Rainbow babies- for all of us holding, pregnant with and trying for our rainbows. While remembering all our darling angels

I know fan am a bit nervous. She didn't even tell me until afterwards!! I did wonder why the stitching up part took over an hour compared to about 30mins with Erin. I was so entranced with Holly I didn't question it at the time though. In her words 'we wouldn't have opened you up just to take a biopsy but seeing as we were in there anyway it seemed like a good opportunity'

Hope they see you early next week. If you get no joy from the gp's it might be worth trying to get to see Dr. Salloum. He is helping one of the ladies from my Sands who has had 2 miscarriages since she lost her dd last year. Think you can get hold of him via Fareham Community Hospital in Park Gate. He only lives round the corner from me!

Love Harry Potter here too, could you make me a wand green? Hermione is a great heroine to have wtw

wtw I didnt Im going to do it on Monday, thought that if they wanted me in today theres no way I could have explained everything I needed too. Thats a thing to have hanging over your first weeks with Holly, fx for a clear result.

Ooh I want to see the Alpacas too Can you ride them Green? I'm not surprised you feel anxious about being pg again after all you've been through. Very self aware of you though to be able to recognise why you're feeling so wobbly. Just try and cling on to the thought that the tumours both Merryn and Erin had are incredibly rare and the chances of it happening again are so small. I had to tell myself that every day during my pg with Holly. I have a mad Harry Potter fan here too - in fact philosophers stone is on at the moment. Hermione is K's heroine What a super mum you are making wands for ds's party!

Amy so so pleased for you Here's hoping for sticky beans and uneventful pregnancies for you and Elly

How are you today Fan? Have you booked docs appt?

Fx for you Blizy xx

Cant remember if I said but during Holly's delivery they had an oncologist in the theatre who took some biopsies from my womb to see if any cancerous cells were left behind from Erin. Have to ring up next week for results, eek!

BLIZY, sounds like you caught the right day!
Even although our situations weren't exactly the same, I imagine a lot of the feelings and fears are similar. Thanks for letting me know you also struggled, (that doesnt sound right but you know what I mean I hope), it's reassuring to know its something you have worked a way through, I guess we all are pretty strong really, or we wouldn't be here would we?

what are their names green, the Llama we had at the farm was called Tilly, he was male! Never suited him he should have been called Adolf or Damien he had a bad personality.

ELLY and FAN, I'll take some shorn alpaca pictures tommorow, considering they are stud males, and usually full of bravado, they look very forlorn and a bit imbarassed!

Definitely amy, we are hoping to get an early scan the week after next so no idea about real dates yet but it looks like we are really close together! Have you been recommended to take baby aspirin this time? I have, a bit nervous about it but sure itl be fine as that's what my consultant said. Keeping everything crossed for very sticky beans for both of us xxx

Would love to see pics of your shorn alpacas green - I think they are funny looking with their coats so would love to see them without!!!

green that has made my day that I made you a little cheerier and that you remembered about the wool. (would love to see a pic of your shorn Alpacas, could you post one on here?)

SPOTTY, I'm really sorry I didn't welcome you, I missed your post up thread. Bertie is a lovely name, how did you choose it, if it's ok to ask? I'm sorry he didn't stay with you, there is nothing to say that helps, but at least here people understand. I'm on my 4th cycle of ttc after our little girl Merryn died at 6 days old due to a failed attempt to remove a tumour. That was in April, and things have got more bearable, but somedays still floor me if I'm honest. I think the ladies on here are a brave lot, I'm finding ttc a little terrifying just now! I also have two amazing boys, aged 9 and 4.

FAN, I'm glad I've made you laugh today!! That in turn has cheered me up too!! X. Our alpacas are shorn, and I'm looking into getting it spun, haven't forgotten I've promised you some wool, perhaps we'll both have reason to knit soon... That would be lovely....

BABY, more than happy to make your DS a wand if you want one! Pm me your address, I'm making 24 anyway, and my ds2 keeps nicking them so another one won't make any odds! (I'm secretly a bit addicted to making them now)!

Thanks for the kind words (and sniggers from FAN!) I feel a bit better now I have clicked to how I was thinking, more in control again. We will try and make up for lost time tonight!!

Ooh, elly I must have missed your news about your pregnancy. Maybe we can nervously hold hands together? Keeping everything crossed that our little beans stick. We think DS2's death was alsodue to blood clots on the placenta, as that's the only thing the postmortem showed.

spotty, sorry I didn't welcome you and introduce myself.

I'm so sorry to hear about your Bertie, there are no words, but the ladies on here are so lovely and supportive, it's quite a safe haven and 'nice' to be able to chat with others who understand exactly what we have been through & are going through.

My DD Nancy was born on 29th Dec 2011 at 37+4 when I went in with reduced movements. Sadly she had suffered too much damage due to oxygen starvation which we later found out was due to blood clots on the placenta.
I am now very nervously 5/6 weeks pg with DC2.

Great news amy, here's hoping for lots more good news scans.

Oh fan, my heart absolutely goes out to you. It's not right at all, you are lovely and this is so not fair for you x I hope doc does send you for a scan (((hugs))). I have heard good things about acupuncture too, mainly in terms of helping to de-stress which can only help anyway, you never know!

fx blizy. Have you been in touch with the bereavement midwife counsellor person at the hospital? I hope that you find the courage to do it soon, if you haven't already done so.

Hope you had a nice holiday poppet and that you managed to rest and have a break away - it's good to get away from everyone & everything sometimes.

green, you had such an awful time, there's no wonder you are scared of conceiving again. I hope that you are able to talk about it with DH or someone so that you can start to deal with your feelings.

It must be a difficult time for K wtw, but I'm sure she'll settle down soon. My friend recommended cabbage leaves too - no idea how it helps, and it may look & feel a bit weird but worth a try if it helps? Hope Holly recovers from being bunged up very soon, and that your boobs feel better very soon too.

green I went through a bit of a melt down during swi not long after we started ttc. I know my situation is different to your though. Anyway, I just want you to know that I am thinking about you.x

amy fabtastic news!

fan It bloody sucks! I have no words as I know there are none to make you feel better. Sending you a hug instead xx.

I had a peak on my cbfm this morning, dh and I swi last night, couldn't this morning as I slept in! I hope we have manged to catch it.

By the way my DS7 loves HP will you make me one ha ha

GREEN: Good morning our posts crossed. So sad to read what happened to you and your DD Merryn (beautiful name by the way). You sound like your have been through a horrific time and its bound to effect you.....its so strange how things change. I had smoke coming off my heals at the thought of every going through or putting my family through this again and yet my DH was just the opposite. He said he saw what he could have had : ( but was so cruely taken.
I had what seemed like a straightforward pregnancy apart from being large for dates so in the main it was a happy time. Your experience from 20 weeks was horrific and I understand your hesitation. Hopefully the chances of life threatening issues are slim for you if you try again......just think of the end result.......wishing you and all of the lovely mums on hear a happy ending one day xxxxxxxxxxx

PS: And me as well lol x

amy that is just such good news, fx for more good news in the future scans.

green Your post made me laugh, your such a mum! To finish it with Ive got to make 20 harry potter wands. Thats priceless.
Your pregnancy with Merryn is bound to have an effect on you and thats something that you need to think about and digest at the right speed. Your bound to be upset while ttcing its all part of it in the the early stages. (when you get to my stage its just annoying and heartbreaking that its not happening)
Have you had a chat with your doctor about how you feel and about your health issues and how they will effect you ttc'ing and carrying another baby?

Fan: I hope you feel better soon. I was told about the acupuncture from a friend who had IVF which failed four times. They decided to have one last try and she also had fibroids anyway she started acupuncture which can regulate your AF and was successful on their final attempt.She told me she was very sceptical when she first went but had amazing results. Anyway another friends DS was also having no luck and went on recommendation and now has non identical twin boys. Moving on to the Royal Jelly ......apparently it can make your eggs stronger and help regulate your hormones.....mine defo need a helping hand.

Sending lots of rainbow dust your way today, chin up chick xx

AMYBOO: Such lovely, lovely news so pleased for you :)

POPPET: I meant to say, its so hard when friends are all getting pregnant when you have nothing and it must seem so bloody unfair. Its not that you want them to be unhappy you just wish that you could be in that position. Me and my DD were walking home from school yesterday and there was a woman walking with a very young baby boy. (About the age our dear Adam would be) She was carrying him a little carelessly TBH practically under her arm and he looked like she might drop him at any moment....so much so my DD said look at the way that woman is carrying that baby mum. I whispered back in her ear that she probably didnt realise how lucky she was and that if our baby was here we would be pampering him something rotten!!

Hope you've had a nice escape from reality anyway, take care and safe journey home today xx

AMY... I'm so happy for you! I've been thinking about you since yesterday wondering how it had gone, I'm just so,pleased!

FAN, your having such a tough time of it love, it's just not right. It's reassuring to know you conceived Fi with similar cycles, but you need something to change so you can feel a little better. Do you have anything nice planned for you're WE?

I had a bit of a funny turn last night. It's spot on for SWI and I couldn't. I got really upset. I've realised that I am terrified of getting pregnant. I think I've thought so long and hard on what happened to Merryn, (which was a nightmare from the start), I've only just started to allow myself to think about how it was for me. The whole pregnancy from 20 weeks I knew she had a tumour, and every two weeks I had to see and hear how much bigger it was. I made so many bargains with a god I don't even believe in. It was a living hell. I was ill all the time. My body started to mimic hers when I got mirror syndrome, and by the time we were in London I was very ill, but i new she had no chance if i couldnt keep her inside until 32 weeks, (we managed 32+1). I didnt know what to do, she needed to be inside, but i needed to stay alive for my two boys. She alerted them on a routine london scan, which saved my life basically, if we had driven back to Devon the doc said I would have fitted in the car. I went into major organ failure and it was really hit and miss for a while. I've been left with a dodgy heart and possibly kidney problems, they don't know yet. By being born my girl saved me, and I didnt manage to save her. It's all wrong. Anyway, I'm sabotaging ttc I think, and need to put some serious effort into not doing this. My DP was a bit desperate last night, he so wants another baby. He's got even less control over this than me. Sorry to be flat, I'll pick up soon. I'm glad I've realised why I'm being weird, now I can do something about it.
(Meanwhile, I have 20 Harry Potter wands to make for my DS1s tenth birthday. I can't believe he going to be ten!)

Morning everyone. Thanks for all your good wishes - they must have worked! Scan yesterdayshows a proper little baby now, complete with a heartbeat and everything. The measurements put me at about 7+4, so about 5 days off what my dates say. But, I think that's about right given the wierd pregnancy test thing I had. We're still not getting our hopes up too much as with my mmc before Ds1 I had a perfect scan at 9+5 only for baby to stop growing a week or so later.... Anyway, my gynae is being very supportive and I've got another scan booked for 3 weeks' time to check on progress.

Sending lots of virtual hugs your way fan. i really hope you get some answers aut the fibroids when you see the doctor.
wtw Hope you and H are feeling better soon. It's definitely knackring when they feed onstop like that.
babyh Hope af makes an appearance soon. It took about 8 weeks for mine to come back properly, so hopefully you'll be back there soon too.

Hello to everyone else - sorry I can't namecheck, but I've got a crazy last day off planned and my builders keep cutting the power while they redo the elctric sockets in my lounge. Going back to work might actually be relaxing at this rate!

babyh I havnt tried acupuncture, I shall look into it, I have heard reflexology is good too.

I knew it was going to be hard for me to conceive the fibroids can make it difficult for the embyro to attach, but I know something is different, my periods have changed. They have become more painful, so much so that today I went and bough some Feminax and well it isnt working! I feel quite weak and a bit spaced out. I think im slightly anemic again. Though there is no af today. Which makes me think the fibroids have grown or I have a new one or they have moved and my uterus is fighting to contract and get rid of its lining.
Going to ring the doctors on monday, I have to take the cats to the vets tonight for their second jab, so will have no time for doc's. Hoping they will be sympathic and let me go for an ultrasound. I just want to go back to bed and sleep through this today. My periods were like this the year before I fell pg with Fi, so there is hope. But god I had so much sick leave due to feeling so rough and weak. Doctors didnt do anything really, but I need to know for myself if the fibroids are different.

Evening Ladies!

BLUE AND ELLY: Thank you for your kind words.I hope all is well and your both taking it easy and great news about your pay BLUE x

GREEN: So sorry to hear about your lovely Merryn : ( I truly hope you get lucky this month ;)

MOOMINS: What a stressful time for for you. I wish I could wave a magic wand and fast forward a few weeks for you. Be strong I know your little rainbow has a guardian angel in the form of big brother Jacob. Keep your chin up x

FAN: Life is being so unkind to you. I hope and pray that things change for you soon. Hope I'm not speaking out of turn but have you thought of acupuncture? I've never tried it but it has helped a friend of mine who was TTC! I also read somewhere on another thread that Royal Jelly is supposed to be helpful? Sorry if this is useless info to all you experts on here so please bear with me because I'm still very much a novice on these things. Anyway FAN sending you 'BIG HUGS' tonight. x

SPOTTY: So sorry to meet you here. Really sorry to hear you lost your Bertie too. My son Adam was stillborn on 4/7/2012 at 38+4 x

WTW: Sorry your boobies are sore!

AMY: Hope your rainbow growing well x

Hello to everyone else and praying that those who want to start TTC that your bodies get back to normal. I'm now 9 weeks on and no sign of AF yet
:( feel like any chance of a rainbow is a million miles away. Gonna get some Royal Jelly tomorrow....who knows its worth a try!

Also did I read somewhere there was a list of questions that I might want to ask the consultant on Monday? If there is would someone send me it? Cant remember if I dreamt that or there is one........I'm truly brain dead!

Nite Nite all x

WTW, get ye a cabbage leaf....! It's lovely to hear about Holly, but its hard when they just feed and feed and feed isnt it? I'm sure K will settle soon, school and a sister is a lot to deal with!

AMY, thinking about you, hope all went smoothly today for you. X

Night everyone x

Oh fan my lovely friend ((hugs)) that really really sucks I think you are right, now is the time to get yourself to the most understanding doctor at your practice and try and get some answers. You and dh have done everything right and given yourselves the very best chance. You know from Ophelia, Beanbag and Bungle that you can get pregnant, so that's a massive positive to hold on to. I know it must be so hard to stay positive at the moment. We're all here with you xxxxx

Kleine glad you've managed to have some good times in Cornwall - get a cream tea down you though; doctors orders - good for the soul!

Amy what an anxious wait for you. Thinking of you and praying for a bigger bean with a nice strong heartbeat xx

Blizy sorry you've got a rotten cold - my dp has too, he's very grumpy!! Hope you managed to still take advantage of your ov though

Moomins what an anxious time for you. We had a private scan at 26 weeks, it really helped so imo money well spent xx

Mecha glad to hear you're feeling not too bad and you've got dh home with you xx

Blue yay for enhanced mat pay I'm already panicking about coping when I go to smp.

Hi Mias how are you doing lovely lady? I know Mias birthday is approaching - do you have any plans? How is Mias wood coming along? Hope you're managing to rest - it's such an emotionally draining time xxx

Waves green Sounds like you've had a good trip - at an Italian baby. Fx for you this month. Love the image of your bald alpacas!

Ah august you sound so deservedly happy with little Adam - same way I feel about Holly. It's a good feeling xx

Knackered here, poor Holly all bunged up and just wants to feed and feed and cuddle. Which I'd love except K really playing up this week - reaction to new sister and starting back at school methinks. Poor kid seems to think the only way she can get our attention is to be ultra hyper and argumentative. We've been so conscious to make sure she doesn't feel left out as well. My left breast is bloody killing me too not sure if it's a blocked duct or the beginnings of mastitis but it's so so sore! All worth it though!!

Love to all xxx

Thankyou angel and green, I have been ttc'ing for 3 and 1/5 years now, hoping for some good news soon.

All you ladies are so thoughtful and know exactly what to say, I love you all.

I've just reread my last post, and I'm really sorry if I came across as selfish and thoughtless. I have my two boys and I did not mean I am 'starting trying', I meant since we started trying for Merryn. My brain seems to be disengaging from my mouth a lot just now!