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Conception

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A concerned other half needs advice

261 replies

paolocee · 14/07/2012 17:24

My girlfriend, just turned 39, been TTC (see, I know some of the lingo) for 5 years.

Had one unsuccessful IVF cycle.

Yesterday she had a positive ClearBlue Conception Indicator at around 5pm. It was the day her period was due. It said conception had been 1-2 weeks ago which would have been spot on. She'd been suffering from bad cramps for the past few days. Very grumpy too (no change there, then ;)). Had odd food cravings. Higher than average temperature. Experienced apparent implantation cramps and a little spotting a week ago. All looked good. We were very excited. Very.

Then she retested again last night at 8pm. A BFN. Not to worry we thought, she'd drunk a gallon of water - the HCG must've been diluted.

We'll leave it until morning and a FMU (is that right? I may be straying from my comfort zone now). Another BFN. Utter gloom. Total and utter gloom.

She's on the sofa now watching a week's worth of Corrie. She still hasn't come on, although, as she's felt for the last few days she feels like she's about to.

My guess is that it was a chemical pregnancy. But is there still hope? Any words of wisdom much appreciated. I feel so helpless.

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paolocee · 18/07/2012 12:35

MainlyMaynie

I don't know why one wouldn't be supportive. Doesn't compute.

We'll have one more crack at it the natural way next month and we're scheduled for our second crack at IVF in September. Was supposed to be in June but when they thawed our two embryos unfortunately they'd both expired.

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KickTheGuru · 18/07/2012 12:19

HA yeh. Proud moments.

I think its hard for some people to remember the torment of "symptoms" so I do tend to roll my eyes a bit since I have had symptoms every month as well.

Excluding the last couple months obviously... :)

MainlyMaynie · 18/07/2012 12:18

Sorry to hear she's having a difficult time today. It's great that you're so supportive. Do you have plans for another go at IVF?

paolocee · 18/07/2012 12:03

A-ha. That figures (forgive the pun). Seen you, er, discussing matters on the TTC Myth thread. Steered well clear. Some people, unfortunately, will never accept logic and rationale. TBF, though, I jettisoned most of my rational traits during the last 5 days....That's what ttc does to you.

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KickTheGuru · 18/07/2012 11:45

I read a LOT. And I'm an analyst. So I typically take a shit load of information and decide what is important and what is absolute rubbish and then tell people what to do.

That doesn't work QUITE as well on MN but at least I get paid to do it in real life Grin

paolocee · 18/07/2012 11:43

Kick

You sure do love your stats, girl!

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PandaWatch · 18/07/2012 11:38

Thanks Kick. I thought so but then made the mistake of googling and read all sorts about risks of infection etc. But I think (TMI alert!) that everything that was in there has come out now anyway.

And thanks paolocee too. I have all my fingers crossed for you!

KickTheGuru · 18/07/2012 11:35

Panda

On a chem pg this early, sadly there is nothing they can do. You just let it come out like a normal AF. Up to 70% of early pregnancies apparently land up being chem pgs but no one actually knows about it. So it comes out with what we think is the next AF.

paolocee · 18/07/2012 11:32

No worries, PandaWatch, hijack away. Sorry to hear about your mc.

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PandaWatch · 18/07/2012 11:22

Really really sorry to thread hijack a bit but CockDodger when you had your early loss did you need to go to your GP or have anything done? I'm pretty certain I had an early mc start this morning (AF 7 days late, CB digital +ve yesterday morning) and I don't know whether or not I need to get anything done because it's so early. I started another thread to ask but no one has answered yet.

paolocee I'm very sorry for you both and really really hope this turns out well. You seem like a lovely person and your support for your GF will be invaluable to her, whatever the outcome.

paolocee · 18/07/2012 11:04

Scarredbutnotbroken
I am a big fan of the random strangers. We both are. I must admit, it's a rather rum turn of events that finds me on a Mumsnet messageboard. Didn't see THAT coming.

No AF yet, unfortunately.

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Scarredbutnotbroken · 18/07/2012 10:53

AF? Sorry about the empathy deficit - she does have a load of random strangers cheering you both on thiugn Grin

KickTheGuru · 18/07/2012 10:24

Shit sorry :(

paolocee · 18/07/2012 10:01

Hey. Not good at all today. She's in absolute bits. Still feels pregnant but knows she isn't. Doesn't help that her mother is showing all the empathy of a psychopath.
Thanks for asking.

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Mama1980 · 18/07/2012 08:57

Morning just checking in hoping you are both doing as well as you can be

MainlyMaynie · 18/07/2012 08:54

How's it going today?

paolocee · 17/07/2012 19:31

CockDodger. Thanks for the funniest name and the most encouraging addendum to this bloody awful 5 days.

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paolocee · 17/07/2012 18:57

Acupuncture or shag? Acupuncture or shag? Hmmm..... Tough one.

Sadly it'll be neither. 2 hours of Curb Your Enthusiasm and a bottle of wine. Then blessed, uninterrupted sleep.

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hellymelly · 17/07/2012 14:38

I'm sorry there hasn't been good news- If it does turn out to really be a negative, my one bit of advice would be accupuncture, if you haven't tried it yet. Alone or alongside any conventional route you may go down.

FlangelinaBallerina · 17/07/2012 14:17

Hope you're having a nice lunch. Maybe you two should have a nice shag when you get home, never know when she might be ovulating. It sounds impossible but can happen! and you deserve a bit of fun.

paolocee · 17/07/2012 14:05

Having lunch alfresco in a sunny Luleå harbour. It could be worse. Kalidasa, wise words as ever. I think you're 100% correct.
And she's signed straight up with that website.

At the moment GF is being very stoic. I'm bottoming out a little. Still, we've got the tax office out of the way.

Thanks again for all your kind words.

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CockDodger · 17/07/2012 13:56

I had an early loss, too. I think it took 7 days for AF to arrive after the BFP. I got pregnant the very next month. I really hope this is the case for you too as it's awful having your hopes dashed like that.

...and yes, you may be right... are you a doctor by any chance? Grin

AThingInYourLife · 17/07/2012 10:51

:(

Sorry to hear it was BFN.

Look after each other.

kalidasa · 17/07/2012 10:29

My experience of early losses is that the symptoms did continue until the bleeding started, even if the tests had gone negative. If a pregnancy is failing very early on, the level of hcg may quickly have dropped below what a test will detect but that's not to say there's not still any circulating, and by definition your progesterone is still high until the bleeding begins (it's the drop in progesterone that triggers the bleeding). So symptoms associated with some hcg and elevated progesterone can continue for a few days even in this situation. Which just makes the whole experience even worse I know.

I actually felt a bit better (physically) once the bleeding got underway - as if my body had been sort of holding its breath.

I'm sure your wife has read everything possible after five years, but "taking charge of your fertility" explains everything really clearly and has some advice about short luteal phases.

paolocee · 17/07/2012 09:28

Hey MainlyMaynie

I think she takes all those in one form or another apart from the agnus stuff. Yep, it is shit. But it's also really, really baffling (all the continuing symptoms mullarkey). Anyway, thanks for that - we're already being positive and preparing ourselves mentally for next month. And I've been put in charge of diary-filling. So, by my calculations, we'll be testing next in April 2015....

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