Rainbow babies- for all of us holding, pregnant with and trying for our rainbows. While remembering all our darling angels

green xxx I was exactly the same 4 years ttc , 1 MC, 1 MMC a couple of cps then Georgie but I got there in the end as we all will... It's just so emotionally draining & all consuming.....so hoping for rainbow babies for us all very soon xxxxc

My alpacas have just been sheared. They look ridiculous. It's the most I've laughed in ages, and they don't look impressed with me. I didn't know I could laugh anymore. I hate that it makes me feel guilty.

FAN, I really hope you're being kind to yourself, you are doing everything right, as MIASMUMMY said. X

I have spent some proper time looking at my SWI record (!) and I think because I assumed I wasn't oving I have missed the best dates for two of the four months. Bugger. It has made me feel a little stupid, but at least I ovd this month. I just want my cycles to settle down, then maybe I will stop obsessing. ( who am I kidding)! It's been so long since we started trying, (4yrs), and two MCs then not getting to bring Merryn home and I'm feeling it's all a bit impossible. It's hard to hang onto hope isn't it? I don't know if I can be as brave as the ladies here who have been trying for a while...you are truly my inspiration.

Fan it stinks ... Glad u re going to the drs. Ask for a gynae referral to check your fibroids. I had implantation bleeding with Phebs ( the only time ever) was when I was due my AF was pink tinged spotting over about an hour or so... Hope u get some answers chick xxxx
Amy good luck back at work ... 1 day at a time & remember " today you are pg" xxxx
Kleine is it you on hols? Sorry if I m mixed up!!!! If so , have a fab time.xx
Blue excellant news re; mat pay cx
Blizy boo hoo for DH being away ... Can u sneak an early one in now & 1 when he returns to cover the bases????
Welcome Spotty sorry for your loss. My DD was stillborn at 41 weeks on 10/10/10: Georgie of E Coli. I'd had 2 MCs before Georgie but have since had my fabulous rainbow ; Phoebe 18/10/11. We certainly understand what you re going through & are a good supportive bunch . Xxxx
Hi all , hugs to all. Feeling better here , just tired now so chilling , reading etc... So nice to have had this time off work think it was definatly needed... Weather been lovely here so made the most of it.... Will return to work on Tues ( my day off Monday) for 3 little weeks then have a holiday in Ibiza me thinks!!!! xxxx

fan honey, I wish I had the answers for you. But know that by acting now and visiting the doctor, by losing weight, you are giving yourself the very best chance you can. You are not putting your head in the head and ignoring the signs - which many less courageous people might do. You are amazing, I think. Big hugs. Xx

I just feel so let down by my body, I'm trying to make it better by losing weight, but yeah going to ring the doctors tomorrow and get an appointment, I may need to have another ultrasound to see if I have new fibriods. This all sucks, why am I the one having the problem, why can't it be easy.

FAN. I'm really sorry things are crappy. You just really really deserve it to be different. I think at least if you go to the docs you might get some answers, or some reassurance if nothing is 'wrong' iykwim. Xxx

miasmum I think I am going to have to go to the doctors. This is shit, I'm really fed up. I hate that this is my life now.

Hi POPPET, (waves madly as you pass Devon), hope you have a safe trip home, and when you get there it's welcoming for you. It can be hard going home after being away, normality isn't so normal for us anymore is it? I sometimes feel my life must be carrying on somewhere else, and I am on a parallel path that can't be right.....

FAN, to hell with wtf cycles. It's just not ok. You should be regular as bloody clockwork, it's only fair. Thinking of you. X

AMY, I hope you are ok waiting for your appt.? ( stupid question, I mean as ok as possible). I have everything crossed that they can give you good news. Is someone with you? X ( much hand holding on offer).

All kind of ok here, suns shining, but can't seem to get off my bum to actually DO anything..... Ah well, lunch time soon!

fan Hmmm. That seems strange. Could your fibroids be messing up your cycle? Just wondering if it might be worth having a check-up on them (although not really sure what this might involve), to see if you can gain any greater understanding on things?

poppet thank you for your post but I think its all over this month, its CD 23 and well the spotting has increased and its the start of AF, a week bloody early, I'm not chuffed! I think I could cry!

fan I'm afraid I don't know much about fibroids but, unless spotting would mean they needed urgent attention, and given that you're not in pain, if I were you I would wait it out. Perhaps if you notice an increase in the bleeding, try phoning the docs for advice if you can do that? Otherwise though perhaps best to wait until you know whether it's pg related. And of course all pgs are unique, so the fact that you didn't spot at this stage previously doesn't necess mean anything. Must seem like forever till the end of next week... Hope so much for a very sticky bfp.Am off out now but sending much love to you xx

Sorry ladies having a bit of a freak out and need some advice or a sturn sit down and don't panic fan!

Ok for the past two mornings when I've been for a wee I have noticed that there is a tiny spot of blood in my knickers. Now I'm just coming into the second week of tww, so I know it could be implantation but also it could be my fibroids. I've never had this before my other pg's have always been pretty clear of spotting till week 5 or 6. So what do you think I should do? Should I go to the doc's or wait it out till the end of next week? And see if I get a BFP? I'm not in pain, so thinking to wait it out but what do you ladies think.

Oh amy Xpost - I was wondering this morning when your appt was and thought perhaps I'd missed it upthread - thinking of you and hope and pray so much that your little bean is doing just exactly what it should be. Much love to you xx

A quick hello from me. Sending love and a yummy Cornish cream tea to everyone! (Not that I am eating such things myself, sadly, but for the past few days DH's breakfast has been two scones laden with everything!!)
Hugs to all who are struggling right now. Always so sad there are so many of us. moomins you obviously had a bad night, I'm so sorry. how are you feeling today? Have you spoken with your DH about wanting a private appt, what does he think you ought to do? Hope today is a little easier.
Welcome to spotty, and I'm so sorry about Bertie (great name). I was being induced at 42 weeks in June when I started hemorrhaging - our amazing little daughter E was born by EMCS and died two days later from the effects of oxygen deprivation. We had been ttc for over two years when we conceived her.

We will head back home tomorrow, has been good to get away. Beautiful walks and beaches. Tough though, of course, too. Plus we've had two baby announcements while here (waiting on a third, any day now), and although we've coped pretty well with it so far, it's just always going to be hard around these little ones, who were excitedly planned to be E's playmates. Selfishly, I also find it very hard to watch friends' families extending unproblematically to two or three children, when our much longed-for firstborn died...
Still have no idea what's going on with ky body/cycle. Fair amount of erratic bleeding etc. Consultant is happy to leave it for a month or so (unless it gets worse) in the hope it will sort itself out spontaneously. Not really up for another op right now, so I do hope it does.
That reminds me - mecha really so glad to hear the op went well! Your DH sounds lovely, taking so much time off to look after you. Take care xx

Hello to everyone. Sorry I've not been on here much recently. Trying not to focus too much on the potential pregnancy (still refusing to believe it might actually stick) and also DS1 started maternelle (like kindergarten) this week. He's finding it pretty tough after having been in his old creche since he was a baby, and I'm finding it tough too as he's still so little (only 2y5m). Not enjoying him crying every morning :-(

A sad welcome to the thread spotty. So sorry to hear about the loss of Bertie. I lost my DS2 at 35.5 weeks on 22 April. I'm possibly about 7ish weeks pregnant again, although refusing to think about it at the moment incase I miscarry again (had a mmc at 13 weeks before DS1). I hope you find comfort on is thread.
Great to hear about your op meccha and glad that you're feeling much better.
Keeping fingers crossed for you fanjo and hope that your weekend plans don't get in the way of ttc blizy ;)
Hope you manage not to worry too much moomins. Although I am the queen of worrying, so don't take my own advice!

Have gynae appointment at midday to see if the fleck that we thought we saw 2 weeks ago has a) managed to grow, and b) managed to get a heartbeat. Am terrified, feeling sick and really desperately crossing everything. I've definitely been getting more symptoms these last 2 weeks, but I know after having a mmc that symptoms can be there even if the pregnancy fails. Back to work on Monday, so praying the baby has stuck and grown...

Hi spotty, I'm sorry to hear about your little Bertie. My dd Zoe was stillborn 18 months ago at 41 weeks, we have been ttc for 16 months so far.

Mecha- I'm so glad you are well! Won't be long until you can start ttc!

Green- I'm at your Dh clinging onto having an Italian baby! I have a number for the maternity bereavement psychologist, I'm building up the courage for the call.

Moomins- I'm sorry you are struggling at the min, can you speak to the consultant about having a scan sooner?

Blue- fab news about the MP!

Yikes to all the animals with fleas!

I am due to ov tomorrow or Friday, typically I have come down with a horrible cold and Dh is away on Friday morning to a stag do for the weekend!

Hope you are all ok today, love to you and our angels. X

Welcome spotty and so sorry to hear about your Bertie. My daughter Ophelia was stillborn at 36 weeks 16 months ago and we have had two early miscarriages since. It also took us 18 months to fall pg with Fi. I hope u find the support you need on this thread. I know without this thread I would be in a different space mentally now, these women here are wonderful, supportive with out being judgemental. I love them to bits.

Waves to everyone, sorry not to name check will read back later, right starting week two of the tww. Trying not to over think stuff. Fx.

Hi, I hope you don't mind me sneaking in?
I had a late miscarriage in April. Our baby boy, Bertie was born at 18 weeks. His due date is/was 14 Sept so I'm feeling a bit wobbly at the mo. We are back TTC but in our 18th month all in all and just feel as though it's not going to happen again for us,
We are blessed with 2 other, beautiful children but the ache of losing Bertie is near constant for all of us I think.
Sorry for putting a downer on the thread. I'm just relieved (though sad) to find other people in a similar situation.

Yay! I'm ever so pleased, work has offered me enhanced maternity pay, so I can financially manage to take 13 weeks off instead of 8 otherwise :)

Hello all!

Just checking in, I am feeling so much better after my op. The least amount of pain I have had in months. The wound in my tummy is a bit nippy, and I am a wee bit like bambi on ice tottering about but DH had this week and next off to look after me. Will catch up properly soon, still a little spaced.

Thinking about us all!

xx

Oh I forgot to say, after mentaling my way around Europe, I have, finally, ovulated!! I'm sure if we did get lucky this month DP would still claim it was an Italian baby though ;)

BABYH.... Hello properly to you, I'm sorry I didn't see that you had joined, and I'm sorry that you need to be here too, although its a lovely group! I'm with BLUE and ELLY in saying that your little one was very much alive. My little girl, Merryn, was alive outside of me for six days before she died (due to an operation to remove a tumour failing on the day after she was born), I wasnt with her in the first day to see her awake although my dh was (I was very ill too, and she was transferred to GOSH), but I think she was most alive inside me, and those are the memories I cherish most with her. She was wrapped up in my body and my love, just as your little one was wrapped up inside you. He knew his mummy, and you held him wrapped in you. I hope it's ok to say that, but I truly believe our babies know their mummies very well long before they are born.

We have painted the hall ( with paint we also had for over a year), and a bedroom since Merryn, I think it's good to be busy, it helps me anyway ( although I still have the odd duvet day).

eLLY... I'm glad you're getting an early scan, I can imagine its all very scarey, but you sound like you're doing really well.

BLIZY... I think it's lovely you've still got Zoe's ashes at home with you, and also that she might be with your Mum one day. I think it's good you allowed yourself time as well, we didn't click that we didn't need to do things straight away, I don't know why. How are you doing, I don't know if you managed to get anywhere in finding a councillor yet? I hope its not putting you off, I'm sure there must be ways to access this sort of help? X

FAN, I checked my cats today, I think one might have rabbit fleas! How are yours?

MECH, how are you? I hope you're not too sore, and are being spoiled?!

AUGUST. It's great to hear from you!! You should be very proud!

Hi to everyone else, hope you had sunshine today!

Oh my, I've missed so much, just seem to be catching snippets of time here and there for mn.

Bfeeding at the mo' so bit awkward... Just want to say Elly, congratulations, its genuinely lovely to hear about a much hoped for BFP, remember when I got mine. Hope it all goes perfectly for you x

Trickle any news lovely? Thinking of you. Love the name x

Hi to everyone and sorry to see we have newbies

My boys back at school now - wtw yes yes, how different to last year... It makes me feel so sad to remember but I can't help but be just immensely proud of my rainbow baby

Also babyh, I totally second what blue has written above (((hugs)))