Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

fan really don't know what to say, I think everyone else has said it all. I really hope that soon it will be you, know that we will all be thinking of you xx

kleine can't remember if I've said congratulations? Well congratulations I'm so pleased for you.

Had a look in my notes last night and at the 20 week scan he was mesuring average for 24 weeks so maybe just a big boy! Don't know why this surprises me as ds1 was 11lb 2!

babyh that post took me about 45 mins, too! So sorry about the one of yours that got eaten... grrrrr indeed. xx

fan I think you are wonderful, and very sensible. I hope that taking some time away is helpful. You are totally right - you need to be entirely selfish, and look after yourself at the moment. Really look forward to seeing you back here again, whenever it's right for you. So much love and have some too xx

I have missed quite a bit... sorry to anyone who I forget by accident.

little how was the scan today??? Let us know if you can...

blizy I know you're away but just wanted to say, LOVE the FB pics! You look like you're having a great time I'm so glad. And, yes, a very happy birthday to you! Have some for us

angel hurrah to having heating and hot water again, but poor Phebs. I suppose she must pick up lots of bugs at nursery - it's unavoidable, really, isn't it? But horrid for her, and yes I can imagine that it's not exactly fun to listen to her coughing away, either. Sending her lots of get-well-soon wishes xx oh and I hadn't seen a pic of her, until you put up those photos on FB the other day. GORGEOUS. And I loved how she is staring into the camera in some of them, looking perfectly at ease, but refusing to smile. The girl's got attitude - I like it!!

blue I'm so glad you're having such a wonderful time with Lotta. She is EXACTLY as gorgeous as Ella, which is really saying something! Well done you on the birth - and it sounds like your midwives really ensured that everything went smoothly. Home birth would no longer be an option here, if we ever get that far, but it's lovely to know how well it worked out for you.

mias I should confess that, as I have such a childish sense of humour, I did chuckle at you saying you thought your waters had broken but it was a false alarm... But I am very, very glad that your waters are still intact, and that all is well. think of you so often. Nearly, nearly there. I cannot WAIT to hear all about your new arrival in due course. We already know that he or she will be impossibly gorgeous - after all, we've seen the results of combining you and your DH, and it's incredibly special. Beautiful Mia... I am so looking forward to hearing about her new sibling.

wtw hugs to you. Will Holly be back upstairs in her basket tonight? A big step...
And how are you? Any update on your working hours, when you go back - or is it definitely going to be full-time?

elly I was so pleased to read that your appointment went so well - the consultant really does sound excellent. Hope you're feeling much better soon, back on the ADs.
Have been thinking of you; have you seen your friend's new baby yet? If so I hope it was as gentle an experience as possible.

missamel I have been thinking of you too... it's lovely to see you again. It sounds like you've had the results back (whether it was a post mortem or not, I can't remember, but obviously you know more about the placenta now) - I'm so sorry... Of course, like the others, I can only emphasise that you've done NOTHING wrong. But we all understand the guilt. Keep posting about it, if it helps - we've all been there.
So glad you have the appointment coming up in Toronto, too. I hope very much that it calms a few of your worries and helps you and DH to prepare for ttc.

green a big hug for you, lovely lady, and hoping so hard... well, you know. I'll always be hoping!

rainbox how are you doing? How is work treating you? How have your cycles been? I know they were regular before your op, then went a bit awol but I v much hope that things have settled.

babyh hi my dear! How are you doing with the decorating, and more importantly, with waiting for AF to come - which, obviously, I hope it doesn't...

moomins I'm so glad you're doing so well. It's obviously been a smoother ride so far than you'd feared... long may it continue (well, not too long; just long enough). Fundal measurements are indeed funny things; E was estimated to be huge, firstly, then too small and needing extra growth scans; then when she came out at 42 weeks she was 7lb1oz... so, bang on average. That said, perhaps you are growing a gorgeously chubby little fatty in there Lots of love xx

spilt hello broody lady and well done on the BF training - what a worthwhile thing to do. I did at your clean-the-loo advice - a good idea!

amy SO glad DS3 is doing what he needs to do in there. Also, that you're still signed off - even if it's making you worry a little bit about the new job - this comes first, doesn't it, and obviously your doctors are on top of things. Keep us updated...

Thanks for the lovely messages. Still getting my head round things; it's not sunk in yet. Have been in touch with our consultant today, though, and am clear on the initial steps that we need to take, if all continues to be well (aspirin, anti-emetics as soon as needed, appts with high-risk midwifery team as and when).
Now have to tidy up, the boys next door are coming over in a few mins - though quite why I'm tidying up in advance, I'm not sure...
Love to all xxx

And happy birthday to blizy! Hope she's having a great time in Vegas

Oh fan my lovely, my heart aches for you. You have always been so generous and giving, of your time, your energy, your emotions. I don;'t pretend to know what sort of hell you and blizy are going through month after month so will say nothing that might be trite or patronising. Only that if it didn't hurt and you weren;'t jealous then you maybe should check your pulse! Normal normal sounding reactions. I wish so much that it is yours and blizys turn now. I hope a break from here helps. Look forward to seeing you again soon. Much much love xxxx

Remember fan I got my BFP during my break from MN during Lent!
Thinking of you, big hugs, you know where we are when you need us x

poppet please don't feel that it is your fault that I feel this way, I think over the past few months all the annoucements on here, the birth of blues beautiful Lotta and hearing from the consultant that there is nothing wrong, its just all got too much. Its not a competition nobody deserves to be pregnant before the other, I truly am happy for everyone, I'm just not happy within myself. I think I need to step back and maybe be a little selfish, and look after myself, I think maybe I've put to much into everything and havnt looked after me.

I'm going to have a little holiday from this thread, maybe even from mumsnet. I will be back, I have to know how you are all getting on but I feel I need a bit of me time.

So I shall say goodbye for a couple of weeks, waves to all.

Oh fan. I would like to echo all the previous posts on here. You have been the most supportive and unselfish person I have had the pleasure to "meet". You always seem to know what to say to jolly people along, even when it must be so hard with everyone else getting bfp's and rainbows. I always think of you when they are posted and wish with all my heart that it will be u next. If you feel you need a break, then do. But if not, then we are all here to offer any amount of support you need. Big hugs to you, xx

Oh fan my lovely lovely friend you are the least horrible and selfish person I have met in a very long time. Kleine is right to mention K's gloves - what they don't know is that you also crocheted some for me, that you have made little hugs for poorly children in hospital and that you crochet squares for every woolly hug blanket. Incredibly unselfish and giving. You would have to be truly super human and made of granite not to feel sad and a bit desperate each time you hear of someone's bfp - on here and in RL.

So so many bereaved mummies completely shut themselves off from pregnant women and those with newborns - you haven't done that, you've faced it all head on and been a phenomenal support on here. I totally understand if right now you need a break from that. It must be so hard. But just know there is and always will be so much love and support for you on here. Whatever stage of the journey you are at.

Make time to talk it through with DH. Get him to take the reins for a while. Maybe show him what you've written here. You've been so strong for so long. I cannot tell you how much I hope it is yours and blizys turns next.

Lots of love xxx

Oh lovie. I am just so, so sorry.
You must do what you need to do, of course. But if there's anything the rest of us can do to help - whatever it is - please just say. I hate the idea that somehow you are being chased away I know the others will echo me in saying that we'll do whatever we can, whenever you want to be here and whatever you need.

You honestly don't need to be happy for me. It's so sweet that you still manage to say that, in such a sad post, but, if it means anything, I would prefer that you let yourself feel the other emotions too. Sweetie - it ISN'T fair. It SHOULD be you before me. I agree, I understand, and I wish it had been your turn a long, long time ago.

(I expect someone else will be along soon to say something else. I know it can't be me, at the moment, to offer more help.)

XXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thankyou amy and poppet

I think poppet your news tipped me over the edge, I'm wondering if maybe I should leave the thread for a while. I feel like I have been here for yonks and everyone keeps graduating other than me. I don't express myself very well, I couldn't mention it to DH last night which might be the reason why I just couldn't SWI. He knew I was upset but I don't like him to think that I begrudge any of you, and I didn't want him to say maybe you should give mumsnet a miss, I need to make that desision by myself.

I am really truly happy for you poppet.

I am going to come back again later, but i just want to reply to the very lovely fan.

You are absolutely, by no means, a horribly person. Neither are you in the slightest bit selfish. (You are the woman who crocheted gloves for wtw's little K... don't think we didn't notice that. It made me cry, that you'd done such a lovely, unexpected thing.) You are a wonderful woman in a beyond-horrible situation. You NEED to be able to express your emotions - your very normal emotions - here. If not here, then where? It's lovely to share in others' news and joy, but it's just as important to share in the darker emotions. I don't know if I'm the person from whom you want to hear all of this today... I was extremely aware that my post yesterday would create mixed emotions for many people on this thread.

Please, my lovely, continue to be honest on here. What you are going through isn't 'drama' - it's almost unbearable. Everyone on this thread understands that, and everyone here is wishing and wishing and wishing that you - and blizy - will get your babies very, very soon. Obviously hope that for everyone, but for you both, you've been waiting so long...
If you can, try not to feel guilty about the emotions you're having. I'd be incredibly surprised if you WEREN'T having them.

So sorry you couldn't swi last night Really so sorry. Hopefully - it sounds like - you'll have hit the right days beforehand.

Sending you ALL my love (and I'm a bereaved mummy - that's a lot of love). Huge hugs my dear and keep posting xxxxxxxxxxxx

Congratulations to kleine. Fingers crossed your bean sticks. And that sounds like a lovely birth blue. Hope you and Lotta are getting on well.

Fanjo I don't think you're being selfish at all. It must be really hard for you to watch everyone with their rainbows. Honestly, I don't think any of us will think badly of you for having those feelings, as I think they're completely normal. My best friend is due her DS2 on 20 December, and I've been having similar feeling tbh, even though I'm now pregnant with DS3. Sending you lots of hugs.

I've now been signed off for another 2 weeks - until the end of November. So, I have no idea if I'm going to be able to start my new job on 3 December yet, or if I'm going to have to sign my contract then hand in a medical certificate... A scan on Friday showed DS3 has grown and is still happy. The blood clot thing is still there but didn't seem to have grown which is good. Am now losing a it of brown blood, so I hope my body is getting rid of it all... Next scan and appointment is on 30 November. Fingers crossed.

miss I'm so glad you have sorted out an appointment.

little good luck

moomins you've come so far, 27 weeks.

I'm feeling like a very horrible person, I am over the moon that many of you are pregnant and some of you have had your rainbows. But I'm just feeling very left out and ultimatly alone. I'm finding this very hard to write, I don't want to come across as selfish or that I begrudge all you lovely ladies. I'm just feeling mixed emotions of guilt, jealousy, also utter dispair that I'm still on this journey. I wasn't going to write this but I think I should. You lot understand don't you? Please I don't want you all to stop writing about your lovely babies or that you have your BFP, this isn't my thread its ours but I just needed to write this all down.
I think I'm very emotional at the moment, I ovulated a couple of days ago, but I'm just not motiviated to do anything about it. We have SWIed but we should have last night but I just couldn't. I'm sorry to be posting this, I don't want to hog the thread with my drama.

Love to all.

Missamel good news on your appt xxx

Kleine fab news xxxxx so happy for u xxxx
Blue fab story xxx though I have to say having a home birth is my idea of hell!!!! I ve lovely laminate floors I'd hate to ruin!!! ( wink) but so glad everything went so well for you & so quick... Huge congrats xxx
Little good luck today xxx
Mooomins excellant 27 weeks wow ... Not long now xxxx
Hi to all shattered here Phebs coughing ++++ ant had her at home yesterday & took her to drs . They re happy with her just think its mucus but its a nightmare as I m averaging about 3 hours of sleep a night. Slept downstairs on my sofa last night as she was doing my head in . Know she can t help it but with work & this I'd just like some un interrupted sleep...
Boiler excellant ; nice & warm again & hot water is fabulous..
Lovely news xxxx
Miasmum I was exactly the same ad you worrying as I approached my section date if Phebs would come early & I just so wanted everything to go to plan so to alleviate some of the stress...
Phebs stayed put as will Mias sibling ... Take it easy now ... Wow ... Only 2 weeks xxxxx
Love to all xxxxx

Kleine Congratulations on your pregnancy, what a wonderful early Christmas gift! Amazing!

Blue congrats on your beautiful new baby :)

I had a bit of good news today...I finally got an appointment at a wonderful clinic in Toronto, I will be flying there in three weeks for lots of tests and a preconception consult. I was so happy that it will be soon!

ooops, posted too early!

Blue thank you for sharing your birthing story, it really sounds like it went so well for you. And love that E arrived on the scene just as her newest sister made her appearance.

Such lovely posts on the thread tonight!!

Kleine I am utterly, totally and completely delighted for you. Go, sticky poppet bean, go!!

whatever well done, very brave. I am fully expecting that I will be asking MrMia to sit up and watch baby while I sleep...

I am due on 7 December, but not sure baby is going to wait that long... excited, but nervous, as I have an ELCS booked, but am worried that if baby does want to come early, I have no idea what to expect, and if I will even recognise the difference between early contractions and BH, since with Mia, my waters broke and then nothing at all happened, hence the hospital visit where things all went a bit mad. Did have a moment yesterday when I suddenly thought my waters had broken while I was out shopping, but a false alarm.

KLEINE.... Huge congratulations on your BFP my love!! I am incredibly happy for you and Mr KLEINE. Here's wishing you a boring and uneventful nine months! I am just so happy for you. my Dp also said I have to say congrats from him!

I've not read back yet, but I will. Here things are ticking along, just waiting for AF to turn up so we can get on with ttc again.... The lovely news on this thread lately has really inspired me, I feel much more hopeful again. Love to all. X

It was indeed absolutely perfect, I bet Sterre was watching us! She weighed 7lb 8oz!

Love to everyone! We're off to bed! X

Oh my goodness oh my goodness Kleine I am so so over the moon for you Honestly couldn't be happier for you, MrKleine and your little miracle bean. I remember so well the very very early days with a whole 9 months ahead but take it day by day and you will get there. So much love xxx

Blue what a beautiful birth story - sounds utterly perfect. How lovely that Ella woke and was such a big part of her little sisters birth day. How much did Lotta weigh?

Lots of love to everyone - especially Mias in these last few weeks. What is your due date again my lovely?

Big brave step here tonight - Holly went in to her basket upstairs after her bath instead of coming back down with us. Felt very anxious but we managed it! Am in bed now though with her next to me

blue thank you for sharing your labour story and the story of Lotta.

Ooooh kleine I'm so happy for you FX for an uneventful pregnancy! :)

Yes indeed Lotta is keeping me busy! Little boobie monster and not wanting to sleep in her Moses basket! Not that I mind that much...
DH is going back to work on Thursday, he's had some days off unpaid as he's not entitled to paternity leave :( so I'm a bit anxious about how it's going to work with bringing E to school in the mornings on the days he's at work.
E is really in love worth Lotta and she's very caring and helpful.
The only one in the house having difficulty adjusting is the cat. He got extremely stressed today, we had another poo incident and he weed in the carrycot...

The birth itself was great and very straightforward. I absolutely loved being at home and would recommend it to everyone!
On Thursday I picked up E from school and felt some niggles, I had been quite busy in the morning. We cuddled up on the sofa and had a bath together at 3pm. When DH came home at 4pm I asked him to put on the Tens machine. That was really great, had it on till after I delivered placenta.
We phoned the hospital to ask them to let midwife know things were happening so she could prepare coming out that evening. She phoned me back and came over to check me over at about 6.30pm. I was only 1-2cm then and contractions were quite irregular still. She left again at about 8pm, saying we could phone her back at any time. We phoned her up again around 10pm to say contractions were getting stronger and very regular. So she and trainee midwife came out.
I could cope quite well with Tens. At around 11.45pm midwife sent me upstairs to have some rest. As I settled down on my nice clean bed, with sheets I washed that morning, with a pad underneath, at exactly midnight my waters broke. They checked me again and I was 4cm, so they called out the second midwife. Contractions ramped up after that, I coped by sitting on all fours and leaning on my birthing ball. Lotta was also in a funny position and At one point they did talk about transferring me in as her heartbeat dipped a bit because of her position, but she managed to turn and they were happy for me to stay. They were absolutely fab in monitoring her constantly.
At one point, I felt I needed to push and started making moany noises. They then offered me gas and air, which was fabulous! :)
They talked me through the pushing stage, as I was getting very high on the gas and air. Apparently I did 3 poos [shame] but DH said they dealt with that...
Lotta came out after 10 mins of pushing...
She was then passed through my legs and I turned round to sit and held her, she took to my breast straight away and then it was waiting to deliver placenta, she was still attached to it, I had to get up to get it out.
Just add they were getting me ready to go upstairs to have a bath, E wandered down the stairs asking if she could come and have a look. The look on her face was priceless, I'll never forget...
She stayed up and helped me and Lotta in and out the bath and helped DH get her dressed. The midwives left at 4 am.
It was just perfect!
She brought real joy back to our lives!

Sorry this must be a long post, but I just had to write it all down and thought it would be nice to share it with you lovely ladies who have been such a wonderful support throughout ttc and pregnancy! :)

Oh I'm so happy, all you lovely ladies with your little rainbows growing inside you.

Gives me a lot of hope for my future.