Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

rainbox I shall take those ov strips off your hands.

mias, I'm glad you felt close to Mia yesterday, it must be so hard - thinking of you all.

green, Merryn is absolutely beautiful, thank you for sharing your pics. She is just such a gorgeous little girl. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this all again, I hope that you can grieve and take your time to deal with this all. If it doesn't feel right to stop trying, then don't.

I feel really angry at the moment that our babies aren't with us - especially after reading fans thread last night. So much heartache and sadness, it's just not fair. Yet, I'm so pleased to have found such a supportive group of ladies, a safe place where we can all say what we need to without being judged.

Oh Angel, that's a nightmare price rise, is that with immediate effect or have they given you any notice?

I hope you are ok kleine - sending best wishes xx

Oh green you are amazing There's 5.5 years between K and H much bigger than I wanted but they are so lovely together. Merryn is completely beautiful xx

Blizy I definitely hope you get a surprise this month in that case

xx

blizy understand I think I'm beginning to feel the same. This feels like the norm now.

fan- to be honest I am quite blase about it this month. I have stopped bigging it up a while ago. It would be more of a shock now to get a bfp than for af to arrive iyswim?

green- you rant away if it makes you feel better, we are always here to listen. x

Kleine- are you ok?

Thanks Fan. X

green they are private, I check everytime via my DH's fb page. She is gorgeous.

Hi, just to say I've posted a couple of photos of Merryn on FB, (on the secret page), if anyone wants to 'meet' her! I could do with some reassurance that they are actually private.... Also FB seems to have cut them in half so you have to tap them to see it properly.... I hope I've got it right, FB novice!!

green that's what we are here for. Your such a strong lady, and if you feel its not time to stop then don't. Fx for your next cycles. Age gaps mean nothing in the grand scheme of things, DH is the oldest of five boys and he gets on better with the 17 year old and the 9 year old, his brothers closer to his age annoy him most of the time.

blizy fx for you, are you feeling good about this month? Or have you stopped trying to big it up? I'm trying to stop bigging it up but sometimes it can't be helped. Its going to happen soon to us I'm sure of it, I have a positive feeling.

Thanks for doing the thread yesterday FAN. It was so full of love, but I cried buckets!

MIA'S, well done for getting through yesterday. It's amazing what a mother can go through for her child. I know exactly what you meant about there being a little joy in having so many people acknowledging Mia.
We drove for a while over dartmoor yesterday, and all the bracken has turned russet since we were there last. That and a dramatic skyline of orange and purple had me thinking of Mia. Xxx

KLEINE, do talk about your scan if you want lovely lady... I'm worried about you. Xxx

I got through yesterday, and DSs birthday probably gave me a kick out of bed, which helped. We have already given out his party invites, so let's hope nothing drastic starts until after Sun. ( he's having a neon disco..... Mmmmm, tasteful!)
The scan showed a yolk sac that hadnt developed inside a womb that had, and probably still is. I should be eight weeks. So I guess that's a MMC again. My body's not that bright these days, it would seem. I don't think I fully believed in this one, no sore boobs, and not any proper sickness. Not usual for me. So I refused a scan in one weeks time, and asked for one in two. I hope my body gets on with it before then, but if not I guess I'll have another ERPC.
The last time I MCd I got preg with Merryn the following month. At my age maybe I just need to accept some eggs are of poor quality, and decide if I can keep going until I get a good one. Next time would be My 7th pregnancy.
I can only do this for me if it doesn't affect how I am with my boys. We never tell them when I MC, but they know I've got a sore tummy, but maybe that's ok. It feels a bit like the gambles we had to take with Merryn, only worth it if it works....
The main thing is it feels like such a lot of time waisted. From Aug until when I next ov. This baby would have been 5.5 yrs younger than K, any others will now be at least 6. I don't know what to do. I wish I could decide to stop, but I don't feel I'm able too. Stopping and being content would be my choice, but I think I will have to keep trying. I don't feel in control of anything. When I did feel in control it was an illusion though wasn't it? I used to be so optimistic, I hate that I can't be anymore. Ranty rant rant rant. I need to stop and get on, even if lovely dp did let me have a sleep this morning!
Thanks for all being there, it meant the world yesterday.

Oh green I'm so sorry to read your news. Sending lots of big hugs your way.
Glad yesterday went OK mias.

Wow angel, That is a huge price rise !

Mias, I'm glad you managed to get through yesterday with the help of Mia, I'm sure she will be with you every step of the way. X

Green, how are you doing my lovely? X

Fan- af is due on Fri, I'm just waiting for the spotting to start.

Hope you are all ok. X

Fan it's a lovely thread. Could you ask mnhq to move it to a different topic so it's not lost after 90 days? xx

I'm glad my thread made a little imprint in chat yesterday, it was heartbreaking to read but also inspiring.

green how are you doing this morning? Have they said anything about how to manage the mc?

mias my thoughts are still with you.

Love to everyone.

Leading up to ov, start the opks today but not expecting ov till friday saturday. I feel surprisingly calm about it all at the moment which can only be a good thing.

How's my ttc buddy blizy?

Morning all. Just a quick message.

Sending super-sized hugs to mias. You are such a brave lady. I am glad you continue to feel close to Mia this week.

Equally huge hugs to green. I hope you managed to get at least some sleep. I am thinking of you so very much, and am just so so sad for you. We're here to listen if that would help...

Hi angel, sorry to hear about the nursery fees, that's v stressful. Scan yday was ok, thanks; brought up a few issues but I will leave that for another time.

fan your thread was so wonderful. But yes, just heartbreaking, too.

green my love. This may be a stupid question but how are you doing today? Did you manage ds2's birthday? Thinking of you lots xxxx

Miasmummy glad you got through the first day 'okay' and that Mia guided you through. Hope it's not too rough today xxx

Green it is late as I read about you...so sorry babe...so very sorry...
Miasmum thinking of you today...

We don't forget our little ones...

Much love to you all xxxx

I hate having to blow the candle out again.

Fan, it's discussion of the day, well done! It is harrowing to read, though. So many babies, so much pain.

Kleine glad you re scan was ok? Xxx
Fan lovely thread xxxx didn t get chance to light a candle but all my thoughts with our dearly loved angels xxxxxx

Had a crap day , work ; shit then Ant picked up a letter from nursery they re increasing Pheb's fees up by £67 a month ; nightmare when we re already struggling ....
Pissed off for Green , me & all the crap ... Will ensure I get up in a better mood xxxxx

green, oh lovely lady, I am so sad and angry for you...

everyone All the love being sent our way today has been so appreciated. It was hard, but about what I expected... what I didn't expect was that I felt weirdly happy having a whole room of people concentrating on my beautiful daughter, talking about Mia, saying her name. (Not sure I could share this thought anywhere else.) I could almost feel her sitting on my lap, as I stared at her lovely photo when it was becoming too fraught.

The inquest was on both local tv stations tonight, and I'm guessing that it will be on as part of the 10pm news too. So glad we chose such lovely photos of Mia.

My candles for Mia and all our children are now lit too. Beautiful babies, and lovely friends made through shared sadness, and so much love.

Green shit, shit, shit so sorry sweetheart. Give your boys a big hug & loving thoughts for you all & Merryn.... I remember how awful it is in the ultrasound room waiting to be told theres a problem , just awful.... Xxxxxxx take care chick xxxxx grieve , you're strong ; you ll make it xxxxx

Cwtched up under my (slightly soggy) woolly hug, candles lit, thinking of Erin and all our darling children who should be in our arms not just in our hearts. I'm so glad we all found each other here (cheesy, sorry ) xxxx

Love and hugs especially to green and Miasmummy today. Life is spectacularly unfair xxxxx

Candle lit here too. I love you, baby tiny.