The Rat Smackteers will get their BFPs and they'll BROOK NO ARGUMENT

Well I think that you obviously all haven't been putting any effort into this TTC lark. Everyone else manages to get pregnant just by looking at a man so you lot must be right slackers :o

How do you know if your retroverted? Either way I lost interest in putting my legs up about a year into ttc!

flippin' 'eck scarlett, no wonder so many of our Mr.s miss the jar!

My goodness me, no wonder the spermies are so small, any bigger, and they would blow a hole in you

Tock that must be so annoying. Typical consultant talk though, got him out of a tight spot.

Cups I have also heard legs in the air isn't any good.

Oh, and 2 kit kats are definitely in order.

Ooh - Cups - I was told by an MNer that the legs in the air might not help or even worse may hinder, specially if you're retroverted (which I am)...

Wowsers Scarlett that is some fast sperm. Maybe I shouldn't bother sticking my legs in the air then as It doesn't sound like those little blighters need any help.

Goodness me - those spermies are as fast as an Emperor dragonfly or my gran on her motorbike.

Oh and one more thing, Brookers, please don't forget an item for your list: '7. Eat walnuts' as advised by a GP who told me there's nothing you can do about a poor sperm analysis result. Yeah. Right.

*seminal obviosuly. spminal is a mix of that and sperm lol

I just read in my Zita West book that spminal fluid is ejaculated at 28 MPH

Brookers - I have to add to the misery caused by the interferers/fertility commentators - I have discovered to my utter rage that even when you finally manage to get pregnant and people know it took a while they say things like 'Oh it must have been because you gave up and relaxed.' Or, in the case of the NHS fertility consultant I saw 3 days before I got pregnant: 'It's because you came to see me.' Yes, that's right and you basically told me to give up because of my age, remember?!

As if I ever effin gave up for a moment though I bloody well wished I hadn't had to carry on ifkwim!! I took a series of actions that led to finally getting to the bottom of the problem (although I appreciate that this isn't necessarily doable in each case) and I made damn sure we gave it every best possible chance and all in all it was really HARD WORK for around a year of my life. I also feel better educated on human sexual reproduction than I did for my degree. So please eff off with your know-it all platitudes and sheer fertility IGNORANCE.

Phew. That feels better. You have my heartfelt empathy on this matter.

Are these the chapter titles for our book?

Aha so is that where we have all been going wrong Maybe?

I have a slight alteration to number 1, as I did manage to get preggo on the pill. So maybe we should all start taking it.....

1. Brook no argument

1. eat chocolate cake daily

Right so far I've learned that to get preggo we need to:-

1. Stop using condoms/taking the pill
2. Relax
3. Use sperm friendly lube
4. Take folic acid/pregnacare
5. Have sex a lot

Now there is nothing stopping me! A BFP will be mine in approximately 3 weeks. Who's with me?

Aww what lovely news on a day so many brookers are feeling down.

When I got my coffee this lunchtime, there were three pregnant ladies in the queue and the barista's pregnant body was on the verge of bursting out of her uniform. Not that she was huge, she just hadn't yet bothered upgrading from her normal non-pregnant uniform top. The risk of buttons popping had me in fear for my life!

On the subject of us being too stupid to get pregnant, the first time we SWI last month, MrGeek was so proud until I asked him if he had checked that the lube he'd used was non-spermicidal. The look on his face was priceless!

I totes hadnt realised that we had to relax and have lots of sex!! no wonder Im not pregnant yet!!

Oh and my brother gets married on saturday and I just know they'll start trying straight away!! Reckon my SIL might have a third as well, as her stock response has gone from 'I dont want anymore' to 'we'll have to see what happens'

lets not hate our bodies that sounds litte harsh (although 100%accurate)

Cups my cousin told me to have plenty of sex. And relax. She should write a book.

That's it cup - the condoms are just getting in the way!!! D'oh
:) :)

Oh Jen what amazing news. This means we need another replacement doesn't it.

Brookers, line up those pee sticks....

Some news on PSEPP thread

I know it's the smugness that I hate. I also hate people giving me "helpful advice". A friend of the family recently told us to get a move on as we are not getting any younger DH replied that we would like children but haven't been blessed yet (a much more measured response than I wanted to give!). Instead of this shutting her up she then said well I took folic acid and got pregnant straight away so maybe you should try that. Luckily DH moved me away before I had chance to reply.

I love the perception that if your not getting pregnant easily you must be stupid. I'm surprised no one has advised us to try having sex without contraception yet

I know. I hate patronising too. Rah.

Don't hate your body. It will perform a miracle soon, I just know it. Though I hate my body too