Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

rainbox me and DH are flight of the conchords fans! Laughed so much at your post, can just imagine you singing to the song, maybe Jerome in the corner singing it for you. Sorry that might be a bit weird!

Its been a bit quiet on here of late, I think sometimes its all to much for us all and well we cant spend all day long on mumsnet even though sometimes that is very tempting.

mias and blue thinking alot about the both of you, its all so close to rainbow time, I cant wait to hear the arrival of your little ones. and hear their names and their birth stories. You two give us so much hope for the future.

green I so hope this all ends soon, its so unfair. I think though keeping busy with your boys can only be a good thing for you and your body. Just dont push yourself, I was so egar for things to move on sometimes you just have to let your body do its thing. How long do they say you should wait untill you see a doctor about the bleeding?

waves to eveyone.

Im feeling a but weird this evening, Im in a very weird place in the greiving process I think. I think of Ophelia all the time and sometimes I think of Beanbag and Bungle too. But instead of being really sad, its all just normal now, but not in a good way. I do feel happy but still not totally, which I think is the sad part. Sometimes its feels like I shall never get that rainbow, that my norm is not being totally happy and never getting what I feel I should have.

Hi all, thanks for your kind thoughts. Have started doing some bits of shopping, avoiding the children's sections, and trying to do as much as poss online.

Feeling upset and odd since my bff's dd arrived on mon - thinks its hit me hard, and is just reminding me that my little girl isn't here with me now. Doesn't help that I havnt got any ADs left so feeling really teary generally as well. Pretty pants really. But have managed to get an appt with my consultant next fri so hopefully that will help to set my mind at rest for a while again too.

Hope you have all got nice plans for the weekend - sorry I haven't name checked, but thinking of you all and sending much love & hugs xxx

KLEINE, thinking of you and E today, your parallel world sounds lovely, I wish we all lived there... Hugs to you.

Sorry not posting, busy with boys, and can't stand thinking too much about ttc until I get my cycle back. Still bleeding a little, should have been 12 weeks today, this has been going on for ages! Can't be much longer now, surely? Thinking about all of us though....

Morning all.
Blizy: You must be so proud of the career your brother chosen but sad to see home go too, i can tell by your post you will miss him dearly.......thinking of you and hoping you manage to get through the weekend Goodbyes without too many tears xxxxx Are you completely out of the cbfm sticks? I need to buy more too, I wasn't expecting to use so many in the 1st month. I started with a box of 20 but the machine has kept on asking for those dam sticks remorselessly.....I also had a couple of duds where I didn't get any line at all. On one of the days this happened I decided to do another one and its a good job because that was my peak day!!! Do you get any other signs of ovulation eg: EWCM? FX its your turn for a rainbow soon xxxxx

Miasmum: I was thinking of you when I went to visit 'A's grave yesterday. There is an amazing copper beach tree just by his resting place and lots of the autumn leaves fall over his grave. I purposely picked matching flowers from Morrissons called 'shades of autumn BQ' which seemed so apt. Will try and upload a pic of them on FB later. Wow only 3 or 4 wks to go hope they fly by quickly so Mr Mia can read those books to Mia's little sibling xxxxxxxx

Kline: Five whole months.......thinking of you and your gorgeous girl xxxxxxx

Green: hope the bleeding has stopped. Thinking of you and hope your dh home to share in weekend movies and popcorn xxx

Rainbox: thinking of you xxxx

WTW: hope things ok with you and your beautiful girls xxxx

Angel: hope the nasty bug has gone and your fighting fit again xxxxx

Kliene: Things not bad here. Thought I didn't ovulate this month but eventually got a peak on day 21 on the CBFM which was a huge relief. Lots of pain in my bottom left hand side so seems like some kind of ovulation pains so not 100% sure if my body is only TRYING to ovulate and not going the whole hog or the pains are as a result of ovulation?? One things for certain we defo tried hard to conceive in the end after a shakey few days earlier in the month :) I know I need to be patient but its sooooooooooo hard not to obsess about what's going on in there......wondering if I'm on another long cycle and determined not to get myself into a right old state like last month xxx

Amyboo, little, Elly and blue. Thinking of you and your growing rainbows too xxxx

Waves to Fan, Too Split and everyone else

Love to all

Miasmum, wow I can't believe you only have a few weeks to go! I love that you are passing mias things to a childrens charity, again her legacy will live on. x

blue, not long for you either, exciting times!

rainbox, how are you my lovely?

kleine, hope you are ok today, thinking of you and E. x

I am on cd 20 and only just got a high reading on my cbfm, but I have also run out of test sticks (can't afford to buy some more). WTF is going on, i ov pretty regularly around cd 16/17. I hate this ttc lark, it's just far too stressful now.
This is going to be such an emotional weekend, my baby brother (18) is going away to the army on Monday . He starts his 3 months of training, he will be based in an army base in Surrey. I am very close to my 2 wee brothers as I practically raised them both with my dad (my mum had horrid pnd).

I am thinking of you all . x

Hello all. Quietly lurking, but actually also very busy... I feel very round, so very very round! But I still feel reasonably comfortable physically. Only three or four weeks to go, if baby is agreeable.

I packed up Mia's clothes on the weekend. It felt like the right time, making room for the new baby. I have kept her favourite dresses hanging in the cupboard, and a box of other cute things she would wear in a box I can easily access. There are lots of toys she never used, so they are going to a children's charity for Christmas presents. However, we have kept her books, so that her little sibling can also enjoy them as she did... such wonderful memories of MrMia reading to her at night.

Just remembered I didn't answer babyh's question! You can take agnus castus for LP defects, yes, but for me at this stage that would be a bit too much like trying to self-medicate, really - it can have quite strong effects, I think. So I'm sticking with Vit B6 for now.
Remind me what Royal Jelly is supposed to do - was it kickstarting ovulation? Anyway, whatever it's for, I SO hope it's working for you xx

Hi all! It is indeed still quiet. I really hope people are ok. Please shout if you're not... we will all be there if needs be.
All ok in KleinePoppetWorld. Y'know, 'ok'. Managing! Five months tomorrow since E was born. Miss my little girl so so much. She'd be so big and cuddly now. Would just love, love, love to be able to hear her gurgling (or screaming!) at me, or see her smile at DH. Perhaps in a parallel universe, somewhere, it's really happening.

green your land and animals do sound lovely! fan appears to be the thread expert on pigs, her post made me chuckle - how many other MN threads are talking about horny pigs, I wonder? Anyway, how are you both doing today?

babyh thanks lovely. What's going on with your cycle this time - do you think you've ov'd, now? How are you and DH getting on at the moment? I hope things have got a little bit easier.
My cycle is very different now, after having E - a short LP might mean I'm not ovulating at all (despite what the fertility monitor/temps seem to be saying). Anyway, we'll see...

elly I hope you are having a lovely mini-break. Sounds perfect. What have you decided to do about your ADs?
Re Christmas, I know this is the most incredibly obvious thing I could say, but - online shopping. I did ours recently and it has all arrived this week. Bought the same thing for all the grown-ups (a beautiful glass star to hang on their tree), and then different pressies for all the various children. Just can't face toy shops at the moment. Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you to make it all as easy as you can for yourselves. Whatever you need to do, make sure you do it.

rainbox how are you feeling? How's work going? I'm really thinking of you lots.

blizy FX for ov soon...

blue so soon, so soon! Do you feel like the little one's getting ready to come out, or is she quite comfy in there? Hope E's better now, poor little mite.
mias how are you doing, lovely lady?

at wtw, hope you're ok?

Hello to everyone else too and thinking of you all xx

I'm OK, started maternity leave on Monday. Monday afternoon E came down with a vomiting bug. That wasn't a fun evening and night. Yesterday we just relaxed on the sofa all day and E watched all 3 Toy Story films.
Today we went shopping and I bought a first outfit for baby and a Christmas one too. She better be a girl now!
Thinking of you all! X

All very quiet on here - is everyone okay?

Blue Mias so nearly there for you two! How are you doing?

Fan Rainbox Kleine you were all feeling understandably down - how are you doing?

Green I'm so sorry you started bleeding again - has it stopped now?

Sorry not to name check everyone but thinking of you all xxxx

Evening ladies
Hugs to all going through tough times. Very late post before going to bed!

Kliene: So sorry your AF got you! Its so rubbish that you LP is only 6 days. I have been taking Royal Jelly vitamins. Dont know if they help but you never know. What vitamins will help with your LP is it angus cactus or something? Sorry for they typos read it somewhere but dont know how to spell it. Have you always has a short LP or just since you had 'E'? So sorry the months just seem to be stretching forward dont they. Thinking of you with 'E's five month anniversary approaching xxxxxx

Fan: Hope your feeling a bit better after that nasty AF got you xxxx

Elly: Thinking of you as Christmas approaches xxx

Blizy: Good news that your due to ovulate soon FX xxxxxxx

Green: Such a tough few weeks for you. Hope your ok....the land sounds lovely it sounds like a totally wonderful place to live and bring up a family I have a vision of it in my head xxxxx

Nite all take care xxxxxx

Hi all, I am going to read properly tomorrow, just want to say hello, and that AF did get me A six day LP this time, which is a bit rubbish really! I will try to regulate my cycle with vitamins etc, now that I've had three since E was born and have a vague idea of what's going on. We are ok though, licking our wounds and still going. Love to all xx

green yep I love haggis, and we just had tatties and not mashed as I hate mash. I also am not keen on neeps, but love haggis. DH is trying to make haggis curry, dont know when he will but he talks about it all the time.
I am very jealous of your land and would love the own ducks, hens, goats etc if I could. We had pigs ont he farm I worked on, be careful with them they do bite, and also the male pigs need something to rub themselves against when they feel in the mood which they do alot, they are very honry beasts and there is often alot of white mess around. Sorry if that ruins peoples views on pigs. One on the farm bit my foot once.
I love all animals, and on that farm I had my fav's a pony called Grenada, Raven the goat, fidget the ferret (who I took home) oh and so many others. I love livestocks markets too, used to go to them at christmas with my class from college, great fun. My friend would always come home with a load of chickens.

Sorry not to name check, Im having the energy day in my AF and cant sit still I have so many things to do now! .

Elly, we got the land by luck really, my best friend knows the daughter of the farmer who owned it.... But buying it has meant we have not a penny to do the house up, so the trade off is we are still living with wood chip, dodgy kitchen and Lino! Worth it though. My DP badly wants pigs too, in fact I'm considering getting him two for his Christmas, then the next year we could have one of them for dinner!! (we don't eat our ducks though, just the eggs, I just couldn't do it).
Your trip away sounds lovely, just the thing for this time of year. I hope you do get to go to your Aunts for Christmas, it might make it just a little bit easier... Such a hard time for you though. X

BLIZY, sorry you've had some tough days, hormones are a bugger. I hope it is because you're about to Ov, if you get what I mean. Men really have it easy in so many ways don't they?

I blitzed our messy house today, so feeling good about that, all except for our 'messy room', we always seem to have one room that is full of all the things I can't find a place for.... I might try to be brave and do a clear out this week....

Hi to everyone else, hope youre all ok?

green, DH and I would love a bit of land & some animals - I really fancy having pigs!! How lovely to have ducks and horses/ponies next door for winter!!

Haggis is one of those foods that I can enjoy if I don't think about it too much (like black pudding!!!).

Weather is pants here today - really dull, grey, wet & cold - wish I could just snuggle on sofa watching tv :(

rainbox, so sorry you are feeling particularly down at the moment - please don't shy away if you are feeling rubbish, we are here to support if you want us to xxx

Well I still haven't made a doc's appointment to renew ADs - have got 2 left because I've only been taking them every other day to eek them out, but am debating whether to just try and muddle through without them.

Going away on Thursday for an overnight break with my DSis, DM and an honorary Aunty, which I'm looking forward to - will be nice to get away to a nice hotel with a swimming pool etc. This is the Aunty who has offered for us to stay at her house over Christmas because they will be going to France, so it will be nice to find out if that offer is still open, because it sounds ideal to us. Hate having to think about Christmas - memories of the promise of last Christmas immediately followed by our world falling apart. Trying not to think about it too much, but really need to do Christmas shopping etc.

Green, I am hoping you do ovulate soon. I am so jelous of your land and animals, I would love that! I am doing ok thanks, had a couple of wobbly days, I think it's hormones too as I am also about to OV (hopefully).

rainbox, how are you doing? Please don't worry about telling us when you are having a bad day, God i do my fair share of moaning. We are all here to help, listen and to offer a hand and a hug.x

Hi Blizy, I'm ok, I think. I'm swinging a bit emotionally, Hormones are racing around a bit...today Im having one of those very high energy days that usually mean I will ovulate in a few days, but it might just be because of the MC, I'm going to start using Ov testing sticks now I have got a proper neg. on the preg tests. I always seem to be peeing on something! The Banana bread didn't happen in the end, no eggs, so the bananas are still festering in the kitchen, they should last for me to do it later.... How are you?

FAN, did you have haggis??! I love haggis, used to have it quite often when I was a kid, but DP and boys are not at all keen. I subject them to it on Burns night! Did you have it with neeps and stomp't tatties?!

We are quite excited in the greengoose house right now.... A friend is going to be using our field to put her weaning foal and a child's companion pony on (for the winter), and we are also getting Jacob some new runner ducks. (he has always kept ducks, but the week we returned from London after Merryn died there was a freak flood on the lane by our house and the ducks all followed the water to the river...he lost all ten of them. Not great timing, but he wants to replace them now, which we are really pleased about). I love going to livestock markets...It will be great to have more animals on the field again, and give me a distraction! (never thought I'd look forward to poo picking)!

Green, how are you today? I have been thinking about you often. How was the banana bread? I couldn't seem to get it
Right when I made it.

Fan, how are you doing? Glad Dh had a good birthday? Did you enjoy the haggis?

Wtw, Holly is adorable, she is getting so big! Katy looks fab with her, so lovely to see. I also had to wipe away tears when I read about her asking if Erin
Could see the fireworks. Such a beautiful thing to say.

Hope you all have a good day, love to you all. X

Sorry that your friends didn't warn you who would be there today... even the very best of friends, with only good intentions, can get it horribly wrong, can't they? And do you find - like I do - that constantly having to explain yourself, and why you have to do things, is just exhausting? I would have thought your friends would understand certain things, without needing to ask you... but then I would have thought the same about my friends, too, and I seem to spend half my time with them saying, 'no, it's not like that, it's like this...'.

Yes, I got books, so I now have something to read again! I am a bit of a bookworm. It's been very helpful, these last few months, to be able to disappear into a book for a little while each day.

Hope the banana bread is a success! Mmmm banana bread...

Hi KLEINE, yes it's over two weeks... But it's not been as bad as many women have it, so I guess that's a blessing.
I know what you mean about feeling 'naked' when out, and being at the whim of other people, I still feel like this now, but less so. Today I had coffee with some very dear friends, but they failed to tell me another friend who is 28 weeks pregnant would also be there, so I had no time to ready myself for her, and ended up close to tears. They also asked why I don't do FB anymore, and i had to explain that! Everything is touched by loosing Merryn, everything. I wouldnt want her not to be affecting my life, but it's so bloody hard. Did you manage to get out and find some new books? I need to do the same soon! I hate not having a book on the go...

We have some yucky bananas, so Im going to make some banana bread now, (I hate bananas, but the kids and Dp will guzzle it)!

Hi everyone, quiet on here! Thinking of you all xx

green I can't believe you started bleeding again... has it been almost two weeks now, or am I making that up? I REALLY REALLY DO VERY MUCH HOPE IT WILL BE OVER SOON (I thought I'd shout that, in case it helps!). It's been, oh, just so awful for you.
Your day of planting and planning sounds lovely, though. I love waiting for the winter and early spring flowers to come up in our - very tiny - garden.
Thank you also for worrying about me, you are lovely I am ok, seeing friends and getting out when I can. It'll be five months since she was born this Friday. I do still find it much harder to go out by myself, without DH. I basically feel naked and really exposed, without a pram/sling with me; and I find the unpredictability of what other people will say and do very difficult to deal with. It's always a bit of a struggle! But getting easier, slowly, with time. I have to go out and trawl some charity shops' bookshelves this afternoon - I've run out of books to read I think I will brave the library at some stage, too, but I was so looking forward to taking E there... so I'll leave that one for a bit.

Hi everyone, sorry I've also been absent, trying to get through half term and just not think too much about anything....

FAN, glad DHs birthday went well in the end, and the retail therapy sounds fun!

RAINBOX, if you can't tell us lot how things REALLY are then who? I'm sorry you've been struggling, it's just so bloody hard sometimes though isn't it? Xxx

KLEINE, your DH is indeed lovely going to a potentially all female meeting with you! How are you lovely lady? Have you been getting yourself out into this autumn of ours? I'm worried you are shutting yourself away.... But I understand the temptation to do just that. Not easy, no solutions, just a big hug if you should need one....

Everyone else, much love from me....

We are not out to fireworks tonight as planned, my friends cancelled their party, which TBH was a relief. last year, not long after a MC in August that all my good friends knew about, I was at this friends firework party knowing I had Merryn growing in me. Such a lovely secret, and such a happy time (before we knew about her tumour). To go their this year, just after MC but without Merryn would have been very difficult. We will find a local display to take the boys to tommorow.
We spent the day on our land planting daffodils, and other spring bulbs. We have planned what trees we will plant this winter, which one will be Merryns. The boys made a den in the hedgerow, and we only came in when it got dark. Very therapeutic, but I think I overdid it, and am bleeding again. Just sick of it now, and want it to stop. Preg test still not neg, although not very bright anymore, so hopefully nearly over! Going to watch mind numbing tv, and go to bed early. Xxxx

Spectacular cross post fan Teach me to start a post whilst eating crumpets! Glad you are doing 'okay' xx

Just popping in to see how you are doing today fan? Mrfan's birthday treats looked fab - well done you. Lots of love xxx

Rainbox this is most definitely not a fair weather thread. If it would help you to post and get support when you are low then you most definitely should. Sometimes just writing it down helps. Our bodies can be particularly cruel when it comes to AF timing - my first after Erin arrived on her due date of all days. Always here to listen - to the highs and lows xxx