Rainbow babies- for all of us holding, pregnant with and trying for our rainbows. While remembering all our darling angels

Happy Birthday blue! Have a lovely day x

babyh grief IS exhausting isn't it. Sleep when you can - oh and don't worry about replying to everyone's messages... this is a 'do exactly what you need to' type of thread.
Re flowers on Adam's grave - they do die quickly don't they. Heavy vases/small metal buckets less likely to fall over in the wind... DH & I have put a couple of low-maintenance potted plants on E's grave for now, while the earth is settling. We're probably going to buy a small 'windowbox' type of thing, too, to put another couple of plants in - hopefully things that will survive the autumn/winter. Don't know if you would consider something like that?

to trickle and amyboo and everyone else too. Thanks to all for replying re our friends, too. We're just at that stage of starting to feel a bit isolated now as everyone else - of course - carries on with their busy lives. We expected it to happen, but it's still a shock, isn't it? We both feel utterly terrible almost all the time, quite hard to be patient with all the cheery comments... But we are ploughing on. Time doesn't allow us to stand still, does it (if only).

Thanks for esupport everyone. I think I might try and dowhat Dh is doing and just try and take one day at a time and see how things go. I guess I'm just doibly stressing as I go back to work in 2.5 weeks :(

wtw glad tohear thefirst outing went OK. It must be so hard dealing with the joy of your new baby and the grief of Erin at the same time. Are you planning anything special for her anniversary?

trickle So close to tue end now! Hope you're not feeling too stressed and get lots ofrest.

Sorry for not name checking everyone. Have to go and make a wedding anniversary cake for PIL and need toget started on my decorations etc. Off to the UKtomorrow to see lots of family who haven't seen us since I was 7 months pregnant. Am dreading having to talk about it allagain....

wtW sounds like H is doing really well now your milk is in, hope you are able to feel a bit more relaxed about her FX those bloods come back normal

Front Thank you that is a really good idea about the NCT but unfortunatly they don't do measuring round here, the NCT isn't very active round here.

Kliene Sorry you have an insensitive friend, I'm not sure what happens with some people but they seem to have a block on understanding. I was lucky none of the people round me who did this were my friends, but some people said and did things and I still can't understand how on earth they thought it was apropriate. Maybe if she keeps it up one of your other friends will be able to explain the way shes behaving is hurtful and tbh a bit wierd.

babyh very sad welcome to the thread, Adam is a lovelly strong name.

I'm sorry I can't namechack anyone else I'm passed baby brain and into labour brain I think - you know the stage where you can't actually concentrate on anything anyone is saying to you at all. Had some period type pains and Braxton Hicks have become more frequent, not labour or anything but feels like my body is getting itself ready far more than it did before. It's all good, officially full term baby's moving well andis head down with bum to left andspine in the right place. If Tiddler comes now the only downside is it's not September yet .

My grant came in and went out - my only worry now is that some of the things the final date for posting is the day I'm being induced. Can't do anything about it now though and we're as ready as we're ever going to be. We worked out what to spend our anniversary present on too - a camera! We've only got a phone camera atm and it's not totally baby related, it'll be brilliant to be abel to take photos whenever we want and not have to keep planning and borrowing everyone elses - and I can email pics to my family who live in Oxford too

Ooo nearly posted before I told you - my date is 3rd September 9am and Dh is allowed to stay the whole time YAY. Still have to have our tour of the ante/post natal wards next weds, poor DH he's got an induction day at college 10 - 2 then 2:30 we've got the tour, his course also starts on the 3rd - so he has to start the course by not turning up didn't plan this very well did we!

AND we have one dead mouse, think it's the only one so no mice for baby!

Ooo, sorry Blue. Happy birthday and hope you enjoy the park

wtw - glad your first trips out with H went well.

amy - got everything crossed for you. Try to keep sending positive thoughts to that little bean (easy for me to say, I know!!).

I'm leaving the consultant appointment as it is as I don't want to delay getting the results. If there's not too much bad news then I think I'll be okish. Better take a box of tissues with me, though! Will take the day off work, so will see how it goes.

Hello to everyone else. I'll join in the virtual wine and cake (even better if it's chocolate, mmmm!). I've got two rooms fully painted, only four more to go!! Boarding loft out at mo as well, so am very tired and achey but feeling slightly uplifted. Just wish I didn't have to go to work cos I could get it all done quicker!

Got our first Grade 3 agility competition with the pooches this weekend - should be interesting!!

DH's new gardening business is going very well and he is getting lots of jobs in as well as some long term customers. Not sure what he'll do over winter but I'm sure he'll find something to keep the pennies rolling in. He's called his new van Daisy. Bless!

KLiene go girl... Getting ttc'ing!!!
Blizy what an odd dream??? Wonder what it all means???xx
Fan less of the old!!! But indeed I am wise!!! Cx
Amy 1 step at a time , 1 day at a time cx
Mech & Babyh the early stages of grief are so draining as I remember... Take your time & rest... Again, 1 day at a time xxx
Blue happy birthday for tomorrow cx
Hi all ; cuddles for those who need them... Fine here just tired , again!!! Been to see " wedding video" at the flicks was ok but only just got in ... Pls let Phebs sleep tonight xxxx
Night all xxxx

AMYBOO: Hope you are staying positive today hopefully your new rainbow is growing nicely.

BLUETINKERBELL: hope you have a lovely birthday and enjoy the safari park.

WTW: Im sure your Erin would want you to be happy and enjoy your the arrival of her beautiful sister.

Thank you so much for your kind welcome everyone thinking of you all tonight x

Oh babyh Adam is a beautiful name. The early days are so so hard, just go with it and do what you need to get through. We lost our dd2 Erin 25/08/11 shortly after she was born, she had fetal cancer. Like you we have an older DD who is 5 and we were blessed with dd3 who was born just last week. It is hard on the older children, any questions you have just ask xxx

Amyboo I know you can't help it but try not to worry. Early scans are so hard to be accurate. I think I was posting on here when I went at what I thought was 8+1 weeks with Holly and they dated me 6+2. I was stressing but by my 12wk scan it was back to my original dates. Big hugs xx

Ellypoo sounds like you're having a stressful time! I've only moved house once and hated it!!

Kleine sorry your friends have been insensitive. I think we've all come across it - I'm never sure if it's that people just don't know how to be or if they really are stupid! I kept this pregnancy quiet until 20 weeks because I was terrified of people thinking it meant we were 'over it and moving on'. Thankfully most people didn't react like that at all

First trips out with baby Holly were a success and she was cooed over by everyone we met! Both dp and I are emotional wrecks though leading up to Erin's birthday I miss her so so much but I know if she were here Holly wouldn't be. So conflicting.

Hi all been away to Mil for a visit... Now trying to type this on my birthday present :)
Welcome babyh so sorry to hear about your little one... I lost Dd2 last year at 20 weeks pregnant, she had a chromosomal disorder called triploidy which is incompatible with life.
I'm almost 28 weeks pregnant with DD3.
Feeling very tired and we're going to safari park tomorrow for my birthday

Blizy - So sorry to hear you lost your beautiful DD Zoe. I feel humbled coming on here and thankful as well because I have already been blessed and lucky enough to have two beautiful children. Its so awful that there are no other rainbows to get you through this and my heart goes out to you. My DD had her Baby Alive Doll waiting in the car seat before we lost Adam so its been so hard on them as well :( Sending you big hugs x

First - So sorry you lost your baby B. Hope your coping and this preg brings new and happier times for you. I know its hard to stay stong but your lovely rainbow is on the way : )

babyh hello and I'm sorry that you're here. Adam is a lovely name, I'm so sorry for your loss. My baby B was born and died at almost 22 weeks earlier this year after we discovered that he had multiple severe abnormalities and made the impossible decision to end the pregnancy. I'm pregnant again and worried.

Too I think raising a toast to Thea was lovely. Our angel babies should be celebrated too

Amy my understanding of such a faint line is that it should be expected before the date of your missed period (if that makes sense) so it sounds reasonable that your dates should be put back. Clearly you'll worry though as we all would. Fingers crossed for two weeks time.

Hi to all today

Baby- grief is mentally and physically exhausting. Adam is a fab name.

My dd Zoe was stillborn at 41wks on 28/2/11, i went in for reduced movements. after results from the ctg it was decided to break my waters. Once I was in the delivery room I was hooked up to the ctg again but they couldn't find her heart beat that time. It was found that I had something called defective placental maturation, Zoe also had downs syndrome. She was my first child, I have been ttc for 15 months without success. we conceived Z on our first try, so this is all very new ground for me.

Sorry for any typos/spelling, cat sitting in keyboard!

Ps If I dont reply Im in bed. Had trouble sleeping x

Hello everyone. Thank you all for your lovely messages. Sorry I havent replied to each of you individually but struggling to take everything in at the moment. I started to write a list of all your names and then got confused and didnt want to miss someone who had been kind enough to introduce themselves. Sorry for the late reply also. I had a family committment last nite and went with my mum to the cemetary today...gutted when I got there because the flowers we laid on Monday are already dead. Is anyone else having this problem? Feel exhausted so going for a nap in a bit. (I dont normally sleep in the day but since we lost our son Ive been shattered)
I'm lucky enough to have 2 beautiful children (DD1 8) and (DS2 6) we always wanted more children and I was delighted to fall pregnant with our 3rd child. We love surprises and didnt learn that our 3rd child was a boy until he was gone : ( his name is Adam.
I went to hospital after feeling reduced movement and even though I was worried I never dreamt for a second he was gone!!!! I was 38+4 and 5 days away from my planned c-section.
The midwives faces and the docs who told me our sad news will be engraved in my mind forever. One minute 'it was just a check up' the next we were talking about his funeral.
Im sure you all understand the hell thats followed.
He was so beautiful 8lb 11oz he was perfect and looked like he would just open his eyes at any moment. His death is unexplained but I always said the dating scan was wrong from day one and measured 5-6 wks bigger for dates. We are waiting for an appointment with the consultant to come through.
Reading through this thread I cant believe how many of our beautiful children have been lost.
So sorry for you all x
Congratulations to all of those who have new rainbows (including the very recent arrival of Holly so pleased for you WTW)
Will pray for all those hoping for rainbows tonight x

amyboo try not to worry, I know its hard but there is nothing you can do untill the next scan. Try not to read too much into others actions, in my experience most doctors are not gushing when it comes to pregnancy. Every pregnancy is different, repeat the mantra 'today I am pregnant' becuase you are. Don't think its over before you know.

Oh little9 what terrible timing for your consultants appointment - is there any way you can put it off? I know that I couldn't focus on anything else on the day of Nancy's funeral.

A very sad welcome babyh, the ladies on here are so supportive, I hope you find that too. I lost my DD1 Nancy on 31st Dec 2011 when she was just 2 days old, as she had been starved of oxygen and was too poorly to survive. I'm so sorry to hear about your DS, please tell us about him if you feel up to it.

blizy I'm so sorry AF arrived, it's just so crap.

WTW, I'm so pleased that H has started to put the weight back on and is feeding ok - you take care & sending massive hugs to you all.

I will second fans post - remember angel's mantra: 'today you are pregnant'. Easy for me to say, but dates do seem to change quite a bit in the early days, but it sounds very positive really.

mecha - well done for driving to work & doing a full day, not too long to go until your op and then joining us in the TTC rollercoaster. I will certainly join in with a virtual cocktail & piece of cake!

Wasn't very well yesterday - had a nasty sickness bug, and still feeling a bit weak and crappy. Doesn't help that AF due in the next couple of days, so feeling pretty shit.
Also, our buyers had suggested a moving date of 7th Sept, which was fine, but last night they called up and their buyers have given them an ultimatum to complete by 31st Aug so I'm now really stressed about that, as we have said that we'll get out asap so that they can move in quicker. Really could do without this all as well at the moment.

Too, Maia's naming ceremony sounds lovely - beautiful pic of M & MrToo!! Well done for the toast, sounds perfect. about your weird friend though, how ridiculous. I just can't believe some people sometimes.

kleine, I think people just want to think that you are starting to feel better and 'move on' as it helps them, IYKWIM (if you know what I mean babyh!). It doesn't help you of course.

to everyone else

Thanks for the supportive comments. I keep thinkign about how my gynae seemed, and come to think of it he didn't seem that positive in his actions. Maybe he was just tryi to spare me what he thinks is the truth? I also just checked DS1's scan images and he showed up on a scan at 5+3. Not looking good then I guess. I hate all this :(

amyboo just quickly wanted to add that I have read so many threads on here about gestation dates changing a lot in early pg. One scan they go too and the egg is classed as five weeks then when they go back its actually back to normal dates. Try not to worry, as wise old angel would say 'today you are pregnant' take one day at a time.

Oh amyboo. That is just so stressful.
I have no wise words or stories that could help you. But it is of course very possible that you ovulated at a really unusual time in your cycle, so soon after losing Thomas. And the gynae DID see a sac and was able to tell you he thought it contained the beginnings of an embryo....
Please keep ranting on here. I hope the others will have wiser words for you than I do. I will be thinking of you. Lots of love xxx

mecha that made me laugh - I will happily partake of virtual cocktails and cake with you!! There is indeed lots of sadness on the thread... I suspect there always is, on a thread like this, but how glad I am that it is here. Well done for driving and working.

too SO adorable. Glad the naming day went well. Am at Angel's idea of your rather odd friend actually being her MIL...

little goodness. Can you alter the consultant's appointment, or would you rather just have it and get it out of the way? I certainly couldn't have handled ANYthing else on the day of E's funeral. But I am well aware that everyone is different. We will be thinking of you.

blizy am glad to hear your test results were good. Only a month until your DH's SA now... v stressful, though, isn't it?

So, this morning I have so far received the following: a text saying 'hope you have a lovely Bank Hol weekend', an email inviting us out to a group dinner next week, and another text saying 'would love to see you soon but so busy!!!'. Hmm I think our friends have got to the oh-yes-you-must-be-moving-on-now stage... We knew it was coming but, really? Just ten weeks after she died? Just rams it home how you simply can't 'get this' unless, sadly, you have had to do it yourself.
And that is one of the reasons why we are not going to tell ANY of our RL friends for quite a while that we're ttc again. After all - that would be proper proof of moving on, no?!

I can, however, share with you lovely lot that we are so intent on ttc again that I now have a UTI

Just catching up with the thread. i don't get on here that much thanks to DS1 taking up lots of my time, not to mention trying to sort out our house in time for the builders to come and pull bits of it apart next week! So sorry if I miss anyone.

Am amazed by the weight loss fanjo - so impressive. Do you do weight watchers or something to help? Keeping everything crossed that it helps you with ttc.
Sorry to hear af got you blizy. Hope you're not feeling too down.
Glad to hear Holly's doing OK wtw and hope she carries on gaining weight.
mecha I'm not surprised you're counting down the days. So glad they're getting you in for definite now so that you can start ttc again.
Sorry to see you on here babyh but I hope you find comfort in this thread like I have. I lost my DS2 Thomas at 35 weeks on 22 April 2012 after a routine appointment found no heartbeat. I have a DS1 aged 2.5 and am in the very very very early stages of a new pregnancy.
moomins hope everything is still goong well and you're managing to stay calm now the stitch is in. I don't blame you and mias for not joining the antenatal threads. I don't think I'd ever be able to join one again as they're so full of relaxed, fearless pregnant women :(

I just had my first gynae appointment today at what I thought was 6+1. I thought my dates might be out a bit, as I normally have a regular 28 day cycle and before I lost Thomas I usually ovulated bang on the middle of my cycle. When I poas on the day af was due I didn't get a line within 3 minutes, but in my desperation I checked it after about another 4 minutes and a very very faint line appeared. I'd never had that before, so tested again 3 days later and got a bfp. The gynae did an internal scan today (they always do those in Belgium up to about 13 weeks) and he could see the sac and what he thought to be the tiniest beginning of an embryo (a little pin prick sized dot), but he reackoned by the measurements I am only about 5+2. So I have to have another scan in 2 weeks and am praying everything is OK. Can anyone give me any positive stories about this? As I had a mmc at 13 weeks before DS1 I'm finding it hard to stay positive, even though I did suspect my dates were out and I know that it's normal no to see much at 5ish weeks.

Argh. I hoped seeing my gynae would calm me down, but it's just made the worry worse. Sorry for the rant. I can't really talk to anyone about it in RL apart from DH, who is just trying to ignore it until we get further along. Sigh.

whatever Thanks, both of my day 21 tests were excellent, so I and defo Ovulating. Dh has a semen analysis booked in for 26th sept. My GP said she would refer us to the fertilty clinic but I think we will keep at it ourselves for a bit longer (depends on dh SA results).

How is Katy adapting to having Holly around?

Ah mecha that sounds grim, I really should be laying of the cake though ( i don't really drink now, the thought of being drunk freaks me out just now).

Blizy I am just bitter I can't digest fat, so no tasty treats for me, and the painkillers I am on can't be taken with booze, so no wine either! soon though. Soooooooon

Oh Blizy I forgot to say I'm sorry AF got you. Stupid witch Where are you up to with the tests at the doctors? xx