Rainbow babies- for all of us holding, pregnant with and trying for our rainbows. While remembering all our darling angels

Thanks for all the get well vibes, am pretty much there now, twas a bit vile though. Sadly DH got a mild dose and Freya has also had a stinky squitty bum today, so we are a house of disease and foul smells!

Yes to those that asked, it is Bobbie's birthday tomorrow. We went up to her grave yesterday (the day we found out she died) and put her flowers up so they are there ready for tomorrow. Actually feeling ok about it for now, calm before the storm or relief the build up is done?? Who knows, enjoying the peaceful feeling whilst it lasts.

angel oh my goodness what a "holiday"! Not surprised you feel so wiped now, what a nightmare you've had. Soooo glad the little lady is ok and you got a couple of days to enjoy at least. Big hugs for this week, your plans sound lovely. We will go up and visit Bobs again. Not sure what else, we're all feeling pretty whacked by our bugs.

fan and Kleine let me join the love-in and mutual appreciation!! You are both fab, understanding ladies with big hearts and I am so grateful to have met you and had your support

babyh I really feel for you with all the cycle stress. No useful advice I'm afraid, but lots of luck with your new CBFM.

kleine what an appalling excuse for a friend. Very cowardly. I just hope you don't get peddled any of the (or accept) shite of "I didn't want to upset you...". Bollocks, what people mean is they don't want to have to deal with our upset & grief so just ignore & stay away in the hope that they can pick up again when we are "over" it.

fan hope the cold doesn't materialise. Booo to AF, have a and here's to next month xx

too Love your pictures of M! She's such a sweetie Is it a new sling?

X-post Blizy Wish you lived closer!! Sadly I think other than Green down in Devon we're about as far away from you as possible!!

Hi all I am reading just not managing to post much! I read on my phone while b/feeding Holly but can't manage to type!! She's keeping me very busy at the moment needing lots of rocking and cuddles!

Thinking of you spilt and angel this week as Bobbie's and Georgie's special days approach xx

Angel what a horrendous time you had in Ibiza. You poor thing, the last thing you needed! Poor Phebs hope she's right as rain now, how flipping scary xx

Kleine I am very with your stupid insensitive friend. Grrr. Not what you deserve at all. I hope one of your other friends points out her insensitive behaviour . You do have a marvellous memory

Loved meeting you Saturday Fan Where did 5 hours go?! Must do it again soon xx

Hope your cycle sorts itself out soon babyh how frustrating and disappointing for you xx

Mias remind me of your due date again? Think Blue is next with you soon after? xx

I know i've missed loads but H finally asleep so am going to pop her down and hope she stays there long enough for me to get kitchen and packed lunches sorted!

Love to all xxx

Angel- wow, you and ant must have been terrified when phebs was ill, I'm glad she is better now and that you and A are fixing things. I hope you are doing ok?

Fan- sorry AF got you again. I am of your and Wtw meet upand the cake.

Kleine- what a horror of a "friend", she would be most definitely struck off my Xmas card list! Dh and I have lost some
Friends and fame members since Z died, defo showed their true colours. Anyway, i hope you are ok?

Thinking about Georgie, Bobbie, Angel and Split. Love and hugs for you all. X

We were at a friends wedding yesterday, I actually enjoyed myself, first time in ages.
I think I'm on the start of the 2ww now....

Sorry I haven't replied to everyone personally but I am thinking of you all. X

babyh no, its all a bit expensive for me. I use opks which is ok for me, I can't get too worked up. I think if I had a cbfm I would be a bit more obsessive than I am already

Fan....second Klienes post.......you are one of the most supportive ladies I have ever met would send you both some virtual flowers but Ive no idea how you do it xxxxx

Do you use the CBFM?

Cross post babyh... v glad you got a CBFM, hope it arrives quickly, and (unless it's a BFP) that your AF does, too. I think you start using the sticks on day 6 of your first cycle when using the monitor - but the instructions will tell you all that anyway. (This is just coming from my legendary memory )

Thanks for being rude about our so-called friend, it helped!!! Lots of love xx

And also sending out lots of wishes to all who are still waiting for their rainbows, I hope you wake up tomorrow feeling hopeful, and I hope that your rainbows are waiting just around the next corner for you all.

Ha ha!
But I meant every word xx

Kliene: I have to agree with Fan 100% you have a wonderful memory....bask away you lovely thoughtful lady xxx
On a more sour note...how really awful of that so called friend of yours....its so unfair that you've carried your baby for 9 months and still have no baby....or potential rainbow. Sorry chick dont want to depress you (I'm so rubbish at cheering you up arn't I!) even more I just mean I understand how horribly insensitive people can be and show little consideration for your situation. Its funny how much you realise who is there for you at a time like this.....I hope on the bright side there has been some great support from RL friends you didnt expect IYKWIM As for the blow by blow details of where the baby was conceived well you just wouldnt say that on FB....clearly they have no class lol....Hope my very uncharitable post has cheered u up my friend.

Wishing for rainbows for you and all those still waiting inc Fan Blizy Mech xxxxxxx

Hey I meant to say, thank you for the ebay tip about the CBFM I just bought one for £32 including sticks fingers crossed they havent been used ha ha.
Just need my AF now still no sign but kind of have to accept my fate that cycle up the wall still.

Gosh you've made me blush!

Ooh how lovely! You have cheered me right up

poppet memory of an elephant- you always remember dates and if we all have a big anniversary or an appointment coming up. You are our own little diary. Lol. (I'm only jealous as I always seam to forget things and have to read back three or four pages)

And the Crap Friend of the Week Award goes to... a friend of ours, who hasn't been in contact ONCE since E died, but just got in touch today, including us on a group email: new baby scan picture, details of where baby was conceived (seriously), and the nickname that their DC1 has already given the baby. This child was conceived very shortly after E died and they have evidently not even considered telling us separately or in a sensitive way. I am really not into swearing, I rarely do, but - they can f-off, basically, can't they?

On a far less furious note -
angel and spilt I am thinking of you both, and of Georgie and Bobbie, this week xx Sending much love xx

fan oh lovie, so sorry about AF. Bless your DH for thinking he'd done really well this month (mine is the same, always used to make me chuckle, even in such a rubbish situation as long-term ttc). Hope your cold makes a quick exit. Hugs to you x
Btw - memory of an elephant? I will accept the compliment of course but have no idea why it was bestowed on me. Perhaps I have forgotten...

Hi babyh how are you doing today, my lovely?

Fan: Glad you had a nice weekend but sorry your AF got you : ( x

Angel: Just wanted to send you a great big hug. Thinking of you and your beautiful Georgies 2nd birthday xxxx

Hello to everyone else. Hope the day is being kind to all you lovely ladies xxxx

Thanks Fan indeed was v scarey at times.i m ok at the moment sad at times full of regret that Georgie should be here. All so sad... Can t believe she should be 2 in 2 days time...
Glad you ve had a nice weekend ... Xxxx
Hi all: xxxx

green I hope you are ok my lovely?

I have a sore throat, and feel generally like a big cold is on its way, will be my first in, well years! working outside has its benefits.

Hello ladies

sorry ive been quiet all weekend, its been a busy one. Spent most of saturday chewing wtw's ear off , had a great day and a great creamy cake bought by mrwtw, your girls are gorgeous!
Then sunday I was so busy with the garden, watching DH play football, cleaning and crocheting totally hectic. Oh and secret b/day shopping for DH.

thinking of angel and spilt, I hope the anniversary of your first born girls passes as gentley as it can. How are yu both doing?

spilt feel better soon.

angel glad your home, what a scary holiday.

babyh life can be cruel, sometimes I think because we are hoping for a BFP we stop our AF coming, not medically trained but I know through bitter expereince this year and before that the months I really wanted or thought I was going to get that BFP, it always came late. (well most of the time) Remember though your body is still getting back to normal. I know its hard trying to be patient, but really thats all you can do. Stress does not help get those cycles back to normal. It is shit though isnt it.

poppet you have a memory of an elephant! , how do you do it?

too loving the name change! Maybe we should have a pumpkin craving competition?

elly glad you are getting a bit of RL support in these early weeks, how is it going?

blue, miasmum how are you and your ever increasing bumps doing?

Im out this month, AF reared her ugly head friday! booooooooooooo! But I was ok about it, it seams to be the norm now. DH was a bit upset, he really thought he did well this month, bless him! we will plod along and keep trying. Im back on the slimming world going to lose some more weight before christmas, and you never know it might help me get pg again. (it seams to be my secret weapon)

Thanks all.
Too happy birthday sounds like a fab day xxx
Split a crap few days for us? Hope u re feeling better? Love & cuddles to our Rainbows on their birthdays ... Are you doing anything? We re going to Georgie's special place with some flowers taking Phebs then our to tea to celebrate her day. Instead of us all buying flowers I ve asked my family to donate money to SANDS ...bless ourBobbie & Georgie xxxx
Kleine thanks v much xxx how are you?
Babyh sorry you re feeling crap life is unbearable at times isn t it? Some people seem to sail through life without any crap whereas some of us have enough for 3 people ... It's so unfair ... My bro would land in a vat of shi* & coming up smelling of roses!!! Hope u feel a little brighter soon xxx
Elly a lovely day you ve had? Glad you ve supportive friends , I ve found a lot of mine a godsend in the past 2-3 years xxx how many weeks are you now? Xxx
Hi all; Phebs great today but I ve now got stomach cramps & diarrhoea!!! Pls next time I mention taking a holiday someone shoot me!!!! Could be either an infection or I took some AB yesterday for infected Mosquito bites ( my r foot has swollen due to the same) then I developed rip roaring indigestion so stopped the AB this am so could be as a result of the same..
God, I look & feel knacked , worse than before I went on holiday ... Hope I feel ok soon as now I m wasting my AL on sick..however, at least I ve not got to worry about work now.
Love to all xxxx

Too: Thank you so much birthday girl : ) its hard not to get your hopes up only to get a neg test isnt it. Gonna have a birthday drink for you in a bit (any excuse ha ha) might as well have a little glass of wine since Im not preg!

Thank yourself lucky about those knockers the scouse ghosties and ghoulies knock by the minutes it costs us a fortune in sweets. We normally have a party with about 20 kids and the children who knock start asking to come in as well lol their chaperones/mums always look embarressed when they ask!!!

Alice and the Cheshire Cat sounds fab xxxx

Baby, lovely, I hope you can find some peace with your cycle soon. For what it's worth, after Thea was born and my lochia stopped, I had 2 v long cycles. First was about 7 weeks. I conceived on the second cycle, but a pg test after 4 weeks was negative, as was another a week later. I finally got a BFP after 6 weeks. I can't possibly have ovulated on the 14th day - think it must have been more like the 28th! I don't know what was going on and if it would have eventually settled down if I hadn't got pg.

I love Halloween too! We didn't get any trick or treaters the last 2 years because we live in the middle of nowhere, but I now know one set of neighbours and so their kids might come this year. I must remember to lay in some sweeties just in case. I am going to a Halloween party at a friend's, so need to make costumes for myself and Maia. I'm thinking Alice in Wonderland and the Cheshire Cat...

oh thank you Kliene.....your own experience is just what I need. Sometimes I do feel incredibly selfish because I soooo want to be happy : ) Im honestly not a whinger by nature I promise. I think if I SWI every other night I will give up by the time we go to Butlins Bognor on the 18th ha ha

Time to invest in a CBFM every little helps doesnt it : )

Thank you lovely lady night night xxx

Sorry, that was epic! Hope it made sense, I am knackered and off to bed...

I was just about to go to bed but refreshed the page before turning the computer off, and, babyh, obviously I can't leave you unanswered - I'm so sorry, poor poor you, you've been having a really rough few days. I wish it had been a BFP for you Please, please don't ever beat yourself up for finding this hard - yes, you have two beautiful living children, but they don't make up for A's death, and we all understand the need to have another little one in your arms.

I COMPLETELY get the stress about AF/cycles. I am also in a really irregular pattern now (for me it's more the opposite, I have had lots of bleeds, but given some post-birth complications, I have had no idea which were AF and which were the consequences of the operation I had to have a month after E was born. I think I have ovulated now and am waiting to see what sort of LP I have. It's so very stressful, I do understand - like you, we just want at least this one thing to be normal...).
Anyway, enough about me. Based on my own knowledge - you might have to expect some more irregularities. You might not, of course, but the stress of A's death will mean that you're producing different amounts of hormones to usual, and this might mean you're not so regular for a while. I'm not sure whether you have just had an AF; to me it sounds like maybe you didn't... (in my uneducated opinion!). Oh and I get random period pains at the moment too, not at the time of bleeding, but eg I had them during the week I ovulated... no bleeding, just pains... it's so difficult to interpret them, isn't it? I think it's just another weirdness and am trying to base my ideas of cycles on actual bleeding and temping, nothing else. (Have you thought about temping?)

I really wish I didn't need my CBFM at the mo - I'm about to start re-using it after this cycle - otherwise I would send it to you!! It's much more reliable than ovulation sticks, if you really really want to track your cycle properly. Have a look on ebay, as they are quite expensive from new (I was on there the other day after the lovely blizy's recommendation to get the CBFM sticks on there). Secondhand ones can just be re-set and then you start using them as if they were new, but you need to use it from the first day of AF.

If it helps - when we had no clue if I was cycling or not - we SWI'd every other day, just in case. Also, DH and I have decided that, if I'm irregular for a while, we're going to try to view it as extra time for my body to heal rather than getting even MORE stressed about it. I can't say I'm always successful with this, but it does help a bit.

Sorry, this was mostly about me, but I wanted to share in the hope that it might help.

too Happy Birthday to you! I am so pleased you had a nice day and that you got such a lovely birthday card from both your girls xx