TTC after a second-trimester loss? Come on in, there's tea and empathy.

literaryone · 2012-12-19T09:05:41+00:00

Starting a thread specifically for those of us who've had second-trimester losses. Our heartbreak is the same as that with earlier and later losses, but our experiences and our fears are probably different. So do come in and chat if you've been there and have mustered up the hope to try again.

Original poster

literaryone · 06/02/2013 16:41

Damn, ht enter too soon. Hope you are recovering well and enjoying every minute with him.

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Original poster

literaryone · 06/02/2013 16:40

Congratulations, Moomins! So relieved and happy to hear all went well! It's very heartening.

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Moominsarescary · 06/02/2013 06:45

Hi everyone, just popping on to say ds was born last fri by elcs at 38+2. he weighed 7lb 11 and has lots of dark hair!

Hope all are well x

Original poster

literaryone · 06/02/2013 06:35

Bumping this up in case there's anyone else who'd like to join in.

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Original poster

literaryone · 18/01/2013 12:01

Things are a bit better -- I think we were just having one of those periodic blowouts. But I do still feel uncertain of things.

I have been seeing a counsellor by myself since October. And very good she is too. The husband, well, I've suggested he find someone to talk to, as he is tending to bottle it all up. But I don't want to push it just yet.

10 days away from that due date and it is hard. I'm sad a lot of the time.

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Pizdets · 07/01/2013 18:35

Hi literary,

Sounds like tough times, sorry it's so hard. Why do these things have to happen at a time when we should be so happy.

10 days until our due date too, feel very up and down. Am ovulating right now so we're officially 'trying' but I'm trying to steel myself for disappointment in a couple of weeks.

Have you thought about counselling? I have been to a couple of sessions, the first one I wasn't sure but I felt a bit lighter and that things were clearer after the last session. Maybe it's something you could try with your husband?

Fingers crossed for you. Seems like were were the only 2nd trimester loss TTC'ers anyway so maybe there aren't many of us around!

Piz

Original poster

literaryone · 07/01/2013 14:41

How's everyone doing? I hope you're all feeling better about this year.

Have been having a rough couple of weeks. DH and I are both feeling awful and have even had the very tearful "should we be together?" conversation, though we're also having some very mature and considered discussions about why we landed up in that place. The due-date-for-the-baby-who-should-have-been is rapidly approaching. I cry a LOT and can' seem to let go of the grief. Not a great new year, thus far. We'll probably postpone TTC indefinitely until we get our heads sorted.

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Pizdets · 26/12/2012 09:30

Hi literary, merry Christmas to you too. I had a few cries to myself yesterday but my DH was wonderful and decided to pamper me all day, did all the cooking and washing up and made a gorgeous dinner.

Now waiting for af to turn up any day now and we can get cracking with the TTC! Feel that false confidence which comes with having nothing to lose but I know it could/probably will take months and months.

Hope everyone's days passed peacefully and we can make a new start in 2013.

Piz

Original poster

literaryone · 25/12/2012 07:00

Popping in to wish all of you a happy Christmas. I had a blub last night during the service when the priest talked about the little child being a symbol of hope of renewal. Hoping for happiness and healing in the new year, for all of us and for all who suffer or mourn.

xoxoxoxox

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Original poster

literaryone · 22/12/2012 18:39

Don't know if it's a postcode lottery on the NHS -- I'm not from the UK, I'm in Asia, and pay for private medical care. Thank goodness for insurance.

It must have been agonizing waiting through all those days with Jacob, not knowing how things would go. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. And really hope asking this question hasn't brought up too many traumatic memories. It's so helpful to hear from you on this, anyway. Hugs.

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Moominsarescary · 22/12/2012 18:08

No but I do know there are women on here who have had the same sort of Experiance as you and have had cerclage and meds which have worked, so it's a good you have been offered the procedure.

It seems to be a bit of a postcode lottery, where I am cerclage is offered if you've had 2 second trimester losses or a failed rescue cerclage.

Jacobs birth was quite a long process, when I noteced my cervix had failed and got to hospital I was 2 cm dialated, for hours later I was 6. The next morning when my consultant arrived I was still 6 and he offered to place a rescue stitch which I had that morning.

Unfortunately I was too dialated and the stitch failed the next day and had to be taken out which caused my waters to break. After that my cervix started to close back down as the weight of the amniotic fluid was no longer causing my cervix to open. Jacob was born6 days later after I realised I could feel his feet in my cervix and we decided on the advice of my consultant to induce.

Original poster

literaryone · 22/12/2012 17:42

Moomins, thanks so much for sharing that info. It sounds like you've had good care to prevent premature labour this time, which is great. From your description, it sounds like if I do have an incompetent cervix problem, it's not a classic case. My doctor has been very good about this -- since we don't know what exactly went wrong that caused me to go into labour, she's already made a tentative care plan for another pregnancy, assuming I do get pregnant and it sticks through the first trimester: cervical cerclage at around week 13-14, a large amount of bed- and house-rest, and some drugs/supplements to stave off premature labour. It sounds alarming but I think she just wants to be really conservative about the whole thing and minimize the risks as far as possible.

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Moominsarescary · 21/12/2012 22:17

And yes to pg people and babies, a friends sister was due the week after me.

The worst was a women who I knew from ds2s school who had her ds at the same time as I had ds3. We moved school so I hadn't seen her for months until the day of Jacobs funeral. We had friends who travelled quite a distance so decided we would go to our local for a while after so they didn't have to drive straight back. The women from school popped in and my friend was telling her why we were there (the women didn't know it was me at this point) I walked back from the toilet and took one look at her and started to cry, she was 20 weeks pg. She cried too and I felt awful!

I haven't seen her since but have her on fb, it's weird to see pics of her dc's. Especially as there is only 11 months between them, the same as there should have been between tommy and Jacob.

Moominsarescary · 21/12/2012 22:01

Hi literary no I had no pain at all, the first I knew something was wrong was I felt a bit sick went for a wee and could feel the amniotic sac. I had no pain during the birth either.

Saying that ds2 and 3 were both born early due to pprom (preterm premature rupture of membranes) luckily at 35 and 32 weeks. With ds3 they kept me in because he was transverse and so there was a risk of cord prolapse. I only had a few mild period pains before the cord prolapsed and I was 5 cm dialated so my cervix was probably failing then.

I've since read that pprom can be caused by incompetant cervix but it's not always picked up so it's really good that your doctor has mentioned a stitch.

I have a macdonalds stitch and while there is a risk, especially when it's first put in of infection it seems the earlier it's done (14 weeks) the better the outcome. We did have the option of wait and see with scans but I just felt I couldn't risk it. The progesterone suppositories are supposed to help prevent early labour, the hospital is conducting trials at the moment.

pizdets I've had 3 d&cs due to early mc and retained placenta, which I dodnt know at the time but also increases the risk of incompetent cervix.

The procedure isn't too bad really, I had them in theatre with a spinal and was home again 6 hours later, it was quite uncomfortable and crampy for a few hours after the spinal wears off.

Original poster

literaryone · 21/12/2012 18:51

Pizdets, I feel your pain on the friend's baby arriving. There were several people I knew expecting babies within a month or two of me and a number of these were people I talked to about the pregnancy... four babies have arrived (a couple last weekend), four are almost at full term and one is six months gone. It's very, very weird to see how they've moved forward with their pregnancies and some now have their babies and are so happy with them, when I was in the same "club" a few months back but am now in a different one... sigh. One actually has the same due date as me and another, a neighbour I see every single day, is a week ahead. It's very hard, isn't it? You want to just feel happy for them, end up feeling envious and at the same time sad but you are really also feeling relieved and happy. The mixed feelings are so tough to cope with. Roll on 2013, indeed.

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Pizdets · 21/12/2012 08:30

Fatfingers, just had a look, it was vitamin b6. Sure you're probably trying it already but thought it might be worth letting you know! Piz

Pizdets · 21/12/2012 08:26

Hi guys,

Elboll, afraid it's the same for me. I was so regular before, now all over the place and ewcm is very variable, some months I have some, others none. My shortest cycle was 23 days a couple of months ago, which came as a shock!

Moomins, thanks for coming and sharing and congrats on your pregnancy! It really is cheering to hear you're doing so well, although sad that you've had to go through so much. I had LEEP (sp?) Treatment in my early 20s for pre-cancerous cells and was told I might have to have a stitch, although I didn't get round to it in the end with everything else going on. Something to look forward to next time, I'm sure!

Fatfingers, so sorry about the loss of dc3, sounds extremely traumatic. I agree with literary, if you feel you want to try you should, I've heard very good things about the fetal medical centre in London, it's private but all the profits go into research, maybe worth a look? I'm also fairly sure I've seen ladies referring to supplements which should help lengthen your luteal phase, have you tried anything? Will try and look for you if not.

Things are ok with me. A friend of mine fell pregnant about the same time as me and we were very excited to be pregnant together...yesterday we received the text I'd been dreading that she had given birth.

I want to feel happy for them, after all, their gain doesn't take anything away from us, but it's knocked me a bit, hearing how happy they are and knowing their baby is a little human being with a nickname, making them a family unit. Roll on a clean slate in 2013, I say!

Original poster

literaryone · 21/12/2012 05:32

Elboll, I'm so glad your boss understood and shifted the case over to somebody else. Life is total crap sometimes. I'm sorry you've been told that there is a risk, however, small of this recurring. It does make the anxiety greater even if one tries to concentrate on the chances of that NOT happening. Re: the periods, mine have been strange too. I've had 3 since losing the baby, and they've varied madly in terms of cycle length (not at all like the clockwork 28-29 day cycles I had earlier). I'm also not seeing EWCM every month, though the watery variety (which is also fertile) is around. I wasn't given any drugs to induce labour, it was all natural, so I'm guessing it's a combination of stress and the work my uterus did for a few months that's made things different. The body will just take some time to reboot, that's what my doctor said and she also said that it often doesn't go back to the old normal after a pregnancy. So maybe just look on this as the new normal and see what happens. It's horribly frustrating but it also needs a bit of time for the body to recover though goodness knows I wish it could be just back to the old normal! As I'm not TTC yet, I'm hoping the next couple of months will see some EWCM. Oh, this feels like waaaaaaaay TMI!

Moomins, so good to hear from you. I'm so very sorry that you lost Jacob but glad that you've reached 32 weeks fine this time round. Wishing you a very boring eight weeks or so ahead! I have a question, which may be a little traumatic to answer, so I apologize in advance. Did you have any pain at all with the cervix opening up? I ask because I had what we think were contractions in the back (severe lower back pain) and then some pressure in the pelvic area before the water broke and I started bleeding -- and by the time I got to the hospital, the baby was almost out. What they said on the report was "fetal parts seen in the vagina." I can't figure out from reading online whether incompetent cervix involves any pain at all. My doctor's anyway said that in a future pregnancy, she'll want to give me a cervical cerclage, as she feels that will help.

fatfingers, I'm so sorry about the loss of DC3 and that you had such a hard time with DC2 as well. Not having answers is just terrifying, isn't it? I really struggle with that. I don't think TTC again is foolish, because it's your decision and your right to do whatever you and DH feel makes sense for your family. Short of having a doctor say that it's too risky, it's nobody's right to judge. Good luck and I hope 2013 sees some happy news for you.

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fatfingers · 20/12/2012 19:39

Evening all, sorry to hear about your losses. So sad that so many of us have to experience this. I lost dc3 last year at 17 weeks.

4 years previous, dc2 was born at 23 weeks after threatened mc from 13 weeks, bleeding heavily from 16 weeks and losing waters at 21 weeks. Luckily dc2 survived and is fine, dc3 just couldn't hang in there. No explanation, have had lots of tests done and no answers can be found.

Some would say foolishly, I have been ttc for the last 7 months properly (didn't use anything after mc but wasn't trying either) and no luck. Cycles have been all over the place - LP is 9/10 days and I am trying to accept that maybe my body is telling me I'm not meant to have any more children.

Moominsarescary · 20/12/2012 18:47

I would possibly have conceived quicker though if wed dtd (done the deed) more than once a month.

Ds3 was only 6.5 months old when I lost Jacob, we had decided on a small age gap this time. So dealing with the grief and having a young baby who decided to stop sleeping didn't help x

Moominsarescary · 20/12/2012 18:43

No that's fine,

I think I bled for about 2-3 weeks, then it took around 8 weeks for AF to return. My cycle was odd though. It got shorter and shorter and the month I conceived it was around 20 days and AF was still really light every month and short.

We didn't use anything after I lost Jacob but there wasn't alot going on tbh and i conceived around 8 months later.

Yes being pg again is scary, you worry about everything. I'm at the point now where if the stitch fails he should be fine, my 3rd was born at 32 weeks so I feel alot happier now. I do find myself worrying about everything else that could happen though

Elboll · 20/12/2012 17:49

Aha. Sorry if that was insensitive to ask eeek.
Am delighted to learn you are at 32 weeks-nearly there.

My DH and I are having a chat and saying how we know we will always remember this day that our 1st baby was due. There is no reason why our kids won't come along (although fingers crossed no more diaphragmatic hernias appear) but we know we will never forget the one that got away......just like everyone on here I imagine.
Although I know I want to be pg again I know I will worry like crazy when I am. Bet you are the same?
How long did it take for everything to settle itself after DS4? How long did it take to conceive DS5?
Big hugs x

Moominsarescary · 20/12/2012 17:12

hello elboll

Darling son number 4
Darling son number 5
I didn't have any problem with my cervix untill last time, although my second and 3rd sons were both early

Elboll · 20/12/2012 16:37

Hi Moomins....

My childhood friend lost 3 babies to an in competent cervix-but happily she now has baby Thomas......so there is hope for you, you can do it!!!!

What does DS4 and DS5 mean- sorry I'm new to this and learning.

Everything crossed just for you x

Moominsarescary · 20/12/2012 16:28

Hello everyone and sorry to you all for your loss.

Ds4 was born last year 09/11 at 20 weeks due to incompetant cervix. I am now 32 weeks pg with ds5 and had a cervical stitch placed at 14 weeks and have also been having progesterone suppositories to prevent pre term labour.

The time leading up to Jacobs dd was very hard, it was a constant I should be 30 weeks/35/40 etc. I think I only really started to accept he was gone after the due date.

We had the first anniversary in sept which wasn't helped by the fact I was at the same stage of pg as when I lost him.