Elderberry Pavlovas Unite - the over 30s TTC number 1 (thread 2)

Quod Most people I know tell me that if you weigh up whether you can afford it beforehand then very few people would ever have a baby. They all seem to think it's better to just do it and then weather the storm and it will all be fine in the end
We are in a very fortunate position as DH currently wins lots of bread. However he is also self-employed so we are also very aware that the tide could turn at any time which I am hoping won't be before the end of my maternity leave.

Or perhaps the skinny pretty one is just my stunt double

Rache, if you need to know about things like 3 and 4 year old funding I'm an expert. No really, they pay me to sit and a desk and know this stuff. Because I actually have a really real job in real life because no, I'm not actually Kate Middleton even though I'm 31 in January, pregnant, with long dark brown hair. Mine is usually scraped back in a mess fastened by a band though, not beautifully coiffed and flicky like hers. I'm also not stick thin or tall, more's the pity. Although I'm also not puking my guts up constantly either so you win some you lose some

Rachel yes especially if like me and DP you are self employed and so get no guaranteed income, no maternity pay, no employer contribution to childcare and very difficult access to things like WTC/HB even if your income plummets! I have to admit I am pretty worried about our financial position - it has been a hard road weighing up declining fertility vs unstable income and deciding to conceive in spite of it.

Hazle I believe children are legally required to be in full time school the first term after their 5th birthday. I think they get a government funded entitlement of 15 hours a week from the first term after their 3rd birthday but I assume this and any additional hours age 4 is optional until they turn 5? (Pip might know this as I think she's a teacher?)

I think there are too many individual social and environmental factors (eg would a September child attending State school achieve as well as an August child attending Public School?) to be able to completely generalise, but in comprehensive studies it would certainly appear that our babies will have a battle on their hands

Quod and Brave I don't think there is anything wrong at all in wanting a baby at a certain time of year to suit you better financially. The associated costs must be in most couples' thoughts when deciding to TTC as there is no denying that once you've factored in your loss-of-earnings these babies are expensive toys (but hopefully worth it!)

Welcome to the wagon BottleRed!

Welcome bottlered and mulberry

This is indeed a friendly gathering so pull up a pew and and don't mention the unmentionables... This is a royal baby and baby dust free zone!

Sorry about your losses. Fx this time they stick.

Have decided to add myself... one day I'll get a 12-week scan! Great you finally have yours Purple - and before Christmas, too!

Happylass cycle 3 AF due 8th Dec
escorpion, due to POAS 10th Dec
Aquarius1, 31 ttc about 8mths, next due 14 Dec
Bottlered76, 36, ttc since March, due to POAS 16th Dec
Bunnygirlie, 32, been trying since june, AF due New Years Eve!!!
MeanMrsMustard, 31, ttc 1 month, AF due 18th Dec
Winkle, 33, ttc1, cycle 16, BFP due 19 Dec
Navis, 35, ttc1, cycle 2, BFP due 21 Dec
Pipbin 37, cycle 16, BFP due Xmas Eve
Mulberry, 35, ttc 1, trying 8 months, AF/BFP due 28 Dec

HazleNutt, 34, Twelve week scan on 7th of Dec.
Rach, 34, twelve week scan on 14th Dec.
Purple, 30, 12 week scan FINALLY booked for 20th December
Janey, 38, twelve week scan on 24th Dec.
Quod, 33, twelve week scan also on 24 Dec
BraveLilBear, 32, 12 week scan sometime Edd 28th July (approx)
Lol, 38. Edd 4th August I think

Oh purple you are her! Can you tell me how you always get your hair so lovely and thick looking? Bet you're looking forward to getting pregnancy boobs though hey

Welcome bottlered - can't help with CBFM I'm afraid, but think some other ladies have used it so hopefully they can help you. Really sorry to hear about your two losses, a few of us here have unfortunately have had losses in the past so understand how tough it is. And yes, I think it does make it an even more worry-some time than it would have been; hopefully you can relax after you pass the time you had the mc last time IYSWIM. For me that's 12 weeks so fingers crossed!

Ha Purple, you are Kate! Her 31st birthday is in January!

Don't worry, we won't tell.

Welcome Bottle

Oh good luck and welcome to Bottlered too

Thanks Hazle!
I get to meet my all new improved midwife on Monday, she sounds nice on the phone so I'm hoping she's better than the last one!
Ooh! am I the youngest on the list? I turn 31 in January though.

Hi all,

Not been on MN for a while, but this looks like a lucky thread to be on SO i'm in!

I'm 36, DH 38, TTC #1.
Have had 2 MC in March and July. First BFP after 1 month 'serious' trying using CB Fertility Monitor and second BFP 3rd cycle later again using CBFM. Both MCs early and complete so not the end of the world but very very frustrating, and kinda makes you expect it will happen again.

I'm now on cycle 5 and have just OVd. Was a little earlier than usual so took us both by surprise and only managed DTD on peak days. I'm hoping that the delay between getting the OV reading on monitor and actual OV is long enough for the swimmers to get there! Anyone know anything about this? Not overly confident as the swimmers would have been old IYKWIM? TMI????
Have put DH on Male conception vits this month so they might be champions.

Will be able to test 16th Dec so fingers crossed.
I just need a massive dose of good luck!

Happylass cycle 3 AF due 8th Dec
escorpion, due to POAS 10th Dec
Aquarius1, 31 ttc about 8mths, next due 14 Dec
Bunnygirlie, 32, been trying since june, AF due New Years Eve!!!
MeanMrsMustard, 31, ttc 1 month, AF due 18th Dec
Winkle, 33, ttc1, cycle 16, BFP due 19 Dec
Navis, 35, ttc1, cycle 2, BFP due 21 Dec
Pipbin 37, cycle 16, BFP due Xmas Eve
Mulberry, 35, ttc 1, trying 8 months, AF/BFP due 28 Dec

HazleNutt, 34, Twelve week scan on 7th of Dec.
Rach, 34, twelve week scan on 14th Dec.
Purple, 30, 12 week scan FINALLY booked for 20th December
Janey, 38, twelve week scan on 24th Dec.
Quod, 33, twelve week scan also on 24 Dec
Lol, 38. Edd 4th August I think

Welcome Mulberry!

Yes I'd heard that academically summer babies didn't do well so oops on that but both of us have surnames beginning with B (one of the reasons why they don't sound right double barrelled) so perhaps there is hope after all?

Can someone add me to the list?
Purple, 30, 12 week scan FINALLY booked for 20th December

Thanks Quod think I'm just going to chalk this up to pg hormones. In a twisted way, I'm actually a little glad that someone else knows. And OH is right, it will be useful in the long run. Have decided to tell a close friend on Saturday morning who has two DDs and I've always seen as a big sister type (I live a way away from family), so will have someone to rationalise fears IRL.

Plus I do now have a window on OH's feelings which is novel and actually quite sweet. Will message her later - we get on really well as we're both the newest WAGs in the friendship group and we've even double dated recently.

Crazy, crazy times.

Brave, I think that there are so many things that are massive and outside our control with pregnancy that the things we feel we can control (like when to tell people and how) gain a disproportionate amount of importance. Loads of people have expressed feeling upset/disconcerted etc about the DoC being pg at the same time and how this changes things. Yes it's a bit mental but I also think it's got its own understandable skewed logic in pg world! So don't feel too bad about your friend, it must make things far more difficult having a close pg that matches up with your MC dates. Luckily these are the type of things that are only going to bother us for the shortest time - in the long run I'm sure all these feelings will blow over and be forgotten about.

Quod my feelings exactly on childcare! Means we can try for number two a year earlier, as well.

Love that article! I have a H name and OH has a B name, so even more reason to go with our plan.

I worry slightly about having a summer holiday baby, but a lot of it depends on the child and the parents. I know some summer holiday children who are incredibly bright and don't suffer at all with school, others are incredibly immature.

I plan to encourage them an awful lot in pre-school years and get them up to speed, as my mother did for me, with word games etc. From an astrology perspective, I think cancer babies struggle the most at school as they tend to need more mothering. Leo babies (July 21-August 20 ish) develop a robustness of spirit that can get them through, and virgo babies August 21 to Sep 20 ish work incredibly hard and will want to catch up on their own.

AFM well I had an epic 'I'm an evil person' moment last night. Got in from work and my OH says 'have you seen Facebook?' A couple from his friendship group had gone public with a scan pic. My reaction was (and I'm ashamed to say) 'oh no'. I was so shocked - they've not been together that long (since Jan) and I had no clue they were in the market for trying that I was totally taken off guard.

Then got very upset as OH then added 'so I've told them you're pregnant'.

Then he started asking why are you so miserable, our kids will have someone to play with, you're so selfish

Basically, it was part shock, part jealousy at the fact that they had got to the public stage already when I've been very up and down - and part sadness that, had I not lost the previous, we'd have had the same due date (turns out it's a week after, so not so bad).

On the upside, OH revealed that he, too, is crapping himself and worries, and he said how pleased he was that he had someone else going through the same things as he was!

Sorry for long rant. Feel much better today, and will send her a message. But felt evil last night

I've read that summer babies stuff too. On a purely selfish level, it does cut your child care costs if they go to school a whole year earlier

Rach yes I've read those studies about birth months as well. Healthwise summer is already not that bad compared to March-April, but yes, October would be better. It's suggested that has to do with sunlight (lack of) during pregnancy, so if we take some beach holidays during this winter, the kids should hopefully be allright.

As for doing well, not entirely sure about the school system in UK, but the kids born in summer would be the youngest in class, the August baby would go to school basically a year earlier then the September one, is that correct? So could simply be the case that the kid was not ready yet and never cathces up. Any flexibility, can you keep them home for another year if you want to or is the school mandatory? (I went to school a year earlier as well and was always the best in class, but we start formal school at 7, so 6 in my case. Quite a difference from 4)

Oh, and welcome Mulberry!

That's a really interesting article Hazle, I've not heard that before. I've heard about Sept/Oct/Nov babies doing better in life so our Summer baby is apparently already damned to a life of inadequecy and failure

Both DH and I have (had) names which put us at the back of the queue. We are both from very working class backgrounds and yet our household income falls within the UK top 1% (if that's a measure of success?) so I am pleased to see we are trend breakers

Bunny I know, I guess it would have been different if I got married at 18 and didn't already have a long professional career with this name, but I was 31 as well. So I did double-barrel, but I never use DHs name anywhere really and don't react if someone addresses me as Madame Hisname. It's always "What, who, no I'm not...no wait, yes I am!"

Also my last name starts with B, his with M, and some studies have shown that people with beginning-of-aphabet surnames do better in life, www.psmag.com/culture/abcs-of-the-queue-28417/. So if we would want to give the kids all advantages, they simply have to have my name.

We need some new ones! Welcome

Mulberry welcome to the Elderberries!

Hi ladies - I'm new to MN and have been reading the threads and trying to learn the lingo! Please can I join you? We've been TTC since April. We actually got engaged about a week before Kate M and Wills - I was hoping the baby news would be in sync too but sadly not! Anyway, I've put my details below:
Mulberry, 35, ttc 1, trying 8 months, AF/BFP due 28 Dec