Fantastic 40+ thread - part 7

Hello all

Was recommended to pop over here. Wow fantastic people on here and such fab frame of minds!

I have 1 daughter, age seven and at 44 we have decided to ttc. Family being negative, told us to get real (in a nice way) Not used contraceptive for five years and not fallen pg.

Got doc appointment monday to have a chat, see what options are available as still ovulating, fingers crossed.

Anyway lovely to meet all of you!
Tracy x

yup! xxx it's a beautiful thing - a great bit of culture

Somewhere....howling laughing here. Is that the actual name of the hotel in The Shining? [shudders]

Oh, and Pink, with erectile issues it's unfair, I think, to demand sex umpteen times during our fertile window. Your best bet is to wait for that juicy strong OPK line, don't tell your DP about it, then ask him to take a tablet that night. Try to be casual about it. Of course I take none of my own advice and DP is, as I type, rocking and dribbling in a corner, whimpering at his flaccid, bleeding penis

noooo - Little Ted must be free to prance amongst the toenail clippings in the overlook hotel!
xxxx

Somewhere, I am willing to sell Little Ted in order to finance your scan. I am serious.

In middle of making tea.. So short post. Thanks golden those are lovely and very true words.x

Pink, we just crossed posts. Listen: my DP suffers from erectile dysfunction. Actually, this isn't entirely true: he suffers from erectile dysfunction only during my fertile window and it is almost impossible on the day of ovulation. Viagra here is £30 for four and before he landed this new job he resorted to buying it from a very dodgy source from the street (he has had a colourful past ) If you're struggling (and who wouldn't at that price?) buy your Viagra from the internet. Please don't fret about erectile/impotence issues. I can promise you that mere ownership of these pills can have a wonderful calming effect on your DP's nerves and anxieties. Yes, it's clinical, and yes, he has to take them 45 minutes before sex, hence sometimes adding to the whole 'contrived' feeling, but they do work, you know. Be prepared to be extra kind and reassuring to you DP around these times as it is monstrously difficult on their self-esteem. You may find that there are occasions when not even the Viagra does its job. Try your best not to be defeatist - you'll work it out with love and a bit of understanding. Above all - keep talking. (Oh, and praise him in other areas - it eventually seeps through to the part of his psyche which is making him feel shit about himself). Let us know how it goes x

golden thanks for the research. I think probably my body is trying to ovulate after failing earlier this cycle - perhaps i will try a crafty shag just incase.

littlepinkfizz - that sounds a lot £10 a tablet???? Can you not get them cheaper on-line or are you worried about doing that. feck me £10 a shag - that seems so unfair. I hope that A) you REALLY enjoy the shag and mainly B) you get the timing right and get a fab BFP.

Hippy, again from scrutinising other women's charts on fertilityfriend (and I only look at the charts which result in pregnancy, obviously) I have seen lots of evidence of EWCM appearing around the time you would expect ovulation and the women in question have shagged like the clappers, only to find their temps don't rise. They carry on temping and, lo and behold, they get EWCM again much further on (sometimes, like, CD42!) so they shag like rabbits for another day or two and BAM!! (sorry to scare you) they get a BFP on CD55! Brilliant, eh? This isn't just one or two charts, either. It also happens alot on the charts immediately after miscarriage, for all ages. Let's face it, EWCM means something, right? It means there is the presence of a rise in oestrogen. Good luck, Hippy...anything can happen x

Hi golden No your not being intrusive at all. DP has given up smoking a year ago, had put on weight, has a hernia and now fining it difficult to get an erection , poor him . He wants another baby but obviously being out under pressure to Dtd will only make things harder for him. He has been prescribed some Viagra type tablets by gp and we are trying them out tonight. However at £40 for 4 tablets, we won't be at it like rabbits. I almost feel at times like telling him to start bloody smoking again so at least we could have our great sex life back again.

golden that was a lovely speech just there, about love. i'm gonna have the scan, despite my desperate financial situation.
gum so sorry you have suffered this onslaught. hope the peace comes back.

xxx

yes golden i like to read and re-read the success stories too :)

All very odd here - totally hate being 46 cos i'm convinced i'm peri-menopausal or somesuch awful thing. This month i had loads of egg whites around day 12 but i didn't ovulate - i know this cos my temperature has always been very low on the few occasions i've bother to take it over the last couple of weeks. anyway cycle got to day 30 something so i was sure it was annovulary and thus was just waiting for AF to roll along.

Now on day 36 or something like that - i have genuinly lost count - I have loads of egg whites (and i mean loads!!!!) and aching boobs. Does this mean A) that af is on her way or B) that my stoopid OLD body is about to attempt ovulation again??? Arrghh.

why oh why am I still bothered about all this????????????

I will now shut the feck up and go away.

Hippy, I'd like to thank you for that link about conception stories for over-40s. I literally salivated over every one. Wonderful.

Cheese, your anxieties are normal. There is every reason to believe (and we'll do this for you) that your scan will show a healthy bean x

Somewhere, have the private scan x

Pink, is your DH on board with TTC? I only ask as I get the feeling you are not able to DTD as often as you would like (aside from the fact that we're over 40 and are rapidly running out of orgasmic steam and primary-research-fantasies). Plus you mention that you are DTD tonight, indicating it won't be possible later also? Sorry if you think I'm being intrusive. Just thought we could get to the nitty-gritty. Also, I think you should take a reality check with the boxer: they are all mental. Trying to train a boxer is like trying to plait piss; it's not going to happen. I'm sure I have helped you immensely here But on a serious note, you don't need the added stress of barking (in the lunatic sense) animal behaviour to make you feel more of a failure. Just feed and love the bloody thing and concentrate on yourself. By-the-way, I don't buy into the whole notion that stress impedes upon fertility. Women fall pregnant all the time in war-torn countries, in violent and abusive relationships, on anti-anxiety medications (me, for example), in the midst of exams and even whilst in prison. Just look after yours and your husband's relationship and try in all the ways you can think of to remind yourself you are a worthy and valid human being. And you are loved. Love is all that matters and love is all that remains x

...and Goth, if you had been reading my posts with the appropriate fervent attention - devouring every morsel of fascinating tidbit - you would know that Little Ted is my new kitten. Which reminds me...is it morally wrong to clip your toenails and watch as a baby animal leaps after them and chews them up? It saves on vaccuuming, you see....

Aw, bloody hell, Gum, you poor, demented bird. You are absolutely, utterly right to feel so bitterly hostile towards these inconsiderate bastard pregnant women. If I had my way they would be banned fom supermarkets, workplaces and public pathways from 12 weeks. It's even worse when they are beautiful with grins plastered across there beatific, glowing cheeks I don't mind seeing fat, struggling, sweaty, miserable-looking, style-less mums-to-be at all. I kinda feel grateful to not be them Look, Gum, you probably are due your period and you know this abject misery will pass. You are not old yet, and you will try again next month and we will be roaring you on with your secret hopes and dreams. We are also here to nod sagely when you insist you are coming to terms with your plans to start wearing elasticated waistlines. I suggest you get uproariously drunk on Friday. You sound a witty, fun-to-be-with bird and I know you and your girls will have a great time. I'm virtually squeezing you in the meantime x

Pink, I'm with Somewhere (I laughed when someone on here called her Something the other day) on the getting-your-mental-health-sorted situation. I won't bore you with my life but I finally cracked my demons (well, most of them) when I went into rehab in 2010. I know your issues are different but I've met a whole ton of people for whom psychotherapy turned their lives around after dragging the millstone of sexual abuse around with them forever. I hope you find peace. You are already fantastic for deciding you won't let someone else rule your life and your thoughts any longer.You need to be free - and I believe, with the right help, you will be x

Goth, my love, don't fret about the EWCM. I remember envying you last month when you had it on CD11 & then 15 (I think. I made a joke about swapping with you 'cos I had none). This month I had EWCM on CD10 & CD14 with nothing to write home about in between. Weird. But not really. Any sex we're having 3 & 4 days before ovulation is being nurtured by that egg white. Be sure to be having sex when it's present. You could be ovulating any day now. I scrutinise fertilityfriend charts of other women who have EWCM every bloody day for up to a week during their fertile window (bitches). Are you having plenty of sex? Dig out your old kohl eyeliner and your fishnets and waft around pouting like Siouxsie from the Banshees (sorry. I am old.)

Hi all, sending hugs all round.

Gum - sorry you are feeling like this - completely understandable.

Somewhere - great all is going well.

Cheese - positive thoughts for two weeks time. I know what you mean about things sometimes happening when you don't expect it, that was precisely what happened when I got pg, we had been TTC for 4 years and had basically given up. I guess now I know it is possible it's hard to give up if that makes any sense at all, but I am trying to be realistic.

Golden - who is Little Ted?

I have a TMI question - apologies in advance but I'm not the only one by the looks of it. I seem to have far more EWCM this month than usual - am now on CD14 and have had some every day since CD10 (tons on CD10 and CD12, and a bit on the other days). This is not usual for me, I usually get some on CD10 or 11 (but only on the one day) and then nothing. Does this mean anything? Golden seems to have the same this month so visions of some EWCM fairy floating around in cyberspace!

GUM - You sound so much like me, my love. We try to accept that it didn't happen, we try so feckin' hard to move on and stay calm but sometimes we just wanna shout, "Why didn't I get my baby - I tried so bloody hard for quite a flippin' long time!!" I can hear how pissed off you are :( Big Hippy Hugs to you, Sweetie ((())) XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Oh bugger, had a shit day as a result of that stupid, far too early to be testing,negative test.

Of course today was the day I ran into an old colleague I hadn't seen for a while, and she was sporting a beautiful baby bump. I completely ignored it, did not ask when she was due and left abruptly with a huge lump in my throat.

Then I went to class after morning tea and felt quite sick after a very strong cup of tea. Of course I wanted that to mean something, but it is such a tiny chance I spent the rest of the day feeling sad I am not pregnant right now.

Then, later, in the front office sending a fax, was accosted by another gorgeous mum sporting huge baby bump and matching glow and smile.

Felt like total shit, said I was feeling sick ( which I was, and very depressed) and drove home, inhaling large block of Lindt dark chocolate with sea salt, and crying loudly. Felt more sick after that.

So much for feeling at peace and in a place of acceptance. I just feel sad and pissed off that I have been trying for three years and have had three miscarriages. I want my fucking happy ending.

Sorry, I am obviously pre-menstrual and not coping. I thought the fecking Paleo diet was supposed to have my hormones all evened out so I could be the picture of calm. Grrr

I bet I will wake up with massive zit on my chin as a result of the chocolate.

Bah humbug...

God, I hope this bad funk is gone by Friday night when I have to be a graceful host. Otherwise I might have to get roaring drunk and make a fool of myself.

hey littlepinkfizz i'm a real fan of facing up to your demons. it takes incredibly courage. Good luck with it - i'm sure you will feel so much better, psychologist really have things up their sleeve the rest of us don't, just like medical doctors.

xx

• glad, not bald....yet!!

Also ging to psychologist for help with sexual attacks over 20 years ago. I'm bald to be getting help finally but
It's hard and painful and I just really want to have another and last baby. Just afraid now I'm stressing about it so it won't happen...

Not normally gloomy- see my name!