TTC 10+ months, Part 11

Ugh just saw the one born every minute what happened next ad where one woman says 'what's the point of life if you don't have kids?.' Let me just put my head in a bucket of water!!

artemis well done! Glad that bits over for you and fingers all double crossed tomorrow. Do men have to wash their knobs?!! why?!

joycep glad the appointment went well. I think January sounds a good plan.

mrsden don't start me on the vitamins again! the needle in hand isn't lovely. But they numbed my hand before with a little jab. Or maybe that was because I had a bigger canula thing for drips and morphine etc. who was talking about that the other day? I did love my hand held morphine pump. I almost cried when they took it away! But I bet you could ask for numbing.

doll I think I felt hurty because of the sheer injustice of it all. How the hell can an undernourished, homeless looking woman scoring drugs be pregnant and we aren't? Im sure she has her fair share of problems! but..I often feel its my fault, like I'm not taking the right supplements, thinking positively, eating the right green stuff etc. but it isn't that is it? And when my colleague was talking about infertility it just all felt so close to the bone I thought I was going to cry. I didn't though. I just felt the barreness.

Waving to everyone else. Ideas of what I should do with my 36th birthday (3rd birthday of trying!!) welcome. It is a weekend birthday and I get claustrophobic in crowds . I feel like all my friends have forgotten about me which is entirely egocentric of me but its the first day of my period so I'm allowed (this is what I told Hare anyway).

beryl that's fantastic news. So, so pleased for you. so hoping that the autumn run continues well into winter.

heart mellow how are you?

sar how are you feeling? You really have had such a shit time with being messed about with the information you have been given. They seem to have often given you worst case scenario with not so much to go on. I really hope that the lap gives you some proper answers and that it leaves you knowing where you're going, I'm sure it will. When I've had low points they have always centred around not being sure where I'm going with treatment. Hopefully a clear plan will help to keep you keep going. You are such a positive source here, I hope that you get this reflected back on you xx

madness good to hear from you again. Sorry to hear about what you've been going through.

artemis well done on the 13! Have everything crossed for you and well done for being so brave!

mrsd, joy and euro it almost seems poetic that you 3 are going to be cycle buddies. Mind you, 3 ironic BFPs would be even more so! Remind me, are you all doing short protocol?

doll glad that there is some movement with the eggs. Was Friday the only day Ken couldn't do? Will you have someone to take you?
Is homeland worth watching? Thinking of downloading for a long haul.

rabbit I cried when the girl on X factor said that her marriage broke down cos of infertility. Then she got booted off by Louis. It really scares the shite out of me! Sorry about the spotting.

pout thanks for asking re nephew. He's not great at mo. lost tons of weight and is struggling with the never ending nature of it. I'm so positive he will be ok in the long run but blimey the shit he's coping with.

I've had some brown bleeding today. Trying not to panic. Or google.

Hope all is well withgin, nelly, lemon et al xx

Beware of a trailer for 'one baby every minute what happened next".
Lots of "it's amazing" and "what's the point of life if you don't have kids". Roy just shouted Fuck Off at the tv.

oh that's lovely euro and mrsd that we can cycle together but as mrsd mentions I'm fully expecting dear father chrimbo dropping a bfp in my stocking.

ah the back of the hand , that's when i said 'ouch' when i was lying in the theatre just before my lap and then they told me i was going to fall asleep and i started shouting, 'oh god, oh god, no, no zzzz'. My hand is still bruised actually.

Mrsd- thank fully i haven't seen that thread. I tend to open the ones where it sounds like someone is going through a bad time as i identify with those and none of the happy ones unless of course it's a hard win. Very complex way of thinking!

I did see that mrsd - it was a BFN but ....

joy and mrsd it looks like we could all be cycling in the new year together!

Woo Hoo for the Artemis 13!

mrsd when i had surgery before, I said the idea of a needle in the back of my hand made me feel faint so could they do it elsewhere? They did it by my elbow for me, which I was fine with.

I have to dash but just wanted to drop by first!

X post joy. Jan, new year sounds good time for our next stage. We can cycle together and hold hands. You never know, you might get that ironic ore ivf bfp in your Xmas stocking.

Talking of insta duffs, did anyone see the thread about the woman who wondered if she could e pregnant after her dh had a vasectomy and then they'd done it once, and in the wrong hole! I never saw the conclusion, but I did think that if she turned out to be pregnant then someone somewhere is playing a cruel joke on us.

I thought I'd accidentally stumbled into a pregnancy thread, it's lovely to hear of hard fought bfps. Congratulations and good luck to you all.

Woo hoo for the Beirut 3 doll!

Art, wow, that sounds like an amazing number of eggs. I'd love to hear about the process. Probably a bit stupid but I have a big fear about the back of hand needle thing ever since my mum had an op and told me that was the worst bit. Her hand was bruised for ages afterwards. I have crap veins too, gin. They sink at the sight of a needle.

Only on this thread would someone actually have litmus paper at home rabbit!

Sar, your post really struck a chord with me. I have wondered about whether it's possible to ever truly be happy again too. I think it's impossible to know how we will adapt to a childless life until we're through with all treatment. Ivf is a numbers game, everything I read leads me to believe that if you have the money and the energy to go through with multiple cycles then it will result in pregnancy at some point. I know someone who didn't get pregnant until their fourth attempt. And had thought it was never going to happen. I read an interesting article a while ago, where fertility doctors were arguing that 4 ivf cycles should be funded here, because that gives women the most likely chance of getting pregnant. What I'm trying to say is, I knew it feels bleak for you but failed cycles do not mean a future cycle won't work. I think happiness will come back, but I know that for me it will be a big hole in my life. I think I'd have to reevaluate everything. We would be financially better off with no children, could live very selfish lives but I expect I will find it hard to be involved with friends ad family because of the reminders of what I don't have.

Gin, I totally understand your feelings. It's seems so unfair that our problem is to do with the men, but we have to put ourselves through this. Mrden is in my bad books at the momenr because I discovered he hasn't taken any of his vits for a few weeks, it's not much he has to do, just remember one pill a day ffs. We'd also agreed we wouldn't drink much before ivf, but he was out on Friday and Saturday and us out with the football boys tonight so I know he'll be drinking. I know it doesn't really matter but it's the principle.

Art - that's fabulous about the 13 eggs. Really great news!! So i'm raising my ginger tea to them and willing them to grow. And instadiffs can f off with all their 'can i be pregnant when i didn't even have sex' crap. Rest easy. When do you go back work?

Doll - it's quality not quantity so go little beiruts. Really interesting about the litmus paper testing. i must go on the hunt for some.

Shrivell - many congratulations and thank you for telling us your story.

Rabbit - boo hiss to spotting. and about colleague's daughter divorcing. On the flip side I have heard of people's relationships getting stronger after infertility. But it's a delicate situation i guess, it could go either way.

I've just had my first appointment at the ivf clinic. It was a positive experience on the whole well as positive as it can be. Just a lot of paperwork and going through history. As I'm on CD3 I could have done the monitoring cycle this month and gone straight in to it but I need some breathing space. It's now up to me when I start. And I think we will gun for the start of Jan.

Hi everyone

Just a quick update from me. EC went fine, they got 13 eggs, though they don't expect all of them to be mature and of course don't know how many of them will fertilise. The embryologist will ring me around lunchtime tomorrow and let me know how they're getting on. Weird to feel that bits of me are now swimming around in a petri dish probably training the AK47 on the invading sperms knowing my luck. I am back home now, lounging with a hot water bottle and paracetamol and fecking annoying needy cat. I have stomach cramps like period pain but like Gin said, the most painful part of the procedure was them getting the needle in the back on my hand and I have a big swollen purple bruise to prove it.

It was weird being in hospital going into theatre when I'm not ill. Currently feeling hugely resentful of all the instadiffs and "whoops! I missed a pill!" conceptions. It shouldn't be this hard. But I daresay I will bounce back again tomorrow when I feel a bit more lively. Happy to come back then and outline what happened for anyone who is interested. Mr A managed his visit to the "men's room", I was envisaging lots of green leather, billiard table, Top Gear on repeat, but he said it was just a plain room with two chairs (two?) and a small bathroom. I think he was slightly offended at having to wash his knob in the sink. I told him about Ken's experience next to the nurses' room with the stapler soundtrack, poor boy looked horrified. In retrospect I should have told him about it after he'd done the business rather than before

Akuaba I'll be cheering on the Beirut 3 and their mates. "Working from home", welcome to my world, I need a good deadline to give me any enthusiasm at all. Rabbit good to hear you are managing CD1, hope you are home now with that hot water bottle. Joycep hurrah for the 28 day cycle, here's hoping your body remembers the experience and repeats it again next month . Gin how are you feeling? I wanted to ask what the injections are you're doing at the moment, I don't have any injections just the yucky pessaries to start on Thursday, worried they have forgotten something

I need to switch my brain back off but will be back again tomorrow. and luffs to all

I know the second episode of Homeland was some weeks back in the UK, but can someone explain to me what was going on with the hair colour situation. She coloured her blond hair brown and wore brown contacts for a reason that defeats me then while in "Beirut" she turns blond again for a reason that again defeats me. Does this shit just wash out?? If so what happens when it rains?

Yay for the Beirut 3!

Sorry about your ttc notice, rabbit. I also know of a couple who were on the verge of divorce after failed IVF. And then she got updiffed!

oh don't feel hurty inside, not on account of other peoples stuff.

I'm booked for EC on Friday morning. Egg report on Monday was the Beirut3's drinking buddies are still about. The little one all alone at right side is not growing, still tiny and useless, but the big one over with the Beirut3 has slowed up so might be stepping up for a go in a dish.

Hey doll I'm here! Yay to working from home, I like it when that happens. It lessens my productivity spectacularly. Wise words about the bicarb. I actually do have litmus paper! (Hare's secret hobby) so will find out how acidic my foof is! But not today, cd1 and I'm feeling grotastic. Been on the road oop north, still am and need a bath and a hot water bottle. Where are you up to with stuff?

Thanks shrivell for sharing and doling out some hope.

Ttc notices of the day. Today I heard a colleagues daughter is divorcing due to the strain of infertility I also saw a heavily pregnant woman and partner scoring drugs. Both of these things have made me feel hurty inside

Where is everyone? I 'worked from home' today and did nothing. I'm freelance this year and have just started a new piece of work, I should be right up in it getting to know the material but I'm not even close. artemis we are due a report, hope all went well today.

Thanks akuabadoll, I'm still in shock x

x-post shrivell congratulations to you.

Sooo...butting in on bicarb...it doesn't increase CM or thin it, it changes the pH. CM can be "hostile" due to infection, thickness or acidity or more than one of these reasons. Postcoital testing is the way to assess which is not practiced in many places these days, it's one of those things that some doctors think is a waste of time and a few doctors think is key. The good thing about identifying thickness or acidity is it's pretty easy to rectify, in theory. Acidity is checked by removing mucus and measuring the pH with a strip of litmus paper. Could you do this yourself? I guess so yes, if you have any litmus paper handy

Now I got into this business a while back due to reading stuff by Dr Sami David who is all over the idea of little tweaks over big guns. Not having any litmus paper handy or much spare CM come to that, my self-assessment went like this: scant is clearly a problem which I attempted to address; thickness not such a problem as the little CM I do have clears and thins as ovulation gets closer; acidity, no clue, what's the harm in trying? I followed the instructions given by David in a book I have. I should add rabbit 'cause I know that this is an issue for you, I got cystitis directly afterwards. Now, causal link? I'm not sure but here's the thing, semen is neutral to alkaline and that's why acidic lubricants and acidic CM can damage sperm, the vagina in general is typically more acidic which is a defense against infection. So creating an alkaline environment make you more vulnerable to infection? I think so yes. I just thought it was worth mentioning.

Hi Ladies,

Just wanted to share a clomid success story... I have been TTC for 24 months. I'm 28 and have had irregular periods since coming off the pill 4 years ago and losing lots of weight for my wedding. I also have a low egg reserve and don't qualify for IVF on NHS as my husband has children. I've had had 4 rounds of Clomid and the last cycle I also had the injection to help ovulation. I also have been having reflexology and have put on a stone to give me a healthier BMI. A miracle has graced me and I'm now 6 weeks pregnant. It's very earlier days so I'm keeping my fingers crossed my little Sunflower seed holds tight.
Never give up and try to stay positive because nature can surprise us. I read hundreds of these posts whilst TTC and they gave me hope as it proves that it is not always easy and there are thousands of other strong, amazing women going through exactly what you are going through.
Baby Dust to all. x x

Here to say good luck today artemis

rabbit I have some stuff to tell on the bicarb, it hardly holds the same value as that from becks considering I'm clearly not up the duff but perhaps food for thought all the same. I'll come back shortly...

Hi rabbit, they said I did have mucous but not lots and it was very thick. I was prescribed the oestrogen to help with the mucous but didn't need it. Whether that was because of the bicarb, who knows, but it was the only thing we did different that cycle?????

Joyce missed you, great about the 28 days. I wonder if the lap magically did something?

Oh and thanks becks I've been saying ill do it for ages. Nosey question but did you get ewcm? Can you get this and it still be hostile? Why is the body so mind bogglingly complicated?! Wave to cosmos too.

beryl yay! The finger is well and truly with us! So glad for you and heartening to hear even when the numbers aren't 'perfect'. May the next 8 months go smoothly.

gin yay for your frozen gin

doll I don't like to think of you having a meltdown. There is so much going on for you right now. But keep going, it only takes one stubborn one..

artemis I saw that article. So I've got fifteen years. Bring me wine by the bucket!

euro ha ha at the vitamins lasting longer for men. They do that here. One pack to my three I reckon

madness ah I muddled up the appendix bit. I had my lap on the 22nd. Which made Christmas rather bloated and tiresome. 14th much better methinks.

pout how goes the househunting?

How are some months of failure so much easier than others? I'm still spotting. Sigh. It's a nuisance. But this month I'm glad as its not pink, vanishing or hope raising, just regular, I'm telling you you're not pregnant but I'm not your period spotting. We timed things well and ov felt very normal but I've had not a hope this month so I just want to get on with it now. Tomorrow is a big research consultation for me with a very early get up so that sounds about right for it to rock up with pains. Every time!

oh my goodness, Beryl, this sounds bizarre and slightly dodgy but I was thinking of you last week and wondering how things were going. I am SO thrilled for you and it just shows that it can still happen even when results are fairly low. Really good that you have booked in for a private progesterone test. Honestly congratulations, your news has brought a big smile on my face.

And madness welcome back. I'm so sorry to hear what you have been going through.

Gin - your clever embies!! That's great news and really thrilling to have one in the freezer. How are you feeling, are you back and work and keeping yourself busy? And thanks Gin, I keep fearing my eggs are fucked with my super low amh but you're right i should really do ivf first. I didn't realise gabby logan did ivf.

Doll - that's great you have date for EC now.

Pout - i hve heard that before that one of the first things young people who are diagnosed with cancer ask is ''will i still be able to have kids'. They are more likely to say that first apparently rather than 'am i going to die'. And you are right that speaks volumes.

Art - Really best of luck tomorrow. Will be thinking of you.

Nelly - well done for doing the first injection. That is often the most difficult one.

Big waves to everyone.

So I had a 28 cycle (just) this month . One of my biggest frustrations has been my shortened cycle since my m/c so to reach day 28 is a huge milestone. It could have been the lap or it could be the antibiotics, I just hope my lovely clockwork 28/29 day cycle I use to have before ttc misery will return.