Rainbow babies- for all of us holding, pregnant with and trying for our rainbows. While remembering all our darling angels

Hi mech, I almost constantly feel like hiding from the world at the moment. I don't know about it always being this hard - today is 9 months since Nancy was born, and I often don't realise until I notice the date - I know that sounds dreadful, but it's because I'm constantly thinking about her, the date kind of doesn't make that much of a difference to me - I don't mean that to sound heartless, itS because she is always on my mind I guess, that date doesn't make her any more on my mind, if that makes sense? It did, and I marked off the months since she was born, I'm not really sure when I stopped, maybe it was after her 6 month 'anniversary', when I was really upset at work, I don't remember because it wasn't a conscious decision I made.
I'm sure the others have got more useful things to say, but huge hugs from me xxx

Hi twinkle congratulations on your bump, and welcome back. That's such a lovely idea for the blanket, that's so special.
I am about 8 wks pg now - we have a reassurance scan on mon, so it kind of doesn't feel real until I've seen a little heartbeat on the screen. It's really scary though, I'm absolutely terrified that something is going to go wrong. I asked my MW about the teardrop stickers, and I think she told me to ask at the hospital when I next go - I've seen them on the Sands website so they do still do them, and I think it will be helpful to have one on notes if possible.
I'm glad you're pleased to get the same MW again - my lovely MW from last time has started her HV training now, but I did manage to tell her I was of again which I'm pleased about, because she was lovely after Nancy died (and before, but you know what I mean). My new MW was my dsis' MW and is also lovely - she lost her dd1 to cancer a few yrs ago so she understands what it's like to lose a child (her words - we were both in tears at my booking in appt!).
Apologies for the long post, but here's to uneventful pg's for all of us x

Just a quick post, thinking about all of us having hard times xx

Blizy I was on anti depressents for a few years, a few years ago. I started out on Fluoxetine, and it really really disagreed with my stomach. But they moved me from that to sertraline and then citalopram and these worked brilliantly for me. It is all so personal, what is great for one person doesn't work for another, so if you have any side effects you are not happy with, do go back and speak to them. There are so many options!

Green so pleased to hear scan went well.

Sorry I don't have time to name check, I am thinking of us all. But I am hiding a bit from the world. Five months tomorrow since Dexter was born. How did we get here? Is it going to be this awful every month?

Missed angel but I hope you have a lovely break and that you and Ant are able to talk things through a bit. Sometimes being away in unfamiliar surroundings can help.

Morning to all - was hoping to have a nice lie in this morning because I'm shattered, but the joiner called me at 8.30am, because my bloody DH told him it'd be fine! Hmpf - he's just jealous because he's at work. Feel v grumpy now :(

Seems sunny here, hope nice weekends for you all, whatv you all got planned?

Just a quickly to say thanks for the advice about the ad's too and mr too!

Angel I hope you have a fab holiday, hopefully it can help you and ant. X

Have a great time away angel!!! "see" you when you get home xxx

Ladies can I grab your attention for this poster. I'm sure any words of wisdom and love would be appreciated.

Hi : checking in before we re off!!! Up at 01.30 flying at 06:15...
Hi Too hope M is well? Xxx
Hi all , have a nice , gentle week & all take care of yourselves... Sun : here we come whoop whoop!!!!

Blizy, DH says he tried every AD out there and Fluoxetine was the only one that worked, but that you have to give it plenty of time. It's also the one that did the most for depression while not making him tired all the time.

twinkle I do remember you, congratulations on your bump! I just wanted to say what an absolutely gorgeous idea it is to have the quilt made of all his clothes, so special xx

Blizy, DH is on Fluoxetine. He said they do help him cope - make him feel less despairing and more even keel-ish. I'll ask him for an update when he comes home. They do take a while to build up in your system, though. M isn't crawling yet - she's just trying. I think it'll be a while until she's actually off!

Hi ladies

You probably wont remember but quite a while back I joined this thread as was thinking of trying again. My little 3 year old son died suddenly in March.

Well, yesterday I had my 12 week scan! I have missed his anniversary date by 2 weeks which I am glad about, as I didn't want the baby to be born too near that.

I have been given the same midwife that I had for my last 2 pregnancies, and she was the one I was under for my son, so I am pleased about that. She was really understanding and said that she thinks we are so brave to try again, and she would do the same in the circumstances.

She said that they could put a teardrop sticker on my notes to make sure that people realise that there is an issue, and not to ask me stupid questions, but then she said that apparently they don't make them anymore. So right on the front page of my notes my 3 sons as listed as liveborn, and then next to his name there is just a massive handwritten RIP. For some reason this is the thing that has upset me most. I just cannot believe that he isn't here and I will never have all my children at the same time.

Mias, I noticed that you are thinking about what to do with Mias clothes. I have recently had all Ms clothes taken to a lady who makes memorial quilts, and she is going to make a beautiful one out of all his bits, which will end up single duvet size. Her website is lovely and has some stunning things on there. I was at a loss as to what to do with his clothes, and knew that if I cleared his wardrobe out and stored them I would never look at them. I am planning on keeping the quilt in the lounge so that his brothers can see it all the time and I will feel close to him. If you would like I can send you the details.

xxxxxx

Oops, green- I hope you have a good weekend. I'm glad the dr doesn't think their is anything serious wrong.

Kleine, elly, mecha ( and everyone else) j hope you are doing ok? X

Hi ladies,

Babyh- A is so perfect and beautiful, a little beauty. I know how hard pregnancy announcements are, I have had quite a few since Z was born. My own ds told me she was pg by a text message, I was so upset and angry that she didn't have balls to tell me in person. Just like Angel said, she was too scared to tell me herself .

Blue- my ds is due on the 17th nov and it my birthday on the 20th! Hope you are keeping well.

Too- good to hear from you! Wow at M crawling already!

Split- I'm sorry you are feeling so sad just now, sending a hug for you. X

I was at the Dr this morning and I have been given fluoxetine, does anyone have any experience with them?

Hi, just checking in before we head off to ILs, I had a sore and worried day and night, and went to the docs this morning. He thinks it's nothing to do with pregnancy and I've probably got IBS, I think he was a little surprised I was so pleased. They want to do some tests to rule out anything really nasty, but he said because I was scanned so often for Merryn that they would have probably seen if a tumour was forming on me too. So I'm still a bit edgy, but for now no reason to think the little one is in any bother. Why does this have to be so tough?!? I think we should all get a free pass to an easy pregnancy after what we have been through!

KLEINE, I'm glad you had an easier day yesterday, I know what you mean about guilt, and fear of the bad times. I hope today is kind to you too.

BABYh, I am sorry it tough, baby announcements are so hard. I never know what to feel, such a mixture. Are your photos on FB? I couldnt see them on your profile? Ov still not worked up the required courage to post Merryns, but I will soon!

I'm sorry I can't say hello to everyone, but thank you so much for holding my hand.... It was very much appreciated! Im now in a mad rush to pack and get the dog to the dog sitters! I'll be back after the WE, no Internet where we are going! X

Sorry TOO our posts crossed....Thank you xxx Waves : ) Hope you are having a nice Friday xx

Morning ladies,
Still feel crap but decided to try and get some babyweight off and try and get fit again.

Blue: Hope you dont mind but your 'looking so tiny' comment cheered me up............I so soooooo wish someone had said that to me when I was preg I always looked like I had about 5 in there and being only 5ft 2inches doesn't help. I will try and dig out a pic of when I was pregnant with our Luke and you will pee yourself laughing at me! Seriously though chick Im sorry your feeling uncomfortable and a bit knackered.......not long now until you get your beautiful rainbow.

Angel: Im glad you've been getting pampered. Hope the sun shines in Ibiza....thank you for your kind words, I so want these dark days to pass xxx

WTW: How are your lovely girls? I see the beautiful Holly is keeping you up late judging from your late night post last night. (Thank you, i do feel like he should be here) Love the pics of all your girls. Also wanted to say how much I love Erins stone especially the lovely pink writing xxxx

Mia: Thinking of you Hope the nesting is going ok. Such tough decisions about the clothes.....do whatever feels right within your heart. Our baby's room is untouched. Strange as it may seem it was such a happy time getting everything ready and the cot was a cast off from J so it doesnt make me feel uneasy. The wardrobe is full of clothes........half a row of pink, half a row of blue and a row of neutral. I know we should think about moving all the stuff but it just seems so final xxx

Kliene: How are you lovely lady? Thank you for your lovely words about Adams pic......i loved what you said, because he did just look like he was fast asleep didnt he. I am rather biased though : ) Glad your feeling upbeat. Re: the buriel outfit....Adam was in a babygrow from Next but it was a cast off from years gone by. I had tons of stuff with tags on but for some reason my DH grabbed that when he came home for clothes so no copy buying for me : ( He also had a fab blanket from Gap wrapped around him along with 2 teddies and letters from us and our J did a lovely pic and letter too xx

Elly: One of the teddies was the baby gruffalo. My sister came straight to he hospital with it! Hope all is well with the growing rainbow xxxxx

Green: Hope your rainbow is ok. Hugs to you chick xxxx

Moomins: What a lovely pic. Thinking of you loads today xxxx

Back later and will try and namecheck the rest of you lovely ladies. Need to go on a message before the Friday traffic gets busy xxxx

Babyh, that's so hard to have to cope with. Adam should be here too. It's funny how you can be genuinely glad for someone else and totally gutted for yourself at the same time, but you can!

Blue, listen to your body and rest! If you can, that is. I bet you look lovely and blooming, no matter how uncomfy you are.

Angel, of the beautifying!

Blue xxx
babyh we re taking it slowly & yippee to hols... I m all coffiured now !!! Hair newly hilighted , mani & pedi performed... Saw your picture of Adam : lovely photo . So sweet xxxx
Understandable about your mini breakdown... 2 months after we lost Georgie a so called friend of mine asked 2 of my other friends to tell me she was 4-5 months pg as she " didn t want to upset me". What a load of BS nothing could possibly upset me any more than loosing Georgie, she was more upset for herself. I get that , but don t pretend its anything other than that... I talk to her now but we re not friends anything like we used to be...!however, it's no great loss... It's so incredibly hard when everyone else seems to achieve the one thing we want/ deserve so much... Take care chick xxxx this will pass xxxx ( a friend once said that to me & although I didn t believe it at the time I do now) lots of love xxxxc
Hi all: xxxx

My dates are about 2 weeks difference with Sterre's pregnancy. Sterre was due 3rd November, this little one due 18th November. Sterre was born at 20+4 weeks, so it's not so much the case of their birthdays coinciding. It was a very difficult time back in June when I was almost as far along as when we lost her and her anniversary/birthday.

babyh I can understand about your meltdown after your SIL's announcement. I got very upset last autumn when my sister started moaning that she wasn't pregnant yet, they had only been trying for a few months after they got married. When she told me back in November she was pregnant, I was the first to know and although I was very pleased for her, I did have a breakdown after that, as I thought it was very unfair that we had been trying and I so desperately wanted to be pregnant again.

I'm doing fine, just very tired, my body trying to tell me to slow down! :)
and I had enough of the 'oh you look so tiny' comments! Grrr! Yes I am normally a size 10-12, I can eat whatever I like without gaining weight! But I am 7 months pregnant and feel massive and uncomfortable! There!

too you didn't upset me at all.

Babyh that is so so hard. You poor thing, youre right Adam should be here xxx

Angel our posts crossed. Hope your DP is treating you like you deserve x

Happy Hols fast approaching, Yay : )

Evening everyone.

Just wanted to say thank for all your kind comments about our photo : ) it was so nice to share him with you all without worrying what you would think because he is 'dead' if you know what I mean?

Terrible day here today feel like Im on the edge of that abyss SPLIT was talking about. My SIL came round (Not the one from last week, this is the nice one) and announced she is almost 12 wks preg. After she went I had a meltdown. Believe it or not I am over the moon for her, she has been desperate for a baby and trying for 2 years. She was due to go down the IVF route from October and had a previous mc........the truth is I am feeling miserable and sorry for myself because my beautiful baby is in the cemetery :(

Night all will try to be more positive tomorrow xxxx

Amy there's only 1 year 8 days between my girls... Georgie was born on the 10 th Oct , Phebs ( 3 weeks early , due date of 4 th nov ) on 18 oct. seems to quite often be the case ... Xxx
Kleine don t beat yourself up for having a good day... You deserve the good days , the darkness does lift at some point.
Spilt sorry you re having a rough time xxx yes , definatly looking forward to Ibiza is fab having time off work... Hope Freya's ok? Xx
Elly xxx glad u re ok? Xxx
Green fx for you xx
Hi all hope everyone is well? Xxx