all your symptoms seem to be pointing to a bfp!

Sorry....did not spellcheck!!!!

IsabellerIsabeller I don't understand much ( or anything) ....but 4 seems such a good number!!!
I am keeping everything crossed for you xxx

Diege...poor you!!! I hope everything goes back to normal soon!!! Any chance of help from relatives and or friends???

Gum..
I loved hearing about the dreams. That always was one of my symptoms. You show restraint not to break into the Frer before Sunday!!!

And why is the thread called Snug???

A nce cuppa to jbrd and calibee and all the girlies here...
I still annoyed at my cbfm. Cd23 and only highs and no peaks! On my ic opks ot was faint positives few days ago ( never got a noce and dark positive ever)and now is back to negatives. I am spending time telling the machine off....
Went to see my dd and her fiancee yesterday. Had some food and was feeling nauseous and crampy for hours.

6 eggs were mature and 4 have fertilised . We are very lucky but also nervous hoping they will all survive. Provisional date for transfer Friday. Eek!

16 each - just to be clear . It is an astonishing number. I did ask if she was ok ie no problem with OHSS, they can't really tell me anything but were vaguely reassuring so I think that means she is fine. Ah to be 30 again...

Isabeller...32 eggs!!! I have everything crossed for you...xxx

Thank you so much to everyone for the good wishes. We've had an exhausting 24 hours but the end result is that the embryologist has now tried to fertilise half our sharer's eggs with DPs sperm and we will know tomorrow if any have become embryos.

To my complete astonishment the dear lady produced 32 eggs! I'm sure this must mean her IVF is likely to work and it certainly gives us the best possible chance. If we have 4 embryos doing well by Friday they will be cultured until Sunday then one transferred and any others frozen. I know in my head that there's a possibility none will take but the embryologist was so positive I can't help being hopeful.

She also discovered, with her incredibly high powered microscope, a minor defect in most of DPs sperm which she can select out.

I'm still feeling a bit rough and now started on extra meds so preparing for whatever comes next.

I'm thinking of you all and hope you are ok Pink, Sparkly and Drwho and hope your job hunting is going well JBrd.

You've made me think about the pressure to test, Hopeful, I know I'll be distracted some of the time but apparently the medication can produce false positives so I'm going to have to have an avoidance strategy .

Good luck williamina, Calibee, Morien and everyone

xx Is

Hello! Just popping in to say that I haven't forgotten you all but am just overwhelmed with work/sick kids at the moment so reading but finding it impossible to post. Dd3 much better now thanks after her op. Back at school and just a bit sore now which is to be expected. To keep life interetsing ds2 off nursery with vomiting bug and dd2 has broken her toe...
I'm so sorry for the all sad news recently, but cheered too by your bfp pink. Sounds pretty hopefuly Gum too - will keep lurking/posting as and when I can

Hi everyone, its blackcatsdancing here, also posted once or twice as Bluebird68.

I've not been on here much recently so haven't followed people's stories . I have noticed some sad Mcs recently and am so sorry for the pain you are going through.

I've reached the end of the TTC road and wanted to say goodbye and say its ok for me. I turn 45 next month and unless i have a miracle baby i know its just not going to happen. I've stopped everything now bar some half hearted temping around the time i tend to ovulate, i guess i still want to know i am as i like to know what my body is doing. Maybe i'll stop that soon though. I temp for maybe 5 -6 days a month. I don't use contraceptives .

After my MMC last early- almost exactly a year ago i was desperate to get pregnant again but bar another MC at just before 5 weeks there's not been anything at all. As time went by the pain lessened and I had to face the fact that at 44 there was a very good - almost certain, that i would not get to have a live take home baby. We can't afford egg donation, partner doesn't want that anyway, and adoption isn't something he is interested in. If i were single i'd consider adoption an older child. DP has a child who he is starting ,via the courts help, to gain more contact with and that has helped us both. I suppose i wanted to have baby partly to help him cope with the loss of a proper relationship with his child.

Another thing that helped was a change in my work. My job is now more interesting, i meet and work with more people. I enjoy what i do. I never really thought i'd say that as my identity was so wrapped around being a mother, and i've never been career minded- and still aren't, but work is rewarding. (for those who don't know me i have one grown up child).

Something i hope helps everyone; Someone was telling me their friend got pregnant at 43, had a MC, got pregnant again (naturally) soon after, and carried to term a healthy baby. Now a few years down the line her and her DP love the new child to bits but also wouldn't advise others to go down same route, they both long for the relative freedom they had reached with their older 2 children and feel they've added on another 10 years of childcare to their lives when they would have been starting to enjoy their freedom.

I wanted to retell that story for those who are mid 40s and want stories of success. But i also wanted to say that no one route is ever all good or all bad. I realise they had children anyway so their story won't resonate for everyone.

Its odd how removed I now feel from the TTC journey. I guess i really have moved on. If i get pregnant it won't be a time of joy or even hope as i will just feel that inevitably it will fail, but should it happen and should it work out, then i will learn to deal with that and make the mental shift once again.

Good luck to everyone on here and i do hope you get what you want .

Oooooo hopeful when is af due to arrive?? Will you take the plunge and test before then??
Hi to notsoold and to drwhofan...keep your chin up chick x

Just to say hi to all xx we are a busy thread , aren't we???
Xxx

Still lurking a bit. Wanted to say a massive thank you for all your lovely comments, it means a lot. I'll be back soon (hopefully), a bit like Arnie...

Just quickly, Calibee, your fella sounds amazing!

Big hugs to you all xx

evening ladies
sparkly...gasps at you not booking your Drs appointment. Naughty naughty. I do understand though, it must be very difficult for you just now.
lizard thats good news...keep us informed during 2ww.
jbrd yes when I got over the stress of the wind up he created in order to keep it a surprise I was so glad to have him home. Emotionally I still feel very up and down. Just when I think I'm ok and dealing with it well...it all comes flooding back and I'm a blubbering mess again. How are you doing?? The work situation can't be helping...if its any consolation I am feeling exactly the same. I used to love my job, but it has become more and more difficult with all the NHS cuts. Just before I went off sick I noticed that my "holiday buddy" had already stuck up her annual leave on the calender (no discussion)...all of the days around bank holidays, every week has been cut into in August and even next Christmas. I was smugly thinking that I wouldnt even be there and should be on maternity leave so I didnt even need to get involved in the argument that I knew was about to ensue. I guess I will have to face it all next week
Hello and welcome to williamina. Sorry to hear about your Mc's .

I'm feeling quietly pleased that I seem to have got away lightly physically following my mc last week. Bleeding now appears to have stopped. I have already begun to tentatively look out for signs of ovulation. With my stupidly long cycles I'm sure I am being a little optimistic...however I feel its a good sign that I feel ready to get back to it. I will probably retake the clomid after first af appears.

Ps. jbrd I too work in university setting after years in private sector. It is bizarrely unsettling and odd envt. I hear you!

Hi. I've been lurking and hope you don't mind I join this thread. Am 43. Have 6 year old DD.

Have been trying for BFp for 2 years. 3 mcs over that time which is a drag. Had investigations. Nothing unusual. Just old!! And need to lose weight. Great

Trying to keep the faith but its hard. Will be great to see how everyone on this thread gets on.

Awwww, CaliBee, that is so romatinc How sweet of your DP, I hope you had a lovely time together, in spite of everything!
I think the fact that your pg test line is getting weaker is a really good sign that you won't need the EPRC, fingers crossed! How are you feeling emotionally?

gum - any new developments on the symptom spotting?! You're getting us all worked up here

DrWho sorry to hear you are having a rough time with anxiety, I'm afraid I didn't help with going into great detail with my mc story! I also think you're doing the right thing with starting to get tested, one step at a time. Ttc is stressful, regardless of any pre-existing conditions. Have you thought about relaxation techniques/treatments etc (they work for non-ttc stuff, too!), like accupuncture, massages, reflexology, yoga etc.?

Morien good to hear that you've been able to take the pressure off youself and your DH a bit! I'm not looking forward to all that again - temping, charting, OPks, CBFM... But as it all worked brilliantly for me last time, I think I will bite the bullet. I do want to get pregnant again asap...

sparkly Do you have to go through your GP to get booked onto the system? Could you not go directly to your midwive team? That's how it works in my area, the GP has nothing to do with the routine antenatal care, all is done by the midwives themselves. Might be worth finding out if you have a community midwife who can do your booking sooner.

Thanks for all your sympathy and patience listening to me moaning about my job. I didn't hand in my notice today, too chicken
gum - I am a biomedical scientist, working in cancer drug discovery and development. Which I really loved while I was working for a pharmaceutical company, but now I am back at university, which in hindsight was a big mistake. I can't get to grips with the different mindset and attitudes, there is zero team spirit, everyone is just interested in promoting themselves. Lots of politics, too. All very counter-productive and so frustrating. And zero possibilities for career development. I should have been more cautious (there were warning signs, but I ignored them!), I was so desperate for a job, it looked good on paper, there was nothing else, it ticked all the boxes...Duh.
However, due to the economic situation as well as me being at this awkward junior/middle management level, there very few jobs out there for me. So I am having to consider a significant career change (at my age !). Which is not easy at the best of times, and terrifying... Still within science, but different applications.
I'm quite scared, which makes me procrastinate, which frustrates me, which makes me bad-tempered - it's a vicious circle.
I never thought I'd say anything like this, but pregnancy would have been a really easy way out - work for another 4-5 months, take as much time as possible on maternity leave, plus a really attractive maternity package (one of the few perks of working for a university!) and then not go back. Sigh. Not going to happen now!
Right - off to start working on my CV to see how I can best sell my transferable skills.