Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

TTC after a second-trimester loss? Come on in, there's tea and empathy.

34 replies

literaryone · 19/12/2012 09:05

Starting a thread specifically for those of us who've had second-trimester losses. Our heartbreak is the same as that with earlier and later losses, but our experiences and our fears are probably different. So do come in and chat if you've been there and have mustered up the hope to try again.

OP posts:
Elboll · 20/12/2012 15:14

Thanks guys, I appreciate your kind words.

My boss did move the case to someone else straight away when I told him what he'd done but it was enough just that he have it to me in the 1st instance. I am sensitive, understandably so, it is hard enough going to work every day with clients and barristers and any number of other people asking me dumb questions about maternity leave etc.

My AF came-the final insult eh?
I was 29 days this month. I have NEVER been 29 days in my entire life.
I'm usually 32-34. I have noticed that since the TFMR my AF has been much much lighter and lasting 3-4 days whereas a heavy 8-9 days was my norm. Something ain't right that's for sure! Not medically I mean but just not my normal self.
I wonder if it is owing to the tfmr. They couldn't get be going and I finished a whole course of the drugs and was well into a 2nd round before my body gave the baby up. It was wriggling away right until the last hour-the poor mite.
I wonder if all those drugs have proper screwed my system up?
My AF came straight back but the length of cycle has varied between 29-34 days and LH surge has been day 14 and day 18. I used to get loads of EWCM too (sorry if TMI ladies!) but I'm not getting any now since tfmr.
It is weird for me cos with my 1st (and only) pregnancy I conceived after 6weeks-I'm sorry for everyone who struggles of course but for me and DH it was a doddle. Now I'm tearing my hair out cos I can't understand why I'm not fertile yet.

Not to mention all the angst of the 1 in 50 odds we've got of any future babies having the same medical issues as #1.

Life is hard!

Original poster
literaryone · 20/12/2012 09:28

Oh, Elboll, what a tough day. I'm so sorry it's here and that you have other things to worry about and grieve for as well, so that they all spill over on days like this.

Could you possibly ask your boss to give that case to somebody else? It would be very hard for you right now, there's no question about that. People don't think, a lot of the time, about whether somebody would be hurt by something they do or say. But if you say that it would be difficult and stressful for you, he may consider moving you to something else. I hope something like that can be done.

I have my terrible days too but just hold on to the idea that if one day is terrible the next may not be. Just take it one hour at a time and know that we are thinking of you and grieving with you, even if far away.

OP posts:
Pizdets · 20/12/2012 09:09

Elboll,

I'm so sorry. My due date is 3 weeks away and I'm dreading it, what a horrible day for you. There are definitely days when everything just feels black and it's hard to remember there's anything good in life.

But it will get better and we'll get our rainbows next year, I believe that.

Your boss sounds very insensitive, can you ask to move to a different case?

Piz

Elboll · 20/12/2012 08:44

My baby was due today.

I feel so heavy-hearted. I lost my beloved Gran at the end of October too so I have had such a rough time. My family is at war and I am so saddened over what this Christmas will be compared to what it should have been.

My period is due and I can feel my PMT gathering inside me like an angry old hag.
I work as a solicitor and last Friday my boss, in his infinite wisdom, assigned me a case involving a birth which went wrong and the poor baby dying. Just what I need. Some people are so thoughtless.

Sorry to be so negative but it is such a hard day today. Must remember that life will get better. At least I have DH and precious father to support me. Thanks for listening x

Pizdets · 20/12/2012 08:12

Hi Elboll, sorry, I didn't see your thread! Sorry you also tfmr in August, sad times. I'm also dying to be pregnant again, but scared too!

Literary, I haven't been to the doctor about my cycles, I think I've just assumed it's my cross to bear for the next few months. Like you said, they're still in a 'normal' range and I expect my body's still slightly in shock about everything it's bee through.

Piz

Original poster
literaryone · 20/12/2012 04:39

Hi Elboll. Come on in, the water's fine! I'm so very sorry to hear of the difficult decision that had to be taken for your little one. Please do come here and talk about it and whatever you're experiencing now. This has been for me a very isolating experience and you may have the same problem. Sad After I lost the baby, loads of people have come forward to say "I've had a miscarriage." But while they understand my pain and loss and I appreciate that support so very much, they don't understand my physical experience and my fears because most have had a loss (or multiple losses) in the first trimester.

Hi Pizdets! I'm so glad you decided to join us too. That must have been a very tough decision for you and DH to take and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. What has your doctor said about the irregular cycles? I've been told it's nothing to worry about as they fall within normal ranges, even if not as regular as before. I wish this could be a short excursion rather than a long journey for any of us, but anyway, it's always good to make friends and find support along the way.

OP posts:
Elboll · 19/12/2012 20:26

Hi everybody
I'm brand new! I'm TTC after a TFMR at 22weeks back in August. I started a thread this lunchtime but nobody has replied. I wondered if maybe I could just join your gang?
I'm looking for support but ideally to talk about what is going on with my crazy body too. Am 34 and desperate to get preg again!
Anyone? Please!

Pizdets · 19/12/2012 10:02

Hi Literaryone,

Sorry to hear of your loss. We lost our little girl in August at 17+6. They'd found potential problems at 13 weeks and we'd been told to expect to lose the pregnancy through miscarriage as she was very poorly. However, because of the rarity of her condition, they missed it the first time and we were given a 'false' all clear at around 15 weeks before the full extent of her problems were picked up.

Given her condition, we chose to terminate the pregnancy which was a heartbreaking decision to have to make.

Since then we've not been 'preventing' but have also not been trying, mainly due to both DH and I being away a lot over the times when I've been ovulating. I've got myself a clear blue fertility monitor as my cycles have also been quite irregular since the loss (about 23-30 days) and I want a bit of control.

We tried for 7 months last time, which got pretty wearing towards the end, so am worried this is going to be a long journey for us too.

Nice to have someone to chat to!

Piz

Original poster
literaryone · 19/12/2012 09:16

Short story: 31, went spontaneously into labour (with only back contractions) at 18+6 weeks and delivered little boy who was already dead. Tested for everything possible, nothing found. Planning to TTC again starting in February, most probably. Terrified but feeling more hopeful at the thought of trying. I am hypothyroid (under control) and have PCOS (mild) so it could be difficult conceiving. My menstrual cycle's not gone back to what it used to be pre-pregnancy -- it's varied between 26-31 days, whereas it used to be 28-29 like clockwork earlier. No surviving children. This was my first pregnancy.

OP posts: