Page 12 | Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

hopefulgum · 2013-01-01T23:20:41+00:00

We've filled out thread - I do hope you all find your way here. I can't add a message on the old thread to let you know it is here...[smile] This new thread, will no doubt have its own set of bfp's and babies. I am excited to see what it brings.

notsoold · 12/02/2013 13:37

Green good luck regarding choosing the right clinic. I have not been in that situation ( as we could not afford it) but I wonder if it helps towards some sense of control???

Sparkly it is really difficult for you isn't it??? I do not know what to say, becauae if I step in your shoes my heart would be breaking as I am sure yours is....maybe the change of airs at MIL will help? And other people to talk etc???? I offer you a very unmumsnetty hug xxxx

My ds is going to London on a train next weekend to visit relatives. He booked ( we made sure it was ok- it was and payed), he packed and already sorted his itinerary etc....he is our youngest and as always a thought crosses our minds....should we stop here???why to stress ttc instead of living the life of teenager parent's?? I feel it would be easier for dh than for me to leave ttc , although dh was the one to want to ttc now in our old age...:) questions inside and empty arms outside...not a good combination for contentment....

sparklysapphire · 12/02/2013 11:57

Gum, irish, calibee, & JBrd, I'm sorry you're all going through such a hard time with your recent due dates and m/c's. I think it just hits you unexpectedly sometimes, I hope you can all find ways to be gentle with yourselves.

Calibee, in terms of last minute holiday bargains which we were hoping to do 2 & 3 years ago, none of it seemed particularly cheap, but I think if you can be flexible, it might be easier, and you could probably get a cheap week on the Costa del Sol if you think that'll be warm enough. We tend to go self-catering, as we have DD, and also like to be left alone. We've been looking at Canaries holidays but were unimpressed with the prices. If you've got tesco clubcard vouchers you can use them up to 4x face value for some holidays until the end of Feb. We save ours for just that reason (but still think Canaries too expensive).

Glad to see you're almost recovered from your fall notso, it sounds like it was worse than you let on. I hope it soon becomes clear what's happening with your cycle.

Green, good luck with the fertility clinic - how close are you to making an appointment and being seen?

The midwife has been this morning to book me in. I didn't tell DH she was coming as it seemed pointless. He doesn't even seem to want to be in the same room as me at the moment, never mind talk about what's happening. The lovely Dr is obviously concerned about how this might affect me as she mentioned it in her referral letter to the m/w. I can't imagine it's going to be much fun at MIL's at the weekend if things don't improve. I won't have had scans by then, so I'm not going to tell her, although will have to figure out how to avoid the wine, but I don't think it'll occur to anyone, least of all her, that I might be pregnant.

love to all xx

greenlizard · 12/02/2013 08:25

ps. Calibee have you looked at Turkey - I have been to Turkey a few times on cheap deals and have always had a really nice time. If you stay away from the really big resorts you can find some nice hotels and Turkish food is lovely (and good value too!)

greenlizard · 12/02/2013 08:24

Morning all

You have been busy when I have been away! happy belated birthday calibee.

I have been up at the in-laws as they had been involved in a car accident on holiday in florida and had to fly home early. Of course they didn't tell anyone and they had ended up in hospital - MIL in particular is very badly bruised and shaken poor thing. She has been very tearful and clingy which I think must be normal after such a trauma. DP was really upset seeing his mum like that - she is normal a very strong woman! I am sure she will be back to her bossy self soon.

Calibee what do DHEA and C0-q10 do? I am always on the look out for more supplements to try ! I am trying EPO again this month to see if I can't gee up my CM to actual EW (even if DP will be whizzing down the french alps at the time and not in me ). I have started using my CBFM this month and today as CD6 it asked me to test and came out high rather than low! I was a bit shocked but have read on the WWW that on the first cycle this can happen whilst it gets to know your hormone levels etc. Is this true or does it mean that I might be ovulating earlier than last month and I should get down to it!

I have been doing some investigating around fertility clinics and it looks like we will probably go to the Oxford Fertility Unit - which has had very good results (as best it can in the 40's range) and is fairly accessible from where we live part time (complicated housing situation linked with DSC) and where I work. Apparently if we go for IVF there are loads of appointments you need to attend and I am not quite sure how I would be able to square this off with work (and I won't be telling my boss why that's for sure). Also DP works all around the country so that would prove to be a challenge!

Morien I think you asked about the age of my DSC? They are 13 and 11 and gearing themselves up nicely for the teenage rebellion One boy and one girl and they live with us part-time. They are really nice kids (most of the time) but SD does seem to have a periodic melt-down every now and again directed towards me and her dad but these have been getting less and less and now just teenage stroppiness!

Be interested in hearing what supplements you all take? xx

Isabeller · 11/02/2013 19:53

Lovely to read everyone's news, I'm just back home and almost asleep but wanted to drop in and wave (as I drop off ) xx

notsoold · 11/02/2013 11:12

Jbrd...we went to malta last year ( a treat for us really). It was a very reasonable price and we used travel comparison sites....you could try it???? :)

Heeelllloooo to all of you....
My af is 3/4 days late and after many poas ( all bfns) I am startingto believe that taking vitex agnus castus ( so helpful before) has somehow messed with my already long cycles....
Or maybe I didnot ov as my cbfm stayed on high without a peak and ov sticks were the same ( ov sticks do not seems to ever, ever show a dark line for me anyway.)
As I do not have any symptoms of af or anything I am coming to think this will be a wtf cycle after all....do you agree????
All my bruises are gone and only right wrist is painful. As I am left hand only for writing and texting I am struggling to lift pans....on Saturday hubby fixed the wallpaper damaged with the fall ( and mocked the whole thing). So I told him that my right hand so useful to him and a certain part of his body , can't do that ;) for a while. I know I am a lying bitch as I am left hand for that....lol;)

My apologies for my depressed last post....the race against time is so unfair sometimes!!!!

I am so sorry gum and irish for your due dates and although I am not name checking I just wanted to say to you all that I admire the strength that you have in walking this hardous ttc path ( I used to think it was easy....)don't get disheartened!!
And we are due some bfps here so back to shagging your ohs :)

CaliBee · 11/02/2013 07:58

Thankyou all.
I feel a little better this morning...I actually got a fairly constant sleep last night, which is unusual for me.
irish you put it very well. Something I will never do,if I ever get the chance, is announce a pregnancy on facebook. I do less and less on there nowadays to be honest....except the goddam addictive games raaaa.

gum the due date must be an awful time to get through. I imagine our other halves dont tend to remember it so its also another lonely milestone to get through.

jbrd big hugs...I hope work is ok.

So I am now back taking my DHEA and C0-q10...I thought I may as well give it a whirl. I really must take a long hard look at my diet and exercise too...laziness prevails.
DP and I sat down to look at the funds yesterday morning....it looks like the Grenada visit is out this year, but as we both need something to focus and look forward to so much, we have decided on a weeks break in a months time. Anybody know the best way to book a cheap break in Europe?? A quick internet search last night seemed to show The Canaries as being fairly warm at that time of year. Do last minute bargains still exist? I can count on one hand, the holidays I have been on abroad so my knowledge of these things isn't great.
Apparently DP wants to do the "proposal" properly....when he has a ring (he watches far too many films me thinks). But hey....whatever he wants lol. I may just have been a teensy, eensy little bit disappointed yesterday, but money is sooo very tight just now. Having carried him through the last year (before army training started)on my very modest wage and him not being entitled to any government help whatsoever, has taken its toll on the old bank account. Is anybody else noticing that the more they seem to cut back...the less difference it makes????

Original poster

hopefulgum · 11/02/2013 00:42

Morning ladies.

Calibee, Irish and Jbrd, you all have my sympathy. I know exactly what you mean. It is so very hard during the early weeks after a miscarriage, but I am amazed at how the grief can come back and bite you when you have no expectation of it.

I spent Saturday feeling absolutely desolate, feeling very sad about the miscarriages and remembering that had Louis been born, he'd be a year old (about a week ago). I think I was so tired from going back to work and juggling everything that I was caught off guard and didn't have the resilience that I usually do to cope with it all.

When my DH told me that his mum and niece were coming for lunch on Sunday, when we already had our builder and his DD coming, I was very snappy and angry with him. Poor thing had no idea what he'd done. Eventually I told him why and although he had no words (He has no idea how to deal with grief) he did give me a lovely big hug and tried to keep the kids off my back all afternoon.

It is also so hard to stay buoyant and hopeful at the age of 46. I am aware it is unrealistic to expect to get pregnant again, but what a else can I do? After all this heart-break and time, I still haven't got to a stage where I feel comfortable about giving up ttc.

As for the aspirin thing : what I've heard is that it works in a couple of ways: it reduces the chances of tiny clots, which in recurrent miscarriage can be common. I believe it also helps as it is anti-inflammatory and particularly for the over 40's it may help the body to not see the embryo as a foreigner that needs to be gotten rid of. It also helps give better blood flow in the body, including the uterus.

I won't take it all through my cycle, but will take it after ovulation. I really don't think it will do any harm, unless you have problems with bleeding too much and not clotting effectively.

It's going to be a really hot week again this week. I am glad I have air-conditioning in my classrooms, it is so hard to teach when kids are moaning about the heat!

I hope it isn't too cold over there. I can just imagine how nice it would be to snuggle by the fire with a hot chocolate in hand Mmmm....

OP posts:

Irishmammybread · 10/02/2013 23:36

CaliBee glad you had such a lovely day yesterday but sorry to hear you feel down today. Everything is so recent and raw for you,it's understandable you're going to feel like this,especially if DP has gone back and you're on your own again.
At 43 though you're still one of the younger members of the thread! You responded really well to Clomid and conceived first cycle of trying it, who's to say that won't happen again. Also having a young DP(with warrior sperm!) is probably also an advantage . Don't despair!
If you feel like I do though it's a combination of grief for the little one you're not pregnant with any more,who is irreplacable, and a longing to have a baby to ease that "empty arm syndrome".
I don't know of any easy way of getting over it or when things will feel better, I thought I'd been coping ok but then had a meltdown myself last night. I think I've been feeling low because of my due date anyway and a work colleague announced her pregnancy on facebook with a lovely 12 week scan photo.I just ended up last night when everyone else had gone to bed staring at the photo and mentally comparing it to the scan photo of my little dead baby which the sonographer printed off when we found the heart had stopped. Once I started crying it was like flood gates had opened so I had a rubbish night's sleep too. I am pleased for her, it's not that I don't want her to be pregnant, I just wish I still was too.I don't want her baby, but I want mine.
I just hope time heals and I'm trying to focus on the positives in my life, which works most of the time, but sometimes everything just gets a bit too much.

JBrd I've been advised to take aspirin if I conceive again. When I started to miscarry last time the midwife enquired if I was on aspirin,she assumed after two miscarriages it would have been advised but no one had mentioned it up to that point.They wont do any workup on my miscarriages due to my age and having dc already so I've not had any tests but I was told aspirin may help and wouldn't do any harm.I am left wondering if it might have help avoid losing the last baby, but I'll never know I suppose. The advice on when to start taking it varies, Gum I think found research suggesting to take it from ovulation, some people on Mumsnet have been told to wait for BFP first, my GP told me to take it every day but that seems excessive!

Gum how do your DDs feel about both of you teaching at their school! It musn't have put DD off if she's thinking of being a teacher herself. The long school holidays are probably a major plus factor(you probably hear that a lot!).
Thanks for the advice regarding tests .

Diege how did the strawberry shortcake turn out?
It looks like you're actually in the 2ww too!!

JBrd · 10/02/2013 22:55

Cali I know what you mean! Just when you think that you're starting to get back to normal, another hole in the ground opens up... It's part of the grieving process, I think, very difficult to deal with because you never know when it happens...
Hope you can pick yourself up again soon, be kind to yourself

CaliBee · 10/02/2013 22:36

Just flying in very quickly to say thank you all so so much for remembering my birthday. I was treated by dp to a lovely day at a spa yesterday with a couples massage, followed by cinema then chinese.
For some reason today i have crashed a little...dp left as usual at lunchtime...may be a month before he can get back again :(. All i could think about today was the fact that i'm not pregnant anymore and i am now 43....chances of baby dwindling . I've had that awful permanent lump in my throat and have felt thoroughly antisocial on the whole. Its very much one step forward...two steps back just now. X

sparklysapphire · 10/02/2013 19:16

Calibee, Happy Birthday! I hope you're having a lovely day, & your DP has been spoiling you with lots of special treats.xx

Morien · 10/02/2013 18:40

Happy birthday calibee - hope you've had a lovely weekend with your DP.

Irishmammybread · 10/02/2013 17:31

Happy Birthday CaliBee!

Isabeller · 10/02/2013 17:23

happy birthday Calibee xx Is

notsoold · 10/02/2013 16:31

Calibee happy birthday!!!! Xxx
Lots of presents, lots of kisses from your loved ones and lots of cake on your special day...may the sun shine on you as you walk and the rain bring you coolness as you rest ( that is what my auntie used to tell me ...works better in a tropical country, but the feeling is the same)

DoctorWhoFan · 10/02/2013 15:05

Just wanted to pop on and wish Calibee a happy birthday. Can't stop though...watching the rugby, well, the thighs mostly

Diege · 10/02/2013 14:47

Happy birthday Calibee!!! A nice big glass of for you and dp
Jbrd I'm not sure about aspirin. I remember after my mc reading about it and thinking, hmmm, that sounds sensible. Then I read something else that strongly suggested NOT taking it unless you had a specific condition (can't remember what - Hughes'?_. And somewhere else that her GP had prescribed it for all over 40s when they got their bfp... So not much help then other than there is a debate on it that would be worth following up. I think you take it Gum or am I making that up?
Have left ds's and dd3 in the kitchen with flour, cutters and left over cookie dough . We've made strawberry shortbread but only had self-rasing flour left...dd3 has just announced that the biscuits (in over presently) have gone 'all puffy' so had better investigate.
7dpo here and have bad cramps...Now I know I'm not ttc, but I think we did cut it a bit fine with the opk result this month so hoping nothing untoward is going on in there Would be sod's law wouldn;t it
Love to all, and a big hello to the newbies xx

JBrd · 10/02/2013 14:36

Happy birthday, CaliBee Hope you're having a lovely day with your DP. How are you feeling?

Netguru Sorry, I don't think I can shed any wisdom on your question, other than also maybe you ovulated later than you thought... I've also heard that some women produce very low levels of the Hcg hormone, meaning that they struggle to see BFPs, even thought they are pregnant. Sorry to not be more helpful, but there are much wiser ladies here that have already started giving advice! Hope you'll get some clarity soon!

gum I have decided that I have to clench my teeth and start going to the gym again as of tomorrow. I have booked into a couple of classes, I find it so much easier if someone shouts instructions at me than having to design my own fitness programme. I used to spend all my time in the gym on the machines, but now I need someone else to do the thinking about what's next/for how much longer/how many reps for me. I do Bodypump, a weights class, which I actually quite enjoy (once I'm there and doing it).
My aim is to do that class 2-3 times/week, and then attempt the C25K on the days off... Still not sure if I'll manage this, but I'll be pleased if I can start (and stick) with the gym to begin with. Would love to do yoga or Pilates again, but there isn't enough time for it all!

Starting to get impatient about where I am in my cycle now... The ERPC was 4 weeks ago (seems a lot longer), and no sign of af whatsoever. I'm doing daily OPKs and have now also started temping again, to get an idea if and what is going on. Currently nothing!

Oh, and I want to ask you all what you know about baby aspirin in connection with being recommended for pregnant post-mc women, and also for older women, does anyone know more about this? I'm curious to find out more, and if this is something that I should consider, when (please not the optimistic avoidance of 'if' here ) I get pregnant next time. Is this something to ask the midwife? Or GP? Or consultant?

Netguru · 10/02/2013 07:56

I don't know when/whether I ovulated this month but the months I tested it was day 12. I'm 43

My breasts are swollen like cannonballs which is a normal premenstrual symptom for me but they have been for 10 days now. Took an expensive first respond test yesterday invade Internet cherries were wrong but still BFN and still no AF.

Argh.

Original poster

hopefulgum · 10/02/2013 00:24

Good morning girls!

Irish, if you have reasonable levels of AMH and progesterone levels, then yes, I think menopause is a ways off for you. I don't have much faith in the FSH levels as an indicator. Mainly because I know that it can fluctuate greatly from month to month and many women have been devastated by news of high FSH. However women can, and do, get pregnant with high levels of FSH. And it can be lowered with a good diet and supplements.

I had mine tested when I was 44 and it was 11 then a year later it was 12. Since that reading of 12 (I think anything above 11 is considered high) I have fallen pregnant once,though it wasn't a sticky.

I think numbers can educate us, but sometimes it might give us bad news which I just find depressing. Perhaps that is a state of denial, but I prefer it

My DD1 has decided she'd like to be a teacher. My Dh and I find this funny, because we are both teachers and we are surprised she'd want to do it as we moan about it all the time! BOth my DD's are at the school where both DH and I teach.

It's your birthday here Calibee. happy birthday

OP posts:

Irishmammybread · 09/02/2013 20:39

Congrats pixie !

Good that you've got a rl friend to talk to about your pregnancy and to support you sparkly. When do you have your next scan?

Isabeller I can imagine it must be stressful for both you and DH waiting to test! I'm glad you're testing on the 15th, we're going away on the 16th for a short break and I wont have internet access, I'd love to hear some good news from you before we go!

Tina you must be getting excited now, lovely to have a bump and start buying baby things!

Patches hope your lack of AF symptoms is a good sign.

Netguru as gum said ,do you know when you ovulated?
Like you we never actively ttc until relatively recently, I've charted 7 cycles since last May(though two of those were pregnancy ones. Because my cycle was usually about 28 days I assumed I was ovulating on d14 with a 14d luteal phase but I've had a couple where I ovulated on d15/16 with a luteal phase of 13/12 days ,still 28 days but if I wasn't charting I wouldn't have known. I thought the luteal phase was normally consistently the same length, mine seems to vary from 12 to 15 days. Whether it's still affected by miscarrying/I'm becoming perimenopausal/ it's just one of those things , I don't know!
If you ovulated later than you thought there could still be a chance of a BFP?

gum (source of all knowledge!) do you know if having a reasonable AMH and progesterone levels indicating ovulation and good corpus luteum function would make it likely menopause is still a while off? I think FSH testing is definitely something I'll pursue though we'll be away when AF starts so I'll have to do it the cycle after (assuming I'm not pregnant by then of course!!!!)
It sounds like your family is going through a lot of change at the moment. Does your dd1 know what she wants to do at college? Is your dd2 going to the same high school where you teach ?
I'm 5dpo at the moment,thank you for asking!

CaliBee hope you're having a lovely weekend being looked after by your OH

hello to everyone else x

NewPatchesForOld · 09/02/2013 14:23

Afternoon everyone

Netguru I was the same, fell pg almost by just thinking about it with my first 3, but this time it's just not happening. I do wonder if the menopause is coming my way too - my sister is 51 and is post menopausal but has no idea when she went through it as she has continued to have erratic bleeding which is now being investigated, she thought it was periods, but after tests they have told her she has already gone through the menopause and the bleeding is abnormal. So it could be that early menopause runs in the family (I am 44). My cycles have gradually got shorter and shorter, and are now down to 24 days so who knows what the heck my body is up to?

Well, very strangely AF is due tomorrow but I have NO premenstrual symptoms, or any others for that matter which is freaking me out a bit tbh as I do suffer quite badly with cramps and painful boobs (and stuffing my face with crap!) for a week before. I will poas tomorrow if AF is a no show but I certainly don't feel pg at all, I just feel normal. Which is odd.

Original poster

hopefulgum · 09/02/2013 10:53

Hi Netguru, it is hard to know what is going on. Can you be sure of when You ovulated? It may be,for some reason, ovulation has been delayed, but it doesn't mean you are heading for menopause. How old are you?

I have also heard of wayward BFP's - some people not testing positive til 5 or 6 weeks, but it is unusual. I hope you have some answers soon.

OP posts:

Netguru · 09/02/2013 09:00

I'm a bit baffled.

My first 3 dc I conceived first month each time but, like most here, I was a lot younger. I took tests when I felt sick so probably didn't test on day 1. I've therefore never done the memorising dates and cycle info and all the time I have spent with the coil means I never really knew when Af was due.

We started trying in march last year by having coil out. By June periods we're reasonably reliably 28 days apart although I had two short cycles when my thyroid levels were too low. That's now under control.

So no cycle longer than 28 days in total.

I'm now 6 days late but BFN every day for 6 days.

Am I heading for menopause perhaps?