Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

Near radio silence all round! Not much to report here, other than I have finally worked out that Freya is teething. It's taken me a while because she's never really done it before, the teeth just appeared. But eventually have pieced together vile nappies, grizzly disturbed nights, food refusal and cucumber obsession. Mystery is solved!

miasmummy I have been thinking of you and yours a lot this last week. I read your article in your local paper and thought you and MrMia spoke very well and eloquently. There's nothing really to say, no helpful thoughts, just much love xx Autumn is very much Mia's season to me, all the red & gold leaves make me think of her and her wood everytime. You did pick lovely photos for the press. You did her proud this week. You must be exhausted xx

green how's things? Hope DS's party went as well as it could in the circs.

Glad you got some sunshine blizy

elly thinking of you this week xx

little great mindset, long may it last. Enjoy every minute of the pg that you can.

babyh waah that sounds like a nightmare holiday. After you and angel I think we will not bother for this year!! Prob just as well what with the expensive cat & cars this month. It all comes at once doesn't it.

Hi all,

fan, I live around 15- 20 mins away from where your dh was brought up!

green- How are you?

kleine- I know what you mean about wanting out of the house, it feels incredibly loney somethimes.

little, hope you are ok?

elly, not long to wait now my lovely. x

Dh and i were out all day walking around a park, it was lovely to get out. the sun is shining here (for a change).

Big waves to everyone x

Hey ladies, I have been reading just didnt post. Ive been busy finishing off a present for DH for his birthday it in two weeks but I only have a few hours to complete the pressie.

Im doing ok a little down but nothing too drastic. I qlways seem to feel a little down after the ov period, I always feel so good during the ov time, I guess thats natures way to get you in the mood. And then I always feel a but down after in the lead up to AF. TWW is the worst isnt it? I am going to try and keep busy to try and not think about it all.

Green how are you? How was the boys birthday? I hope your not in too much pain.

poppet I understand wanting to get out, it can be frustrating sitting there thinking of what should have been.

waves to everyone I hope you are all well.

It does rather seem as if everyone has run to the hills!! I was one of the escapees this weekend - we had to get out... it was so horrible to be in our silent, without-a-baby house that we have spent most of the weekend far away from it. Can't say we 'enjoyed' ourselves, but it was good to just get in the car and drive and be somewhere else. Back home now.

Hi elly and little. Hope you are both managing to feel positive today?
elly just a few days left until your scan now. Btw I don't think it's at all strange that you were feeling weird about the woman at your work - it's another way of bringing home to you what others have, but you don't. She will be on maternity leave with her two babies, and you will be on maternity leave (yes, you WILL) but will have only one of your two. One is so very much better than none, but it's impossibly hard in so many ways, too.

babyh what an awful start to your holiday! I hope everyone is feeling a lot better now, and that you're all able to enjoy yourselves a little bit. Also, I guess you are just a few days behind me with your first cycle on your CBFM...

Still sending lots of love to green. Thinking of you xx

Also mias I know that it's very nearly at the one-year point for you now, so you are in the horrible run-up (I haven't had to do it yet, obviously. But I already know it's horrible). Loads of love to you and I hope you are still able to feel close to your lovely lovely Mia xx

fan how has your weekend been, lovely? And blizy? Hope you are both doing ok xx

What have I missed? Oh yes - rainbox - you made me laugh with your comment about how you'd go to your SIL's funeral 'just to make sure' And angel, hope that Phebs is still enjoying all her birthday celebrations! Love to all xx

Elly I'm sure all will well on Thurs. FX for you. I'm sure I'll be the same if I get near having any scans. I need to start swimming as haven't been to the gym in months. Just haven't had the inclination since we lost Daisy. Glad you had a relaxing day yesterday.

Think we're going to be mattress hunting today as ours is so old and both DH and I are waking up with bad backs and arms that have gone to sleep (not good)!!!

Hello and waves to everyone. Hope all is well out there, xx

That's a great attitude to have little - I'm hoping that I'll feel a bit more like that after thurs, I did earlier, think I'm just building myself up just in case it's not good news at the scan. You are absolutely right though, we can't change what is going to happen, so take it one day at a time, and go with Angel's mantra - today I am pregnant.

Hopefully everyone is off doing lovely things too - thinking about you all x

I actually went swimming this morning, for the first time in ages, so felt good for that, but DH isn't very well - he's rarely ill so is feeling quite sorry for himself, so we have just been vegging out all day, going to get a chinese for dinner, rather than going out like we were going to - quite pleased, am shattered so enjoying the rest!!

Hello Elly. I was thinking that too. Everyone seems to have fallen off MN at the same time! Hopefully, they're out there somewhere too busy enjoying themselves to post! How are you feeling today? I'm rather more optimistic today. I've been really nervous the last few days and have tried to stop worrying and put some perspective on it. Have just come to the conclusion that I can't change what is going to happen and I shall enjoy being pregnant now and deal with any cr*p if it happens. Seems to be working so far.

Hello to everyone else and hope you are all ok. You're all in my thoughts, xx

Hello - where is everyone? It's really quiet - hope you are all ok xxx

Hi all, thanks for the good wishes - I am just paranoid, but I guess that's only natural under the circumstances. Just been in a meeting at work with MD and a couple of others because a woman that's currently on mat leave (she had DD1 in Feb) is pg again, and due in May - I feel really weird about it, and I don't know why, but partly because we finished for mat leave the same day just before Christmas last year, and now she is due around the same time as me again. I don't have any right to feel funny about it - I can't even explain how I feel really. Just weird.

Green, just sending huge hugs to you, I hope that it is as pain free as possible for you xxx My DH is rubbish with dates too, but it doesn't mean that he doesn't constantly think about her too - sure yours does too, but you were right to remind him.

Mias, you certainly did Mia very proud, you have all worked so hard for this inquest, it must have been really tough on you, but well done for getting through it. A positive outcome in a lot of ways xxx

Babyh, what a nightmare start to your holiday - I hope that everyone recovers very soon & that you enjoy at least some of your holiday.

Rainbox, at insensitive & bloody selfish SIL. You really shouldn't have to deal with such behaviour.

Fan the woollyhugs that you do are lovely - such a special gift to make and give xxx

Hi to everyone - such rubbish times on here at the moment - I just want to send hugs & cake to you all xxx

Just a quick hello. So sorry I haven't been around the last couple of days. My ds came home from school with a bug and was sick4 England. Kept him off Wed an yesterday 2 be on the safe side but after the car broke Tuesday we had fell behind with the packing.Left last night for our half term holiday 2 Butlins an stayed in a Premier Inn 2 avoid Friday traffic. Eventually arrived at 9.15pm and my DH ended up being violently sick all night :( ended up trying 2 entertain kids until 12pm so DH could sleep. Got in the car to complete the final part of our journey and the car was broke. Been in a garage all day why they tried to source the part (non available) but they have done a temporary repair so we are now back on the road an gonna have 2 confine ourselves 2 the room until at least 2moro in case we are germ ridden. Anyway enough of our bad luck I'm do sorry I haven't been offerring much needed support. Everyones having such a tough time at the moment.

GREEN : So sorry its started...you are in my thoughts....I don't know what 2 say to ease your pain. Sending lots of love xxxx
Miasmummy.: Thinking of u glad its over just from a sanity point of view.....you did your beautiful daughter proud in your quest for truth.
Angel: A belated birthday wish to Phebs...glad you had a nice day. xxx
Blizy: Thinking of u and your DH x
Rainbox: Sorry about the shitty in laws xx
Kliene: Hope your ok x
Blue: Not long now wishing the days away for you x
Waves to Elly, Fan, Amy Split, Little, Too, Moomins an Whatever xxxx
So sorry if I missed someone but you are all in my thoughts I promise. Reading the thread even though not posting. Lots of love and hugs xxx

Just popping my head in to send so much love to miasmummy and to green today.

Also to tell fan off, for taking the time to post when you are about to ov - really, we should ban people from posting during their fertile window...

green how crap is it that the time you didn't want it to happen, it decides to happen. It always seams to happen this way. Hugs to you, I hope its not too painful and that it is over quickly.

Sorry to have been a little bit quiet the past few days, its ove time from today and also I've been pretty busy with the crochet hook.
I will try to catch up tonight.

green sorry xxxxx hope you re physically okish? As much as you can be xxxxxx crap as it is at least , I guess , your body is doing what it should do naturally. Funny how ; we have to look at the smallest or oddest of actions as " good" hope u can still " enjoy" the party a little... Take care xxxx
Kleine loosing a child really hilights the good & bad in people .as well documented on here my MIL( who is a complete cow anyhow) behaved appallingly when we lost Georgie which culminated in a massive row 6 weeks later ( she was ringing Ant & threatening to commit sucide , whilst we were grieving & he had started a new job) with me having never spoken to her since. Which is exactly what I want, she's seen
Phebs once since she was born ( she lives 3 miles away , drives , 3 opportunities we ve given her to meet us in the local park, 3 times she's come up with BS excuses) ...but on the other side my family are wonderful & we ve brillant friends who've shown us excellant support ... ( we only list her & 1 ditched 1 friend who " was too upset to tell me she was pg 6 weeks after Georgie died... No love , you don t want to upset yourself which is fine, but don t make out you re looking out for me!!!) xxxxxx
Miasmum you re such a brave, strong lady you ve done Mia proud. You ve fought to the end whilst dealing with your own grief & achieved sustainable alterations which , hopefully, will help others in the future & prevent others experiencing the grief you have. Well done ... Pls rest , if possible, be proud of yourself. Take care , much love to u all xxxx
Love to all...
We had a lovely bday , thanks for all your lovely wishes. We met the MW who delivered Georgie & Phebs for a catch up
& coffee. She's so lovely & I feel a real connection with her then went for lunch. Phebs good as gold loved the presents we ve bought her , had fab cards & presents... Tomorrow off to Blackpool to see the illuminations & a family celebration with my mum, dad & bro ( tea party in their camper van!!!!) love it !!!xxxx
I count my blessings every day she's here as she completes me. I am finally content & so hope we can all feel this way very soon xxxxxxx

MIASMUMMY. I'm so sorry you have had to go through this, any of it. It sounds like your bravery and determination could save another child, but I wish it wasn't the way it is. You must be exhausted. I hope you can draw your loved ones close this WE and be looked after. You have fought so hard for Mia, now I think you should be looked after for a while. Take care. Xxx

We have spent the evening mixing the play list for Ks fifth birthday. Never thought I'd be doing the Time Warp while MCing....today of all days. DP and I laughed a lot. I think it's all there is left to do today. Life is strange.

'Night everyone. X

green just big for you. Huge .

Today the coroner delivered a narrative verdict regarding Mia's death, rather than simply a death by natural causes. While it didn't go quite as far as we had hoped, in that no specific neglect or failure on behalf of the hospital was noted, the most important sentences for us were these - "the serious nature of her condition was not recognised' and "her impending arrest was not recognised". He also criticised the hospital for not having senior paediatric staff on site to take the necessary treatment decisions. Further, under Rule 43, where a coroner can specify actions be taken to prevent future deaths, the coroner requires the hospital to undertake an immediate review into its paediatric care and management for seriously ill children, particularly out-of-hours, weekends and bank holidays.

The inquest highlighted two potential diagnoses of her symptoms - unfortunately, the hospital treated the wrong one. As we already knew, Mia's port-mortem revealed that she had a bacterial growth on her otherwise healthy heart. While very rare, expert witnesses did feel this would have been treatable, if only her symptoms had been recognised... They were unable to give a better prognosis of survival more than short-to-medium term, however. The inquest also showed that opportunities did exist earlier to intervene in Mia's decline, using routine medical procedures, but sadly these were not taken... However, we respect the coroner's verdict, and do feel that he has been very pro-active in establishing the facts around Mia's death.

Love you forever, darling girl. We have tried to do our very, very best for you.

Rainbox- if your sil can't understand why you both chose to keep Dexters' funeral private, then stuff her. Hope you are ok?

Green, I am so sorry the mc is happening, it is so bloody cruel, especially today. Sending you lots of gentle hugs, I hope you are ok. X

green really thinking of you. I'm glad that the MC is happening naturally but I am so so sorry that it has to happen at all. Today of all days...
I hope so very much it's not too painful. There is an entire tonne of KleinePoppet-love coming your way xx
(although, yes, some Kleine-anger-on-your-behalf is probably in there too)

rainbox and blizy love to you as well, will reply properly when less tired x

Well, I've just started MCing, (half way round supermarket!) I know I was willing it to start, but today was already pretty shitty without this. It means it will hopefully be done naturally, and my body is working better than I thought, at least. I hope it doesn't hurt too much, I just don't have the reserves right now, and I need to get Ks party sorted out. Bugger. I was looking forward to having a boogy on Sunday, (Ks having a Disco, I'm a bit sad, but Ill take any and all dancing opportunity)! Might not be my week for dancing...

ELLy, it's horrible waiting for scans isn't it? There is no reason to think the worst though, I'm sure you'll be ok love. Xxx

KLEINE, I did laugh at the idea of you slapping anyone, it's not how you come across! (although you have every reason to be letting the 'angry KLEINE' out just now). Not sure I'll be making to London anytime over the next two weeks. Sad, as I had been looking forward to meeting you. Next time...

BLIZY, sorry youre not sleeping well, it makes everything that bit harder...

Six months is a hard one. dP didn't remember. I reminded him, which was just cruel, but I needed him to remember with me, it's too soon to be the only one who remembers these dates. I wish I had left him though, he looked so sad... After my boys got to six months I got a bit foggy on the dates, I kind of hope that happens with Merryn now, it would be less relentless. Maybe thats selfish, but not an hour goes by I don't yearn for her, so the date doesn't really matter.

We are most of us having a rough ride right now, I really hope things start to look up soon.... Xxxx.

Oh green Blizy is right 6 months is a hard one. Especially with the horrible week you're already having I wish I could scoop you up and take it all away xx

Rainbox stupid IL's I'm with Kleine - tell her to bugger off! Bloody families do my head in - I'm having them today too. My dads wife refused to come to Erin's funeral for some petty reason (long story) and is now surprised that we have invited her to Holly's christening. My dad is now making me feel like the bad guy! Grrrr. Have just told him if it's a choice of both of them or neither of them then it will have to be the latter!

Elly we'll get you through! I remember the fear of waiting for scans so well. One day at a time lovey you'll get there

Mias just (((hugs))) what a week you've had my lovely friend. Am in awe of your strength. Hope you can have some quiet relaxing time over the next few days before Mia's anniversary next week.

Fan woolly wool should be with you early next week was dispatched today

Blizy glad you're as okay as possible

Poor Holly still really suffering with her tummy/wind

Green. I remember the 6 month mile stone. It was a rough one. Hope
You are doing ok? Thinking of you an your precious Merryn. X

Kleine- I'm ok today, thanks. We just need to take it as it comes. No point in worrying until Dh has his next Semen analysis.

How are you? I was irrationally angry for a long time, I focused all of my anger onto my poor fil. Hope you are ok. X

Sorry I haven't replied to everyone, I'm so tired. I can't seem to sleep at night, I think the last full night I had was before I was pregnant! Yawn! Hope everyone is well, I am thinking of you. X

green I'm so sorry, I was so busy being outraged by rainbox's SIL that i missed yout message.
Six months...
Just a big hug from me, and I am thinking of oh-so-pretty, brave little Merryn. xx

PS if you tell SIL that she is more than welcome not to invite you to her own funeral, do you think that would help?

rainbox I think I am officially having a 'anger' moment (as opposed to, y'know, denial/bargaining/depression yada yada yada), as when I read that I just thought, oh - I would slap her. I really would. How ridiculous. I am just so fed up with other people using our children's deaths to their own ends. As if it's not terrible enough. Really so sorry for you, and for your DH, that some of his family are being so difficult xx

Hi blizy hope you're doing ok today

Must cook dinner...

Rainbox- that's a bit crap. I wasn't aware that you have to invite people to funerals these days? Hope you are ok?

Elly- you can and will get through the next week, we will be here helping you every step of the way. X