Rainbow babies- for all of us holding, pregnant with and trying for our rainbows. While remembering all our darling angels

mech and green I hope you managed to rest or sleep a little bit last night. I'm very lucky don't really suffer from insomnia unless pg, I know that's a very lucky thing to have. Thinking of your little ones.

poppet happy birthday mrpoppet. I hope you enjoy your walk, remember E is there with you always.

blizy how's it going? How are the mindees? Fx for you this cycle.

Oh dear it seems insomnia is going round... I didn't check on here last night but was also mostly awake. Like you both, mecha and green, I am having a tough time with anniversaries and important dates at the moment. Also, it's my DH's birthday today too. We are going out for an early walk now, I will be thinking of you both and your gorgeous babies. xx

Mecha and green, I am so sorry you are both having a rough time. I find that pmt makes everything so much worse (if possible). I hope today passes gently for you, I am thinking about your precious babies today, in fact I have just lit a candle for them. xx

Thank you Green, hope you get some rest too and the day is as peaceful as can be. Thinking especially about Dexter and Merryn today, and how much we love and miss them. x

Hi Mecha, I can't sleep either! It's really hard having your dhs birthday and dexters 4 month date on the same day, Its no wonder you can't sleep!
My pmt is completely different after Merryn, and I'm only just starting to predict how it will be (im due on on Monday). It doesn't help does it? I'm glad your dog is keeping company, even if he is stoned!
I don't know about you but RL friends think I'm 'better'. It's not a virus ffs. I miss talking about my girl. She would have been 5 months old today.
I really want some chocolate and a cup of tea, but cant be bothered going downstairs, so will persevere and hopefully get back to sleep soon. I can't really read books since Merryn (associate it too much with pregnancy and bed rest I think), so I spend far too much time on here! I hope you can find some peace and rest soon. Xxx

Not name checking now, as knackered. Love to all though. Love you Merryn, you would have been such a big girl by now, i miss you beutiful girl. XX

Morning everyone.

I can't sleep! Today (Wednesday) is DH's birthday and 4 months since we said goodbye to Dexter. I am feeling so sad and sorry for myself and I don't really want to let anyone in RL know. The dog was neutered today so she is up keeping me company, although completely stoned. Have given myself permission to have a bit of a pity party for one/sobfest and hope that clears things through! AF is due in the next few days, so maybe this is partly PMT? I went without periods for so long I can't actually remember if I get PMT or not.

Blizy your wedding sounds wonderful. We married two years ago, during that awful snowy November, in a barn, in the north east of Scotland. Completely mental. But it was fabulous. My wedding dress was purple so the unexpected snow made a glorious backdrop! How lovely your little girl was so present with you on your day.

Angel you sound so sad, and I am sorry. Life should owe us all a sort of get out of jail free card, but I know it doesn't work that way. I do hope this is a wonderful holiday, like you deserve.

Kleine sending you many positive wishes for your cycle! You have had so much stress and trauma, it is no wonder your body is taking a little while to heal. Frustrating as that is!

Fan I am really glad that your doctor was so helpful and understanding. It really makes a huge difference, doesn't it? Hope you are feeling better and that appointments and scans and things are all moving forward.

WTW I love seeing the photos of your girls on FB. They are just beautiful, you must be very proud indeed!

Green How did tea with your friend go? That was a brave thing to do, and I hope it all went well. I know lots of pregnant ladies and babies at the moment, I guess it is just my age, and I do feel a little pang with all of them. I am sure this will get easier for us both.

Mias Wow you have been busy! Hope the scan went well and the next months are totally boring and uneventful! Will be thinking about your wonderful Mia on Saturday. I have four really teeny scars and one of them is IN MY BELLY BUTTON. This really freaks me out. I have a thing about navels. The surgeon told me it was NEXT TO the belly button. He lied. Still worth it to be pain free and eating normally again.

Elly Hope Spain goes well and you are enjoying these early stages!

BabyH I am so glad your appointment went so well and you were able to get some answers. I hope they bring you peace, of course it was nothing you did. Our appointment for Dexter is on the 17th and I am looking forward to it/dreading it in equal measure.

Little lovely to hear about your clever dogs! Mine was spayed today, well yesterday, so I don't think she is talking to me...

Thinking about us all. Sorry for the epic post and for being so whiney and self-absorbed today. I haven't felt this low in a long time, and I don't really know what has triggered it.

Hi all, have been awake for so long already it feels like lunchtime... Am also v pleased for Andy Murray (completely forgot that the match was on last night, but then we don't have Sky either so doesn't really matter I suppose!).

babyh so glad you got some answers and that the consultant was so helpful, and gave you so much time. It sounds like the appointment put some of your fears at rest. Also, it's great that your AF arrived (despite its timing ), do you plan to start ttc now?
tayto thinking of you xx

blizy oh, your wedding sounds so wonderful. I'm so glad you had such a lovely day.

Oh miasmummy ... Mia's birthday. There are no words, really there aren't. I will be thinking of you and your DH on Saturday. Your plans sound lovely. You are such generous people, sharing so much of yourselves and of Mia. So pleased that your Mia's Wood plans are coming to fruition now. On a separate note, I hope your scan goes well today.

fan great news re considerate doctor and getting a scan... really pleased for you.
elly tiredness is a great sign!! But I do hope you manage everything and don't feel too shattered, of course.
green how are you doing - did you manage yesterday afternoon ok? So sorry to hear that you think AF is about to get you

Thanks everyone for wishes re my cycle! I will keep you updated as and when my body decides to remember what it's supposed to be doing... xx

babyh so glad you finaly got some answers, its not easy to hear. But at least now you know what happened and what will happen during your next pg.

I'm at work on my blackberry, so sorry I can't name check. I'm in a bit of pain so took a couple of tablets this morning, hoping I shall better this afternoon. I always feel like a sap, its only period pain for god sake Fan. Anyway, just waiting now for the letter from the ultrasound to say where its going to take place.

Waves to everyone.

wtw I didn't, we don't have sky, booooo! So glad he's done it though, sounded like a great match.

less than 3 hrs sleep - not entirely Holly's fault though - I stayed up to watch Murray in the US Open final. Did you see it Fan?

babyh glad you got some answers xx

babyh, I'm glad you got some nswers. I also had defective placental maturation. I wasn't told about the link with GD and large babies, I had neither. Z was 7lb2oz at 41 weeks. I hope you are ok? I know how exhausting the meeting is.

Hi little well done Sammy!

Hello all. Still trying to catch up with everyone's news, but just want to send all my best to fan and hope u get sorted soon.

Glad you had a good appt and some answers babyh.

Sorry Tayto, I must have missed introducing myself. My waters broke unexpectedly at 20 weeks on 15th June this year (my DH's birthday), and little Daisy was stillborn a couple of days later after I was induced. We had a PM but unfortunately nothing showed up so we don't know why it happened but at least we have been able to start ttc again. Fx it won't take long. AF is due this weekend but think we missed the boat with ttc this month.

Sammy got a 2nd at the weekend. Think Boomer was a bit too hot in his furry coat so we are still seeking a clear round from him!! At least he's not getting eliminated every time now, just keeps getting some faults. Also, had a good time at my friend's 40th birthday party on Sat night. Felt good to let my hair down and have a really good boogie!!

Our edroom is half done, will hopefully get it finished this weekend. Just got the little spare bedroom to do then and that's practically the whole house re-painted! Think I will leave that room for a while though as if we ever get our little rainbow, then that will be the nursery.

Good luck for tomorrow, mia and tayto. Sending all my positive thoughts and wishes to Kleine so your cycles gets back into order.

Hello to everyone else, sorry I know I have missed some of you but I have the worst memory and am knackered today so need my bed. Nighty, night.

Hello everyone.
So sorry I've been out of touch over the weekend. There have been so many posts and I feel like I've missed some important milestones that you lovely ladies are reaching.....I will bring myself up to speed I promise I am equally thinking of you all. Thank you so much for all your thoughts alot of people in the outside world don't understand what a big thing it was for us today. Ironically and in the midst of the whole appointment thing hanging over us I finally got my AF back on Friday after 9 1/2 weeks!!!!!!
Moving on to the consultant today. It was a long appointment almost 3 hours in which we discussed everything that happened. We decided not to have a post mortem and wern't hopeful of getting answers but we did. I was diagnosed with Defective Placenta Maturation. All the other results were normal eg: no signs of infection etc so I can finally rest that it wasn't something I ate! They also found some of my dear sons blood had somehow transferred to mine but they don't know why. They said the condition effects women late in their 3rd trimester who have larger babies and more common in women who suffer with gestational diabeties. I was high up on the percentile charts (90th percentile) and just below the warning bells size (95th percentile) but because I tested neg for gestational diabeties I was given the all clear when they sent me for tests because of my size (measuring 5-6 weeks bigger for dates).

The consultant was really lovely and said if I was brave enough/blessed with a rainbow they would monitor me very closely and be given baby asprin and have early scans to look at the placenta development.
Sorry for the long post....I just wanted to share the outcome and thank you so much for all your support.
Absolutely exhausted but thinking of you all tonight especially you TAYTO with your appointment tommorrow.
Loads more I want to say to you about your lives including everything from relationships to birthdays, TTC, AFs, all the rainbows on the way and of course our beautiful angels we all love and miss dearly today and every dayxxxxxxxxxx

miasmum her wood sounds perfect, something I would love to do also, what a lucky girl Mia is.

wtw I feel so much better now, though AF has started proper today and Im proper cramping again. I just hope there is nothing wrong in there with the fibroids now, and I can get to see a gynae/ob, Ive just got to wait for the scan and see what happens, cant think to much about it all or I shall go mad.
We didnt add her name, its not really our thing, I know its not religous but its abit too much for us. Are there many people there?

Hi Mias have been thinking of you and Mia with her 2nd birthday approaching. Your plans sound, as ever, totally fitting and perfect for her. Still mean what I said all those months ago we first 'talked' about Mias wood - would like to contribute in any way I can. As for your scan ask them to do a Doppler scan on the umbilical cord - it basically tests the flow of blood across the placenta and through the cord to make sure all is transferring as it should. I also had my AFI (amniotic fluid index) plotted at every scan. These can both be done using the normal ultrasound machine - is just another measurement not a specialist scan requiring separate machinery or anything so there's no reason they won't do it. Will that be 28 week scan? What's the delivery plan do you know yet?

Fan sooooo pleased doctor was understanding and has referred you for a scan. My consultant at QA, Nime, also runs a gynaecology clinic there, fx you get referred to her! Also keep meaning to say to you - there's a baby remembrance service in the chapel at QA on 15th October. We went last year, it was very sad but also really nicely done (I was in bits for most of it!) I'll be going this year as well as long as I can leave Holly long enough by then (don't think taking a new baby there would be the most sensitive thing to do!) Might not be your thing at all but just thought I'd mention it. They have the baby book of remembrance out too - did you have Ophelia's name entered?

Hi all
So sorry you're feeling so crap fan, hope the doc is helpful.

Sorry, no time to name check further - busy week this week, drinks reception at the houses of parliament this evening, then flying to Madrid tomorrow until Friday for annual group meeting for work, no wine for me! Am shattered all the time, just can't get enough sleep at mo, still waiting for a date for early scan - hopefully beginning of next wk, then got appt with midwife next thurs.

to everyone - sending good wishes to you all for everything xxx

just got back from the doctor's, and he was very nice. He asked me the problem when I explained he asked what had happened previously, had I been to a scan what medication and treatment had I been offered. I said none except my stopping the bleeding drugs. He asked if I was trying for a baby, and then asked what I wanted to happen, I told him I wanted another scan to see if they were different or had grown etc. So he has referred me for a scan and then Im to go back to him with the results and we shall take it from there. He did seam surprised that I hadnt seen a Gynaecologist. So its all good I am happy with that. Its a step in the right direction.

Hello all. A busy weekend spent totally outside - gardening, eating and resting. All garden beds are now free from weeds, and shed cleared out too, so feeling very virtuous!! Bump has a lovely regular cycle of kicking, and especially likes to ensure I am awake at 6am (7 if I am lucky) and loves a good party between 9-11pm...

For those of you feeling apprehensive of ttc, you can't be worse than me. For the first few times, I actually cried during and afterwards... poor DH. All I could think about was that this was how we created Mia, and that thought hurt so much. But it did improve - a lot!! So hang in there - but recognise it is hard emotionally, and don't be too tough on yourselves.

babyh hope today has provided some answers, or at least, some solace. x

tayto thank you for reading about Mia, and your lovely words. Her birthday is on Saturday, and I am really hoping we will have the land for Mia's Wood by then. We are planning a picnic, hide and seek in the long grass, blackberrying picking and a tree-planting for her with her friends.

fan hope you are armed with a good set of questions for your doctor tonight. I am guessing that they might not be able to answer the more detailed questions about your fibroids, but hopefully, you will be referred for another scan and a specialist consultant to help find out what is going on.

whatever I have another scan tomorrow, and I remember that you mentioned something about a scan on the umbilical cord or something? That has never been mentioned to me, but I'd like to ask for it, except I am not sure exactly what it is and why it is done...

angel you are certainly strong. But don't like to hear you so resigned and sad. While it is true you can find another partner, remember also that Ant is the father of your two beautiful girls, and you two created them together.

greengoose loving the alpacas and HP wands!! We have a cherry tree sprouting wand-like branches at the moment, and it made me think of you. And my aunt is crocheting a shawl from alpaca wool for this bump of mine...

mecha I'd be disappointed with a tiny scar too, but could probably overcome that feeling with the knowledge of all the delicious things waiting to be enjoyed. So glad it went well.

Sorry for not commenting on everybody, but lots going on, and this is already very long!! xx

TAYTO, I'm sorry I somehow managed to miss your original posts about your little boy, and of course although there is nothing I can say, I am so sorry you find yourself with us on this journey. My little girl Merryn would have been five months in two days time. I am in a far more 'functional' place than I was for the first three months, but I still feel wrecked by loosing her, and terrified of ttc. I hope you find this thread as helpful as I have, it's an amazing bunch! I'll be thinking about you this week, we didn't need a PM for Merryn, but I can imagine it would be very difficult. I hope you get the answers you need. X

MECHA, yes to cheese, chocolate and cake! I'm glad it's gone well for you and you are being looked after! We are so not 'cool' but you did make me laugh!

BLIZY, it's so lovely that you planned Zoe into your wedding with such thought and love, it mush have been perfect, but very hard too, your DH sounds one in a million! ( mine is also fantastic.... I have leaned on him so completely lately, and he's still standing somehow)!

Baby h, I'm aware you have your consultation this week too, will be thinking of you. X

kLEINE, I thought of you yesterday, it sounds like it was very difficult. Your baby should be here with you, it's not right, I wish it was. I'm so sorry. You should be proud of how you are doing, you can't expect more from yourself than what you are managing. I wish you every sort of woo and wishes to get those cycles cycling again, try to have faith that your body knows what to do, it's not been very long.
My DP had his 40th three months after Merryn was born. We had to mark it for the kids but it was impossibly hard. We had very different plans about our little girl being there with us, obviously. I tried hard to show him what his love had meant to me, and how I valued him, but we were still completely wrecked. I guess we ae slightly more peaceful now, less in the storm of it, if you see what I mean. Take care lovely xx

WTW, hearing about your girls always cheers me, even if K is being a bit of a pickle!

FAN, so glad you have an appt., I second what WTW says, write it all down, I always get in a muddle at the docs too! I hope they can give you some answers. X

Well, we got a little washed out in Devon yesterday, but have taken photos of soggy alpacas, now all I have to do is work out how to load the blasted things via the iPad.... It might take me a while!
I am going for tea to a friends house, and she's invited another friend who is about 14 weeks pregnant. I want to cancel, but the boys are excited to be going. I guess I'll have to brave it out. I just don't feel that up to it today.... AF cramping has started, so I think I'm probably out of the running this month. Boo.

Hello to everyone else, hope Mondays treating you as well as it can! X

Write it all down Fan and have a think exactly what you want to get out of the appointment. Good luck - really hope they help xxxx

Ok just got an appointment for this evening, so see what they are going to say, have to think what I want to ask, I suppose I want to know do I have to wait till I bleed proper untill I can take my tablets, also I want to see a consultant. I want to know if I have more fibroids, have they moved, can they move. Are they going to effect my chances of having a baby, also did they cause my miscarriages. What help can I expect from the NHS to help me get pregnant.

Too much? lol.

Sometimes I get a bit tongue tied when I go to the doctors, so I have got to think about this all now and not get pushed aside. I am seeing a totally different doctor so thats good. See is shes more sympathic and helpful.

Morning ladies,

Fan I really hope you can get seen today and that they are understanding and helpful. My little ladies are both good thank you K's behaviour still a bit all over the place, she swings from being incredibly lovely to incredibly silly but I think it's to be expected, she adores Holly but it's a big change for her after 5yrs as the only child in the house. H is just delectable, am so in love!

Blizy I remember your wedding plans and your Zoe bear - it was so lovely. Dp and I spoke about getting married after Erin died but then fell pg

Hope today goes as well as it can babyh

Sending 'cycle regulating' vibes to Kleine it's so blummin hard as you really can't do anything except trust that your body will sort itself out! 4 months is nothing lovely, bless your dh not wanting to celebrate his birthday, totally understand that. Last year Christmas day was exactly 4 months after we lost Erin, we had to make an effort for Katie but our hearts weren't really in it.

Hope your holiday will give you and Ant some time to re-connect Angel xx

babyh Thinking you today.

fan I hope you get the DR appointment.

kleine the wedding was fab, it gave us both something to focus on. We included Zoe in the day as much as we could, the humanist who conducted Z's funeral also married us ( we are now friends, she is the most amazing lady), we had a pink and butterfly theme for Z. We also had lots of other little touches to bring her into the wedding day, it was lovely.
I am sending you lots of good vibes, wishes and hopes for your cycle to start working.

tayto Thank you, I hope we have our rainbow soon too! Same goes for you.

I hope everyone is ok today.x

babyh thinking of you.

tayto and poppet I am feeling a bit meh! I went to watch DH play football yesterday thought going out and moving around might take my mind of AF and would help it come along, but no. This morning is still the same, but no real cramping today. I think Im having one of my looooooonnnnnnng AF's, the last one was for 41 days (of bleeding and spotting) I do have some tablets at home for if this happens again but I havnt properly bled yet so dont want to take them untill I do. I will be ringing the doctors very soon, hopefully they can see me today.

angel I hope things improve however that comes around, if it means trying to make it work or ending things all together. Relationships are hard work sometimes. Not long now till your trip away, I hope you enjoy yourself and that Phebs has a blast!

poppet sending you all the positive vibes I can to get your cycle working, it must be very frustrating.

trickle I hope you are all snug with your new little one.

blizy fx for you.

amy elly hows it going? Any sickness yet? Sending you two lots of positive vibes for early part of pg.

blue and miasmum how are those big bumps doing? Keeping you awake?

mech it must be bliss eating things you couldnt before.

green how was you weekend at home?

wtw how are your little ones this morning? Is K settling?