Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

greenlizard Is your surgery my surgery?!? Because it sounds exactly like it - it's nigh on impossible to get a same day appointment, and the receptionists are abysmal. There have been so many complaints about them and the system, but it doesn't seem to improve, ever...

Tina Glad to hear that things have calmed down again! That must have been pretty scary... I can imagine that buying everything x2 gets expensive! I was at the expense for just the one back then! They do try and milk it...literally.

Welcome mozzarella No judging here, you are safe!

Welcome Skylark, hope you won't have to be here for long

Diege hope all the illness is on its way out!

CaliBee small steps, hun. I'm sure you'll be fine on Monday, try and take it easy if you can. Will you be able to offload things to others in the first couple of days? I have to admit that I did bugger all in the first week of being back at work, just catching up with paperwork etc. I was lucky I could do that, it worked quite well, especially with one of my colleagues being a star with helping out. (The problem is now that I still don't want to get back to the hard slog, but that's got nothing to do with the mc ).

I've told my friend about the mc - I would've done eventually, probably not via text message, but hey ho.
I've not spoken to my mum about it yet, I needed to cool down a bit first. Not sure I will say anything now... She meant no harm, she just doesn't seem to understand how her actions can affect others. But she is incredibly lonely since my dad died, and my sister pointed out to me, we need to be glad that she does communicate with others (even if not the right things...). My sister also rightly pointed out that this probably wasn't the only occasion where she has spread the 'happy news'...
I am always so torn about my mum - on one hand she drives me up the wall with her antiques, on the other I feel incredibly sorry for her, when she has so little and I have so much. And there is the ever increasing worry about her - she's not getting younger, and although she is well and fit and still capable of doing everything, more and more little things start happening that make me and my siblings worry. You know, when you start having the 'what are we going to do when...' sort of talks. I feel helpless and guilty towards her, and I then stupidly take it out on her . Parents, eh? Sigh... She's going to come to visit in March, and as usual I'm looking forward to and dreading it at the same time.

On a more positive note, my cold/flu is on its way out, and my bodily functions are starting to go back to normal, yay. No idea where I am in terms of a cycle, but I'm not worried about that. Doing OPks every day to check what's happening, but nothing yet. But I have been producing copious (we're talking need for panty liner here) amounts of watery, ewcm-like discharge (sorry TMI!) in the last couple of days, which I take as a good sign.
And DH and I have resumed the actions of the intimate kind, iykwim .

Ok so I may take some of that back!! The receptionist just called to say that my test was consistent with ovulation and when I asked what the number was she said 38. Does anyone know what that means?

I am going google it then bake a cake for DP to calm down. I am feeling quite irritable....(pms anyone!)

Sparkly I am not sure how your surgery works but mine is based around making it as difficult as possible to see a dr and certainly not before you have endured appalling customer service in that special brand of stroppy churlishness that seems to be found almost uniquely to the medical receptionist fraternity (or is it just in my surgery??)

We get what seems like 5 second window to ring in the morning to get an appointment or you can just turn up at 08:30 for spare appointments but the queue starts at around 07:30 so if you actually have a job or have children to care for it is virtually impossible.

I have found that going in an explaining I need an appointment and let them work it out. Drives them nuts but has worked out every time (so far they have managed to magic an appointment out of thin air).

Given your pregnancy you really must see your doctor, so why not try presenting yourself in person and see if it works for you?!

Actually, I must apologise for my outburst and derogatory statements about medical receptionists It's just that I called yesterday to get my day 21 progesterone test results and they told me to call back today between 2-2.30 as the gp hasn't read them yet...only to be told at 2 today to call back at 4. Called back at 4 to be told the Dr wasn't actually in today. WTF?! They then called me back to say actually she was but hadn't had a chance to have a look at them but they [medical receptionist] would ask her to call me if she got a chance but I would probably be better of calling next week. Agh!!! The ridiculousness of it is that I made an appointment to see her on Tuesday to discuss options in light of the test results once I had had a chance to discuss it with DP (whatever they may be)...if it carries on like this that will be when I get my results. grr

I wish I could offer my appointment to you sparkly.......

Tina so pleased your scare has passed and you are feeling a bit more relaxed. It must be really thrilling getting organised and buying stuff. Enjoy yourself!

ps. Sperm really does have a very distinctive smell (and not one I am that keen on to be honest

Yippee Isabeller and your new special cargo! Can't wait for further news. Take care now. xxxx

On way back from clinic after embryo transfer. More news later xx

thanks for your concern lovely ladies all seems to be ok now and I haven't had any other leaks, I spoke to the maternity assesment unit yesterday and they said that normally if it was amniotic fluid it would carry on leaking, I had to wear a pad and check it again later in the day but it was dry thank goodness. Apparently the midwife said that amniotic fluid has a distinctive smell like sperm (sorry if tmi) - think I'm also starting to feel a little movement now, still not 100% sure but when I lay down I feel a few flutterings, can't wait to feel more!

calibee and gum sorry about the bfns, wish symptoms for af weren't sometimes so similar to a bfp its a cruel trick nature plays I think

this weekend I'm finishing painting the nursery and I've ordered two car seats today, blimey things are expensive, especially when you need two of some things, my dh is working all the hours god sends to try and get enough money together, furniture and pram are next on the list then all the little bits I was going to look for stuff on ebay but I'm finding myself wanting new stuff!

have a great weekend everyone!

Littlepink, sorry it turned out to be a CP, but I hope you'll take heart that you did conceive, and I'm sure you will again.

JBrd, sorry that you now have flu, I hope you feel better soon. No wonder you were cross with your mum. Have you spoken to her about it? And what did you tell your friend?

Isabeller, what fantastic news about your embryos, fingers crossed they are continuing to do well, and your transfer goes ahead on Sunday as planned.

Tina, 2 girls, how lovely. I hope everything is ok following the leak and you can really begin to relax about your pregnancy now.

Zeuxippe, so sorry to read of your m/c. Please stay on the thread, you'll find lots of support here.

Calibee, are you feeling more positive about going back to work? Good luck for Monday anyway.

Sorry about the BFN gum, it sounded promising, but as you tested early, there's still hope. Your school holidays seems to have whizzed by, how many weeks did you have off? Green, how are you doing on your 2ww?

Blimey morien, how thoughtless of your SIL and the film. Do you think she did it on purpose, or she just didn't think? I get on well with my SIL mainly, but she can be quite insensitive some, not intentionally, she doesn't think it through. No wonder your relationship with yours was not improved by going on holiday with her.

Irish, good to see that your DDs surgery seems to have been a success. Diege, lovely to hear from you, there seems to be no end to the illness in your house, I hope DS2 has recovered from the vomiting, and DD2 not too hampered by her broken toe. You must be relieved DD3 recovering well from her op. Hopefully you've got all the ill health out of the way in January and everyone in your house will be super healthy for the rest of the year!

Welcome williamina - I'm sorry that the hospital thought it was appropriate to inform of your test results by letter when they'd obviously found something you weren't expecting. I hope you get the opportunity to go and discuss it person and make your displeasure known.

Welcome to mozarella as well, what a terribly difficult decision you had to make. I hope you are able to come to terms with it, and I wish you a BFP and healthy pregnancy soon.

Hi to Skylark too, at least 2 of my friends conceived while BFing, one carried on, til she was about 7 months pregnant, the other continued to feed all through, and then tandem fed for a while, so definitely possible.

Not much to report here. I've tried again to pre-book a doctor's appointment, but it's not possible at a convenient time. I was going to phone this morning but sorting school stuff was too busy, I had to go in and help out, but I'm definitely going on Monday morning. They do shared care at our surgery, so I do need to see a doctor first. Still no further discussion with DH. My friend at work who'd I'd normally talk to (and knows we were trying) is very anti-abortion, and as I would probably terminate for Down's (I feel bad just writing that), I don't feel I can talk to her. My other friend who I no longer work directly with as she's moved to a different part of the country, was around this week. She knows I need to talk to her, but several of us went out for a meal and I didn't get chance (I do have more than 2 friends BTW), but hope to catch up by phone.

I hope everyone has a lovely, restful weekend if you can

Waves to diege...sorry to hear of more illness. Maybe you have had your fair share now and will have months of healthyness ahead lol. Its very probable that the opk was picking up on the hcg yes. I was getting a little ahead of myself I think. I was only confused a little as the hcg test was so faint and the opk and clearblue very positive. That would say to me that they are more sensitive to hcg than even the super sensitive hcg tests.
So this morning I attempted to go for a wonder in town to spend the vouchers my Mom gave me for Xmas.....hmmm. I drove there and drove straight round and back out again. I so hope I can manage work on Monday.

Morning Calibee you're absolutely right about opks/temping etc, and chilled is the way to go. I was thinking about your pos opk on the way back from the school run (as you do) and thought could it be that the pos opk was picking up the remaining hcg? I know opks show pos when you;re pregnant, but there again if the second line was very strong that would indeed suggest ovulation . Will you do another today? (in a chilled way of course )
Gum gaaah you tested!!! I would have done the same though You too lizard!!! You do know you're going to have to carry on testing everyday now don't you now that you've opened pandora's box... Still early days for both xx
Welcome to the newbies - no judging here mozarella, this is a safe space.
How are things Tina? Please pop in and tell us when things are fine
Well you know I'm not ttc-ing, but in the interests of snug research repository I have been taking agnus castus to lengthen my cycles (well LP really). Lp had been down to 8 days and I didn't like the every 3 weeks afs I was getting. Have taken agnus castus for 2 mths and LP went up to 12 days last month, and lots of EWM today (not had that for mths) (cd 14). Not that any of that matters of course but a bit of anecdotal support for those of you that may be consdering supplements.
At home today and dd1 is now ill Still, she's feeling better as I type and is coming along to toddler group at her request to help (nothing infectious) so silver linings and all that.
LOve to all xxx

Feeling everything that both gum and lizard describe. All so damn familiar.

In fact it has made me take a deep breath and remind myself that all the temping, poas, charting etc...is all supplementary to the cause and not the cause. I think I was getting over-excited yesterday at my pos opk, and from now on I am taking a deep deep breath. My body will do what it does, when it does it...and there is no amount of checking that will make any difference to that. I guess having the mc and it being my 43rd birthday next week is raising a certain amount of panic inside of me.
tina let us know you are ok.
Welcome to skylark.

oh hopeful keep your chin up and don't you dare feel silly! Remember last month I was bleeding and still hoped I might have a chance of being pregnant? Now that is silly! .

I know what you mean about having lots of symptoms that then seem to fade. I have woken this morning feeling even more like AF is on her way (my nose spot now has a friend on my chin , I feel crampy in front whereas yesterday it was more backache and my nipples are definitely less sensitive). Although to confuse matters my temps were up again this morning from 36.41 to 36.76 (my cover-line is 36.44 so am guessing yesterday was a blip. They haven't taken the dive yet....)

Ah, what the hell, I have given up any pretence that i am not going to test every day until AF arrives... today's results -DPO10 - BFN

I get the results of my 21 day progesterone test later today (I feel quite nervous about it) In one way I want it to be low so they can give me some magic pill/pessary and I will get pregnant very quickly but on the other I want it to be strong result so there will be a good chance we can conceive (even with assistance)

Sigh. Ladies hope you all have good days

xx

Hello all, would love to join you. Im 40 and TTC no 2. Been trying for about 3 cycles so far. To my huge suprise i was lucky with no 1 and got pregnant relatively quickly. But think it will be bit different this time.

Im still BF my DD who is 18 months now (2 or 3 times per day but not at night). Is anyone else in that situation? I know you can conceive when BF... but at 40 perhaps not... ?! So thinking maybe i shd cut down/stop to improve my chances. Does anyone know?

Good luck to everyone!

greenlizard ,could it be implantation dip and implantation bleed? Just wondering!
It's cruel quirk of nature that a lot of signs of impending AF are similar to early pregnancy, cramps, bloating etc...keeps us guessing!
CaliBee I don't really know why you would get that reading on an opk stick but I know I ovulated on d 14 after my miscarriage at 6 weeks and d 23 after my one at 12 weeks. After the one at 11 weeks I wasn't charting but it was 35 days before AF arrived. 8d post miscarriage would seem early for ovulation. Would you consider temping, it might give you a better idea as to when your cycle is getting back on track?
williamina YANBU . The medical profession don't seem very interested in fertility issues in the over 40s! I thought after three consecutive miscarriages last year I would get some investigation but when my GP enquired on my behalf I was told I wouldn't be entitled. Because of my age any pregnancy would have a 50% chance of miscarriage anyway and because DH and I have three healthy children together already it rules out a lot of genetic problems they may test for. I was just told if I wanted to try again to take aspirin next time.(I wish that had been suggested after MC2,I'll always wonder if it may have prevented MC3).
I got my AMH levels checked privately and when I requested progesterone levels to be checked my GP did arrange it for me but I just got the receptionist phoning with results to say they indicated I was ovulating normally, no follow up was offered.
I would think if you have pcos you should be entitled to discuss it with your doctor, you shouldn't feel you've got to keep pushing for help!
Welcome to the thread Mozzarella, it must have been such a difficult decision for you to make, you have my sympathy.
Zeuxippe sorry to hear your news x
Morien I can't believe your SIL! Has she always been so nasty to you?
Tina my colleague at work who was pregnant the same time as me last year had a similar experience with leaking fluid at about the same stage of pregnancy you are now and went to term and had a healthy baby girl, you must be worried but I hope it all settles down for you.

calibee sorry can't help you with your question but hope someone can help. I am not really sure how the tests work.

Hi mozzarellamummy I am so sorry to hear your sad and difficult story. My heart goes out to you. You are most welcome to come and hang out here for a while - the ladies are fabulous, wise and very supportive.

Is it only hopeful and I on the 2WW? I think I should rename myself the guffalo as my wind affliction shows no sign of abating - it really is enough to make my own eyes water

Apart for that and my standing to attention nipples, I feel that I may have to consider that AF is on her way....I had a slight trace of pink in my CM this afternoon, some twinging in my uterus which I get before AF, some backache and constipation (see above!), am very bloated with a rather fetching spot emerging on the end of my nose. Add all that to the drop in my temperature this morning - I suspect this is not going to be my month but hey the fat lady hasn't sung yet........

Ladies can any of you help me out here??
I did another pregnancy test today (8 days post mc) and it was almost negative. Line so faint you had to look twice to see it. However the opk (dont even know why I did it...obsessed with poas I guess) was quite positive...even the clearblue digi had a smiley face. If the opk was still picking up the hormone from pregnancy that would surely make it more sensitive than the super sensitive pregnancy tests...am I going nuts here?? I would be surprised if it was ovulation but who knows...what do you think?

Littlepink. Sorry for your loss. I really feel for you. Mozzarellamommy. I second what the others have said.

I've just joined the post but hope you don't mind a wee rant. I had been to women's unit at hospital for recurrent miscarriage investigations. I had expected to be invited in to receive results in person but instead got a letter in the post.

Letter says that all fine with uterus, bloods, hormones etc. but that I have polycystic ovaries but that shouldn't have impacted on the miscarriages!

Um what? Had no idea. Never been diagnosed. Regular periods. Had no idea about polycystic as no symptoms! But clearly while pcos is not the reason for mcs it does dramatically impact on my fertility.

Im very cross as i poured heart out to doctor doing the tests, he knows how old I am and my worries about fertility. You'd think he could give me this crappy news in person. It's like going in for a pain in your leg and receiving a letter saying 'your leg is fine but by the way your foot is broken.' AIBU?

Hello mozzarellamummy, and welcome. I'm sorry to hear what you've been through, that must have been such an agonising decision to make. As CaliBee says, nobody here will judge you, and you'll get lots of support and willing listeners if you want to talk about it - so come and take refuge from the world outside.

Thank you Isabeller and Calibee.. even if still struggling with what happened I want to try to move on (never forgetting this baby of course, it's simply impossible anyway).. I just hope I won't have to face something like that again.. I'm just happy not to be alone and wish good luck to every body here!

Hello mozzarellamummy I have a grown up DD and now in later life ttc via IVF. So many parents have to make heart wrenching decisions about what to do in the best interests of their loved children or potential children. I'm sure you would not judge someone who had had to decide to turn off life support for a child but would feel nothing but compassion.

Years ago I read something in 'Man's search for meaning' (Viktor Frankel) where a holocaust survivor was devastated in old age to lose his wife. The therapist said the meaning of your pain is that it is the price you are paying for saving her the pain of being the one left alone behind.

I'm sure you took your decision in order to spare others pain xx