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Original poster

Please help - Baby or career now?

31 replies

countrybumpkin2 · 28/09/2012 13:25

I'm sorry if this is posted in the wrong place. Not been on this much yet.
I am not far away from being 25 and I will be married a year in November. My and dh have always said we would start ttc after our anniversary.
He now thinks I only want to get pregnant so I don't have to worry about my work situation.
Basically I graduated in 2009 with a Master is maths and physics. Due to where I live and there not being many jobs I have a full time job which has very little to do with my degree and I am probably overly qualified. I was fine with this until I started to have problems at my job with work colleagues etc and now my work is really starting to get me down.
My DH has picked up on this and sees me me wanting to have kids as avoidance on my part. No my Mum has picked up on how I am feeling and is pushing me to retrain as a teacher, something I have always thought about doing. She doesn't know I want kids soon.
I have always wanted to be a mum young, that is how my Mum did it and she got on very well. Until now DH agreed.
My question is, do I forget the babies thing now and go and do my teacher training like everyone wants and come back to the kids thing when I am 35 or so, or try for kids now and worry about a career later like I have always intended to do!
Argh! I just hate disapointing people....

OP posts:
SleepyFergus · 28/09/2012 13:57

I agree with Karbea. I was 29 when I met my DH, married at 33 and then went through 3.5 painful years of ttc, when I finally got pregnant with Dd1. I was 37 when she was born. I've just had dd2 at 40 and that's my family complete now. But I would have loved to have done it all a bit younger! (although obv meetings DH late on somewhat decidedly fate to a certain extent!)

I'm not saying have a baby now, but be aware that you may have problems to older you are when ttc.

Karbea · 28/09/2012 13:48

I'm sure people will disagree with me, but I'm 38 (very nearly 39), failed ivf no chance of getting pregnant, thinking about adoption. If I were 25 again and was married in a loving relationship I would start my family now if I had my time again, if you want a family don't put it off.

I wasn't in the right sort of relationship and thought I had all the time in the world, the reality is you don't. If you really want a family go for it.

Original poster
countrybumpkin2 · 28/09/2012 13:47

Thank you for your quick replies.

Headfairy thank you, you are right I have to do what I have always felt is right for me. Me and dh have been together for 5 years and have always talked about marriage and having a family. Both our parents started having their families young and we have always said thats the way we would want to do it as we have both can see how well that has worked (i'm not saying having babies later in life is wrong its just not what we have thought we would do). I think he has just changed his mine as the work thing is really getting to me and causing a little friction between us as I am constantly grumpy!

2to25 Sorry I meant to say 30 and he would be 35. You are right a year to apply, a year to do the course, a year of probabtion and then I think I would want to teach for at least two years after that before ttc just to get a few years under my belt before I left to have a family.

I know 30 is probably still young but I just have an overwhelming feeling that I want to start a family now.

I just can't help feeling that I am wrong if those closest to me are telling me that I am...

OP posts:
7to25 · 28/09/2012 13:33

Why 35?
AFAIK huge shortage of maths teachers so a year to apply, a year to di the PGCE another year as a probationary teacher and then TTC

headfairy · 28/09/2012 13:28

Sorry, that post wasn't terribly well written. Having children has to be something you and your dh both want to do. Presumably you've been together for a while and you've discussed families before, so he knows of your desire to have your family while you're young? If that's the case then why does he think you're just talking about babies to avoid an unpleasant working environment?

headfairy · 28/09/2012 13:27

I can't possibly tell you when to have babies, but I can tell you you absolutely mustn't do anything as important as plan your family to avoid disappointing people. It must be what is right for YOU and no one else. No one else is living your life.

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