Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

Welcome mozzarellamummy first of all I'm so sorry to hear about the awful time you have been through... nobody will judge you on here, and if its any consolation I know I would have done the same. I have never had to go through such a horrible experience but can only begin to imagine how horrid it must have been for you.
I hope you find some support on here. I think at 41 you will probably be seen as a relative pup..

hello ladies, joining this thread after very difficult months..
I have a beautiful girl who is now 18 months, felt pregnant again but unfortunately pregnancy ended with a TFMR at 24 weeks.. It was an heartbreaking decision and I'm afraid it was the wrong one..I'm still feeling very guilty and can't cope with what happened.. It's 5 months now.. I hope not to upset anybody here. I'm really scared but we're finally ttc again. I will be 41 in april so I'm afraid odds are not on my side.. and I also think I don't deserve it..

tina...you must be so worried. Lets hope its something similar to diege's experience.

Sorry not to name check, but just wanted to reassure Tina. I'm not sure if you all remember but I had a huge gush of fluid at 22 weeks with ds2 that soaked through my jeans when I was waiting for the train home (to mid thigh). I was very very worried but it turned out to be thrush would you beleive and is apparently very common for this watery discharge in pregnancy. I was so sure it was amniotic fluid becuase of the gush (very watery indeed) but after an examination they confirmed that it wasn;t and it never happened again. Keep strong and I'm sure everything will turn out well xx

pink so sorry about your news and don't feel stupid, I had a chemical a couple of years ago, you've no reason to suppose an mc would happen

green yes dh is thinking of converting the garage to a man cave lol he's outnumbered 4 to 1 but is very happy about that!

had another scare this morning as I started leaking fluid (not wee sorry tmi) and got convinced it was amniotic fluid as there was a fair amount. Just monitoring it now and have to phone the assesment unit back at two but so far I haven't leaked anymore, seems just when I start relaxing some new scary thing happens!

gum I just found myself physically wringing my hands with you as I read your post.lol.
I'm bored this morning...I have a man in fitting a loft ladder. He's taken over the upstairs and I desperately need a wee. wishes man would hurry up and leave me in peace.

morien absolutely WTF?? What a silly cow she sounds. Its almost spiteful...beyond insensitive. Gah!!!
Big hugs...

Hello zeuxippe, really sorry you're had to come and join us, but welcome. It's hard, isn't it? Lots of comfort here though.

jbrd, understand your frustration with your mum. Mine, wonderful as she is in other ways, just as I'm sure yours is, has always been a bit like that, and it's just getting worse as she gets older. I can't offer any advice, but I sympathise.

greenlizard did the gas propulsion at least make you swim faster ? Fingers crossed that your symptoms are the real thing - yours too, gum!

As for me, I've now lost track completely of what day it is CD I'm on so I haven't a clue when AF is due (last time I started just after greenlizard I think). Anyway, we've DTD pretty much EOD (spontaneously) for the last 2 weeks so I don't think I could have done any better even if I did have an eye on the dates. No symptoms.

Since you're all suitably aghast at my SIL's insensitivity, I'll share another little gem. On holiday she kept going on about a film she'd just seen, and I mean going on - she kept coming back all week to how wonderful it was, she wouldn't tell us what it was about so as not to spoil it but we absolutely had to see it. So a few weeks later when said film became available on our on-demand service we rushed to watch it. It's a French film called Le Prénom - in hindsight the title should have rung alarm bells but 'the name' could mean anything - and it's all about a couple and 2 friends having dinner together, announcing a pregnancy and choosing the unborn baby's name . From a few minutes in I could feel DP looking at me (from about the point where the father says, 'we had the scan today - the good news is it's a boy. The bad news is he's dead in the womb'. It was a joke ), but I decided to ignore him and stick it out for a while because I didn't want to believe my SIL could be that crassly insensitive...but after about 20 mins DP switched it off and I burst into tears - as much because she could be so unfeeling as anything else. WTF???
Anyway, ladies, the moral is: French film, Le Prénom...avoid.

"Just trying to hold onto the hope that there will be a baby one day"

oh I know that feeling. Cant deny that I'm wavering now as to weather it will happen for me. Its hard to be positive when time moves so quickly isnt it?

Thank you CaliBee and JBrd. It is just very sad. I was only 6 weeks pregnant.

All over the place emotionally, initially I was torn between thinking tthat things might still be ok and being sure they weren't. Now I know they aren't and mostly just feel numb.

Just trying to hold onto the hope that there will be a baby one day.

Zeuxippe so sorry to hear that! No need to leave, there is lots of support here! You're not alone, quite a few of us have had the same experience, some of us very very recently.
I never really left this thread after having my bfp and everyone was so supportive and helpful when I had my mc a couple of weeks ago.

It is an awful awful thing to happen, take good care of yourself.

Oh zeuxippe so sorry to hear that...you're not alone .How are you doing now??
There is no need to leave for now...I found the ladies on here so supportive to me whilst going through a miscarriage over the last few weeks.

Hi everyone

I came on this thread a couple of weeks ago, then got a bfp and didn't announce it as it felt a bit unfair of me to get one straight away after some people on here have been trying for so long. Anyway I started to miscarry on Monday this week, 2 days after my 40th birthday. So very sad.

Anyway hoping to ttc again in the not too distant future when feeling up to it. Can i come back to the thread?

littlepink so sorry - it sounds as if we have had similar experiences.

Good luck to those hoping to test soon

Hey Jbrd I would be cross too. What did you say to the friend?? Glad you're feeling a bit better this morning. I seem to be nursing a three day headache which is not being touched by the strongest painkillers raa.
gum and lizard I agree about the testing too early....having said that I know I couldnt resist. I think I got my first very very faint positive at 9dpo...although I couldnt say it was a definate positive until 12dpo. I will resist ever doing that again (she says ) as by the time I had my first scan at 6+3 I felt like I had been pregnant for eons.

littlepink Aww, that is rubbish, so so sorry. Mother Nature can be so cruel sometimes Really hope you get lots of hugs and support in RL, and we're here for you.

Morien Gosh, your SIL sounds awful! It's awful when you are being let down by someone you thought you could trust.

Gum and greenlizard Watching this space with interest! But I hope you can refrain from testing too early, it is so crushing... Having said that, I got a BFN after being 3 days late last time, before the BFP after another 2 more days. Who knows?!? at the windy swimming, green

Still at home today, feeling marginally better, but shattered. And I am really cross with my mum - I got a text from a friend yesterday, asking about how 'a little bird' told her I was pregnant and if it was true?! The only way she could've heard about it was from my mum telling her mum - but that must have happened at Christmas, because that's when we told everyone and before it all went pear-shaped. But the whole mc was already going on then, with its going back and fro, everything hanging in the air and by no means all good at any time. I was bleeding like a pig, ffs, and my mum knew that! I'm astounded that my mum goes and starts blabbing it out. Fine if it was close family, but it wasn't. Grrrrrr The problem is that when I tell her off, she won't get it She's increasingly oblivious about other people's feeling and opinions, it's quite disconcerting sometimes.

Sorry about the rant!

9DPO and hopeful you are a very bad influence - please do not encourage me!!

I forgot to add to my symptoms that as well as sensitive nipples they are permanently erect which is very embarrassing (as well as a bit uncomfortable). Even in the middle of the night they seem to be on red alert! I am going to wear a padded bra to work today as yesterday I had to sit with my arms crossed in meetings - ridiculous

ps. I tested this morning with an IC and a BFN....

pps. I got up at 05.20 this am temp 36.41 went back to bed at woke up at 06:50 temp 36.96!! Given I am on CD9 this makes a big difference - do I go with 05:20 temp: implantation dip or impending AF? Or 06:50 temp: still in the game!

CaliBee ,I felt the same way about wanting to shut myself off in the safe haven of home, especially after my first miscarriage. I struggled to cope with seeing people and going places and felt panicky sometimes for no obvious reason, once in Tesco which was really disconcerting.It seemed to be a separate issue to the actual grief and sadness, I thought I was going a bit mad! I actually had about 4 weeks off work,partly because the miscarriage took a while to be complete and partly because my job entails dealing with people and I knew I couldn't be professional in the state I was in.
I wouldn't go back too soon if you don't feel ready. I also found with each miscarriage in the weeks that followed I had faint and dizzy spells so the physical recovery can take a while too.
I've not posted for a few days but meant to say how lovely it was for your DP to surprise you at the weekend. Sometimes it really does make you feel a bit better being held in the strong arms of the only other person who can really share the loss. I know for us sometimes there are no words and it helps to just hold each other .x
JBrd can't believe you now have flu on top of everything else! You must feel drained physically as well as emotionally. Good that you have some rl friends to support you.I think as time goes on you get better at coping though I do feel for me life isn't quite the same again.
Isabeller how wonderful to get such good results ,hopefully all will continue to go well!
Tina lovely to hear you're having two little girls and the pregnancy is going well.
Morien your SIL doesn't sound like a very sympathetic person, just when you needed a bit of support too!
Diege you seem to have a succession of illnesses and injuries to deal with!
I was back at Alder Hey with DD1 today and the consultant is happy with her progress so fingers crossed the surgery will have been successful.
Gum will be waiting and hoping to hear if this is your month!
Welcome Williamina.
Hi to notsoold and everyone else.

Oh pink so sorry to hear of your disappointing news ? I am not surprised you feel upset but in no way are you a fool!. Hope you are OK.

isabeller I can?t believe your lady donor has managed to produce that many eggs! With four fertilised! Wow! I hope you womb is becoming spongier by the minute (if that is what is supposed to do ). I have got everything crossed for you?.so very exciting!

Tina how lovely to have twin girls and to see them twirling about on the scan must have been very reassuring for you. Hope you can feel a bit more relaxed now?as for your DP ? ha, he is not going to know what has hit him with all those girls in life ? does he have a shed?

Calibee I have never been in your situation but it sounds perfectly normal to me. But even if it wasn?t ? who cares?! It is how you feel and that?s important. You are recovering so don?t try to do too much too soon.

morien that holiday sounds like a hellish experience?.and SIL sounds like a truly sensitive little soul! You should get a medal for that.

My two week wait is now in s-l-o-w-m-o-t-i-o-n. I seem to have been at 8DPO for about a week. My symptoms (of what I couldn't say) are numb and tingly nipples (my right one has joined in now). They are not sore just super, super sensitive, in addition I have the worse wind I have ever had ? not only plentiful but really, really foul too . I am mortified and knackered from running backwards and forwards to the toilets at work and in/out of the lounge so my DP isn't gassed! I went for a swim after work and apart from being so bloated I looked about six months pregnant I was trumping along whilst swimming ? I am not kidding they were getting trapped in my swimsuit ? ah the shame!!

Sorry littlepink ,what sad news. You've nothing to be ashamed of though and you're not a fool, life's just rubbish sometimes. x

morienthat sounds like a holiday of pure torture...must have been vile. I've heard of so many friends who have holidayed together and it ruined their relationship.....usually arguments over kids behaviour mind you.

Sorry pink, what a let-down. Don't feel ashamed.

CaliBee I felt like that too. At least you're not doing what I did - spent a week 2 weeks post-MC on holiday with DP and his DCs (that bit was fine), and my SIL (DP's sister) and her husband and 3 children (that bit wasn't). I didn't want to cancel because I wanted my DSCs to have their holiday, and I didn't want to stay at home on my own - and I thought I could count on SIL and her DH to be supportive and understanding. Big mistake! I moped in our room most of the week, partly because I didn't feel sociable and partly so nobody else had to see my long face, although I made a super-human effort around my DSCs (who knew nothing) as I wanted them to have a fun week. DP told me recently that he'd heard from other people that SIL had been complaining to all & sundry that DP & I had ruined their holiday DP & SIL have been too really close all their lives, and I used to get on with her very well too, but DP & I have found it hard to see them since the holiday.

tina two little girls, what wonderful news.

isabeller I've got everything crossed for you! So pleased it's going well so far.

gum I hope you get a BFP in any case - but I'd really like you to get it this month, after you said you were giving up ttc. It sounded like it was such a hard decision to make, so there'd be something right, somehow, about this being your time.

And hello to everyone else!

not a fool pink, how disappointing for you xx