Round up your ghosties and ghoulies and long legged beasties, the BESH are going to scare out the BFPs!

You and I seem to be almost identical, draf.

HOTB is the same, Ariel - he described it as factory production, you know, all high quantity low quality etc. Motility is okay but there are painfully few that are the right shape, but apparently because there's so many millions of them the actual numbers are perfectly reasonable. There's not that much volume, though, but that only makes the number of spermz per ml higher anyway, I suppose. Arrrgh, it's all so frustrating. I'd go for the turkey baster option if it was on the NHS as there's technically nothing wrong, but weirdly we have to choose the more invasive option because that way it's affordable! Bizarre, really.

MrA has a ridiculously high number of spermz but low motility. I can't help feeling that even though numerically speaking there are plenty of good swimmers, there are that many shit ones, that the good ones keep crashing into the others and getting confused.

I'm not sure a mooncup, etc. helps. I think the ones that would make it through the womb and up the tubes are through the cervix like a rat up a drainpipe anyway, and the stuff that falls out is just the useless 90-odd percent and the semen. Or at least I read that on t'interweb somewhere or other.

I hope the stabbing goes well FSR and have everything crossed that the mister can be in the right place at the right time for you!

Ooo, that's an idea. And to think, my mooncup will arrive in the next couple of weeks.

HOTB was almost crying with laughter at the idea of a mooncup though. He seems to think it's basically a sink plunger... not that far off though really

No I hadn't, Norf! Er, what were you doing on there? Just out of interest?

Hurrah for the stabbing, Frankel.

Have you thought about a moon cup, ariel? On the lesbian self-insemination sites it recommends putting one up there to hold the spermz closer to the cervix for a while longer.

Eeeek, fsr! Stab well, my friend.

Oh god, the little hairs! I'd forgotten about those [adds "wafty hairs" to list of things to worry about].

Well, it's official: nursey has said the bloods are correct and it's all systems go. I commence stabbing tonight. She said I have to do it at the same time every day in the evening, so I'm going with 7.30. Gonna have to set a reminder on my phone to get the vial out of the fridge a la Drizz's advice.

Not sure what advice to give you about your appointment Norf , but have a trout anyway

I too worry about little wafty hairs, Norf, though in this case the little hairs which grab the egg after it's been laid from the ovary into the toob. I've got a suspicion all mine are being dropped en route. You know, the more I read about conception, the more I am that anyone ever manages it at all. After Teh Sechs yesterday, I did the usual fruitless lying still for 15 minutes afterwards, and when I later went to the loo, it all just fell out anyway. How do the little blighters even navigate their way through the cervix, let alone all the other miraculous stuff?

You know, I just want to magically diff you in the right place.

I say!

From everything I've read, the only aspect of tubal function that can be checked is whether or not the tubes are blocked. If the little wafty hairs are dead, there is just no way of knowing.

Maybe I should just use one of my forthcoming appointments to ask about private IVF.

I don't know what they should do, but I think they should DO something. It is just crap, because clearly something went fairly horribly wrong and I think they should avoid that happening again. You know, I just want to magically diff you in the right place. But I have no idea what they can or should do. Just worried that your tubes like embryos too much and really, really don't want you to go through this SHITE again. But then, I know bugger all about ectopics. So not much use.

(But I am in a bad mood, so all GRRRRRRRRR even if I have no solution; not very Victorian gentlemanly then today).

But what should I ask them for, lem? I feel like that's my problem at the moment. I know they won't do IVF unless my next HSG reveals that my remaining tube is blocked as a result of the surgery. So what is it I want them to do?

That just makes me surely there is something going on, that needs some medical attention. An ectopic is a serious health risk, so they should fix that before risking clomid again. Stamps feet. How many times will they let you go through this before they do something?!?!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I've previously had all the tests going - they know that the problem is that I don't ovulate without hefty encouragement. And now we also know that even when I do ovulate my tubes are fucked. Radiology won't do an HSG until 3 months post op, so will have one then. But the last two showed that my tubes were patent, so whatever the problem is with them it is clearly not something that shows up on x ray.

This session will basically be "Sorry you had an ectopic, but congrats on having ovulated/conceived. Just carry on with the Clomid, dearie, and keep your fingers crossed it doesnt happen a third time. You are too old for any new interventions unless you become a private patient and pay £££."

Well done you on remembering, and well done nice nurse. Will AMHN be able to come with you? What is the score for you with tests etc? Will they do a HSG to check how your tubes are after all of this?

All my MC care has been done by the IF people, but then, they played a significant role in getting me diffed. I have a final check that everything is gone on Thursday and then it will be all over. I hope...

Well, I've written 285 words and cannot be arsed to do anymore. Is painful droidal visitation enough of an excuse? Not really as I need to hand in the assignment at the end of the week and will be in work for the next few days

I'm loving the number of repressed control freaks on here. We must be a fairly awesome coven IRL.

Bloody hell. Have just discovered I've got an infertility appointment on Monday! I'd forgotten all about it (what with having been diffed and thinking I wouldn't need it). Thank GOD I nipped in to use the loos in that area of the hospital or it would never have crossed my mind. And thank God for lovely nurse who kindly looked me up on the booking system and gave me the glad news that I hadn't missed it.

And with Frank. Also on the underlying ishoos: control/family/previous depression for me. Joy. Why does IF have to happen to control freaks, it is not fair.

Agree with Rie, what is there to loose, about trying the counselling? I promised myself I was allowed to leave and allowed to say nothing before I went otherwise I would never have gone . I did not enjoy it, but felt it might help enough to give it a proper go. It makes it a bit calmer in my head, knowing I have to go back and talk about things, so I don't have to panic now (if that makes any sense). So norf if I were you, I'd ask for some more time off, with or without wailing, and give it a try. You can back out anytime. My counsellor asked what I came to find which I found very difficult to answer, but useful. I admitted being scared that I just would not hack the whole IF process for much longer, and I need tools/help/whatever.

Right enough serious advice. I am sending evil spells at SILFH as she does bother me, shall I cook her in a enormous cauldron as soup for Halloween. Maybe we can share it and get her surprising fertility, or at least a decent portion of meat, each.

I'd go with the counselling Norf. I was told a few months ago that counselling is on offer for anyone under treatment at my clinic (NHS IVF) so may take up the offer myself. I'm a very "glass half empty" sort of person, so if I can find a way to help me think more positively through this treatment, I figure it can only help. I'm also a control freak, so I think my reaction to a lot if my barrenness is about being out of control

They might not just want to talk about your diffedness related feelings, I imagine they'll chat through everything as we all have other underlying ishoos

I would Norf. What's to lose?

Have this kipper

Congratulations on normal innards, fsr! I think I would have opted to carry on as well.

Am on a train chugging towards hospital.

lemon, I got offered more time off by physically shaking in a weird way with effort of keeping control. And then, yes, wailing Have to decide whether I want to ask for the counselling thing as well. Am still a bit iffy about it (what? Share my feelings about defeatedness and failure and guilt?) but might give it a go.

Am back! All was fine: scan "normal" (makes a change!) and bloods back later today.

The nurse said it was my decision if I wanted to go ahead or not, but that the cycle would count if I got as far as ov, even if HWHNN wasn't here. I've opted to go ahead - there's no way of knowing how quickly I'll respond to the drugs, and, as nursey said, at least we'll know how future cycles will go, if it comes to that.

Euro, he can't get out of the trips as they're for big important meetings. He goes to the USA for 4 days at start of November and then Malaysia for 6 days mid-November. At least he is back in between the trips .

Enough about me, what are we all doing today?

FSR, that would be unhelpful! Is there nothing he can do to get out of the trips?

Drizz I know exactly what you mean about the treatments for unexplainedness. In one way, it is a blessing that there is something that might help (even if the medics don't know why), but in no other area of medicine would someone say "we haven't got a scooby doo what's wrong with you, but inject yourself with some pretty hardcore drugs for a few works then we'll perform minor surgery on you by sticking a giant needle through your fanjo and see if that helps. Oh, by the way, that'll be five grand please."

I'm glad the spotting has stopped, faif.

Flying visit, am at work all day. Spotting stopped by Sunday am. Abx seem to be helping. Waiting to hear from EPAU if I get early scan, I have a feeling they may just wait till Wednesday. At least I'm off tomorrow and Wednesday.

Good luck norf and frankel!