TTC for 10+ months, part 8

nelly jealous of reflexology. I was all up for that when fibroidgate got in the way. Maybe it's what I need. I know I'm out because my period due signs are so The Same. Big grotty grump 7dpo. No cm. womble twinges, vivid dreams, muddling up my words, sore boobs. I hope I'm wrong. I read online if you ov any earlier than day 10 the egg won't have matured properly. Raw eggs, mouldy eggs, why can't any old bob a job egg do?!

Well if MN is going to crash, just a quick to say I'm crying over the tennis and poor Andy's reaction :( I met him once and he's lovely, and I get so cross about people who call him dour. He has a fab dry Scottish sense of humour and he will win a grand slam soon . OK feel better getting that off my chest.

gin sorry about funerals and more deaths :( Would it make you feel better if we all promised to come to your funeral....in about 60 years of course. At which point I'll likely be 6ft under myself, but I'll come if I can .

sar glad you feel a bit less meh but don't let the boss get you down. I do wonder about "professional" people sometimes. They often behave like playground bullies. They aren't the real world, in my experience, so two fingers up to her.

euro it's cool isn't it :) Unfortunately the accident meant he didn't make it to the Olympics (which were that season I think) but he's still the most beautiful skier I've ever seen, which is a mixed blessing when you are behind him.

wine sorry about the lost post and I feel so much for you with all this delay and confusion. It's hard enough watching time pass when you at least get a shot each cycle, never mind in your situation. Shiny womble is still a big positive though, and hopefully next cycle you will be firing on all cylinders. I echo joy - why do you think you are out?

Ugh to debris! carrie your oven cleaning sounds exciting indeed. I hacked out half our garden spent some time cutting the back hedge. And very cathartic it was too.

I too have woo tomorrow - first reflexology. Just a shame I need to work out the complex logistics of getting there after work, which always takes the shine off somewhat. But I'm very much looking forward to lying down for an hour and being pampered, regardless of whether it has any impact on fertility :)

Off to have some strawberries and cream to celebrate the good fight by our Local Hero. :)

I know you're right joycep but it's so scary! I have literally convinced myself that the menopause is imminent no af at all I'm on cd17 but pos opk day 6 and 7 with ewcm and all other signals of af being about 4-5 days away are here (massive mood, sore boobs etc). Pah and ttc humbug! Hope you're ok.

wine - why do you think you are having another 21 day cycle? has af started? step away from google (says hypocrite here) but it can frighten unnecessarily. Perhaps you can ask the cons on thurs and see if this is normal?/

gin - sorry about your gran's funeral...weddings/funerals/christenings , they are all horrible reminders of everything ttc. Yes and i spend far too much thinking about this too.

buzzy - i am glad the party went ok.

sarlat - i really look forward to hearing all about this woo massage.

carrie I too lead a full and active life I have never really thought about debris and what goes up there and what happens to it, sludgegate continues

Lady bits are a wonderful thing aren't they

wine ha yes I have showers not bath/barths so I did wonder what my debris might be :)

Debris sounds er umm. I didn once hear about how women should not use talc above the knee or below the waist and there is a link between that and blocked tubes and ovarian cysts! Apprently other countries have a warning on the labels. This was when I was a teenager so haven't a clue if its true of not but I don't use talc lol.

Boo to the funeral never fun and I find family occasions the hardest to handle.

Stupid mumsnet keeps going down on me today, I have tried to post several times. Hope we are all starting to feel a bit better. I have the spent the day sorting through paperwork and cleaning the oven. I live a full and active life. Period still very light and only just getting cramps

Oh and buzzy glad you had a chat. at debris! I had debris in my tubes. What is it???!! My friend reckoned it was dead sperm pile up. Gross!

buzzy my computer crashed before I'd saved, can't even blame mumsnet! It's made me in a mood! I have had pmt this month since my last period. I am either or all the time. I hope mr wine doesn't run away!

When I lose posts I get too frustrated to do them again in full. I will have to do a potted one.

gin sorry about the funeral, bound to make you think about life. But things will work out for you.

euro yay to not spotting ,boo to work.

nelly sorry to hear mr nelly was naughty, I hope he has made it up to you. But amazing about the first class. Jealousy.

lemon I had posted in detail info for you on laps and everything! I had 5 tips, I will see if I can recall them. It isn't so bad and will be over quickly. Sing the pick of the pops run down music...
5)Have mint tea/cordial in for the inevitable gas.
4)Check about what to do with stitches. I should have had mine removed and left them festering for a month because no one told me.
3)Nighties better than pjs for rubbing.
2)When the registrar comes round, if they have found anything of note, ask them to write it down in note form. I had shocking memory loss even though I though I was fine. The discharge notes were a joke and not remotely enough detail.
1)It does make you tired. But you will be right as rain well before a fortnight.
Good luck and let us know how it goes when you can, will be thinking of you.

princess sorry about the one line stick. How are you feeling?

sarlet please do tell us about the massage. I so want to have that done but will have to wait til later in the autumn. I hope you are feeling a bit better today. I sometimes get a real fixation on things that have upset me - could you do some meditating on it? Have you tried Stin Hansen (I bang on about these probably nearly every post!) she has a meditation for just about everything in the entire world.

buzzy nice work on the zipper.

Wave at everyone else. This post is a bit crap now.

But, maybe it is good because I'd droned on and on about myself at the end! In summary, I an pretty sure I am having a 21 day cycle again. This equals acute worries about ovarian failure which can apparently happen after pelvic surgery. Why thank you google. I know it is only two months post surgery but these are my golden months for having clear tubes and it is just passing me by with crazy cycles and an inability to shag because it hurts my stomach. I'm not especially down or weepy but I have been totally stuck and unable to move forward now since last October. In fact, since September, there have only been 4 cycles where we have been able to try what with hsg, lap and surgery. So, seeing the cons on thurs when we are likely to be put on the waiting list for ivf, after 16 cycles of trying feels waaay too soon for me. But funding is likely to get slashed from out pct again after Sept apparently. What to do, what to do.

wine I write mine on word and transfer it, its bloody annoying when you lose it I hope you are ok

gin sorry to hear about your gran, when Mr B and I first talked about having kids he said it will be nice to have some come visit us when we're old I'm too old for egg sharing otherwise I would be up for it. I could possibly 'alter' my birth certificate

euro thank you, I haven't been to the movies/threatre for ages

well the party was ok, we didn't know anyone other than the birthday boy who was 40 and his wife, although there were a lot of people who looked older than 40 to me, and a lot had bigger bums so I felt young and thin for a change We sat on a sofa and Mr B asked did Mr S think his weight loss was due to him having a low SA I said I didn't ask, we then sat and discussed our options and plans and he is now actively trying to gain weight,taking all the supplements I've given him, he'll do his SA in about 3 weeks, depending on that we'll have to decide on IUI, Mr S said he wouldn't advise it unless I have at least 2 follies as it is expensive, so we'll carry on with the SO. It was quite nice for us just to sit and talk about things we even discussed IVF, egg sperm donation and agreed that adoption is not for us.
TMI sludgegate must be catching, I also had what I can only describe as a hard ball of cottage cheese along with the sludge??? So I had to send in Mr Index to investigate and there was a bit more, only a bit today, I think the sludge might be down to the Gonal F a lady at work said she was going to have the coil fitted but when they looked up her chuff they said there was a bit of 'debris' from like bathing products etc and they have to sort that out first.

Well I'm going to do my ironing and watch the tennis

oh medusa I also mentioned that he could surprise me

just lost a massive post too and it was huge. Boo hoo. Will try again.

AAAAA - just lost a post!!!

Gin - sorry about your Gran's funderal. But damn it you will have someone to mourn you when you are an old lady. So glad you are fired up and ready to go for the next IVF. About the UTI - how weird you had one post IVF too. Not sure mine has gone even though finished antibiotics. Did you see a Dr about yours?

Nelly - hope peace and order is restored in the Nelly household. I would be cross for the thoughtlessness and needless worry. But I don't think he was cheating on ya chick. If he was, he would make darn sure that he kept to his' normal' routine and be home early to not make you suspicious.

Hello to everyone else. Euro and Joyce - thanks for the kind words. My sad feelings have now moved on to remembering every critical comment (even though likley well intentioned) I have ever had from my boss. She's ok as a boss but has sometimes hurt my feelings. So now I am reliving those scenes in my head. Why??? Why oh why. Need to slap self.

On a better note, I have my woo appointment tomorrow evening for maya abdominal massage - whoohoo. Really excited about that. Gonna get my belly rubbed with castor oil.

Take care everyone. x

Ps Did anyone read this Guardian article about ivf & egg sharing? www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/jul/07/infertility-ivf-egg-sperm-donation. Intersting and pretty inspiring, although not sure I could go through 8 rounds of ivf! I'm also intrigued by what her 'new' immunosuppressant drugs were...

Bugger! Didn't mean to post that! Was trying to say I was wondering when I'm an old lady, who'd come to my funeral, if we don't have kids and grandkids! But anyway, enough misery from me. I am actually feeling a bit cheerier and determined to get on with the next lot of ivf cos I will bloody well have a child to cry at my funeral when I'm an old lady!

Sorry that joy and sar are both feeling meh. I think we all go through phases and it's something that just happens when you've been trying as long as we have! Big hugs.

euro pleased to hear you are feeling so much better and have A Plan. It all sounds sensible. I guess the thing to remember is that mild/natural ivf is still ivf, so do make sure you are properly ready. Although I'm still about the lack of NHS funding, I do feel there is a benefit from going private in that I've not been sent down the loads of drugs route and had more control over things.

carrie I'm pleased to hear that you too have a plan. I also have adoption as a back up plan.

buzzy I like dr S's 'it can't hurt attitude'! And am stil at the kinky boots.

nelly I would have been livid if Mr Gin had stayed out all night and not called me! But I have an over active imagination and would've been ringing round A&E! We do have friends though who do similar as a way of letting off steam. I think they sonetines just need ro get hammered with their mates. You guys have had a rough time recently, but it sounds like things were good yesterday ;) Gawd ttc is shit and the pressure it adds to anything, not that Mr Gin ever seems that bothered (unless he's hammered)!

I think someone was saying about it being the first thing they think about when they wake up? I know how that feels.. I do seem to spend FAR too much time thinking bout it. Urgh and facebook. Sooo many babies on it. Does anyone know how to hide certain mummies people from the feed??

missm I can't believe what you guys have been through! Jeese! Pleased to hear mr m is recovering well.

princess boo to the arctic white pee stick. C'mon big finger, where are youuuuu? I thought the summer was meant to be a good time for updiffedness. Not that we're really having a summer weather wise. Maybe that's why the finger's gone AWOL?!

Waves and loves to pout, wine, mrsd, frannie, lemons, teu, care and everyone else. I'm off to scoff some cakes what I made on a cake course yesterday. Nom nom.

Hi ladies. Well I'm pleased this week is almost over! We had my gran'a funeral and another family death (although no one I really knew). The funeral went well, although like the selfish cowbag I am I ended up feeling sad about us not being all to have children. Guess it's to do with being surrounded by family (when I'm an and also being told to get on and have kids by a great aunt!

sarlat - sending you a massive hug. I feel your pain and that horrible feeling can be triggered by the simple sight of a family in a park or in the street. it's the first thing i think about in the morning too and we can only distract ourselves for so long before it gets too much. Anyway I just wanted to say you aren't alone. I'm very wobbly at the moment too.

buzzy - enjoy your party.

Nelly - i hope you are ok and this weather is so shit. Oh how i would love to live in the caribbean.

carrie - sorry you are feeling so down> it 's all a bit meh on here right now.

Sarlat your not bitter it just takes its toll sometimes and we have all had those thoughts.someone from a different department brought her new baby into work where it guggled loudly for two hours. A colleague said aww its that cute, my response no I don't like babies. Why did I say that I love babies. At least she knows me well and just walked away opps. I hope the crying gets it out your system for a bit and I am sending hugs, tissues and chocolate thoughts.
I have to say even with one child I thought I wouldn't find TTC as hard this time but its worse. I cry becuase she has no sibling to play with, no one to open xmas prezzies with. I laid and cried on OH last night about how unfair it all is, how I am letting him down and he could find someone else. I normally cry on my own so he doesn't think I am going crazy lol. I think we have decided no more that's it end of the line but its depending on what the hospital say on the 16th lol I've said he's the lead this time I am saying nothing unless asked. He's worried about what to say but why should I be the one stressing and making decisions. I know I won't take Clomid again. We have instead talked about moving to somewhere bigger and concentrating on that. Then in a few years looking into adoption.
I did mention egg sharing he flat out said no. He said if it worked it would be great but that he knew I wouldn't be able to handle it if the other person got pregnant and I didn't and he's right!
I'm sorry I haven't said hi to everyone I am reading all posts including Dermoid cysts, periods to Greece, broken backs on honeymoon, brown diets, test results and sex fails/results. And and here for the ups and downs but its so hard to keep up on my phone. I wish we had a proper chat room so we could talk realtime

sarlat its supposed to help suppress your immune system, usually he prescribes prednisolone from ov but I can't get on with it, so he suggested to take it from bfp and to take the progesterone from ov and to double my vit D and also to up my omega 3, thats what they do in the US and Shehata said it wouldn't hurt. I don't notice any changes with the progesterone, I don't get sore boobs or anything even when I was on 800mgs, I use the back door at night so I don't have any mess, as Shehata keeps saying to my suggestions, 'it can't hurt'

Thank you for the nice words - just feel a bit rubbish today.

Buzzy - how does progesterone help in relation to NK Cells? I have been thinking about asking for progesterone in my natural FET cycle - which would mean it would not be entirely natural.

sarlatstep away from FB, big hugs sorry you are feeling so low

joy I believe a 'party' involves mixing in public with others, don't really feel like it but hey ho

but nelly if he wins Wimbledon then he'll become a Brit sorry about your hobble anniversary, yay to Saturday morning shagging and I'm glad your freind was so understanding, so many are not

teu my dad spent years trying to tell my mum that it was overseas as
a) she had to get in a plane
b) it then went over the sea
She still wouldn't have it, perhaps this where I get my stubbornness from
You better get Mr Teu on booking that honeymoon, also you should tell him that your engagement ring gets a carat bigger with every year that passes I had to wait a few months till Mr B got another job after he was made redundant, I knew he got the job because he sent me a text 'I owe you a ring'

medusa love your story about Mr M, I shall have to tell Mr B to start surprising me, along as he doesn't wear my knee highs as that would be more of a shock

princess my progesterone was 57 or 64?? No i'm not bragging but I still take progesterone presseries, mainly help with my nk cells, you get used to them after a while and they are kind of like a security blanket, I like to think if/when I get a bfp that i'll have all bases covered

euro you've got everything worked and planned, just like a well organised mum would, could I ask which clinic you had your IUI at, you can pm me if you like. I'm not holding out much hope that Mr B's sample will be that great next time

Well the sun is out so I guess I should be too :)

Afternoon. Not long out of my bed although we hardly ever have a lie-in, and we did have some sex .

Sar I am sorry you are so down. This thread is so cathartic, as you say sometimes you just want to get it all out. The other day I had lunch with my friend at work who knows about the TTC woes. She is pregnant with DC2 and knows of at least 2 other friends who are also going/been through IVF so was very understanding. She said she was feeling guilty about getting Pg so easily, which I tried to reassure her on. But she did try and say something about it not all being a bundle of laughs, life changes so much etc. I gently stopped her (she's a very good friend) and told her that didn't help; that nobody in my position wants to be told "you don't know how lucky you have it" and asked her not to say it to me or anyone else in the same boat. Luckily she took it the way it was intended, and I was still very grateful for the fact that she acknowledged the pain. Not everyone is so empathetic.

I think your "plan" sounds good euro. Enjoy the sff, god knows this stuff is hard on the relationship. On the miles/up the front of plane chat, other than one very lucky upgrade from WT+ to CW (flight from Hong Kong six years ago, yessss!) I am strictly down the back. But we have a BA Amex so clock up the miles on that, and then use the companion voucher to book. Booking in F or CW is the best value as you have to pay the taxes on whatever you book, hence we have been saving them up. I am most excited about being at the pointy end. Anyway if you fancy a referral for the card let me know as we'd both get a miles bonus

missM sorry I didn't acknowledge the terrible tale of your honeymoon. Your poor OH. If it's any re-assurance at all, my Dad had a skiing Downhill accident in the late 60s (he was on the British Team and was in a race) and broke his back. Was initially paralysed but recovered fully, has skied ever since and has a very physical job. And that was with the barbaric basic treatment in Austria from 50 years ago, so I am sure with modern treatment and physio, all will be well for him. I second whoever mentioned his physio though.

Oh bloody hell to the shag week fails. Sometimes these men need artemis patented poking in the eye some reminders. I did wail at Mr N last night I want a babyeeeeee but luckily it was after some good shagging, not before. I don't find thinking of sperm marathons helpful when trying to get in the mood.

princess that's a pass :). But maybe joy's suggestion of progesterone support might be a useful add on?

carrie bloody hell to AF/POAS disaster. FFS. nature is a witch.

Right, having faffed around all morning, I really should go and achieve something. And yep, it's pissing down. Still. Where oh where is the water all coming from, it has rained for WEEKS here. . Oh ages ago someone mentioned light boxes. I often wonder about SAD, but I think for me it's a combination of a) having lived in the Caribbean so know what the other kind of weather is like and b) the fact that with the hobbles I have to deal with mud and dirt and such like all the time too. We normally try for a winter holiday to counteract some of it, so I am glad our honeymoon is in December/January. Summer is supposed to give me a rest from it all, which is why it's getting to me so much. Sigh.

Love to everyone else teu mrsd wine lemon gin pout buzzy care purple and everyone else I've missed.