TTC after a miscarriage - springy BFPs for festive beanies

Time4tea..

Brilliant news.

Time4tea - congratulations on seeing the bean!

How is everyone else??

t4t - you saw your beanie! How wonderful!!!

thanks little Polly for thinking about me, I saw my beanie, literally looking like a bean, but with a little luminous heartbeat.

I staggered to the ladies (lying there with a full bladder is no fun) and blubbed hysterically with relief. The staff were great - they offered for me to come back in two weeks (9 weeks) to reassure all is well and then on to the 12 week scan.

Ruth Louise, I really felt for you reading your account. I do agree that it is worth making a formal complaint, just to feel that you got it off your chest and did as much as you could to get answers and stop it happening to someone else.

keep on trucking everyone thanks again for the support, the last few days have been really anxious, MN has been a real life-saver.

ruthlouise Good luck with trying to get some answers and hopefully preventing this from happening to someone else in the future.

Janus - Agree with rubles and Angsthase on telling DH - it doesn't seem to put pressure on us and there is actually something rather magical about sharing the thought that 'this might be the moment we make our baby'.

Time4tea - thinking about you this morning as you go for your scan.

Smole -

Thanks ladies, good ideas here, you are right, I should just ask the poor guy!! I did an ovulation stick on Saturday afternoon which was positive and we managed to sneek a quick one on Sunday morning (kids glued to Scooby Doo - bad parents!!), so maybe the timing was just right anyway. I haven't bothered with the sticks for a few months but found some lurking in my bottom drawer so decided I might as well use them up. Fingers crossed, here goes for the horrible two week wait!

Agree with Rubles - I tell DH just before OV is about to start and we then BD every other day. Gave my DH the choice too to know or not.

Janus,

For the last 3 months I have told dp rather than trying to maintain the mystery. I generally give it a large window though, I don't say 'tonight's the night' as that is too pressured I say 'from now on we have to have lots of sex' so he knows not to arrange too many nights out and to look after himself.
For us it is better this way and hasn't made it seem forced, in fact it has been really nice. Actually I think I asked him whether he would prefer to know when I was more fertile or whether that would make him feel pressured and he said he was happy to know.
Maybe you could try and sound him out first?

btw - once over the weekend is plenty if you ovulated then!

sorry smole

Ruth Louise - poor you. That's awful.

Janus - I tell my DH and he plans for things to be romantic and get us in the mood. It adds to the fun for us.

Ruthlouise that is terrible.

My AF only lasted 2 days very light but I did another test as I pulled a muscle in my back and wanted to overdose on Ibuprofen. BFN.

ruthlouise, I had a complicated c-section some years ago and when I found out I was pregnant with my second I rang the hospital and got my old notes as I had since moved and wanted to give all the information to my new GP. It may be possible for you to get your old notes too, I had to pay something for the photoopying and wait a few weeks but it did not seem difficult for them to provide the notes. May be worth a try?
Ladies, personal question here, but ... do you explain to your partners when you are ovulating so they know they are up for a busy few days??! I knew this weekend I was but I don't want to tell my partner to try and keep things as spontaneous as possible but sods law, he kept falling asleep on me! We managed it once but I'm not really thinking that was enough. Now I think I should tell him in future but am so worried it will lose its 'spark'. Not sure how to approach this?
Thanks.

ruthlouise, if i were you i would lay allmy cards on the table and have a chat with my doctor as they are clearly very supportive of your situation and ask for some advice on the next steps to take. something does need to be done for your own piece of mind and also for future cases.

Thank you ladies for your replies. You are such a source of support. For so long I've wanted to know why I had such a rare bleed and why our son died but had kind of accepted that we would never know - they did an internal investigation before and decided that the only mistakes had been errors of communication rather than errors in my clinical care. One of the things I wish I'd asked for at the time was a copy of all my care notes. Someone told me at the time that we are entitled to a copy of everything but I didn't bother. Now I would like a copy of my notes but wonder whether some key records will go 'missing'. I don't want to go down any legal avenues etc I just want the whole truth iyswim.
Do you think an official complaint will lead to a cover up? There is supposed to be a 'no blame' culture in the NHS now which enables the NHS to be more open and learn from its mistakes but I'm doubtful as to whether it always works in practice. Sorry to be cynical.
If I initiate a formal complaint, should I lay all my cards on the table? Or just focus on dd's case? I really don't want a cover up.

Nicola - Thanks for the suggestion re the pathologist I hadn't thought of that at all

Babyfettle - I'm sorry you are left wondering about your boiler. I know I did lots of self examining as to whether it was my fault that we lost our baby and I'm sure lots of others on here have had the same thoughts. Its only natural that we want answers but as you said the levels were very low and may not have even been leaking at the time of your m/c. Please be kind to yourself. Take care and give your dd an extra hug X

ruthlouise that news is disgusting and i am so deeply sorry for you and cannot begin to imagine how you feel.
you need answers and someone needs to pay. i would start the ball rolling on an official complaint, i know you dont want to go as far as suing but if it was me id sue their arses off. totally unnacceptable treatment from people who are suppossed to make things better.

Routhlouise, that is shocking and although I also agree that suing the NHS might not be the right thing (I also work in the NHS), you should certainly make sure there is a proper internal investigation and an explnation and apology is issued to you. This is very important to identify why things went so horribly wrong and put things right for others in future. And you deserve and are entitled to a full explantion. You need to immeditaely initiate an official complaint, to the trust where this happened. You could also report the pathologist to the General Medical Council.

Hi Ruth Louise,
I am so sorry to read your post. Putting your family at risk like that...heads should roll somewhere.
Good luck with getting a positive outcome.
Thinking of you.
Mips xxx

Ruthlouise - I'm so so sorry - that level of incompetence just shouldn't happen.

I do hope you get some answers to help you come to terms with it all.

I found out 2 weeks after my mc that our gas boiler was leaking carbon monoxide - only very low amounts, but I still wish I'd followed it up at the time. Probably too late now and we now have a brand new boiler, but I'll always wonder if it was related.

I do so hope you get some answers and closure from this - shocking!

We are all here for you, so rant and rave away.

Oh Ruthlouise. Sweetheart. That is shocking. It has made my hairs stand on end. You're right it is sickening - it's shocking and absolutely disgusting.
You poor poor thing.
Rant and rave on here all you want if it helps.

ruthlouise it all sounds an awful mess. getting some answers will hopefully help you come to terms with it all?

Oh my goodness, sorry the last post is soooo long - got a bit carried away

Hi all

Cece - why don't you set up a separate hotmail account online so you can email privately with Mips? Only you would know the password to log in

I'm now on CD7 and already OV stick testing - determined not to miss the right day this month...glad I'm at that positve stage of the month 'cos have had a couple of very stressy days as I think I finally know the reason why my baby died. (Warning long and possible TMI)
DD, 23 months, was unwell Thursday with a very high temperature again so we stayed home for the day. Early in the afternoon a man visited me from environmental health saying he had come to see me due to my recent case of salmonella poisoning. I assured him he had the wrong person but then realised the name on his paper was dd's He said according to his records dd had recently had a positive stool sample and these things were always followed up quickly to try to identify the origins of the infection.
his paperwork was dated 'received 3rd July 06' but when he looked closer he realised the stool sample had been sent for testing on 30th January 2006. This was a time when dd had been very ill with diarrhoea and bleeding bowels
for several months. Another sample had previously been sent to the lab in December but for some reason they had failed to analyse it. DD has had severe allergies with bowel problems since birth.
Anyway, we have a letter dated 17th February 2006 saying the sample had come back clear. So we continued to believe dd's problems and cramps were due to her food allergies - poor thing.
On 3rd February at 12+3 weeks pg I had an upset stomach and began haemorraghing heavily within 20 minutes of this. I went straight to A&E where they told me there was no chance due to the extent of the blood loss. They were going to keep me in for a D&C but we refused until we had had a scan to confirm the baby had died. As it was a sunday we had a scan the next day which showed baby was alive and well but I continued bleeding and with bowel problems. The threatened miscarriage took 6 weeks to complete. All the way through my threatened miscarriage, I had repeatedly informed various health people (A&E, midwive, Early preg unit,consultant)of
my bowel problems and pains - none of them beleived it was related to the threatened miscarriage and all promptly disregarded what I kept saying. so I feel physically sick at the thought that a) someones mistake in saying dd's stool sample was clear has probably cost us our son, Isaac, If we had known dd had salmonella, I would have been screened and when I had the bowel problems and threatened miscarriage started, I would have known the likely cause and been alerted. Antibiotics could have saved our baby Isaac.
and b) how could someone lose dd's test results for 5 months - If I had been out on Thursday we might never have known. This is unbelieveable. We were back at the bowel specialist for dd in April and he said all dd's tests had come back clear too. Poor dd when I think what she's been through.
I went to the GP yesterday. She was very good but found the whole thing hard to believe. She was shocked to see the report from environmental health (which I had had to charm and beg from the man who visited and by quoting 'freedom of information act'. The GP did some internet research whilst we were there on the health protection website and confirmed that dd's strain of salmonella was rare - so rare that the particular type or phage as its called is not even listed. We have no idea where it came from.
I have no doubt in my mind that I also caught salmonella, probably from dd, perhaps at the time when she was having up to 18 diarrhoea nappies a day (and she was in clothies!)
dh, dd and I are all to have stool tests done to check whether we are still carrying it. The Dr says it is very unlikely now but a positive test
from me would leave some big questions to be answered by the medical people who treated me at the time. Particularly my consultant. I always said I would never sue the NHS 'cos it needs every penny it can get (I work in the NHS) but I'm feeling very angry that no one listened to me and want someone to admit their mistake for how our dd has suffered too.
The GP was lovely and spent ages with us, her husband is my GP and he came in to us as well, so at last I feel that someone is listening. He didn't see me 'til after the miscarriage completed when he gave me medication for my painful bowels and they could only go on the results the lab sent them in February re dd so
I don't feel bad towards them. They suggested we go back directly to them after these results come back and then we'll see where to go from there.
I am at the tail end of AF and have realised I already hav fertile mucus -
I'm 99% sure I don't have salmonella poisoning now but half wonder whether we shouldn't be trying this month, just in case - Internet research I did suggests it clears itself within a couple of weeks but the environmental health guy says it can be carried for a year - I can't believe all this has happened and no one picked it up. Sorry if I'm repeating myself but I could have been sitting here 8 months pg if someone
hadn't made those mistakes . How can I have kept telling everyone about my bowel problems and no one took me seriously. Why didn't anyone listen? How can our dd's test results have been lost for 5 months and someone be so incompetent to write an inaccurate report saying she was clear?
Thanks for listening. Its good to get it off my chest. I feel like shouting out that someone murdered my baby. I know that that's not really true. I did want answers as to why a perfectly healthy pregnancy ended the way it did but can't believe it could be due to what I would call medical incompetence or negligence in this way.

Hi all

T4T DH needs kick in pants!!! It's nice to have you and WWW hanging around - reminds us what it's all about. I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday morning. What time is the scan?

Oinker - relieved to hear your results are hopefully not as scary as first thought. It actually sounds quite positive - that it's something that can be finally sorted out for you. I do hope so.

Smole - how is your strange AF????

My AF has finally departed and now looking forward to starting ov tests this coming week. We went to look at a puppy the other night - not really sure how I feel about it so soon after losing our last little boy, but the house feels so empty without a dog.

Good luck to everyone with testing and ttc-ing. xxx

hello all

Oinker great to hear positive news, and that your GP is doing his job. Keep hanging in there. Being on the lists for St. Mary's has to be a good sign, it's the best place. Wonderful also to hear you sounding more perky.

I'm like WWW, despite BFP can't bear to leave you ladies. The early scan is on Tuesday morning and am completely numb with trying not to reflect on it an get too het up. The thought of going into the scan room again.... I've booked nights out with friends last night, tonight and tomorrow night, am knackered, but trying to fill my time until Tuesday. DH has gone out with DS to the park so I can have a rest. You won't believe what DH said this morning - that he'd sort of forgotten the scan is on Tuesday I really don't know what I'd do without your support. WWW started a champion thread in the pregnancy section on coping with anxiety when pregnant post-mc.

thanks all, wouldn't be getting through this even reasonably sane without you...

PS did test this morning (CD 28) but bfn. Don't know why I bothered as I know full well that both times I got pg I was naerer to CD 32 by the time the test went positive. Still waiting.

Many people have had intrauterine scar tissue and fibroids removed and gone on to healthy pregnancies.

I don't have fobroids but do have scar tissue, althouh I managed to get pg with it I then miscarried (not related to the scar tissue in the opinion of my obstetrician). May have to go and have the scar tissue operated on now if not pg in next month or so. Unfortunately as it is entirely fertility related and I am over 40 I can't get it on NHS but will have it done privately at Hammersmith fertility clinic.