Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

Kleine pls don t fret about your lack of symptons it means nothing. I never have/ had any ... Remember time dragging between each stage however you will get there . 1 day at a time. Phebs' slightly better today & slept from 12-6 last night. However, I m full of a cold now!!!
Elly xxx glad alls going well... Your care package is mirroring mine with Phebs... Whoop whoop for heartbeat xxx
Hi Lemon so sorry for your losses ... I m fine thanks. I ve been lucky enough to have my rainbow 13 months ago ; Phoebe .. I hope you re taking care of yourself & keeping well? Xxx
Blue well done on your school run xx love to you re girls xxx
Hi all ; hope everyone is well? Thank god it's Friday... Phebs slightly better but I m full of cold now ...love to all xxxx

Hi, I hunted down this thread after someone mentioned it on a thread about late miscarriage. We lost DD just before Christmas last year at 18/40. I know how blessed we are. We have a wonderful (if infuriatingly naughty at times) DS and I am 27/40 with DC3, so I am sorry to come on here, particularly when people like fanjo are having such a hard time and deserve so much more sympathy.

I suppose I just wanted to ask if the feelings of (I don't even know how to describe them) sadness, jealousy, sorrow for what we wanted and have lost ever go or get better.

I am so aware of how it must sound to other people. I am pregnant again and things are going so well, but I am just not enjoying it. I am just waiting for something to go wrong and I just don't believe that we will actually get a baby in the end. I pretend to be excited when people ask me but I am just not.

And then I am surrounded by so many pregnant people at the moment. I have 4 friends due within a month of me and there has been another flurry of pregnancy announcements recently. They just make me cry. I AM happy for them, I don't want people not to be pregnant or to have problems, but it makes me so upset that things just didn't work out that way for us, that they are getting the age gap we wanted, that they get to enjoy their pregnancy and get all excited and that I don't.

Gosh, that has turned into a bit of a rant, so thank you if you've persevered right the way through for a newbie to this thread. I really, really do know how fortunate we are to be expecting again and to have a little boy already and I am so sorry for the similar feelings that this will cause in others reading this, but it doesn't take away these feelings or the guilt for having these feelings.

Hi, don't normally post on here but pop on from time to time. Just wanted to offer fan the option of pm me. I lost my son in May 2011, since then have had 1 miscarriage and 1 chemical pregnancy. Not yet had my rainbow baby so know how hard it is when other people come and graduated. Like you I was told they could not find a reason for it. There was a stage where I needed to take time out of this thread and where I was really fed up of other peoples BFPs (no offence). I think it helped when I realised they were not getting a baby in place of me and time helped heal. Pm me if you would like to chat.

I recognise a few familiar names especially georgie sorry you find yourself on this thread ladies, wishing you all your rainbows in the end.

kleine the tiredness is a good symptom though, will keep fx for next week, it's such a scary time. Also hoping that you don't get hyperemesis this time though xx

wtw Holly's christening cake sounds lovely!

kleine I haven't heard of Sparks, but Nancy had that cooling treatment to try to minimise the damage, even though the damage was too severe really, they still tried.

We got a lovely certificate through from Sands for the event that we organised in July - we raised over £2400 in total (we donated £200 of it to a local hospice for children though), great result and it felt really good to do something positive.

blue, sounds like you did really well yesterday with both girls!

Appointment went well, heard hb straight away, thank goodness - MW said they'd keep me there until they heard it! Was so worried beforehand, but it was all ok. Going again on Tuesday, and they said they'll see me every week for reassurance which is great.

Sorry, I wasn't clear above: I meant to say that Sparks carries out research into all sorts of conditions that affect babies, both in the womb and after they're born - not just brain damage.

Morning all.
angel how is Phebs today? Thinking of you all and hope so very much that she feels loads better soon.

green did you manage the school run ok?!
I am so pleased for J; I bet he's so chuffed, to know that his aptitude for being with animals was noticed and is being praised. Do you know when he/you all might go and see the ponies? Aren't people lovely sometimes - that lady sounds like she's really kind.

elly thinking of you for your appt this morning xx

mias how are you doing, lovely?

blue well done on getting to school and back yesterday! L is so tiny, I'm so impressed that you are doing so well. It must be lovely to have her in bed with you... hope you find a solution to her sleeping habits that suits you all (particularly Miss L!) soon.

wtw Holly's cake sounds WONDERFUL. Did you get the vicar you wanted for her christening, in the end?
I know what you mean about feeling sad that you can't do much for Erin It must be such a huge contrast for you, as well, with your two other girls.
Who would you do the fundraising for - Sands? We are going to set up a tribute fund to E in time for the six-month anniversary of her death with Sparks - www.sparks.org.uk - as they carry out research into cooling treatments for babies with brain damage. E's brain damage was too severe, but other babies can be helped... Anyway, just thought I'd mention it in case you (or anyone else) are interested.

babyh you are so sweet. Thank you! How are you doing?
A belated happy birthday to your beautiful J - I'm so glad she seemed to enjoy her day, after being so sad beforehand I love the sound of her weekend plans - movie, meal out, sleepover - it's just what I used to love doing for my birthdays when I was younger! Good luck with getting any sleep that night yourselves, though

Afm, well, the shock is lifting and I am starting to stress about the lack of symptoms. I do realise there's nothing at all I can do about it, and that I just have to wait and see what happens... obviously am pretty scared that next week's scan will bring bad news, but am just going to try to fill my time up till then as best I can. I have been tidying and cleaning the house like a maniac (albeit one who needs frequent breaks because she's quite tired)
Love to all xx

Evening Ladies

OMG Kliene I am over the moon for you. I cried when I read your post I am so soooooooo pleased for you.....congratulations on your little miracle :) I cant believe I have missed so much since Monday.....I came on to see how you got on with your appointment and have just cried tears of happiness for you. This is the 1st time I havent had chance to read for so long for one reason or another, What a difference a couple of days makes.

Glad your getting plenty of attention from the consultant and EPU. A lovely July 2013 baby, many congratulations to you and Mr Kliene xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thinking of everyone else as always.

Will catch up on the thread properly tomorrow. Haven't really had chance to read.......I just quickly scanned. Things have just been so busy in the Babyh household lately. My beautiful daughter was 9 on Tuesday.......the years have flown. It broke my heart in two when she said it would be the worst birthday ever because 'A' isn't here :( however, in the end she seemed to really enjoy herself. Her celebrations continue at the weekend with her best friend sleeping over and taking her 5 friends the cinema to see 'Danger in a manger' and then for a meal on Sunday.

Love to all xxxxxxx

Today was first day I had to do school run on my own and get them both ready. We managed, but it's difficult with not being able to plan L's feeding times. We went into E's school and the head teacher went round with L, the children were all very excited and pleased to see me. I go in and volunteer and lots of the children come to after school club. After that we went to coffee pop in at church and L had lots of cuddles with all the old ladies :)
This afternoon we spent watching the tellie and snoozing.
L doesn't like sleeping in her Moses basket at night, she's sleeping in our bed most of the time. Considering getting a co sleeper cot, if it fits next to the bed, we're quite tight for space as we have a super king bed. I love having her close though, but DH says she should really sleep in her basket...

Oh angel how worrying. I dread the day Holly gets poorly, I will be a panicky mess. Hope she's right as rain soon

Kleine sounds like fabulous support from your epu. I'm so pleased you are going to be well looked after

Elly fx for hearing hb tomorrow xx

Loving the pics of Vegas Blizy and of E and L Blue How are you finding balancing have two at home?

Green bless J, sounds like he has a very special gift with animals, what a fabulous opportunity. Your whole family sound so lovely, I so wish Merryn (and all our angels) were in our families where they should be xx

Mias you're so close my lovely, the strain of the final furlong is so hard. Glad you were able to attend meeting at MK Hospital, I know how much it means to you. When have they scheduled your gtt? What's the birth plan again? As for counselling, no I havent, I was going but stopped when I fell pg with Holly as I found it too distressing to open up about Erin and be pg. However I think I could do with some now, even just a session or two with someone impartial to get out all my jumbled feelings around K, E and H. I feel very conflicted and torn and confused some of the time which I think is part and parcel of rainbow babies. I think you should definitely consider having a session or two before baby comes as you probably won't feel like it straight after. It's probably slightly different for us as Erin always should have been our last, Holly really is only here because Erin died and i find that hard to comprehend. I guess for you now would have been a natural time to have a sibling for Mia? Or was it Mia's death that triggered you ttc again? So much love, I really can't wait to see your beautiful little one xx

Busy day today, ordered Holly's christening cake - snowflakes with white Holly leaves and silver berries. I've asked them to add a small pink butterfly to it as well to honour her big sister. Too if you're reading - how did you end up including Thea in Maia's service? We'd like to make sure Erin is mentioned. Went and tidied up at the cemetery and it struck me how much I do for K and H and how little I can do for her, think I need to sink my teeth in to some fundraising next year - help me feel like I'm doing something just for her.

Love to all - especially my lovely fan xxx

Miasmum I arranged counselling last June , 6 months in to my pg with the same counsellor I'd had after Georgie however, on the day I was due to attend my session we had to have 1 of our cats put to sleep. So no I didn t have counselling this time round... I ve found at times, emotions run very high & it's hard to work through all the conflicting feelings.. So , if u think counselling will help ; go for it xxxxx
Good news Kleine about your monitoring ..xxx
Hi Green how are you?
Love to all, Phebs still ill here & small blood stain on her sheet this am so I re-arranged my working day so could swap clinics , took time off rushed Phebs from nusery to drs & was told just a virus , we re doing all we can etc....nightmare!!!!!
Hoping she ll pick up soon
Love to all xxxxx

Mias, I have had some bereavement counselling since finding out I was pg, I think it's helping, although I've only had 2 sessions.

That's really lovely green about the ponies & farm visit for DS1!

That's great that EPU have offered that reassurance to you kleine, I have found that a scan will keep me going for about a week before I start panicking again :)

Got MW appointment in the morning - hopefully will get to hear heartbeat, am worrying that me being ill has affected the baby.

Thinking of you fan

Hope you are having an amazing time blizy!!

Hi to everyone I've not namechecked xx

A rather frazzled wave from me before school run. Lots of flooding and storms here. I have to cross a very old bridge to get boys from school, ju st hoping its still open! My Inlaws are arriving in an hour or two, so I've spent my day madly cooking and baking and cleaning. Lovely distraction! DH also just emailed to say his work have cancelled tommorow, so he's off when he gets back from london tonight, which is a nice surprise.

Another lovely thing that has happened here is a woman who visited my oldest sons class to talk about dartmoor ponies and let them meet some has called the class teacher to say J impressed her so much with his 'uncanny' way with them that she'd like him to visit her farm on the moor. It's so lovely to hear possitive things about him, he struggles so much with his dyslexia, I was really pleased. He is amazing with animals. Anyway, those are the things that are going on here... None of it ttc related, as AF still not here. It's nice to have the break and live without ttc or being pregnant for a few weeks.

Mia's, hoping all is well after your appt... I also thought KLEINES comment about juggling two kids was very lovely and apt. And as mother of my two boys and Merryn, I can say the guilt is something that crops up.... Juggling is an art!

KLEINE.... I'm still grinning ever time I think of your news... Sooo happy for you!

FAN.... Yes, I can see that it all gets far too much. I hope you know that we all will be holding you in mind. You have helped me through some awful times, if you ever need anything, just ask. I still have some alpaca fleece with your name on it, it will be spun one day! Xxx

Hi to everyone else, must go now or I'll be late!

mias ha at Dunelm!!!

Am so very glad that the hospital have made a way for you to contribute to today's meeting.
Thinking of you and your LO as you have the tests done today. Update us if you can. xx

Also thinking of the lovely fan here, hoping that she is finding lots of wonderful 'me-time' activities.

kleine your words were absolutely perfect, thank you, they gave me a whole new perspective. And so glad you giggled at my false alarm - it was in Dunelm of all places!!

blizy loving the Las Vegas reports, and loving that you are having such a great time - all totally deserved!! But if you win millions, spare a thought for the little people like us

elly take it easy, no point in rushing around when you aren't 100%

little9 yay for an extra week on, but understand the conflict about the due dates. We have realised that Mia was with us for 400 days, and this baby will arrive around arrive another 400 days since she died.

angel you convinced me to convince MrMia to agree that we need to buy a new boiler before baby and the Christmas arrivals, as the thought of both of those here in a freezing cold place doesn't bear thinking about!! Well, we always knew we needed it, he just wasn't keen on forking out on it, despite the recent service telling us it was being held together by a single screw...

moomins at the size of your DS1, makes me feel much better about this one with its perfectly round tummy!

whatever, angel, split May I ask you all a question? Did you have any bereavement counselling just before your rainbows arrived? We are thinking it might be a good idea, simply because of all the emotional fall-out which is likely, even though we haven't had any before.

Had a good meeting with the hospital today, and they have been accommodating about tomorrow's meeting so I will still be able to say my piece then too.

I only wanted to pop back quickly to say:
I know she's not reading this at the moment, but I can't stop thinking of fan. And so I am sending lots of love to her, and hoping that she somehow feels it - and that tonight, tomorrow, and all the following days will be good ones in the fan household xxxxxx

blizy I should have said earlier, thank you for such a generous message. (My head is still a bit all over the place, I'm not quite functioning properly... My apologies.) Also very much thinking of you, too. xxxxx

Love to everyone else tonight - thinking of you all, and of your beautiful babies who should be with you xx

Thank you blizy my dear and at your DH! (Which reminds me, I should at green's DH too )
I am SO glad you're having such a good time. SO glad!

elly I'm so sorry you've been poorly - are you off work? Is your Mum still staying with you? Get well very, very soon. Thanks for your lovely message.

I have had an email from our EPU consultant, offering me fortnightly reassurance scans for the first trimester, if the pregnancy continues. So kind!

Love to you all on this horrid, rainy, windy day xx

fan, you are soo supportive of all of us on here, you are fantasticand generous and thoughtful and it's totally normal that you are feeling like this. I found it hard enough learning of others in RL with BFPs when I was TTC, so I understand a little of how you must be feeling. And you are totally right to put yourself first - you certainly deserve & probably need it. Take care xxx

Still not seen my BFF's baby - been really poorly this week, so haven't been able to go.

Hi to everyone xxx

Oh kleine such fantastic news!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!!

I'm sooo pleased for you!!!

Am going to read all and catch up now, just wanted to say that!!!

OMG Kleine, fantastic news for you, Dh gas asked me go pass on his congrats. I really am so happy for you, I have everything crossed and wish you a very boring pregnancy.

Fan, my lovely you know I am always a pm away if you need a chat. I am so sorry you are feeling so down, I do k ow how you are feeling and can totally sympathise. I hope the break does you good. You gave been so very supportive to me and others here, you are a truly lovely person and not being selfish at all. Remember I am here any time. X

I am having the most amazing time in Vegas, it us do surreal!
Promise to catch up properly when I'm home. Hole you are l well, thinking of you. X

Fan my sweetie ... Take care , enjoy your life & take a break. Although I c got Phebs now before I was pg with her I found it incredibly difficult to witness/hear about other's pregnancies. So hope it happens for u & Blizy soon xxxx
Happy bday Blizy xxxx
Little yeh.., fab news on your scan & whoop to being an extra week along xxx
Kleine thank s , indeed she is gorgeous & a proper little diva!!!! Rarely smiles for the camera , too busy watching it!!! Work a total nightmare at the moment ... Heating is fab & FX Phebs starts picking up soon... Hope u re ok?
Hope everyone ok? Crap stuff at work but at least tomorrow is my day off , thank god xxxxx

little fantastic news
How complicated about the due date, though - nothing about this is easy, is it?

mias huge hugs.
Can I say what your post made me think - to be entirely ignored by you, if unhelpful?

It didn't sound like it's simply a question of a juxtaposition of choices between Mia and the baby to me. Rather, it sounded EXACTLY like being a mum of two. One of your children needs some medical attention (however non-urgent it may be), and so, naturally, you have to cancel what you are doing with the other child, however inconvenient that is. You would have done the same if Mia was here, and you'd planned something with her. You're a soon-to-be mum of two, performing an amazing balancing act xx
I am so sorry you'll miss the meeting though. Can anyone represent you there? Can you email some thoughts through in advance, request minutes, etc?

Oh wow, Congratulations Kleine. So so pleased for you. FX all goes well for you.

I am pleased to report that I have a very wriggly little one inside with a good heartbeat. Sooo relieved. Also, they measured shrimp at 10+4 which is a week further along than I thought therefore one week less to worry about. Yay!! . Am now due on 14th June (BIL's birthday and day before DHs birthday). DH pointed out that due date is now even closer to the date we lost Daisy (17th June), which is going to be bizarre if we get that far.

Hugs to everyone, xx

fan we will miss you, lovely lady, but yes, time to concentrate on you.

missamel I don't think I have greeted you properly. Everyone here is lovely, and it is an incredibly supportive place.

Feeling quite unsettled. Just had the 38 week scan and consultant appointment, and it appears that baby has had a massive growth spurt of 800g in the last two weeks... Now estimated at 3.8kg (8.4lbs) which has prompted consultant to request another GDD test this week, as a precaution, as i don't have any other symptoms. Which means I can't attend a meeting with the hospital (different one) about improvements and its failures to date. A total juxtaposition of choices between Mia and her sibling. I hate it, I feel I am letting her down, even though I know it is the right choice.

And they weighed me too- I have put on 20kgs - almost 3 stone!!!! I was horrified. How much does a placenta and amniotic fluid weigh?! My only hope is that I must have been bigger with Mia (never weighed myself) and I lost most of that quite quickly...

at 11lb 2!!!!! xx