Rainbow babies- for all of us holding, pregnant with and trying for our rainbows. While remembering all our darling angels

Hi all!
had another appointment at the hospital this morning. It was an assistant of the consultant. Bump measures exactly 28cms, which is spot on for 28 weeks :)
She couldn't find the heartbeat very well, but she wasn't pressing down a lot either, but I felt little one kick away until she finally found it...
My urine sample showed up some protein so they sent it off to have it checked for infection, but the midwife said it will probably be ok.
They want to see me again at 34 weeks for a scan :)
Which is good, but on the other hand I'm starting to panic that they won't let me have a home birth... Forgot to ask them, so will have to ask the midwife in 2 weeks if I can still have it.

little been thinking of you yesterday! I hope the day went ok for you. How was little Daisy's cremation? was there a service?
I can understand your mixed emotions that they haven't found anything. Big hugs x and now get yourself into gear for ttc

Elly wtw is right, we moved house in December and I had my BFP in February So get those boxes unpacked! :)

Angel I know for sure that you and Ant will get through this... You're such a lovely couple!

blizy glad you had such a good time away! and hurray for possible counselling!

trickle hang in there! not long now x so excited for you!

babyh welcome and so sorry we have to meet you here! Adam is a lovely name! and tayto welcome too! x

mias how are you doing now? You must be about 24-25 weeks now?

mech on the countdown to your op? will pray that all goes well!

Angel- I'm sorry things with ant are not too good just now. I have no words of wisdom but I do hope you can both sort it out. X

Little- I hope you are doing ok today, I thought about you and daisy a lot yesterday.

I'm working today, first day with the 2 babies (18month and 7 month) and they are both asleep !

Kleine- I hope you have a nice relaxing time away.

Big waves to everyone else, must get on with some housework while the wee ones sleep.

Hi all... Little that does sound so mixed - simultaneously a relief that it's over and that you can start ttc, and frustration that you've got no answers. Well done for getting through it though. Also, I'm sorry that I didn't say it yesterday, but I think it was Daisy's cremation yesterday too? If I've remembered correctly - what a day for you... I hope it went 'well'. And that you slept well, too.

angel oh, life is so, so difficult at times. I'm so sorry you guys are having problems, and really do hope you find your way forward, together. I think you're very brave to admit to it all - though I suppose half the battle is knowing that there are problems to address, rather than denying them. Your nightmare sounds horrid. Thinking of you and hoping that tonight marks the beginning of a new, more positive phase for you both x

I had a 'busy' day yesterday seeing friends and woke up feeling rather stressed and panicky today, so I think it was probably all a bit much! Have spent the morning watching a DVD and relaxing, and feel better now. Will do some packing this afternoon, we're going away for a few days. I don't know if I'll be on here much over the next week or so, but will be thinking of everyone. Love to all xxx

Thanks all for your kind words... Had a nightmare we'd split up last night & Ant was being horrible ( which is very unusual for him) this upset me ...also the thought of starting again frightens me . We ve been together 13 years & through so much ( even without Georgie ; redundcies , mil from hell etc etc...) so think I m just in a lull... He tried to make an effort last night
& I rejected him so tonight I m going to try .. Guess I do love him as the thought of being without him isn t good... Know we re just taking each other for granted & I ve felt neglected....
Little I felt like you was a relief after the pm results though I then beat myself up as to not being aware I'd had E Coli.. Xxx
Wtw glad Holly is well? Indeed , what a difference a year makes?? Bitter sweet isn t it? Xxx
Fan we haven t really got any babysitters up here as all my family live in the Midlands. One of my friend's babysits when she can but between her work , holidays etc... It's only been twice this year so wr don t get out very often on our own. Whenever we visit my mums we go out , last weekend we went to the flicks & pub ... So yes an option but not one we get very often I m afraid... We tend to do a lot of socialising independently I m seeing some mates on fri night.... It's hard when family are useless ( mil from hell) or live miles away..,,we re booking a weekend away in jan as Xmas present to us at Thorseby Hall a fab spa hotel we ve been to before & the grandparents are having Phebs...
Don t want to sound ungrateful whinging as I ve for my darling but with both working ant ; full time , me 32 hours now it's hard ..... We ve got Ibiza in 4 weeks fx that ll help...

Hope everyone is ok? Fab weather love to all must go at work now!!!! Xxxx

Thanks for thinking of me everyone. Mixed emotions really. Nothing showed up on the tests/pm. Good in one way for any future pregnancies, but annoyed that waters broke too early for Daisy to have a chance at life. Oh well. Am now back on the ttc wagon again. Feel like a weight has been lifted actually. Just want to thank all you lovely ladies for helping me to get through this. I know I've still got a way to go, but it helps knowing you're here.

Angel - hope you get sorted your relationship sorted. My DH and I have been through it a couple of times in the 19 years we've been together. Never an easy time, but if you both want to make it work it is possible. Big hugs, xx.

babyh - my doggies are my babies! Bless them. They're not at all spoiled!!

fan - ha ha. Nuts for nuts - tres amusant!!

Elly - good luck for house move.

Hello to everyone I have missed (and sorry). Am now taking my exhausted ass to bed - hopefully I will actually be able to sleep properly tonight (fx).

wtw I should be testing in two weeks.

Fan hope you're enjoying the opening ceremony and your curry Sounds like you guys have had a good few days, I'm glad xxx

Little hope you eventually got seen and it wasn't too rough. Thinking of you xxx

Kleine what a lovely positive way to look at things. We've all been through so much, I'm constantly amazed by all our resilience xx

Elly good luck for Monday Moving house is never fun! Am sure blue's bfp came soon after a house move

Angel what a sad but honest post. Can you guys spend some time together just the two of you? The last few years would have taken their toll on any couples relationship. It's not surprising you've lost sight of what it's like just to be 'normal' after the intense early grief, ttc again, the stress of the pregnancy, a newborn plus all the time missing Georgie. Big hugs xxxx

School uniform shopping today - I remember the day so clearly last year; standing in Skoolkit getting K her first ever uniform less than a week after Erin died, trying desperately not to fall apart. What a difference a year makes.

Waves to all - how are our pregnant ladies getting along? And who is due to test soon? August how are you and Adam getting on? xx

angel that's sad to hear. Have you and ant sat down and chatted? Or gone on a date night?

little hope u got some answers or resolution xxx
Nuts all round then girls???
Kleine hi that's a fab positive attitude you ve got... Hope u don t have to wait too long for your rainbow.. However, both my girls were definatly worth the wait & all the heartbreak ... Xxx
Elly glad you re move is going ok? Xxx
Bored here: of work & stuff never my Phebs just other stuff ( marriage etc....) maybe the last 2-3 years had been such an emotional rollercoaster that " normal" life is taking some getting used to... Don t get me wrong : I m not whinging just bored with some stuff... Sometimes feel like I ve out grown Ant particularly in light of all that's happened... We re not close any more just live together... This doesn t upset me , doesn t particularly bother me anymore as I feel totally fulfilled with Phebs...but I ve been putting the effort in to us for a while now & it's just not repriocated or it is for a short period only...
Never mind me: just whinging & I have Georgie & Phebs to be eternally grateful for if things don t work out ... Xxxxx

Lol!! My brother in law swears by brazil nuts!! Sadly DH isn't keen on them :(

Hi fan at nuts for nuts!

little thinking of you.

Just been talking to a friend whose having fertility issues and she mentioned that her DH has started to eat walnuts, apparently they are good for sperm production. Might mention it to my DH. Nuts for nuts.

Little- I hope you are ok?

Just popped on to pass my thoughts to little, busy, busy day with work.

Thanks for the well wishes. Still waiting to be seen, they're running behind but they've put me in a quiet waiting room, which is not so bad.

I'm with you on the DIY front, miasmummy. Just done up bathroom and toilet, currently in the middle of decorating one of the spare bedrooms. Next is the lounge, other bedroom, our bedroom and hallway/stairs! I'm definitely on a mission!

Will check in again later and let u know how I get on, xx

oh blizy 18 months... Sending you much love. Like the others I am so glad to hear that there is a counselling option at the hospital, after all. I can't believe no one told you about it - but anyway, hopefully you will be able to see him/her asap and start accessing proper help.

trickle oh-so-nearly there now. Have you managed to arrange a big shop and get lots of food in before little one arrives? You mustn't go without food!
(I think your mice have moved into my garden, by the way... I saw one perilously close to the back door but I am in blatant denial hopeful that they won't come inside.)

mecha goodbye condoms indeed!
How are you feeling, physically I mean - managing ok, till the op?

little9 thinking of you for your appointment today. Hope it 'helps'. Let us know.

miasmummy you have had such a hard time - and so many mountains looming ahead of you. I don't doubt that you'll climb them all, but, my goodness - I am thinking of you. So, so hard. I recognise something of what you are saying about the DIY projects - our house is currently super-tidy - it's one thing I can do. Hugs for you. xxx

wtw ... I can't think what to say, really, but the phrase 'icy heart fear' is so and I can only imagine that I would/will be just the same. Lots of love to you.

Babyh I'm not back in a regular cycle or anything yet, either, although I have to expect various irregularities and problems for a while, after some issues that came up after my EMCS. I thought I had an AF but it turns out it probably wasn't. Who knows. Nothing I can do about it, so just have to wait and see what happens. I do sympathise with you, though.

elly really hope house move goes well! Moving is so stressful...
Do you already have ideas for Nancy's headstone?

Waves to angel, blue, fan, oh and everyone else too!!!
Not too much to report here, but life is going on. Every day we hope and wish and pray and long for our second child, and with the hope of that child, we manage to get out of bed in the morning. Who knows when we'll even be able to try 'properly' - what I thought was ov, probably wasn't - but, I tell myself, our daughter was amazing, perfect, and totally worth waiting for. So we CAN wait for her sibling, too, one little day at a time.

elly new house new baby, isnt that what they say? I have my fx for you. I know how stressful moving is, you'll feel so much better once in the new place.

Hi all - wow everyone seems to have had busy weekends!!

Glad you had a good hen do blizy, and that's really positive about the bereavement counsellor, I really hope that they are able to help you xx I hope yesterday passed gently for you xx

fan - the chilli festival sounds great, DH would have loved that!! He's a chilli fiend - shame I'm a bit of a wimp when it comes to hot food, not that I don't try!!!

mecha & trickle - 2 very different countdowns, but I hope that the time passes uneventfully for you both.

So pleased that Holly is putting weight on steadily wtw. Your pics of Erin's birthday and stone were lovely, I hope the day was gentle for you.

Hi to everyone else - sorry if I've missed anyone!

Have been really busy packing - carpets went down in the new house yesterday, looks fab, they have changed the look & feel of the house so much! We want to move this weekend - complete on Monday, so then we will be able to start looking for a headstone for Nancy!!

Still no BFP, but hoping that now house is going through and a lot of the hard work is done, that stress will be reduced which can only be a help when TTC!!

trickle hang on in there, not long now to lots of baby cuddles, thinking of you this week.

babyh hoping your body kicks in soon.

We spent the day in Arundel yesterday, so pretty. Played a bit of golf, lol well putting golf on a little cute putting green. i won. Just been out for breakfast with DH's big family and looking forward to a chilli fiesta inspired curry for dinner. Back to work tomorrow, but its only for two days. Im so excited about the paralympic opening ceremony tonight, its going to be epic Im sure. Cant wait for the equastrian and wheel chair rugby and the swimming and cycling, its going to be so good, as the channel four advert says here come the superhumans!

Morning Ladies

Glad you had a nice weekend

Little Well done the doggies. I didnt realise Sammy was a dog because I'm new here! My two children would love a dog but I'm trying not to give in to the pet pressure tactics. My DS (Just turned 7) also asked how much a parrot cost at the weekend : )

Thinking of you today x

Trickle: 5 more days x

Blizy: Loving the hen weekend and the naked butler. It was so nice to read you were able to escape from reality for a bit. Thinking of you and Zoe x

MIA: Please forgive my ignorence. Im new to this site and cried buckets when I read your story on the other thread about your beautiful red headed Mia x

Sorry no time to name check everyone else . Just off to take the car for its MOT an off to the docs. Entered my 3rd cycle with no Af........so no hope for a future rainbow yet x

Love to all x

Wtw well done Holly xxx I too think like you at times think its normal after what we ve experienced its too scarey so push these thoughts to the back of my mind... I make myself enjoy all my time with Phebs as know what it's like to not have your baby... Cx
Blizy love to u & Zoe xxxx hope u get a date for counselling soon... Xxx
little good luck tomorrow xxx
Mech 1 little week xxx
Hi all ; tired , been a long & boring day at work grh ... 3 days left to the weekend... Xxxx

Blizy I hope you get to meet with him/her. Thinking of you and Zoe today - 18 months xxxx

1 week mecha Will be such a relief for you to have the op xx

That makes perfect sense mias it's important to have some control I think. You've got a lot of important dates coming up - remind me, when is Mia's birthday? Itchy belly button sounds v irritating, you poor thing xx

All good here except I still keep getting the icy heart fear that something will happen to Holly. I find myself whispering to her 'please don't leave us, please don't die' I guess losing one child really does change you as a parent forever.

Ah blizy a sad and special day for you. Very glad that you have another route into finding some counselling after that initial pathetic attempt by the system.

fan love the chilli fertility guide!! Just make sure that neither you nor DH touch any of the chillies with your hands before swi - very painful!

mecha never thought I'd be excited about a gall bladder, but yours definitely qualifies...

whatever what a clever girl Holly is, putting on all that weight in such a short space of time. Hope you are feeling close to Erin after the weekend too.

thinking of you tomorrow, little9, hoping you get some answers.

Me, having a quiet time after a fairly emotional weekend. Finally realised I am madly doing DIY stuff as it is the only part of my life over which I feel I have any control at the moment, as I wait for Mia's birthday, I wait for her inquest, I wait for the anniversary of her death... and I wait for this baby.

But I have the itchiest belly-button in the world. Not sure if it is pregnancy-related or not, as it is still an "indy", nothing to worry about, or maybe a little hernia. All I know is that it is driving me mad!!

Thinking about you today Blizy

Trickle six days! Wow!

WTW The photos of Erin's birthday were just lovely. I am glad Holly is thriving and well.

Fan the chilli festival looked amazing too! Very jealous, and so is DH :)

I am in doing a day at work again. One week to go til my Gallbladder is out! Really looking forward to it for so many reasons! Nervous too. My peak fertility is supposedly this weekend, then op on Tuesday, then goodbye condoms!

Hope everyone is having peaceful days.

Sending you lots of hugs blizy

whatever I found out at the weekend that the hospital has a psychologist for bereaved parents! My friend is a midwife and had some of her workmates at the hen do whom I had a chat with. She is going to get the number for me. I'm glad Holly is thriving now. x

18 months ago today, I had my first and last cuddle with my precious baby girl. It feels like forever ago and no time at all.