Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

green, I have everything crossed for you. Thinking about you. x

green I'm holding your hand (vertualy) I have everything crossed for.

((((Green)))) thinking of you. All will be well xxxxx

Ok, about to go to EPU. Scared stiff. Not sure I have the guts to start from scratch again if its gone wrong. It has to be ok this time. I'll have to explain about Merryn. Have just written down the name of her tumor so I don't get it wrong trying to spell it to nurse. ( I'm just as dyslexic as J). I'll know in 2 hrs. I hate this.

Miasmum, thinking of you and all your family. Every time I see a red-haired little girl I think of Mia. I know that this week will be a bad time for you - sending you lots of love and prayers.

Green, thinking of you too for your scan. Hope that everything is fine and the baby waves at you!

Amy, hope you and DH are doing okay. Have you got a date for the amnio yet?

Just wanted to wish mias a massive good luck this week. I really hope you get some answers to everythin, and hope you manage to stay strong. Your lovely red-headed Mia will be in my thoughts this week.

miasmum thinking of you and mrmiasmum you are a strong lady, you get through this. She will be so proud of you, so will the little one you carry.

Oh blizy I forgot to say for dh's SA results. Must be a relief but also, as Fan said, doubly frustrating why it's not just happening. Got everything crossed for a bfp for you so very soon xx

Miasmummy- I holding you, Mr Mias and of course your precious Mia in my thoughts. I know it will be so hard to hear things at the inquest, but you are doing it
For Mia, I am sure that alone will give you all the strength you need.

I love the sound of her tree, so very apt for your red headed angel. X

Just popping on to send love to miasmummy & family. We are thinking of you and sending you strength and love for these coming days. Don't worry about finding time to update us lot, just look after yourselves, we will be here when you are ready/need us. Love to you all and of course to gorgeous Mia xxx

wtw thankyou that really means a lot.

Just a quick one - haven't read back through. Wanted to pop on and say ((((Miasmummy)))) I know tomorrow and the coming days will be incredibly hard. We are all thinking of you.

Good to 'see' you green hope all goes well at scan.

Went to a baby remembrance service at the hospital today. Thought of all our little ones but especially Ophelia and Fan as like my girls she was born in that hospital xxxx

Kleine indeed very much a rollercoaster ... Glad you re out & about & enjoying your friend's lunches!!! Xxxx
BabyH yeh for CBFM... Xxx never used 1 myself but know people rate them ... Xxxx
Green wishing you well for tomorrow... Fx xxxx & glad you enjoyed your break xxx
Special thoughts for Miasmum for tomorrow. Hope it's not all too painful & you get some resolution , if possible. Take care chicken xxxxx
Hi all; can t believe how quick the weekend goes , it's unfair!!!! Been shopping for phebs's bday!!!! Can t believe she's 1 this week... where does time go? Especially when I think back to loosing Georgie how I never though I'd make it through the first hour home....
Work ;3 days then 2 days off loving these short weeks its the only way to go!!!
We re moving 1 of our clinic's next week from our site we ve been at for 20 odd years to a new walk in centre in the town so mixed feelings really. My manager has gone off sick so it's down to me & my colleague to manage the clinical side of things & my other colleague to manage the move; nightmare!!!!!
Love to all xxxx
Miasmum another mention ; xxxxx

Hi all, have had a really busy couple of days and I've just tried to read the thread but I can't really remember most of it, I'm so tired - sorry - and I will come back to it all properly soon.

MiaAlexandrasmummy I am just thinking that, this week, your MN name is even more apt that usual. You are Mia's Mummy - it sums you up in so many ways, and how wonderful is that. You are at the inquest as her Mummy and your DH is there as her Daddy, and her grandparents are there too - all for her. A very special girl's very special family, doing absolutely everything they can for her. I cannot imagine what this is like for you, but I already know you will do her proud, as you have done up to now and as you will continue to do so afterwards. I will be thinking of you and praying for you and hope that, somehow, the impossible happens and you are given the answers and information that you feel you need. With much love xx

green I am so sorry to hear about the bleed and will be waiting anxiously to hear tomorrow. I hope SO very much that all is well with the little bean xx

wtw I have just realised I never said, such wonderful news that all was well with the biopsy... so pleased for you.

blizy really great news. Bet DH had a big grin on his face when you heard that all was well! Men are such predictable creatures I think you said you planned just to keep on trying for a while without taking any investigations further, and I am SO hoping for a lovely BigFatPositive for you soon.

rainbox oh, the stress of it all - I'm so sorry about your teeth, your cycle, your ulcer (how much else is going to get thrown at you?! Good grief). What works as a de-stresser for you normally? I find that the things that used to help me relax, before E died, are still semi-helpful if I make myself do them (long walks, reading novels, playing card games, gardening, movies). They don't change anything but they do help me calm down a little bit. I know, I know, I'm teaching you to suck eggs - just wish I could help. Lots of love xx

babyh waves to you my lovely, how was your night out? Glad your CBFM arrived - hope you can start using it v soon (actually, I don't, I hope you don't need it at all and you completely wasted thirty-odd quid on it because you're pregnant!). Am starting using mine again now, yes.

Seriously, have no brain left. Huuuuuge apologies to everyone I've missed out.

AFM, well, feeling pretty terrible at the moment BUT good things are happening too - meeting other bereaved parents, managing to go to friends' for lunch today, friendly and kind new neighbour just moved in to replace the previous, weird ones. The usual rollercoaster. Sending love to you all xx

Thank you so much everyone for your lovely thoughts and wishes. It really helps, knowing you are all out there, sending us much appreciated strength and love. Sorry I am not name-checking, just fully absorbed with the inquest at the moment.

I am feeling close to Mia at the moment, in this fight for the truth. Yet I am so scared, as MrMia has rightly pointed out that there may be upsetting PM photos shown tomorrow. I also know that I will be angry at things I hear, and want to stand up and scream. Also, we are furious at the hospital, who sent through a new, unseen document at Friday 5pm...

However, we have had a quiet weekend. We walked down through the fields to Mia's Wood with my parents yesterday, and all the debris has been cleared now. And after a nice lunch out, we took my parents to the Mia "cloud-kiss" tree which we planted with them in February. Its leaves are red-gold now. It was teeming down with rain, and then it hailed just as we reached the hilltop where her tree is planted, and I did think they were very dramatic ice kisses from our little girl!

Hi lovelies - have read back but can't scroll properly as am on phone so apologies for not name checking properly.

Great news blizy!!

green, oh I'm so sorry you had a bleed - I hope all is ok and you can see the heartbeat tomorrow xxx if its any consolation, I've had 2 bouts of spotting now & it is bloody scary, I hope all is ok for you xxx

kleine, sorry AF got you xxx

mias thinking of you & your family for tomorrow xxx

Hugs to all xxx

Went to a messages to heaven balloon release earlier which was lovely, and ive bought my candle for tomorrow - its called Angel which I thought was perfect.

Thanks Green. It is difficult with dates, etc isn't it but I have decided that I am determined to remain positive and try not to worry. I can't change what is going to happen and last time I ignored the pleasure of being pregnant cos I was too busy worrying about miscarrying which happened anyway. If that makes sense? How long this will last is another thing, lol! Good luck for tomorrow, got everything crossed for you and sending you lots of positive vibes.

Fan - thanks for the suggestions. Luckily there was only one couple there who we knew but I haven't seen them since I left my last job 7 years ago. I think they will have known that I lost Daisy and they were kind enough not to say anything when they realised I wasn't drinking alcohol. I don't know them well enough for them to know I'm a p**shead normally, and I actually don't mind who knows this time. Everyone was so supportive last time so have told most of my friends already anyway.

My DH is very excited as he has won a ride on mower on ebay so we are having a daytrip out to Downham Market to collect it today. He's like a little child at Xmas, bless him.

Take care everyone

Well, I've read back but there is so much!

LITTLE9 what great news! I'm so pleased for you, while knowing a bit of how scared you feel.... I also have a due date within 3 days of Merryns due date, which I'm only just realising means everything is the 'same' as it was last year, not easy!

Mia'sMummy, I will be thinking about you and your family this week, and sending you strength and love to get each other through. I wish we all lived in your town at times like this, we could cook and comfort and try to help. As it is, if there is anything more helpful than our love and a virtual lasagne, please ask. Xxxx

KLEINE, just want to give you a hug. I know it's different for everyone, but since Merryn I've charted fanatically, and only one month was 'normal'. The others all were silly cycles, with short LP, I had given up OV testing on the one I got BFP in, as it was so far in I could have overlapped with pregnancy tests! (although if scan shows no HB this isn't the best example). Just stay hopeful love. Remember your body does make miracles, its done it before. Xxxx

I want to say hello to everyone, but have to get ready to drive to Js dyslexia reading tuition. Poor kid, having to do this on a Sunday morning, I wish he didn't need it. We are going to visit another school on Fri, and thinking about moving the boys. I don't want to, but Js not getting enough support. They have been amazing with us this year though, so it will take a lot to change. The boys go to an alternative school, Park School in Dartington, (if anyones interested Jacob is the one up a tree in the film on the front page of their website)! it's why we moved to Devon, so it'd be a big deal to change.

Hi everyone, we are back home at last! Centerparcs was a mix of highs with the boys (J managed the high ropes course which was a big deal for him, and K can swim on his back and ride his two wheeler now, ). The difficult parts were it all being just the same as last time, Merryns 6month date was on Friday, and on fri I had a bleed. Not so good.
So I have a scan booked Mon at 11am. Bit scared. I also, ironically, have my booking appt with the MW on Tues at 3pm, which I'm hoping not to have to cancel! Oh, and Monday is also Ks fifth birthday!

Going to read back and catch up with you all now, you've been busy! Back soon! Xx

blizy that is great news, a bit like me though. Is it a bit tough to comprehend that nothing is wrong? And why are we still in this 'no pregnancy place?' Hopefully me and you will be up the duff very soon.

amy so sorry you are having a rough time I have my fingers crossed for you that all is ok.

little do you drive? Will you drive to the reception, if you can thats what the excuse is, you are the driver. Or tell them you are on medication. Or that you are on a diet or my DH has just suggested that you are training for something like a run. I told people three years ago that I was teetotal, it was mainly because I was trying to get pg, and so now people just dont ask me or if they do I just say Im tee total. and they leave me alone.

rainbox the amount of shit you have put up with this year is bound to come out somewhere, dont be too hard on yourself. I found myself grinding my teeth at night last year and had to put a stop to it myself. I think we get so fixated that the only cure is to get our cycles right and to get pregnant again, our bodies expect us to have our babies with us but we dont and trying to come to terms with what we have been though it tough enough with out having an op aswell.
What things can you do to start enjoying yourself again? Is there soemthing you have always wanted to do like a hobby or something? It might help you enjoy things a bit more and also help take away some of the other stresses. Unfortunatly the stress of losing Dexter will take longer to get though. Maybe book a little break away that you can look forward too and plan.

We have a little visitor tonight my 9 year old BIL, so we are having a pizza, sweets, and ice cream night playing minecraft and watching movies.

spilt I agree tell him to fuck off, lol. Your aloud a moody day, he will have to lump it!

waves to everyone, hope you are having a good weekend.

Hello to everyone. Feeling better today, thank you. I would be honoured to have you babyh and the lovely ladies on here help to carry me through this. I hope I am able to return the favour to you all.

blizy - great news.

Spilt - I also have to hoover, as my house is a complete mess, as well as walking the doggies. Got my "can't be arsed" head on and although currently off chocolate would much rather sit here eating some!!!

Mias - thinking of you. How are you feeling today?

Rainbox - wish I knew what to say to help. Be gentle with yourself and hope you find a way to start swimming furiously to the surface soon.

Kleine - sorry about AF, fx you get your BFP soon.

Fan and everyone I have missed - hope you are all ok and have a good weekend.

I've got a wedding reception tonight. It's an old work colleague so won't know many people and therefore shouldn't have to explain why I am not drinking, thankfully. I am really bad at lying and making up excuses!! DH doesn't want to go even though I have said we won't be staying long and he can go and meet his friends if he wants to once he has shown his face.

Well, this is no good. Can't take the puppy dog stares anymore!! Take care everyone, xx

Blizy fab news time for more "action" then
Babyh hope you have a lovely time away. It's a change if scenery ... Xxx thanks , had a better night she slept from 8 ish to 05;30 so much better , thank god.., seems more like herself today .. Xxx
Spilt glad you was feeling a little brighter to your DH pissed you off... Bloody men... Waste of space half the time!!! Glad you got out , enjoy your visitors... Xxx
Oh Babyh have a good time tonight xx
Love to all weather here fab so hoping it stays like this off in to town with Phebs soon need to get her bday present & some bits & pieces... Xxxx

Sorry, forgot to refresh the display before I posted - Blizy, great news!

Spilt, tell him to fuck off? Yup, thinking positive solves everything. Maybe some physical activity will help, raise your endorphins and all that.

Mias, thinking of you and will light a candle tonight for your beautiful little girl.

DH is in a piss with me because I am all mopey. Apparently I just need to "think positive" and then all will be fine