Rainbow babies- for all of us holding, pregnant with and trying for our rainbows. While remembering all our darling angels

Waves to BLUE sorry our posts x. 31 weeks wow so pleased for you. Wishing these final few weeks fly for you. Have you got a EDD? xxxxxxx

Morning Green cant help with the photos but would love to share mine in the same way so will watch any instructions closely!

Have you thought about asking Jacob to draw a photograph of his sister in heaven and including that instead of a real photograph IYSWIM?

Its only natural that you would dearly love a daughter. I'm ashamed to say I secretly hope for a girl when I was pregnant with Adam.(already have one of each so it wasnt because I already had 2 boys) Now I think if I was blessed I bet I wouldnt be lucky enough to get another boy......our minds play havoc with us dont they........who cares as long as it lives and I get one......I bet non of us on here are fussy anymore!!!

Back later Im slacking on the decorating again xxxxxxxx

I'm still here... lurking and reading every day, just can't find the time to post sometimes!

I'm having my fingers crossed for all you lovely ladies trying to conceive!

little thinking especially of you, as I know Daisy's due date will be approaching soon and I know it won't be easy.
Well it won't be easy for everyone with anniversaries and special dates...

Will be 31 weeks on Sunday, seeing the midwife on Monday, convinced DH to come with me, as she will probably want to discuss a few important things. :)

Hi everyone, sorry I ran away for a couple of days. Just having a crappy patch. Pmt combined with bfn combined with dp working in London this week and various other bits. Could really do with a duvet day! And a very large cake.
I've just had a run of really difficult phone calls re a shop I used to be involved in (selling baby stuff, natural parenting products, slings and toys, so went out window when we lost Merryn). Basically a company is chasing an invoice from last dec for a lot of money, and I know we paid, but everything is so jumbled from then I'm not sure I can prove it. Hell. Anyway, what does it matter?

KLEINE, I'm sorry you and DH are having such a difficult time. I think coming back from holiday means facing reality all over again doesn't it? Your Inlaws sound very hard work and unhelpful. I don't understand why they can't see how much your DH needs them, it's not right. Seeding you much love and virtual hugs.
On another note, I'd love to coo over your little girl, it would be very special!

WTW, Holly is a star! Four hours is great, let's hope she repeats it!

BABYh, it has been a heavy week hasn't it? I hope the counselling helped for you.

MECH, I'm loving your birthday stew!
I know what you mean about mixed feelings on starting ttc. I feel a bit of me, if I do get a bfp could feel that it's back to being pregnant, as I should be iykwim, and I worry about how to carry Merryns place in our lives on through that. I'm hugely confused by it, but I guess we'd find a way, and the rest of the time we'd get through. I have got to the stage where I would be fine having another boy, and feel less desperate that any new baby would be a girl. I am content with Merryn getting to be the girl in this family, but it hurts like hell that she's not here. Have you been sleeping any better?

BLIZY, laughing at your flat scones! I was all impressed too.......!

MIA'SMUMMY, I'm really pleased that Mia's wood is going to happen, you have carried the ideas and hope for this for so long, it is such an amazing thing to do. Is it an existing wood, or does it need freshly planted? I'd love to here more about it. Will be thinking about you and Mia on her birthday, your plans are perfect.
On another note, thanks for what you said to me re dealing with friends. it helped. I wish I didn't have to tutor people through how to handle this, but it appears I do. I just want people to 'get' that she is always part of our family now, not something to be 'got over'.

I know I've missed most of you, but my heads in a strange place today, so I wouldn't do you justice right now!

DS1 is having special homework right now to help with his severe dyspraxia and dyslexia. Last night we were meant to put together a photo timeline of important events in his life. What the hell am I meant to do about Merryn in that? We have photos of her, but I don't even have them up at home yet. I ended up only getting up to when he was four, as past that was his brother and then I would have to think about how to fit in Merryn. This is special work set just for Jacob, he's in a very small school (only 28 kids) so they all know about Merryn. I wish they had though about this a bit before asking for it. I had to write a note to the teacher explaining we would do photos from 4-10 over the weekend and I would have to think about how to fit his sister in. It was very hard.

Does anyone know if it is possible to remove photos from our profiles? I'd like to post a photo of Merryn so those of you who'd like to could see her, but I wouldn't want to leave it there for very long. I've been thinking about this for ages, and I feel it'd be nice to share her with you.

Kleine: It is so very hard to stay positive. With no Af its incredibly hard. My DH said to me a couple of weeks ago. How can we get a foot on the ladder and have hope for the future without it. Also dont want people to think we are forgetting about our beautiful son who is of course like E irreplaceable. I totally understand about insensitive relatives as well......they come out with the most stupid things. My SIL had a terrible time giving birth 6 wks before we lost Adam (it was truly awful and I feel genuinely sorry for her) and my step MIL talks about the terrible time she had..... but all I can think about is at least she has a live baby!!! For the rest of my life I will see him at family occasions and see the milestones we were robbed of!!

Don't change who you are Kliene....I am always a bright side of life type of person but this type of hell would test anyone. I'm so laid back I would fall over and have been left with the thoughts that someone looked down and decided to punish us for the rose tinted spectacles attitude of 'It will be okay' IYCWIM?

We were in your AF situation until last wk don't forget so Im sure your body with get back to normal. Don't forget you could still conceive even if your body is up the wall so don't give up chick. Sending you big hugs xxxxxxxxx

WTW: Glad Holly got some sleep and theres no Tennis to distract you from getting some shut eye ha ha. I was watching it myself but gave up at about 12.45am. The balloon and feather thing was strange wasnt it, even stranger I didnt mention that I had told my DD the night before we would send some balloons up to heaven because funerals at the cemetery weren't for little girls. My dad said to us 'of all the gardens in all the world.....funny it landed in theirs'. Do you believe in the signs?

Off to decorate and keep my little brain busy.

Would love to see some of your FB photos too but have been to polite to ask!!

Hope everyone else ok this windy Friday xxxxxxx

PS: Any news TAYTO thinking of you. Also not forgetting Spotty today your due date is always sad when you never quite reached it xxxx

Go Holly go! Hope she repeats it tonight!

Oh, my MIL - she was telling DH how E's death was hardest for her, and also she may herself die at any moment so basically he really ought to phone more - she doesn't want to reply to texts or emails, too hard for her. And then she went and had hysterics in the background
I just fail to understand why people insist on making this even harder for us. Why do the attention-seeking routine now? Surely all normal people can grasp that, at this time, we have to put our own needs first. DH is just longing to get some support from his family. It's devastating to watch.

Will consider FB soon. Had already decided that, if I rejoin, it'll be in a disguised way so that others can't find me!

Do join fb kleine even if you use a slightly different name so your RL friends and family can't find you Sorry your mil is being horrid - what did she say? My mil has come out with some crackers since Erin. Like they're from a different planet Hugs to you xx

Little how amazing about the balloon and feather. Adam is watching out for you xx

Holly slept for 4 hours straight last night - woo hoo

Really should read messages before posting! Now am feeling jealous of those of you on Facebook who got to see the photos of mecha's birthday stew... and all the other photos too. Maybe will rejoin FB at some stage. Also would be nice to share pics of my beautiful little girl one day, so that you can all coo over her

babyh just read your message. How amazing and poignant about the blue balloon and feather on your DH's 40th.
Tough week for you too... Lots of love x

Morning everyone. It is a tough week in the KleinePoppet household... Poor DH managed to phone his folks last night, but was subjected to the most extraordinary rant from his mother. I didn't hear what she was saying but when he told me afterwards, I was genuinely amazed he hadn't thrown the phone across the room. He was so sad...
And just for good measure I have started bleeding, again. Not AF. I am trying hard to look on the bright side of this, hopefully it's another step towards my body righting itself, and it's only a month now till the consultant wants to see me.
Thinking of you all especially mias, and spotty on Bertie's due date (I hope the walk goes well tomorrow) x Sorry not to namecheck further. I am a generally positive person but feeling like I'm being rather battered right now!

Fan: Never feel like your whinging about your AF. Apart from the physical pain your clearly suffering from its also a constant reminder of pregnancy....the pregnancies you had and the pregnancy you want so much and also the bloody unfairness of it all. I hope the scan is a step in the right direction for you and brings you one step closer to getting your rainbow.

Blizy: So sorry you have been ttc for 16 months now....how sad that we both suffered from a defective placenta maturation. The consultant said that it was 'normally found' in women who have larger babies and those with gestational diabeties. Adam wasn't heavy at 8lb 110z but his measurements were large on the charts.....hope I havent said anything to worry you we all have enough on our plates dont we. xxx

Little: Well done to Sammy for last weekend...hope boomer gets a clear round soon. So sorry your AF got you and thinking of you and daisy x

Kliene: Thinking of you both and hope Dh's birthday went as well as it could. Hope your cycle sorts itself out soon it feels like forever doesnt it xxxxx

WTW: Adam was child number 3 for us. I'm always broody i dont think it will ever go until I'm past it lol

Miasmummy: Thinking of you and your beautiful daughter as her birthday approaches. Mias wood sounds amazing she would have been so proud of you : ) x

Been a heavy week for us with the consultant and our 1st counselling session yesterday.

Love to all

Nite Nite

Evening ladies, I keep writing posts and then somehow wiping them and Its really winding me up, so I've decided to post all the things I want to say to you lovely ladies in two halves this time so:

Spotty: Thinking of you on Berties due date tomorrow

Green: Thinking of you. Five long months yesterday since you lost Merryn. I hope the boys are keeping you going.....including all that wand making : )

Mech: Same for you too...Four long months since you lost Dexter and also your DH's birthday. I know its your appointment approaching too and hope you get some answers why your beautiful boy was born too soon. Birthdays can be so hard can't they. I understand this more than most. My DH was 40 on the 11/7/12. It was going to be a great week for us.....my planned section was 9/7/12 so his birthday present was another beautiful child we were all so excited. He did get his beautiful son but didnt get to keep him..........an unforgettable birthday which left our world in tatters after we lost Adam 5 days before : ( We got up and went to my mum and dads house (about 4 miles away). My DF was waiting for us when we arrived he couldnt wait to tell us about the single baby blue balloon that had blew into their garden about half an hour before we arrived. It wrapped itself around a rose bush but didnt burst and was blowing in the wind, just beside it was a single white feather........

Hello everyone. Thanks for your support and hand holding. Sorry to be such a misery! I did get some sleep , thanks Kleine. Mecha think my pmt was bad yesterday too (and all week really) - forgot all about my mood swings!

This morning did not start out so good as I found out one of my work colleagues' wife is 12 weeks pregnant. However, he was kind enough to get our boss to tell me separately - he hasn't told anyone else yet and will be telling them a week on Monday when he brings the scan pictures in after his holiday. Luckily I have that day booked off as I am at a friends wedding the day before. I'm really pleased for them but can't help feeling gutted all over again and questioning why I have had to deal with mcs.

AF started this morning and have had backache/stomach pain all day but am feeling more positive about things tonight. Will just have to enjoy ttc again (Schucks! ) and be more patient (not very good at that!!). Just hope DH will not be too knackered from his gardening!!

Mias - lovely news about the scan and Mias Wood.

Fan - I'll let you know if I suddenly start whizzing round like a whirling dervish on Sat (day 3 of AF). I hope so, cos I only have enough energy to drag my sorry ass up to bed with a hot water bottle at the moment.

blizy - your description of your scones made me laugh .

Oh don't let my baking impress you, I have seen thicker pancakes than my scones and I burnt the bloody cookies!

Mecha, no words of wisdom just offering my hand to hold. X

Bugger, got to go mil just arrived.

Aaaah miasmum so pleased the scan went well - like Blizy your description bought a tear to my eye. How wonderful. I have a scan pic of Holly's profile and she really does look like that. Have you started thinking names yet? So pleased all will be ready for Mias birthday on Saturday. I had a really vivid dream the other night that I visited Mias Wood with Katie and Holly and we planted an acer tree for Mia xx

Mech I love your birthday stew pics on Facebook What a brilliantly inadvertent way to make you both laugh!

How was your dh birthday Kleine?

Sorry you're feeling rotten Little

I must start baking again Blizy K loves it!

Tried to book my 6 week postnatal check for Holly and I today thought 2 wks notice would be enough but no appointments for a month! What a joke. Need to get some contraception sorted out - although having gone from saying never ever ever again whilst I was pregnant I'm already feeling pangs of 'I don't want this to be my last baby'.....

Hi little... I hope you might be feeling a little better today. Did you get some sleep? It's just incredibly difficult, isn't it. Lots of love to you.

mias Very glad to hear about Mia's wood - and wonderful baby scan. You and DH must be having SUCH a hard week, I am very glad that there was good news in it too. Truly a rainbow baby, bringing happiness and love in the middle of such a storm.

mecha the images of you sheepishly carrying the stew with a candle made me laugh too! Well done for celebrating a little. My DH didn't want to, so we just had a takeaway and watched the West Wing (thank God for boxsets of high-quality TV. We are re-watching the entire thing).
Excited for you that you will v soon be ttc'ing! I have been charting my temp as well, yes. More in the hopes of finding out if I DO have a cycle at the moment, though. Agree that it can be really useful.

blizy mmmmm scones... Scones were one of the things I could eat without chucking up in the second part of my pregnancy (I couldn't really eat anything for the first 20 weeks! I survived on ice lollies and lots of medication. Lost loads of weight and was bedbound for a while, but still somehow grew a perfect baby). I have very fond memories of scones hope they were yummy!

fan actually I do know what you mean! Not sure if I will still have it, but I definitely used to get that 'right, last cycle's over, anything could happen in this one' feeling and be more energetic etc. So at least one person here understands you

Tough few days here. This has definitely been my first experience of 'one step forward [our holiday], sixty-seven steps back [everything since our holiday]'. Today I will start putting myself back together again. Though I am no longer quite sure which bits of me go where

Little here to hold your hand if you need it. Thinking about you and Daisy.

Thank you for the kind words and thoughts yesterday. They did make me cry again, but in a good way! I just had such a weak and sad night and morning. I know I shouldn't be surprised by this. Like Green said, we don't have a virus! That was a really good way of looking at it. It is hard when even the best intentioned friends think that because I don't cry in public so much anymore I am better now. Dexter is not someone I can ever get over. I will ALWAYS miss him.

Thank you for the birthday wishes for DH as well! I think we had a good day. We were kind to each other. He said he didn't want a birthday cake, so I made his favourite stew with dumplings and put a candle on top. It seemed like a good idea at the time, then I changed my mind between the kitchen and DH and came round the corner carrying it and looking really sheepish so we had a good laugh about that. I think that was just what we both needed!

Mias Oh poor you, and your poor DH That is just awful, I don't know how to even begin to cope with losing your beautiful Mia on your DH's birthday. I have been looking at the Mia's Wood updates on FB, you are inspirational. What a wonderful project to channel your love and grief into. SO pleased to hear you will have things in place for her birthday. Will be thinking about you all extra hard on Saturday.

Fan from cycle day 2-5 or so, I feel like someone has punched me in the crotch, is that similar at all? Another one hoping your appointment comes through soon. It is so frustrating waiting for these things.

Klein I hope Mr Klein had as peaceful a birthday as possible.

Blizy Baking sounds great! DH has taken up baking cookies for some reason I do not understand but am certainly not going to complain about!

I am on CD27, starting to have that dull achey feeling and my skin is awful. So not long til our first cycle ttc! I am nervous and excited and sad. Torn between feeling like I am honoring Dexter and feeling like I am betraying him Trying not to get hopes up too high to. Does anyone else use temperature charting? I have been finding this brilliant with just understanding what is going on with my body this time round.

Thinking about all of us this sad, wet Thursday. Sending us peaceful wishes xx

Sorry ladies, but just.....bleurgh! Think AF is coming and is making me feel really horrible. Can't stop thinking about Daisy.

mias Such fantastic news about Mia's wood, your birthday plans for her sound just perfect. You are such a fantastic mother and you love for Mia shines through in your words, she will be so proud of her Mummy. x
Excellent news about the baby too, I had a tear in my eye with your description of the scan.

fan I second Mias, take advantage of that high day! The kittens are little scamps aren't they?

Right I'm off to bake some cookies for the school kids and some scones for me.

Morning all. fan a high-energy, motivated day sounds just what you need after the hardship of the past few days. Hope you are planning some Fan Feel-Good activities!!

mecha a hard day, of happy and sad things for you and DH. Mia died on DH's birthday so we marked it in June this year. kleine happy birthday to MrKleine too. Big days like birthdays are so damn hard. I hope neither of you are too tired today, and that you are doing something that will remind you of the love you have with your partners, and the the love that created your beautiful children.

green maybe you should just tell your friends straight out that you aren't better, and you will never be better. However, you do 'go on', because the alternative is not a choice, but knowing that doesn't make the pain go away. Ask them to imagine being in your situation, and then say do you think I can be better?? As you said, you aren't recovering from a silly virus. This is grief. Grief and loss for your lovely Merryn.

blizy FX for you!!

babyh it makes such a difference when you have the opportunity to speak to a sympathetic, knowledgeable medical person. I hope the session was helpful to you.

tayto I think you had your appointment yesterday? Do you want to tell us about it? Don't feel obliged, only if it would be useful to download...

Yesterday, we signed the legal documents for Mia's Wood, so it should all be ok for Saturday. A big relief. And all the scans and consultant meeting went well. wtw thanks for the advice! I asked about the umbilical Doppler scan and amniotic fluid scan and it turns out that the sonographer does them automatically at scans after 25 weeks. Baby was lovely, and continues to be exactly on the 50% average growth chart line. While they normally don't offer photos after 20 weeks, the sonographer managed to capture baby in profile, and at that moment, I totally fell in love. Baby looks so sweet - little nose, rosebud lips and curved forehead - and I think baby looks a little like Mia too. Consultant has mentioned bereavement counselling, but don't really know what we / I would say. We have agreed on an elective section, and the date will be agreed at the next appointment at 32 weeks.

little9 now the weather is cooler, and I don't feel like I should be making the most of the sunshine and doing stuff in the garden, I will start my painting mission. You are my inspiration!!

blizy I've been told I am weird before about it, I did read once though that about day three of AF you are supposed to have a high energy day and its good to start exercise regimes on this day. Maybe I'm the only one.
The kitties are very naughty, Ban likes to splash water around the kitchen and then skid on it.

I have no idea what this high day is that you speak of- weirdo. I hope the appointment comes through soon for you, I know how much it will be playing on your mind. How are your kittens? Are they very mischievous? Alfie is TROUBLE, his favourite hobby is unravelling the toilet roll!

blizy I'm ok, on that high day of AF today where I feel really good and motivated. Anyone else get this?
I am hoping that my scan comes through soon, otherwise its going to play on my mind.

Should have said happy birthday mrmecha.

Hi fan, in cd21 probably not of though. My 2 baby mindees are off sick this week so I just have the after school kids. How are you feeling?

Kleine- I hope you manage to get through today peacefully.

I also suffer insomnia (only since losing Z) and it sucks big time!

Hope you all have a peaceful day.