Rainbow Babies - hoping and trying for rainbows, loving and remembering our Angels xxx

Good god I really wish I hadn't watched Eastenders tonight.

Angel- I have downloaded fifty shades to my kindle. I have been skipping all the dirty bits, they get boring after a while!
I am a childminder, so if you need any advice mail me. Oh, I only send mindees home if they vomit, have runny bums.
Or seem really unwell. I always let parents know if they are under the weather and leave it up to them if them want to take them home. (if a wee one has a temp I would give some calpol with permission)

Utterly exhausted after looking after E for the past 13 hours, she's been so clingy and full of tears... And we had to watch all the 3 Toy Story films (she always asks for them when she doesn't feel well) DH is putting her to bed now :) Hopefully she feels a bit better in the morning.

Miasmum I agree with you when I m not fragile ( like the other day!!) I realise my Georgie did / bought so much hope & joy... She raised over £1500 for her delivery suite , made me realise just how good my family are, caused me to sever all connections with my MIL from hell ( haven t spoken to her since Dec 10) , made me appreciate how fab our friends are, & make me realise just how lucky we are to have had our Georgie... Xxx
She educated & continues to as I always speak to the student midwives at my clinic with regards to my experiences & if it ever gets published!!! I have written a chapter about Georgie in a book ....
I, too have a kindle but another gadget I rarely use!!! Found it very useful to take on train journeys, holidays etc...am awaiting the opportunity to borrow my friend's copy of " fifty shades of grey" was sold out everywhere here!!! Everyone reading it at work , my mum even ordered it from Amazon!!!!
Bloody shitty nursery rung again at 2.30 as Phebs temp up , had finish early , slept on & off on me , just had her tea & a full bottle.seems ok now so we ll see. Would be nice to do a full week without nursery ringing.... Heading towards a child minder me thinks....
On the plus side ; it's Friday
Oh Blue glad you ve got time off work xxx
Whatever xxx hope u re ok?

wtw I had a pregnancy support belt, I bought it on line it was the best thing I have ever bought. Also I had one of those massive pillows to sleep with and I found that if I was supported at night then I didnt ache as much during the day.

Miasmum I will join you, Fi, she has changed our lives for the better, she was Our golden child who brought us closer together, and has made us appreciate our lives and how we use them. She brought us joy while she was with us, we produced a beautiful baby, who will always be our baby.

blue so glad you got some time off and a sympatic doc. I hope E feels better soon.

blue I am quite horrified at that woman's behaviour!! Whatever happened to Christian charity and kindness... my goodness. Think you have done the right thing in seeing the doctor and getting signed off.

Like many others here, and as I have expressed before, I have so much fear about this new pregnancy. And Mia's death, as terrible as it was, does not mean my life will not hold other sadness in the future... but then I kept thinking about this perspective, and I have realised that I don't want Mia's influence on my life to only be about fear and sadness and darkness. She means so, so much more to me than that - she is all good things : love and joy and absolute happiness, and I owe it to her to concentrate on the positive, wonderful things in life. So - if anyone else would like to join me in this path in honour of your own beloved angel children, I'd welcome the company... xx

wtw no, no known cause and we had full examination, let them take everything they possibly could to look at - then this mysterious ultrasound on wednesday, no forewarning they were going to do it, wasn't part of the care last time. It was specifically looking at the cord and the blood flow/transfer between placenta and baby. I'm beginning to wonder if it's been suspected as to being the cause, Sproglet was small - but not clinically small at 5lb 13. This baby is growing well - and without that scan no one would have been any the wiser as yet again everything seems normal. CTG monitoring was stopped early as there was so much movement - more than normally, but this one does that when there are things pressing on the bump or new noises.

Have you thought about trying to get a refferal to an antenatal physio, they can give you a support belt that really helps and I think with other people (they arn't allowed to touch me during pregnancy) they can do manipulations to make sure you are aligned. Sometimes for me the belt is the only reason I can sleep, it keeps me stuck together, well worth getting.

Thanks blitzy me too

Blue- im glad you are having some time off work. I hope Ella feels better soon. I LOVE my kindle, it comes everywhere with me!

Wtw- I had spd with my pregnancy, it bloody hurt! Hope it's not too bad for you.

Trickle- Doula sounds fab! I hope everything is fine and baby stays tucked up inside you for a while longer.

Glad you got to speak to an understanding doctor Blue 2 weeks off work sound like a good idea. Poor Ella hope she is feeling better soon - ice cream for sore throat perhaps Go easy on yourself.

Trickle were you ever given a reason why Sproglet died? Other people's reactions are hard to deal with sometimes. A doula sounds fab

I'm feeling a bit like you did at 30 weeks split my heads not really in work mode but I really want to save the time for after so have no choice but to keep going. Although i've done a lot of driving around to see different clients today and found my pelvis was getting achy using the clutch/brake so might speak to my boss about minimising the amount of driving towards the end.

blue so glad to hear you had a human being and not a jobsworth :) sorry to hear both you and E are ill, I have a kindle and I really like it. Loads of free books and really cheap ones - like taking your bookshelves with you. Sounds like two weeks to concentrate you and your family are a bloody good idea. As for the woman at the after school club I wouldn't worry, anyone else would be horrified at her reaction to you, as well as really really nice people volunteering can seem to attract people like that too.

I'm currently avoiding most people I know as how do I answer 'and how's baby... bet your excited blah blah blah" Twas bad enough before , but I think there are parts of the grieving process you don't do till you are pregnant again and they can't be avoided. With Sproglet we didn't even know there was a problem till it was too late at 42 weeks, so I've been luckier than everyone else that up to this point I havn't reached any date that was scarey. Have phoned my local Doula project and they are getting moving on placing me with a Doula ASAP just incase, and I have volunteer training tomorrow and Sunday for most of the day so am hoping to not be left too much time to think (though I'm probably going to have to field those preganancy/bump questions :( )

oops I just see I never finished what I was going to write! Yes doctor has signed me off for 2 weeks, as she was worried about my mood and because of my anxiety. She gave me a leaflet about the counselling and said I could self-refer myself.

trickle hang in there! we're all here to hold your hand! glad they are monitoring you so well!

wtw people don't seem to understand that a new pregnancy makes us feel like this... they are just so happy and everyone keeps on saying that everything will be ok! But even doctors can't promise us that can they?

Elly thank you! Bless, E has just fallen asleep on the sofa whilst eaten lunch, I have the cat curled up next to me and watching the Formula 1 practice session, waiting for DH to come to have a big cuddle.
Feel a bit better now I know I'm going to be off for 2 weeks and can just relax... (secretly wanting to buy a Kindle I was planning on getting with my birthday money in August, but will have to ask DH whether we can justify getting it now before I have the money)

Well just came back from doctor, Ella has a throat infection and so do I (but not as bad) I spoke to her at end of appointment and she took her time to listen to me, and realised how low I'm feeling, she did say I should have booked an appointment, but didn't make a fuss about it.
She was very sympathetic and empathic and realised that the dates of Sterre's pregnancy and this one are very similar and that it must be a tough time for me. I cried loads as well and she said that if I still feel this bad after my 20 week scan I should consider counselling. I told her she was the first doctor in a year who offered me that.

Blue my Dr's has a sign up in the surgery atm "appointments are for one person only", depends how funny your surgery is - mine is pretty unhappy about trying to do that, not saying don't try just be aware - anyway can't you self certify for 7 days anyway?

Thanks Split, whatever and Angel

I remember from earlier we were very close dates whatever - though I think our dating scans may have put us a little further apart than we started.

Thing is I'm now packing a bag with no baby stuff in it.

Blue and Whatever you sure it's not hayfeaver? Might be a silly question but some people are only allergic to certain types of pollen and it passes within a few days but can be annoying all the same.

blue I would try.

grr phoned doctor, they only have the emergency doctor in, so I booked appointment for E, shall I just ask for a note for me during that appointment?

Morning. Thank you angel glad to know its not just me. I was very close to calling the hospital to ask to go in last night for a trace.

Blue K has woken up complaining of sore throat - is there something going around? Currently dithering about whether to send her to school. Her tonsils do look red and swollen but she is eating and drinking normally

Morning all, E still ill, high temperature and throatache, will be phoning doctor at 8am to make appointment for me and her.
Have terrible headache too :(
Had a very disruptive dream about pregnancy and that I had a placental abruption and the baby needed to be delivered by EMCS :(

big hugs to everyone, will drop back in later with more news

Whatever I can totally relate to u. My major mentalling started at 36 weeks when I finished work. Obviously I was scared all the way the way I coped was working from stage to stage. I just cound't visualise having a baby at the end. I , too, had a Doppler & used it most mornings. I left work twice to rush over to ante natal for a trace!!!!
It's so very hard & although reasonably, logically you know you " should" be fine it doesn t help as we all " should" have been fine before!!! I planned lots of stuff to do at the weekends as distraction therapy , weekends away etc..... I didn t pack my hospital bag to 36 weeks , didn t get anything out in the house , didn t buy anything ( we had a load of nappies left from Georgie) .... All seems a blur now... But you will get through it , we did it s just a case of 1 foot in front of the other & allowing yourself to mental if needed!!!
Take care xxxxx
Tickle sorry you re having a tough time.
Green as someone said 10 weeks is no time at all. Take it easy.xx
Spilt yeh for walking cx
Fan must look at your pics of your kittens cx
Hi all: tipping it down here, busy & tired... Thank god it's Friday xxx

Split your post made me well up as it sums up exactly how I am feeling right now. I'm so glad to have found you ladies that understand. Thank you Blizy and Fan What a rollercoaster we're all on huh? Honestly people just don't get how scary it is - someone even said to me today 'lightning doesn't strike twice'

So sorry to hear you've been struggling too Trickle our dates are very close aren't they. I'm 30 weeks on Sunday. You must be feeling scared too but I'm glad you are being closely monitored. I haven't bought anything either not one thing. My hospital bag is still semi packed from Erin but I haven't looked in it. Dp wants to go and buy some things but I just can't seem to do it. Big hugs. We are here - post anytime about anything xx

oh god trickle how scary Know just what you mean - I knew I'd have to face a birth so bought pads etc for me. Took a lot longer to get nappies etc as had no confidence that I'd get a baby who needed them. As you say, at least they have spotted the cord function and are monitoring it. I hope monday comes quickly. 29 weeks is early but very very good odds of all being fine. IIRC 28 weeks brings a major leap forward in development and outcome. Hugs xx

sorry I havn't been back in ages, I started feeling really stressed and strange about the pregnancy and didn't really want to post about it where people were grieving and ttc. Got over it about a week ago. Yesterday the consultant told me the umbilical cord is functioning at 70% of expected. I have a scan monday and monitoring weekly, seeing the consultant again on wednesday to talk about prognosis and steroid injections have already been mentioned - I'll be 29 weeks next week, BUT baby is growing normally and is a 'good size' for gestation. No idea whats going to happen now, had just got my head around ending up with a baby. At least it's been picked up and we are being monitored quite closely but I'm not exactly coping I'm more drifting I think. I've done the only thing I can think of doing so far - bought some disposable pants and maternity pads :(

Oh blue- what a horrible woman! I agree with everyone, go to the docs and get yourself signed off for a while. You need to take care of yourself and ignore the DHAC's. Hugs for you x

Wtw- I can only imagine how scared you must have felt! Hope you are ok? X

Fan- eeek so exciting about the kittens! I haven't noticed the pic on fb, I shall have a nosey later! I'm glad you are feeling better today.

Green- 10 weeks! I remember using dates as some sort of milestone. Remember it is still no time at all, be easy on yourself. X