Rainbow babies- for all of us holding, pregnant with and trying for our rainbows. While remembering all our darling angels

Mech Sorry you dont feel any better after your appt.... Don t worry about the blood tests we had all those under the genetic counsellors after the MCs they were fine... Xxx
Amy I would do whatever you feel is the best option for u... Will you be less stressed if you tell them? You ll decide xxxc
Hi all ; another day , another dollar done!!!
Wtw enjoy your mat leave my flew by don t even remember it now!!!! Cuddles to miss Holly xxxx

Hello again,

Found out a few weeks ago I am pg (almost 9wks now). Contacted all relevant bods asap, as this is my 5th preg (2mcs, 1dc died, 1 dc v.much alive). There is a 1 in 4 chance of the illness that killed our DS affecting this baby. As we're not having CVS, no scan until 14wks. Hosp don't seem happy to refer to specialist hosp unless there is 'proof' baby is affected (so consid invasive genetic testing). Feeling v.stressed, v.tired & v.irritable. Tempted to just hide for the next 30wks (if I don't miscarry). Scared & want to sit down & howl (but can't as DD next to me).

amy when I was pg with DD I applied for a new job partway through. I waited until I had been offered the job and then told them I was pg. They were absolutely fine with that & lovely throughout.

baby, so sorry you are having a hard time at the moment - we all go through it, and can only take one hour, one day at a time.

Amy, that sounds very reasonable, and good luck with your interview.

Angel - enjoy your hols, a break away from home can be so helpful - I hope that you & Ant are able to chill and just enjoy being together.

blizy have you had any joy getting an appointment with your rubbish GP?

[waves] to everyone else.

We are off to the cinema tonight - will be nice to do something a bit different, although I may well fall asleep before the film starts!!

Oh mecha, I'm so sorry they didn't give you any conclusive answers. Sending huge (((hugs))) and cyber-cake xx I'm not surprised that you are all over the place at all, it's so hard.

Hello all, haven't caught up properly.

Appointment went okay, I suppose, but I still came home and cried all afternoon. Chances are I either had an incompetant cervix or placental abruption. We will probably never know, as I had symptoms of both but nothing conclusive. I was prepared for this, I knew I was unlikely to get an answer, but I am surprised how upset I was.

The consultant did say there was no reason not to try again, and I would be really closely monitored next time round, with specific cervix scans and a stitch if needed. They would also offer me progesterone pessaries and hospitalisation for total rest if needed. Hearing her talk about 'aiming for 28 weeks" and further investigations after losing two or more babies was just chilling. They also tried to do some more blood tests, apparently I fell through the gaps since I wasn't properly recorded as a preterm birth as Dexter was born alive. They didn't manage to get anywhere, since I have awful veins. So I will have to go back in to give vials and vials of blood at some point so they can check for antibodies, NK cells and clotting disorders.

Still all over the place today.

amy that sounds very resonable.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm in a bit of a corner really. I can't turn down the job if I'm offered it really (long story, but as I've passed this competitive exam thing, I basically have to take a post if I'm offered it). Timing wise, I think it would work out OK, as the job involves a lot of project management and the projects would probably fit around any potential maternity leave. I guesss I just feel scared about jinxing the pregnancy by telling them before I've got to 12/13 weeks. I'm not worried about them not offering me the job really - they're the EU institutions, so kind of have to respect the rules that the EU makes to protect women.... Still, I'm just a bit worried that they'll think I've tricked them a bit (not like me at all). DH thinks I should just wait till I have the contract offer (should be in the next couple of weeks) then tell them before I sign. Does that sound reasonable?

Amy I would definitely tell them - you will feel much better with it all out in the open and you don't need the added stress of keeping it from them, getting the job and then a potentially bad atmosphere once they find out. Similar happened to me - I went for an internal promotion in to a different role - found out I was pregnant with Erin about a week after interview. Was offered the job about 3 weeks later but I told them I was pregnant and turned it down. They came back and said they were happy to take me anyway so I could go in to the new role with a totally clear conscience knowing they'd taken me on with all the facts. I don't think they bargained on me having 2 lots of maternity leave so close together though

How did it go yesterday Mecha?

Oh split wish I could give you a big hug. Our rainbow babies really do bring in to sharp focus what we lost and missed out on don't they. We're all here xx

Sorry you're having a rough time babyh it is hard imagining what they would have been like. Erin probably would have been toddling around now which I find hard to believe

Not long until hols angel yay! We're off to center parcs again in December - can't wait but also don't want it to come as will mean I'll only have 2 months mat leave left!!

Lazy day for Miss Holly and I today - lots of sofa snuggles. Getting her weighed later - despite her slightly rocky start feeding wise she is now a total boob monster - she was last weighed 10 days ago at 7lbs 1ozs so she may well have tipped 8lbs now at 5wks old K was 8lb 10ozs born and over 12lbs by 5wks so she still seems so dinky!!

amy you being stressed about this is not good, so in light of that, I would tell them at the interview. Then everything is out in the open, if they are a good employer it shouldn't matter but if it does matter to them, then maybe they don't deserve you as an employee.
As blue and poppet says you don't have to tell your employee untill you get your certificate but if keeping it to yourslef is stressing you out then be open and tell them.

amy when we still lived in Belgium, I went for a job interview as well, whilst being pregnant, I didn't tell them about it, as at that moment it wasn't their business. One person who interviewed me did know via Facebook, but it didn't influence them. I got the job and started with them after my maternity leave :)

On another job interview I was in the last 2 and they gave the job to the highly pregnant lady who was on her 3rd child and she started after her maternity leave and they gave me the job to cover her in the time in between, I then went on to tell them I was pregnant too! When they interviewed me I wasn't 12 weeks either and didn't say anything. So don't worry about it! If you are the right person for the job they will take you on! :)

spilt thank you so much for your lovely words about E, and for looking at her photos. That particular photo we put on the front of the little booklet we printed up for her funeral - it means a lot to us.
Your Freya is absolutely gorgeous too. I can quite understand what you say about this year seeming so raw... you want both of your gorgeous girls, of course you do. Perhaps you could remind a few of your friends about Bobbie's anniversary dates via email or text? I know I find that easier than trying to find the words on the phone or in person (when I am usually just trying not to cry...). And do tell them you need some support. If there's one thing I have realised recently: people DON'T KNOW what to do to help, we have to tell them. xx

green thank you too, so much... She was a little beauty, wasn't she?

babyh lots of love to you xxx

amy I don't know that I have any particularly helpful thoughts... but I will try. As you say, you're not obliged to tell them yet. Also, you are NOT screwing them over by being pregnant. I understand why you're worried about this but I hope that you can try to put it out of your mind. This is how the world works: ladies have babies... they also have jobs...
BUT, to me, the most important thing is that you are starting to feel stressed about it - if you're having sleepless nights, obviously you need to do something about it. I'm not sure whether you should bring it up at the interview; others may have a better idea about this than me. We all know that these things shouldn't affect whether or not you're offered a job, but it might lead to some awkwardness for you... My thoughts, then, are that one solution is to wait and see what happens after the interview - and then perhaps tell them after you've been offered the job, in order to get it off your chest then, and hopefully be able to relax a little. Other, wiser folk may be along shortly to give better advice...

Can I ask a bit of advice? I'm going for a formal job interview tomorrow for a post that I've been discussing with a potential new employer. I've passed an exam to become a permanent EU civil servant, so this would be my first post. I currently work on short-term contracts. I haven't mentioned either losing Thomas, or my current pregnancy to the new employers. But, basically if my interview goes OK tomorrow they'd probably be offering me a new job to start within the next 4-8 weeks (depending on how slow everything moves). I'm not sure what to tell them about my pregnancy, if anything, and when I should tell them. Legally, I'll be covered for maternity leave and would be taking only a little longer than the basic allowance. Obviously I'm a bit scared of telling them now before I've got past the 12 week stage, but I also don't want to screw them over before I've even started. What do you think I should do? This is starting to give me sleepless nights....

Wtw I "lost" a couple of friends after Georgie as I felt they weren t supportive enough and very selfish.... Life's too short to be round anyone' who upsets you xxx

babyh so can t wait for some sun & quality time with Ant & Phebs.... I m quite organised think you have to be when you ve a lack of time due to damn work getting in the way!!!! Sorry you re having bad days gradually the bad days become less & the good days more though I could never imagine it in the early stages of grief... Take care xxx
BlIzy sorry.... You re having such a crap time it's not fair .. You really do deserve a break soon... If AD help go for it ... I had them once ages ago for a work thing but didn t find them much use so when I was offered them after Georgie declined ... Remember they may take a few weeks for you to notice an improvement. Hope they help xxxx
Spilt xxxxx I m exactly the same Oct is a bittersweet month with Georgie's bday on the 10 th & Phebs the 18th... Incredibly difficult....hope Freya is ok?
Fan xxxx my thoughts are with you that you find some answers either from your scan ..... Xxxx
Elly hopefully the next 2 weeks will fly by .... FX all is ok when you return for your next scan xxxxx
Mech hopefully you have some answers from your appt & can move foreward slowly a day at a time xxxx
Blue fab 28 weeks cool xxxx
Hi to everyone else xxxc
Busy & tired here last week my day off got swapped from yesterday to Thurs to cover a lack of staff... What a pain. Last night Ant & I were going to the theatre so wr had a busy weekend ( parents up = late nights & lack of sleep) then yesterday I finished work late ( goddamn patients!!!) rushed home ( missed fat club) feed Phebs & out again by 6:30.... Didn t get in to 11 so shattered again...ant at footie tonight so a chilled night in with my baby as feel I ve hardly seen her...
Oh well only 6 days to work to my hols!!! Yippee xxxxx

Elly that sounds really similar to me. I had a scan at what I thought would be 6+1 and all my gynae could see was the sac, no yolk, no fetal pole, nothing. He put back my dates to 5+1. I did think I'd ovulated late that month, and when I first poas I got a really wierd thing where an incredibly faint line appeared after about 8 minutes - something I'd never had before. So, it did tie in a bit. He gave me an appointment for a scan two weeks later, and I basically tried not to think about it for the whole two weeks. At that scan we saw a baby about 1.5cm long, a heartbeat and everything. Measurements put me at 7+4, which is about 5/6 days behind what my dates put me at. So, I guess what I'm saying is that it definitely isn't over yet and I will cross every digit I have that you get a good outcome. I'm very perplexed why they don't do internal scans as a matter of course in early pregnancy in the UK though. Here they do internal scans right up to about 12/13 weeks, as you get a much better idea of what's going on...

babyh Sorry to hear you had a low day. I think we all get those from time to time. I bawled at work on Friday as one of our secretaries bought her baby in for everyone to coo over. It was just too much for me to take.

blizy Really sorry you're feeling so low too. AD's might help. My Mum and sister both took them after my Dad died 18 months ago, and they really helped them to cope. Both have now come off them, so I don't think it has to necesserily be a long-term thing.

Wave to everyone else. Sorry for not name checking, but it's hard to keep track of you all!

Posted too soon, hi to everyone I've missed, will call back later but need to get ready for school run! DH doing it all today!

Morning everyone. I am having a busy week, so haven't made it to posting, but will try to keep up with you all!

BLIZY, you shouldn't have to struggle just to see a flippin GP, that's knocking you down again before you've even got up! I'm sorry it's so crap when you are fighting so hard and being so strong.

MECHA, I was thinking of you yesterday lovely lady, I hope you are ok? X

KLEINE, I've pmd you. I have gone on FB, it was broken the first time, but late last night I had a watery grin while looking at your amazingly gorgeous girl. She is so beutiful and the photos are brimming with your love and pride, you must be so proud of her. Xxxx

BABYH, I'm sorry you had a tough day, it's hard thinking about how our children would have grown isn't it? I daydream about what Merryn would be like now, and it's so bittersweet.

FAN, (from ages ago, of course I'll adopt you my love, your DH may have to stay at home if he doesn't behave himself and stop drinking for you though!) I hope you have some sunshine today.

BLUE, it's great that you can have the birth you have planned. I think you are my hero. Home birth has always been my aim, but never quite managed it!

ELLY, thinking of you still today. Waiting for two weeks is horrible, but a days gone from that now and you will get through it, and we will stay beside you. Be gentle on yourself. Xxx

Morning Everyone.

Blizy: Hope you have wrote you birthday list, you deserve to be pampered. Sorry your AF got you....life so unfair at times xxx

WTW: That woman from your SANDS group was very unkind.....even worse was the comment about you getting pregnant so soon. She should realise more than most that all our angel babies can NEVER be replaced. Just wanted to say that we all started on the initial journey seeking a much wanted baby......so why shouldn't you have continued to pursue that dream.......If I had been blessed I would have been pregnant already. Sending you big hugs and wishing you wonderful times with your beautiful girls.xxxxx

Split: Sorry your missing you Bobbie.....thinking of you.

Angel: Your so organised....my DH is like that and he organises me. We normally start packing 6 weeks before. Bet you can wait to get some sun : )

Had a low day yesterday........its so awful at times. Went on FB and seen one of my dear friends photos of her three children her little boy looks so like the others and was in the middle of his older siblings......started to think about what my beautiful DS would look like now : (

Back later school run calling xxxx

Babyh- that my birthday too .

Blue- my wee did is due on the 16th nov, it has flew in so far! I agree with everyone re: E's party.

Hope you are all well . X

Blue: My DD's birthday is 20th November.....not long to go now for you : ).......I would suggest an earlier party for your DD's birthday.....you need to take it easy as well. I know these places do most of the work but its important that you try and rest xxxxxxxxxxx

Evening ladies.

Sorry I've fell behind since yesterday so will catch up properly tomorrow.
Just a quick post to say that I am thinking of you all.

ELLY: Willing your pregnancy to develop so much........Take care xxx

Mech: Hope you appointment went ok was thinking of you today its so exhausting at these meetings.

Nite Nite xx

blue I would do it the weekend before, everyone will expect a party at the weekend and as spilt says you will be a bit less big!

spilt my lovely, this year you truly have known what you have missed with Bobbie. You have seen Freya grow and that has got to hurt that Bobbie is not there to see it also, that she never got the chance to it all. Hugs to you, anniversaires are hard.

Checking in again finally! The child is miraculously asleep before I am which is a marked improvement on recent history. More typically we lie down in bed and I feed her and bf hormones send me to sleep and she is still tweaking my nose/giggling/playing with my hair But tonight, fast akip after 10 min feed, must have timed it right for once. Bless her, she is so very very beautiful and peaceful lying there

elly I do feel for you, the uncertainty is very stressful. Here's hoping xx

kleine your little E is just utterly beautiful, that perfect baby skin! I looked a long time at the picture of her snuggled up to your heart. Such warmth and peace in that image. I can't imagine a more perfect place for her to be as you let her go xx

blizy so sorry you are in such a bad place. You have endured so much, you bloody deserve to get that BFP, I'm gutted for you that it is taking so long.

blue that is great that all the MW checks are showing great results and woohoo for the homebirth approval! Are you planning on using a pool? I used one, and v much enjoyed the weightlessness and ability to writhe in pain move freely. I would do Ella's party the week before as you will be marginally less pregnant so hopefully less huge and tired and less likely to go into labour mid party!!

I am really feeling the build up to Bobbie's anniversaries this year. I suspect last year having Freya as a newborn to find my feet with took up nearly all of my energy and cushioned me a bit. This year I feel very raw all over again. More and more insular and just sad as the days go by, especially in the evenings. I want people to know the dates are looming, that I miss my baby and I hurt, but I don't know how to say it. It's like being struck a bit dumb.

Posted too soon. Wanted to say that I am so hopeful for you that all will be well xx

mecha how are you doing?

elly I'm glad you can see the positives from your scan. Hang on tight to them when you're feeling terrified... I imagine that 'wait and see' are such stressful words for you to hear... but if you are only just 6 weeks now then I suppose you have to wait a little bit. Two weeks is an awfully long time though! Will also be here for hand-holding (&cyber-cake).