Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

spilt so glad you wrote that, I'm having a wobble moment again. I'm feeling a little queezy and have a stomach ache. But I can't test!
And I will remember not to roast a pumpkin.

angel rubbish about the sickness, hope you're feeling better soon & glad your parents can look after you and Phebs. It's murder caring for a small child when you are properly sick. I have to admit I never appreciated what a luxury it was to be ill pre children!

Well done fan admirable resolve! I had a pumpkin related dinner disaster yesterday. Suffice it to say, carving pumpkins are fine for soup but don't bother roasting! It was like jellied water. Vile. Better luck with your pie

wtw ah love little K, what a lovely thing to say but I can see why it set you off! Fireworks are very magical. Freya is well and truly off already, she started walking at 10 months. She is working on speed now, but I don't let her walk through town, she has no sense what soever and goes where she wants, roads etc and I am not cut out for that sort of stress! I let her lose in the recreation grounds and she loves it. Perfectly safe too.

wow babyh take it easy! Decorating is one hell of a job, hope it's going smoothly.

razz great to hear from you. Sounds like Samuel is a dream sleeper, wish we had nights like that!! I hope he's less frustrated once he susses crawling, I really think that bit of independence means a great deal to them.

blue

I can't tell you how much better I feel now October is officially over and done for another year. November is like a new start. I am back to thinking of Bobbie often, but with a big nostalgic smile and a sense of gratitude for having had her and not (right now at any rate!) that heartwrenching pain. Enjoying the moment.

Oh sorry wtw meant K , well all your girls!!! ( tell u ; I m cracking up!!!)

Hi all; xxx
Razz hi xxx lovely Samuel xxx Phebs sleep well too generally
BabyH well done on all your hard work xx
Wtw hope Holly & E are ok? Xxx
Kleine how are you?
Blizy busy,busy,busy ... U ok? Cx
Fan everything crossed here xxx
Blue glad you've had a nice time away 2 weeks OMG... Xxx
Hi all hope you re all ok? Xxxx
Been off work ill bad stomach ache & vomitting ( & no I'm not!!!) think its stress of the last few weeks... Oct is so hard with Georgie's bday , Pheb's bday then yesterday is 2 years since Georgie's cremation service... With the move at work & acting up its all got too much... Feeling slightly better now at my folks for the weekend off for some treats so ringing in sick on Monday then off Tuesday & Wednesday to allow time for a good rest...
Think I ve more time to think / ponder on everything now & it's , as we all know, so hard. May refer back for counselling if doesn t settle within a few weeks...xxxx

razz so good to hear from you, and little samuel. He sounds like he's doing so well.

wtw did you get a bit muddy and wet? We did. Great show though. Going to see if we can see the gunwharf dosplay tonight. Bless little K.

babyh that is a lot of decorating.

Well I managed to flush and run, so one more morning to get through and then I can test. Got lots to do tomorrow to get ready for DH's birthday. Have to do it while he's at work in the morning. Might make a pumpkin pie aswell.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Hi Razz sooo lovely to hear from you! Bless Samuel he sounds like a little character Lots of babies do become more content once they are on the move and a little more independent. for all that sleep!

That's a lot of decorating babyh! you're so right it's so unfair that our older children have to live with the loss when they are still babies themselves. I always feel like the day Erin died K lost her innocence

Hello all.

Hope everyone ok. Busy week here with one thing and another........what with decorating every room in the house, (before Christmas if possible) to constantly cleaning up in the chaos. Trick or treating with the kids etc oh and still trying to sort the babys headstone out its non stop. Hope the week is being kind to you all.
Fan: fingers crossed its your turn for a rainbow xxx
Blue: not long now almost there xxx
Split: glad the cat is on the mend xxx
Waves to razzdazz, cheese and August, nice to meet you :)
Rainbox: been thinking of you and Dexter this week xxx
Blizy: sorry its not your month xxxx
Whatever: hugs to you with k's little heartbreak line at the fireworks. J often says stuff like that so I totally understand what it's like......I so wish things had been different and our girls never had to experience the loss of their siblings xxxx

Hello to all the rest of you lovely ladies sorry I can't name check everyone but I'm off to bed xxxx

Hello ladies
fan and blizy I do still log on often to have a catch up with all that is going on. I continue to wish madly for BFP's for the both of you and every time i read through that is what I find my eyes scanning for.
Samuel is 7.5 months old now and I would like to (or feel I should) say he is a total delight but the truth of the matter is he moans for England!!! My dd has actually knicknamed him 'moanbags'. Of course we all love him to bits which probably contributes to how much he moans as he always wants to demand someones attention!! The plus side is he is a very good sleeper and goes down at 1845 every night and wakes at around 0630am in the morning. He is really desperate to crawl and my feeling is he will be a lot more content when he has mastered it!!
Also waving at cheese, angel, wtw, mias, blue and too and hello to all of the ladies that I don't know so well but read about during my catch ups, sending my best wishes to you all as you walk down this brave path xx

Hi ladies I was looking out for you tonight, were you in the field? My god it was evil muddy!! Am glad to be home now! K held my hand and whispered ' I think Erin is watching the fireworks too mummy' Well that was me gone I watched the rest through tears! Bless her

So good to 'see' you August saw the gorgeous pics of A on fb. What handsome little chaps you have. Yy to The Fear. I'm terrified every day something will happen to Holly or Katie. It's horrible and really hope it fades with time. You all settled in the new house now?

Hi Cheese you must be a busy bee with the homeschooling, how's it going? Ella is so scrummy!

Hope you enjoyed smurfs kleine. I was bought up on the original smurfs cartoons as I lived in Germany. We had so many original smurf figures and houses - bet they'd be worth a fortune now!

Go Freya - she'll be off soon split There's nothing worse than a toddling baby who insists on walking round town when you're in a major hurry!! Lovely though once you can go for a proper walk together xx

Sorry not to name check all I'm exhausted and off to bed before H wakes for food xx

I'm here!
Just got back from MIL :)
DD1 had a lovely birthday yesterday, she's been well and truly spoiled!
I'm counting down, Sunday is last day of work and I'll be 38 weeks...
So ready to have this baby now!

Arf at all the pee sticks in loo and kleine's "research" into the subject! I think what I meant was just go to loo & pee before you have time to go hunting for a little pee pot to dip the stick in. Then flush and try and forget until tomorrow. Obviously that's not quite what it sounded like

cheese Freya is just over 14 months ... and wearing 6-9 month coats/jumpers/trousers. Reckon her & Ella have got a bit confused! She is finally starting to grow some hair woohooo! She's very sure on her feet now and has taken to showing off and climbing onto the skirting boards and balancing there gripping some nearby furniture

august horrible isn't it, but you are not alone. I too wake at night and check Freya franticaly, sure that my luck will have run out and she won't be ok. It's a hideous feeling. I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but all I can say is cuddle your little A tight and feel his warmth and breath and know he's very much with you xx

Hi ladies. Good chat on here... Fan, you hang I'm there. Saw yr crochet on fb.- if that's you??? Gorgeous

The Fear, ah thought that was just me! I'm totally neurotic. Had a bad dream the other day in which I was just screaming, it was almost like a release of all the pent up fear and anger and sadness that I don't allow to completely engulf me on a daily basis. I still can't quite believe my baby died. Also terrible at waking up in the night and for a split second I genuinely believe A has stopped breathing - that I've suffocated him when I drop off whilst feeding it's exhausting

Spent the day at the farm with my boys and friend - spooky tractor ride and pumpkin carving so back on for now.

Sorry for not namechecking, I'm a bit rubbish always following this thread though. Waves to all

Where's blue got to?

I am at the pee sticks in the loo!

Cheese- fab to see you here again, I am so glad Ella is coming on leaps and bounds.

Kleine- enjoy the smurfs.

Fan- eek, you must have some serious will power!

I had a mad busy day, toddler group this am, walk in the park to feed ducks this pm. Collected the school kids and had a halloween party for them. It was great fun though.. Now I have to tidy and clean boo!

Hi cheese! I am still in awe of you for coping so well, for so long, with the broken sleep. If we ever have another baby, I think I would be quite likely to co-sleep, so (hopefully) that's what might await me, too...

Ok I am actually going now. My two little neighbours want me to go and watch their new Smurfs DVD with them

But at least spilt is in very good company

fan How are you doing? So good to see you :) I have everything crossed for you, testing on Sunday? I have always been the same with testing, I just cannot wait and always cave way too early.

Kleine I think the 4 times a night is bearable as I'm co-sleeping but then maybe the co-sleeping contributes...ah well!

spilt I can hardly believe how much she's grown! Definitely agree with you about the co-sleeping. How old is Freya now?

You'll be ok, my lovely... But these are just the most stressful days of the cycle, aren't they? Thinking of you xx

Oh god really ignore me

I meant poppet, god I really am all over the place.

Ah, another one who's laughing! Hi fan xx

spilt thanks that made me laugh.

at the 'flush fast' advice from spilt
(Although, once you've - ahem - been, surely it's too late anyway? You have now led me to suspect that you were in the habit of putting your test sticks down the loo, in your more desperate moments... Sorry for the mental image, everyone! Just made me chuckle )

Hang on in there, fan, my lovely.

at blizy xx

Remember you want FMU to test fan so today is no good. Make sure you flush fast tomorrow if you want to avoid temptation! Enjoy your fireworks!

Oh and all this waiting to test, I nearly cracked in sainsburys earlier.

I shouldn't have written that earlier I'm having problem concentrating on anything else other than am - or aren't I. I need to get home so I can distract myself with housework before the big fireworks display.
Damn this!