Rainbow babies- for all of us holding, pregnant with and trying for our rainbows. While remembering all our darling angels

Just popping back on, hope everyone is OK I'm having massive trouble reading and processing at the moment. I can still cope with the threads on one topic but there are so many people here I just can't juggle it in my head

I've seen there are some new people, so sorry to 'meet' like this, this thread is a godsend, so many wonderful ladies in one place.

6 days left for me, I'm off to a sling meet today - hoping I can borrow one for the early weeks till I can afford to buy. I seem to be waking earlier and earlier - 5:50 today. We have worked out one of the problems with babies movements is when I eat - I can't just get up and get a snack, so I've been waiting hours for food at times then I forget I was hungry. We've had it a bit more undercontrol and DH is prioritising feeding me and there is a lot less time between movement, phew. Unfortunatly I woke before 6 today and DH doesn't get up till 9 and I need to be out of the house for 9:45, I've got a little dark choc and a packet of polo's for now need to get more organised - I guess I'm having a tin of tuna for breakfast

Posted too soon! Meant to say also, great news about Holly. And SO so glad you are obviously enjoying her so much.

fan chilli festival and plans for this month both sound good...

wtw a neonatal psychologist works with parents whose children were (or are) in the NICU. So, not specifically for bereaved parents, but he has plenty of experience with them, sadly - it's a talking/counselling/CBT appt, offered by our hospital in addition to bereavement counselling, and we can go again if we like. Being on this thread has made me realise how lucky we are that this help is available to us...

Blizy your weekend away sounds just fab Just what you needed. Have you heard any more on the counselling? Thank you for your lovely thoughts for Erin xx

Fan loved your pics of the chilli festival! Dp was jealous - apparently we are definitely going next year SWI plan sounds a good one.

Kleine the plants for E's grave sound just lovely. Forgive my ignorance - what is a neonatal psychologist? Is that for pm results?

Thank you juggling I just can't believe the last 12 months xx

Angel sounds like a much needed, good relaxing weekend xx

All well here - feeling a bit calmer now Erin's birthday has passed. Am totally and utterly in love with Holly, you were all so right, she is worth every last bit of anxiety in the pregnancy. She has put 7ozs back on since last Monday so she's 6lbs 1ozs now and is feeding beautifully from me so have dropped the formula top ups.

Love to all xxxxx

Blizy sounds fab xxx
Fan glad u enjoyed the chilli festival cx
Hope all are well? Been away at my parents for the weekend was nice Phebs spoilt rotten ...she loved it... Rested & chilled today ... Lovely to be off work xxx
babyH yes , Georgie died of E Coli ...however , I was asymptomatic had no temp & my blood tests were fine. We all have E Coli internally & live with it without any signs or symptons...
Love to all xxxx

KP - I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter E

I will leave you all in peace I think for a while, as I feel you all offer each other better support than I can having not been through what you have. Had to come and join you for a bit though to say how glad I am to hear of the birth of Holly to the wtw family. Much love to you all x

Good luck to you fan - hope the chilli's help things along on the ttc front - sounds like my kind of festival !

blizy thats sounds like a lot of fun, Im glad you had fun. How is everything? Any joy with the counselling?

little well done doggies, I would love a dog but DH not keen. Have to make do with our crazy kittens and psycho rats. lol

wtw that lastest pic of H on fb is gorgeous!

poppet it takes time to get into a rythum I think, but Im glad you had some time away. Im sure E's grave is going to look wonderful.

Just got back from the chili fiesta, it was great, got lots of goodies, and eat lots of chili food, lovely indian, south african, vietnamese and jamaican. Great chili beer, and chili cider, oh and some gorgeous ginger beer. Weve decided to change our ttc for this month and just have regular SWI for the ov week. Hoping that the chili will help it all along considering its supposed to be an aphrodisiac. FX.

Hi all, hope you had lovely bank hol weekends where possible, or bearable ones if 'lovely' is stretching it a bit far.

Haven't read everything I'm afraid but I did see that you were pleased with Erin's day on Saturday wtw - that's wonderful. I was thinking of you. blizy, the hen party does indeed sound like exactly what you needed! little glad to hear that you and your dogs did well. I should add, I think you are very brave going to the show, and am not surprised that you found it difficult... but very well done to you.

I see there are some new names here, juggling and tayto, I'm so sorry you have had to join us... This is an amazing place of support, though, and I hope you find what you need here (as well as in real life). Our gorgeous daughter E died aged two days from the effects of oxygen deprivation, just eleven weeks ago, after I'd gone in for an induction at 42 weeks pg. We're still waiting for confirmation on whether I had a complete placental abruption, undiagnosed vasa previa, or even both.

We managed to get away for a bit this weekend and had a predictable mixture of an occasionally good-ish and mostly appalling time. Today we bought some gorgeous pots and plants to put on E's grave, while everything is settling.
My cycle and body are a bit all over the place, it seems, but hoping to avoid further hospital appointments. We do, though, have an appt with a neonatal psychologist this Friday, and are hoping he might be helpful.

tayto I am so sorry to hear the sad news about your little Daniel,this thread is a huge support. We will be here for when you feel ready x.

whatever I seen your photos on FB, beautiful, just beautiful. Erin will be so proud. DH and I both shed a wee tear looking at her head stone, it is just perfect. I had a few moments on Sat under the stars to think of little Erin. I hope you are doing ok today?

dachs Many congratulations, Cammy is a beautiful name. Of course you miss your twins, they will always be with you.

baby we had answers of sorts at our PM, I had "defective placental maturation" but that alone wouldn't have caused Zoe's death, they think she may have also been laying on her umbilical cord. We also found out then thats she had Downs syndrome, but that didn't contribute to her death.
I really hope you some answers.

little Well done you and dogs, second place is fab!

I had a fab weekend, was away on a hen weekend. We stayed in a huge lodge, had a dance class, caterers made our dinner and a naked butler served us drinks . It was such a good laugh, I really needed it to be honest.

I hope everyone is ok, sorry cant name check, I have to go mindees here soon.

Sorry Angel our posts crossed. Did you say you had E-Coli that caused you to lose Georgie? Didnt quite get what you meant? Thanks x

Evening ladies.

Mech and Little: thinking of you both and hope you get some answers...thank you for taking the time to reply.

WTW: We didnt get a PM done....I just couldn't do it. At the time we felt we knew the answer (that they left me too long) I told the midwife from day one the scan dates were wrong. I believe I conceived our beautiful son the month before they were saying. I had my AF for one day and they dated me back to that day. Despite telling the midwife each time I saw them they didnt do anything until I was 32 wks when they sent me for further tests because I was measuring 5-6 wks bigger and was always way over the 3rd percentile on the graphs.....my other 2 children always measured 2 weeks bigger so it all seemed too much of a coincidence. They hospital sent me home with my section date unchanged and said everything looked ok.....the bigger the better they only worry about small babies!

Since then I have analysed every single thing I ate and did and am worried sick that it was something I did wrong that has caused this to happen x

Love to you all x

PS: Hello to JUGGLING sorry I forgot to introduce myself last night : )

Welk done Little's dogs xxx
Tayto thanks xxx I m not brave just very determined & stubborn... Phebs is an absolute angel & even more so as we know the awful flip side... She is appreciated & worshipped 1000 times over as she is so precious ... Take care xxx
Fan elegant as ever xxx
Juggling your sentiments are sweet..
We had a PM on Georgie , all was nad bar my & her placental swabs were + ve for E Coli ... A total & utter fluke as my waters were intact , I was well & we all have E Coli internally with no problems... A total fluke ....
Love to all xxx

babyh did you have a post mortem done? If so you may well get some answers from that. We had no idea why Erin died until the pm results meeting which is when we found out she had cancer.

Well done Sammy little9

Waves and loves to all xxxx

Hi Tayto - I just wanted to say how lovely I thought your post was - so thoughtful to everyone. Look after yourself too x

Hello ladies. Well, had a bit of a nightmare at the show yesterday as my head was all over the place, but little Sammy got a 2nd today, bless him! Boomer did some good work too, but alas still awaiting that elusive clear round!

babyh - get the results from the pm on weds next week so may be able to offer more advice then. Dreading there being something really wrong but then also dreading not getting any answers!

Welcome Tayto. Sorry you find yourself here but they are very supportive ladies on here if you need them.

Got everything crossed for you fan for you (and everyone else ttc) to get that bfp soon.

Take care everyone, xx

x-post with babyh! Not the same situation for us exactly, but we have an appointment with the consultant on the 17th September to discuss Dexter's birth. Sadly, we know why he died, he was just too premature and his lungs were not strong enough, but we are hoping to find out why I went into labour so suddenly and so early. Trying to steel myself for it, I know that in 1 in 3 cases it is "just one of those things" and we may not find any answers.
Hoping that you and I will be able to find some results that will bring us some peace. And that someone with more relevent experience comes along and answers your question properly! xx

Afternoon everyone, just checking in.

Fan your journal sounds lovely. A wonderful memory of your Golden Fi. I keep meaning to put together a proper box of Dexter's things but I haven't managed to yet. I just want to hoard everything to do with him and keep it all for myself. MIL asked to look through his things from the hospital a few weeks ago and I had to leave the room. I let her, I thought she had the right to as he was her grandson, but I couldn't watch!

Dachs I am sorry this is a tough time. Of course you will never forget or get over your twins. How could you? I am glad you have Cammy to help though. Such mixed emotions.

Tayto Take whatever support you need from where ever you can find it. Personally some days I am serene and quietly sad, but accepting what has happened to me. Somedays I rage against everything and everyone. Some days I am just numb right down to my core and don't believe life has turned out so cruel. Nothing you feel is wrong. This thread is here if and when you need it. such early days for both of us, even more so for you! Really thinking about you and precious Daniel.

Sending internet love to all xx

Fan: Your so brave and strong for everyone. I looked at our little plot yesterday and thought exactly the same 'is this all I have left!'. Your entitled to feel a bit negative at times and I so wish you weren't in this position. I don't know why someone has decided to inflict this hell on any of us but will pray that all your kindness and support is rewarded with a new rainbow soon because you so deserve it. xxxxxx

Diffed: Thinking of the twins. So glad you have Cammy

Tayto: I'm not usually a 'forum' type person either.....but these lovely ladies have supported me so much already. You and your DS Daniel will be in my thoughts. I also couldnt believe how may of our beautiful children are being lost, not only via this forum but through all the sympathy cards and flowers we received. It sadly seems like everyone I speak to knows someone in a similar position. Take care.

Cant get the consultant out of my head, waiting for the letter for the follow up appointment because I'm desperate for answers. Any of the mums whose babies were born asleep and 'unexplained'...did you get any answers?

TIA

babyh that sounds great, they will look so beautiful in the spring. A little bit of colour, just like your angel.

tatyo I might come across as strong but I am far from it some days. When you are ready we will be here to listen and support.

dachs so sorry you are feeling down, your babies are always with you. You are a mother of three and that will never change, bless little Cammy she sounds wonderful. Hugs to you.

wtw from your pictures on FB, you really did honour her, they were beautiful.

This month two years ago we conceived Fi after 18 months of trying, we are ttc at the moment, Im trying to be positive but sometimes it is hard. I was looking through her memory box the other day, I have a journal book in there where I have written her story, it was lovely and hard to read. I feel so sad that that is all I have of my beautiful golden girl. A few pictures, a lock of hair, sympathy cards, a couple of scan photos and her positive POAS. I still cant beleive it still says positive.

Angel ? I am so sorry to hear about Georgie. How devastating to lose your beautiful first child.. and having carried her for 41 weeks...I am inspired by how brave you must have been all through your second pregnancy. Congratulations on the birth of little Phoebe ? such a lovely name.

Juggling - thank you very much for you kind words. You seem like such a lovely supportive person.

Mecha - thank you for the warm welcome fellow ex-pat. I just read back and read about your little Dexter. I?m so very sorry, poor little lad. I?m thinking of you and hope you get the BFP you want soon.

WTW - just wanted to say that i am thinking of you on little Erin?s anniversary xxx.

DiffedAgainDachs - so very sorry to hear of losses. Sending you a hug. Congratulations on Cammy.

Babyh200 - thank-you for the welcome. I just read back and see that you lost your little boy a few days before he was due. I am so sorry, my heart goes out to you.

Fan I also just read about little Ophelia and your subsequent miscarriages. Again, i can?t imagine the depth of sadness and disappointment you have experienced. I am so sorry. You must be such a strong person to be looking out for everyone here despite everything you have experienced.

I have only looked back at some previous posts on this thread tonight and am reminded of what a tough and difficult place this is to be. It is really inspiring to hear about the little rainbow babies, but my heart is heavy reading about the enormous losses that have been experienced. I am not sure that this is the place for me; but i just want to acknowledge the depth of pain and sadness experienced by so many people here before i go, as i?m afraid my earlier post may have been a little one-sided in terms of positivity. I really wish everyone here love and hope for the future.

Wtw my thoughts have been with you all day, hope you get some rest lovely
X

As my dd says when thanked for something ... "My pleasure" - an honour to light my little candle for Erin this evening x
Much love to all your girls wtw Hope you get a good nights sleep x

Forgot to say Hi Juggling thank you for your kind words and for remembering Erin xxx

Thank you for your lovely messages. It's been a hard day, but I think we've honoured Erin. Feeling totally shattered now xxxxxxx

Feeling a bit sad right now because it's about the time the twins should have been born last year and although I know it's not the same as their actual birth date I still get those e-mails saying 'your baby is one now' which make me sad.

Cammy is lovely and thriving and I wouldn't be without her but my heart will never recover from losing my twins.

I'm so happy that lots of you now have your own rainbow babies and my fingers are crossed for the rest of you. It's not easy to try again and it's really hard when you are pg. And the birth was really terrifying. But I have my baby. At last. And she's lovely xxx