Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

I was at the lights of love SANDS Christmas service, I lit a candle for all of our angels, was thinking of you all. X

Hurrah little great news glad scan went well xxx
Elly poor woman unfortunately we know the pain + some ... Life is crap sometimes... Xxx
Hi all : hope u re all ok? Thank god it's the weekend... Just been out for tea with an old friend I hadn t seen for 4 years ( we had a disagreement over triva 4 years ago & I bumped in to her on a night out 3 months ago ) had a fab time catching up , though a dry time as driving so next night out we re reliving our youth & lashing it up on the wine!!! However, nice night , she listened to every word about my Georgie ( tonight ; bought tears to my eyes) then caught up on my true angel : Phoebe ... Really nice [ smile] ... Now it's the weekend : time for a lie in , hopefully ..,
Love to all xxxx

Oh no Elly. It's so heartbreaking and shouldn't be allowed to happen.

On a lighter note. Thanks for all your support and your positive vibes have very much worked. All was well at scan today. Little wriggler wasn't playing ball for nuchal test though so had to wiggle my bum around to get it to move positions! Very bizarre moment!! Looked like it was sucking it's thumb at one point!

I am now slightly bemused by my consultant however. When we had the appointment with him after the mc, he said that there was an infection present but that it had not probably caused the mc - probably got in after my waters broke. We were lucky enough to have a meeting with one of his team today after the scan who had apparently looked through my notes with the consultant. Although I had a swab tested a few weeks ago and no infection was present, they have given me antibiotics to be on the safe side as they think that it was probably the infection that had caused the mc!! When I stated that the consultant hadn't said that before, she did state that it was a chicken and egg scenario, so they are going to scan me again at 16 weeks to check my cervix to see if it is holding up ok. No idea springs to mind!

At least that's only 3 weeks to wait though on 28th Dec and then I have my 20 week scan on 25th Jan.

Good luck today little, thinking about you and sending positive vibes x

One of the ladies on my ante-natal thread has just lost her baby - her waters broke at 15+3 and she gave birth at home a couple of days ago at 17 weeks. I'm so sorry for her and her DH. Yet another mum who may be joining us at some point in the future :(

You are all so supportive, just want to thank you all - this place is so important to me, to be able to talk to you all, and listen to you about these feelings, fears and worries.

I hope that Holly's christening is perfect wtw - sure it will be, however you decide to remember E within it xx

Good luck today little x

Evening ladies

Not finding much time to post at the moment it's such a busy time of year for everyone.

Little: Hope everything goes ok tomorrow xxx

Kliene: thanks for the huge hugs.......hugging you back....take care of yourself xxxx

Elly: Glad your being looked after with weekly appointments with the midwife xxxx

Fan: Lovely 2 see you back. Remember your only human and all the emotions your feeling are normal xxxxx

Mia's: Hope your not stressing too much over your beautiful boy. Easy for me to say sitting on the sidelines........I hope the mucas clears soon.....he's absolutely gorgeous xxxx

Whatever: lovely news about your friend from sands it gives hope to us all praying for a rainbow. I was blessed really quickly with my 3 children (even though 'A' didn't make it) but now I appear to be struggling :( I know there are lots of people who have been waiting a hell of a lot longer....but for me and I feel selfish saying it.....5 months feels like forever. In relation to the christening....do you have particular colours that remind you of Erin? Could you put some kind of little momento on the tables...maybe with all 3 of your girls names on something like the beautiful decoration that BLUE had and you could tie balloons to them for centre pieces. Just a thought xxxx

Angel:Glad you had a lovely break xxx

Nothing to report here. GP cancelled my appointment yesterday que floods of tears..... rearranged for Monday. Trying to keep busy organising 'A's headstone. It's ordered now and will hopefully arrive sometime in January so we just need to think about the wording now!

Just before I sign off I wanted to remind all of you lovely ladies who are expecting (including Rainbox, Little Amy Elly) that 'TODAY YOU ARE PREGNANT. Sleep well and enjoy your little ones growing inside you xxxx

Night night xxx

So lovely to hear from you Mias Yes to mucousy coughing for the first week or so Holly was like that. It's worse in c-sec babies as they haven't had it squeezed out through the birth canal. I won't tell you to relax because 4 months in I still haven't but the ultra nervousness of the really newborn days has now passed! As you say, the legacy of loss. Don't be surprised if you feel lots of grief stirring up in the next few weeks, more so than 'normal' I mean. Your hormones are all over the place and quite rightly Finn will bring back so many memories of a newborn Mia. I found (amd still do) the conflicting joy and sadness reallly quite hard. Just go with it and be gentle with yourself and if you're not feeling up to a tonne of visitors do say. How are you feeling physically after the section? Tea tree oil in your bath is good for the scar healing. Lots of love to you, MrMia, Finn and
of course big sister Mia xxx

Fan lovely to 'see' you my friend. Looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks at Holly's christening. Knotty is coming too Wish everyone was local so you could all come!

Little good luck for your scan tomorrow xx

I heard the lovely lovely news today that a lady from my sands group is 12 weeks pregnant. She lost her first dd in April 2011 at 39 weeks and has had 2 early (6-7 week) miscarriages so she is feeling cautiously optimistic. Feeling a bit panicked about organising the christening and then immediately after Christmas! I must be mad. Too how did you end up including Thea in Maia's christening? We are having it in the same church where Katie was christened and also where Erin's funeral was. I'm going to be a mess I know it!!

Sorry not to namecheck everyone - stupid iPhone app keeps crashing!! Love to all xxxxx

Glad your back home mias, and I hope Finn's mucus clears very soon.

Glad your scan is tomorrow little, will be thinking of you. Good luck too amy for your scan on 17th. Mine is on 21st Dec, but am having weekly midwife appointments to listen to the heartbeat which is reassuring.

fan, hi! Nice to 'see' you again. Your DH is absolutely right - you don't need to be a saint, it jealousy is normal. Glad you & DH had good talks - it can help sometimes.

kleine, just big hugs really. Have been thinking about you lots. Take care xxx

How are you feeling rainbox?

How are you doing blizy? Have you spoken to GP about your AD's? I remember when I first started taking mine they mucked my cycle up for the first couple of months, which really wasn't helpful.

Has anyone had snow yet?

to everyone else.

Feel surprisingly calm at the moment spilt. Think I've already done all the cracking up! Now just waiting til tomorrow morning to see what happens. Have taken today and tomorrow off work as can't concentrate. DH and I are going to do some DIY around the hosue today to keep us occupied (well I should say DH will be doing some DIY while I supervise, lol! ).

Glad you're home mias.

Hope you aren't cracking up too far little, not long now til the scan!

Mias so glad you are home, it must be so special. I remember the mucousy puking well, it's scary isn't it.

Just a line to thank you all for your lovely wishes over the past few days, they are very special and generous-hearted of you all. Finn and I are at home again, and MrMia and I are learning about him. But while wonderful, it's also so hard - we spent last night being awake in turn, as he is still clearing mucus from his body, and can't properly cough it up, which is very scary. Part of the legacy of loss...

Congratulations Mias. So very pleased for you all. Finn is beautiful.

Babyh & Rainbox - my scan is on Friday morning at 8.45am so 2 days to go. Excited and terrified at the same time!

Fan & Kleine - so nice to hear from you both. Hope you're looking after yourselves.

Blue - so glad L is better. Bless her.

Feel absolutely shattered tonight for some reason! Another early night, me thinks!

Take care everyone, xx

Huge congrats to mias. Your little biy sounds adorable. And congrats to rainbox too.

Sorry not to be on here much recently. New job plus full time working is proving to be knackering. I'm ow 20+1. Getting lots of movement but still panicking whenever it stops! Anomaly scan is booked for Monday 17th dec, so that's the next step DH and I are aiming for. Today I am pregnant.

Hope everyone else is doing OK, especially kleine.

Rainbox you sound just like me two years ago. I had started back at work 2 weeks before I got my BFP in early December and was on a phased return and doing about 3 days a week. Heavy lifting and chemicals. I decided to tell work after Christmas too and go very gently beforehand, so I told at about 8 weeks - had to by then I was really sicky! I would be breaking down 14kg boxes into at least 5 contingents personally. To be honest I hated having to do the lifting when I knew I was pg and with hindsight would have been better to tell them straightaway, as it made me so anxious. If it gives you any confidence, everyone at work, boss included, was really chuffed for me, I hope they are for you too. It would be outrageous of them to be miffed because it was inconvenient after all you have just been through.

blizy what's doing with you my dear? Have you booked to see the doc about the cycle disruption? Any sign of AF?

fan lovely to see you, have missed you, glad you've had a good time to talk with DH and he is right, you don't have to be a saint at all, look after you xx

Kleine xxxx 6 months is a hard milestone, so long and yet no time at all. Let the grief carry you, sometimes you really have to crash and hit a very dark point before you can start to have some easier days again, and trying to prematurely lift yourself up is counterproductive and makes you feel even worse. Big hugs to you and DH, put yourselves first, we are all sending you love xx I'm glad you aren't in pain and have no cysts.

Huge congrats to Miasmum xxxx Finn is totally gorgeous ... So happy for u all .. Kisses for Mia & u all xxx

Hi Fan nice to see u xxx
Kleine sorry you re having a crap time , no platitudes just empathy xxxxxx hope stuff improves soon for u xxx
BabyH xxx
Blue hope L's ok? Xxx
Wtw how's Holly? Xx
Blizty how are you? Xx
Hi all , had a fab weekend in Bruges & catching up with friends today. So nice I ve got a lovely family ; really special... Phebs loved all the attention ... Grh... Back to work tomorrow though...
Love to all xxxx

Hello ladies

First of all can I offer my congratulations to miasmum for the safe arrival of Finn, well done my lovely. I hope you are enjoying your baby cuddles.

Also congrats to rainbox what excellant news, fx for an uneventful pg.

Also I'm so sorry poppet I wish you were not going through this, please if you need someone to talk to or ask a question about it then please email me.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and kind words, it really means a lot. I am feeling better, I've had a long chat with DH and we have resolved some things and got something straight and out in the open. Also he told me off for trying to be a saint, of course I can feel jealous it doesn't make me a bad person.

I will read back the last two weeks worth of posts and post more later.

Love to all.

Just popped in to say Mias, oh my, what a perfect little baby boy. I was sooo happy to see your picture on fb. Congratulations to you all!

Kleine, sorry to read about your loss. Hope you're finding some strength. It is 16 months since we lost our baby boy and finding when something else is a struggle it's easy to be caught off guard with the grief I thought I had passed. Fact is it never will, nor would we want it to really. Not really a lot else I can say. For now there is a new rainbow in this world and hope for more.

Oh, I'm very glad I popped my head in this morning...

mias I am just beyond thrilled for you all - huge congratulations, and a massive welcome to gorgeous baby Finn (I saw spilt's post and just had a quick look on FB - he truly is gorgeous - those chubby cheeks!!). I can't imagine what a turmoil of emotions it must all be, greeting and loving Mia's baby brother, without Mia being there too... but I am so glad that Finn is safely in your arms, and that he shares some Mia-characteristics I am so pleased for you all xxx

rainbox also congratulations to you my dear! What lovely news. I hope so very hard that the pregnancy will go completely smoothly; you more than deserve your rainbow baby.

babyh it sounds like you need some huge hugs... please considered yourself hugged by me, I'm so sorry that things are so rough. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

blizy that sounds so stressful. I just hope that your cycle sorts itself out without needing to change the ADs or anything. Thinking of you xx

Waves to everyone else...

Things have been pretty rotten here. The MC itself is unproblematic - I'm still bleeding, but it's not been dramatic, and there's been very little pain. I had to be re-scanned yesterday, as the sonographer thought she saw an ovarian cyst last week, but the consultant confirmed that it's just the corpus luteum.
Losing this pregnancy is sad, of course, but we're quite pragmatic people, and understand that such an early loss, in the sixth week, means that it wasn't meant to be. And it did give us hope (and even if most of that hope is now gone, we remain glad that we conceived, having been told it was unlikely). The awfulness has come because this has thrown us straight back into what feels like the very early grief for our beautiful little E. She would have been six months old this coming Sunday, and it currently feels like it was just last week that she died. We had just started to find our feet a little bit... We will feel a little better in a couple of weeks, but for now, we just have to let us ourselves grieve. No other choice, really.
I'm going to take a bit of a backseat on this thread for a bit; I just need to focus on myself and DH for a while, but I'll pop my head in every so often, and hopefully soon I'll be back properly. Lots of love to you all xxx

Mias CONGRATULATIONS!! Saw the pic on FB, I am so happy for you all , gorgeous baby, gorgeous name xxx

Missamel: If I recall correctly you will be travelling to Toronto soon. Good luck with the appointment......thinking of you and your little angel Blake xxxx

Bartlett: sorry I didn't introduce myself properly when you 1st joined. Sorry for your loss and congratulations on your approaching rainbow baby. Are you around 30 weeks now? Hope these last couple of months fly by for you. I lost my baby boy Adam on 4/7/2012 at 38+4. I attended the hospital after I became concerned about reduced movements but he was already gone when we got there.

Greengoose: how are the boys? Hope they are getting excited with Christmas around the corner. Hope your ok lovely lady xxxx

Fan: Sending big hugs xxxxx

Waves to anyone I've missed xxxx

Little: 'TODAY YOU ARE PREGNANT' : ) hope your still feeling a little bit excited today. Is it 3 days until your scan? Try not to worry xxxxxx

Wtw: Hope Holly is recovering and shaking that cough off. When they're not well they seem to pick up all kinds don't they! Big hugs after a rubbish few weeks for you xxxxxx

Split: Hello lovely lady, your post yesterday struck a cord with me. Thank you for reminding me in your post to Little about all the good times that come with pregnancy. I sometimes feel like 'A' s death has overshadowed my memories of anything happy and I don't want to feel like that's all his legacy has left :( xxxxx

Kliene: If your reading, I hope your not in pain and managing to cope with all this after a truly shit year. No wise words from me afraid......I wish I had some!
Just sending a GREAT BIG virtual hug your way and offering my hand holding services if needed! xxxxxxxxxx

AFM: Bit of a strange few weeks......lots of up and downs, well more downs TBH. Five whole months tomorrow since we lost our beautiful son. So many hope and dreams last Christmas and here we are with nothing wondering why? Why us? Still no real answers and I know we may never get any. I have made any appointment with my GP last week and seeing her this Wednesday to try and get some answers in relation to the letter we received from the consultant. I haven't been able to face it until now but me and my DH feel like we need some answers to the possible 5 weeks discrepancy in dates. The scan originally put me pregnant on 8/10/2012 but the consultant has stated in her correspondence that she now believes that I conceived 'A' around the 27/10/2012 ( which would have given me a BFP around 2weeks later). However, my DH and I remember being really excited about our secret just before Halloween and I saw my GP who referred me to the midwife on 30/10/2012 so it was therefore impossible that he was only conceived then. She then goes on to say that the dating scan is accurate within 5 days? We feel like we need to know the date of his gestation when he died because she would then be saying that our baby he was only 34 weeks or less when he passed? Would he be nearly 9lbs then? I don't know why I'm even considering that he wasn't full term but when you see it own paper you start to doubt yourself don't you. I don't know how to get out of this black hole I'm falling down, the longer I have no rainbow baby to look forward to the more depressed I become. My hair is falling out in big clumps so its no wonder I can't get pregnant. It's a vicious circle and I know I need to slap on a brave face for the kids with Christmas approaching. It's also pissing me off that people seem to expect us to have moved on! ( yes.....haven't we MOVED On yet....WTF is all that about) oh and I was told some of my work colleagues keep asking when I'm coming back to work......what a cheek I'm still on maternity leave but obviously that's not deserved because my baby is dead!!!! Also my boss hasn't even had the courtesy to call me despite the fact he's been gone 5 months tomorrow........shame on him, I'm therefore declining the invitation to the christmas party. (via a text from another of my colleagues not my boss) Rant over sorry ladies just needed to let off some steam.

love to all xxxxxxxxxx

Evening all:

Miasmummy: Congratulations to you and Mr Mia on the birth of your beautiful son and brother to angel Mia. So glad he is finally here can't wait to see photos xxxxx

Rainbox: So apt you have received your BFP on the thread that you started :) so pleased for you and Mr Rainbox xxxxxxx

Blue: I hope you get a good sleep tonight after 'L's sickness yesterday xx

Elly: Tough times approaching Nancy's birthday, thinking of you xxxxxx

Angel: Glad you had a lovely birthday, also that the cross has finally come off the front door and Phebs is back to good health xxxxxxx

Blizy: It's so awful when your cycle plays up. Those are the months that I hate the most because you can't help but hope............I knew I wasn't pregnant but secretly I kept praying for a miracle in the end you just feel completely deflated. I hope that you either get a BFP or your AF arrives soon xx

More below to avoid chewed posts ha ha