Rainbow babies- for all of us holding, pregnant with and trying for our rainbows. While remembering all our darling angels

I have a phone consultation for counselling on fri. My dr wants me on ad's but I'm not so sure. Thank you for asking, means a lot . X

Thanks blizy, I was hoping that would be the case, it would be great if they send me a CBFM next month instead!!!

How are you feeling? I saw that you have been diagnosed with depression - what have the docs suggested? Are they referring you for counselling? Sorry if you've already posted about it, or don't want to talk about it x

Ely, opk's can be very unreliable. You may be missing the LH surge. I never, ever has a positive with OPK's. I used the CB digi ones and cheapo ones. I have however had peak results on the cbfm, I think it measures 2 diff hormones leading up to ovulation.

Kleine- getting out of the house is an achievement, well done. I am sitting on the couch working up to going out at the min.

Well done poppet on getting up, dressed and out of the house - that is a big achievement, it isn't easy sometimes.

2 years seems crazy mecha - does it affect your gall bladder or the op then?

Hope tomorrow goes ok moomins, will be thinking of you as well as wtw. Not surprised about your panic attack, hope you're ok x

Hi everyone, sorry I've been absent for a few days, I've missed so much!

Have been thinking about you loads wtw - you are so close now, hope your plans for today are keeping you slightly occupied. I'm glad that you have got Erin's headstone sorted and in place finally.

It's so hard for all of us, whereever we are on our paths - I don't think it gets any easier, whatever stage we are at, does it.

I have been using the CB OPK's this month (the clearblue trial) and I'm now on CD19 and haven't had a yet - I was already paranoid that I wasn't ovulating, and now I'm convinced. Guess I'll see what happens next cycle and then maybe make an appointment at docs? Don't really know what to think...
Still not had a call about the counselling - keep forgetting about it tbh, which I suppose is a good thing.

Congratulations amy on your bfp, fx for a sticky bean and an uneventful pg.

Hi to everyone else - sorry I haven't namechecked everyone xx

Hi blizy Xpost - hope you are ok too xxx

Oh moomins how scary to have a panic attack. I quite understand your surprise as well if you haven't had one for a while - but this is a big thing, and in some ways it might be more surprising if you really were 100%, fine... Sending you love, I hope tomorrow goes well for you.

Ditto for wtw of course! Hope your busy day is, well, busy - it will be tomorrow morning almost before you know it. Can't wait to hear the news (and the name!) x How does Erin's headstone look? I'm quite sure it's lovely.

mecha Oh my goodness. TWO YEARS for a test? I have just googled Malignant Hyperthermia which sounds a bit frightening, but how on earth can anyone expect you to wait two years?? No wonder you are feeling all over the place with that, plus your due date on Sat. Is there anyone you can speak to about the test and/or the op? I so hope you will have it as planned.
Btw I thought of you and Dex this morning - there's an estate agents called Dexters round here
Which reminds me - miasmummy I saw a shop called 'Mia Wood' at the weekend, so was very much thinking of you, too.

fan quietly hopeful for you...

angel at the idea of you telling the HV how you are ACTUALLY feeling. The poor woman would have needed a lie down afterwards I'm sure... glad to hear though that Phebs is doing well.

august I somehow didn't realise from your other posts that your DH was actually IN hospital, I thought he'd gone in then come home - bleugh, how awful for you all. Really pleased for you that you managed to get to Jacob's grave despite everything that's going on, though.

little9 also a big at you joining us to ttc. That would be oversharing a bit, methinks! Hopefully you will soon be ttc as well though (by yourselves)

Sorry to anyone I've missed...

Having had a completely crappy day yesterday, today I got up, had a shower and went to run our errands/to the shops. Little things to be proud of. But now sitting back at home and wondering how my life ended up like this - a trip to the shops is a major hurdle that I'm proud of - I should have been proudly pushing my little E around in her pram, not trying to avoid eye contact with strangers in case I start crying But it's how it is. Hoping beyond hope for a new little baby one day. It's what keeps me going right now!

wtw I hope today passes quickly for you, just one more sleep!

moomins I hope your stitch goes well tomorrow, hope you are ok?

mecha I have everything crossed that you will get the op very soon.

Hello all,

sorry I have been a bit out of touch. Will be thinking about you so hard tomorrow WTW! Hope the stitch goes well Moomin. Congrats Amy. Glad you had a gentle day for Jacob August and it is so lovely to hear about Adam.

Hoping for cycles back to normal and BFPs for the rest of us.

Dexter's due date in this Saturday, so I am having a bit of an odd brain this week. Also they are thinking about pushing my operation back so they can do a test to see if I really do have the Malignant Hyperthermia which runs in the family. This would be fine, but the waiting list for the test is two years. Up until yesterday I was being told my op was booked for sept 4th. I can not wait two years before ttc again. I just can't. I appreciate that it may take even longer than that to concieve, and that will be a difficult journey of it's own, but not even being able to try? Am still hoping the op will go ahead as planned.

Gary Barlow's performance was just wonderful. Jason Manford's blog posts on facebook are fantastic as well.

Thinking about us all x

wtw I'm sure it will pass quick that's a very full days plan.

I am so tired, yawning all the time. I also have a headache and feel a bit sick. Trying not to get my hopes up.

Sorry not name checking but I'm so tired.

Waves to everyone, will try and catch up properly later this evening.

Glad Jacob's day passed gently august although it must have been very hard without dh there and then having to be in the hospital. How is Adam doing? I'm going in tomorrow morning at 7am - eeek!

Just 24 hours left to get through! Plan for today ctg at hospital first thing then to cemetery to see Erin's stone, sainsburys to stock up on the easy/quick meals for dp and K for rest of week, lunch with K and my friend then taking her to see Brave at the cinema. Busy day - hoping it means it will pass quick!!

little I welled up when I saw Gary Barlow too. Brave man, don't know how he held it together singing that song - "the stars are coming out tonight, they're lighting up the sky tonight, for you"

moomins thx Btw you can watch the ceremony on BBC iplayer.

wtw how're you doing? Are you going in wed morning or tomorrow? X

DH out of hospital now. He's ok but missed him yesterday - was hard spending the day without him... Not exactly what I'd planned but managed to take the boys to Jacobs grave anyway. Adam decided he^ wanted feeding and then did a huge poo while we were there though so was a bit stressed! And I get stressed in emotionally difficult situations anyway. Then went to the hospital to visit DH - he said it was kind of surreal we were there at 7:45pm, the time he was born. It was a bit.

Forgot to say that I too felt the poignancy (is that a word?) of Gary Barlow singing last night. Brought a tear to my eye for Daisy and all our little Angels. Sweet dreams, little ones!

Well ladies. I have been busy de-cluttering and cleaning my house/garden since Friday night! I seem to be like a woman obessessed! Not sure where it is all coming from but may be because we're finally getting the bathroom sorted (with a shower over the bath, yay!! ) after 9 years in this house! Also, finally getting round to finishing boarding the loft out so I can store lots of crap stuff we don't use very often up there. Need to sort out a loft ladder now.

Sorry, been too busy to catch up with all posts, but fx you get bfp soon kleine. My AF is due this weekend (if my cycle is back to normal) so hopefully we will be joining you ttc soon. On reading that last sentence back again, it sounds so wrong . You know what I mean, I hope!

Congratulations amy. Everything crossed for you.

wtw - not long now

Sorry if I have missed people off. Will try to catch up on news tomorrow but for now, hugs and waves to you all,

Well it definitely wasn't my waters had quite a few tears at the hospital today, think it all hit me on top of a rubbishy nights sleep and Erin's stone going up today. But everything is done now in preparation for Wednesday. Excited and scared in equal measure.

Hope the stitch goes well Moomins

Love to all xxx

Wtw I had the same with Phebs 4 days before my section date... Was admitted to hospital , put a pad on : no more leakage then I stayed in all weekend hooked up to the ctg.... Didn t particularly smell sweet or of urine???? Cx
Moomin hope u re coping ok? Cx
Love to all: saw crappy HV again today all fine Phebs totally within normal range after panicing 3 months ago she was on the 90 th centile after " taking in too many calories" !!! The 2 questions I had for her she had no answer for!!! My " maternal mood review" was 1 question at the end of " am I ok?" do I get out??? Well yes I work 4 days a week!!!& returned to work 4 months ago!!! Thought, what if I off loaded about Georgie & my continuous mixed feelings etc...,, how would she cope??? I' d have ended up comforting her... They really are a pile of crap... Luckily we don t go back for another year or so!!!( that's if I go back!!)
Hot, hot, hot... Too hot for work xxxx

wtw what did it smell like? Funny question maybe but I think waters smell very sweet. But thinking about it -m sure something similar happened to me, maybe baby is laying on your bladder and your muscle has stopped working. Good luck hun.

Thanks ladies. Back in today for 2nd injection, ctg and other pre op stuff today. Had a panic at 3am - woke up to get a drink and suddenly was stood in a big puddle of liquid!! Thought my waters had gone so popped a pad in but absolutely nothing else has leaked and no contractions or show so am assuming it must have been wee Though i didn't wake up needing the toilet - had only been an hour before. Will mention it at the hospital just in case. Will be off to the cemetery later as Erin's stone is being put up today.

Love to all xx

Congrats Amy it's very Garda successive pg after our losses but it can be done & it's so worth it .xxx
August hope u re ok? Not to upset? Xxx
Whatever shame your steriod injection hurt ... Mine were totally fine... 48 little hours ....nearly there xxx
Blizy hope the 2 WW passes quickly...
Hi all: love to all xxxxx
Nice day off ... Just chilling ... Nice quiet weekend ... Really enjoyed the closing ceremony last night apart from the Spice girls they were a big disappointment... Sounded crap. Really felt for Gary Barlow ... Words were very poignant ... Poor man xxxx

X post Miasmummy - so Gary Barlow must have sung, then - I couldn't watch. I saw an online article about how 'brave Gary' was 'putting aside his grief' to take part in the closing ceremony and it made me so upset, I decided not to watch it.
Sounds like they chose an appropriate song, though...

Congratulations amyboo!

august I hope the rest of yesterday passed peacefully for you.
Likewise mecha I hope you are ok.

whatever oh my goodness you are SO nearly there... we are all thinking of you and invisibly holding you up from a distance, whenever you feel like you just can't do it any more... Excited for you! xxx