Rainbow Babies - hoping and trying for rainbows, loving and remembering our Angels xxx

Hello everyone, move went well. We've had storms all morning too. Only have Internet access on my phone at the mo and signal is not too good, hope everyone is ok.

Morning sickness has arrived full force, from the moment I open my eyes till I go to bed, tommy isn't settling in his room very well so ip and down with him all night which isn't helping.

Hope everyone is ok x

Oh no, the storm sounds wild! We had them here on Friday, (I am terrified of thunder & lightening) was not fun!

Fan- I mighty pissed off! Feeling really ill too, hope I'm not coming down with something.

I have to go do school pick ups now, I can really see it far enough. I think we will have a movie afternoon! That's the schools here finished for the summer...

big hugs for everyone!
We just had the most dreadful of storms, it was literally pitch black outside and pouring it down, neighbours down the road were almost flooded and some other friends in the village were... :(
Postponed my dentist appointment to this afternoon, cause there was no way I was going out in that!

boo for all the AF's that have arrived... you are not welcome here! We want BFP's! :)

I'm looking at counselling as well atm, I'm a year down the road, but in order to do what I'd like to do in the future, I need to get myself sorted. It's still very raw specially now with little rainbow on the way, I feel very vulnerable.

Waiting for HR to get back to me about maternity pay... Phoned up earlier and she just said I will get the basic... which is 90% for 6 weeks and then down to SMP...
Now I know that other people employed by the diocese get full time paid for 39 weeks on top of that... so it would be very unfair if I didn't get that... she's taking a while, I wonder what the outcome will be!
After all I've been through, I should really deserve a long time at home with rainbow baby, on a decent pay, don't you think? Cause we all deserve that!

blizy boooo that AF caught you, what a shitty thing. Are you feeling ok?

ellypoo I remember what angel said to me on here, that planning a break away for a couple of days can help. It can help you think about something to look forward too? Do you think that might help? TTC in our situation can be so hard we are suffering such grief and then our life is comsummed by regret and feelings of failure as we wait each month to get a BFP. We ache at the loss of our babies, but it feels like we are going round in circles. That's how I felt and sometimes feel now. Planning day trips out with DH really helped.

So sorry AF got you blizy

Thinking of you today trickle x

Take care trickle, hope you get good news xx

Wtw... Re buying stuff. I kind of know what you mean because I was so worried about merryn before she was born, but made myself shop anyway. I think if I was you I'd wait, but mainly because it should be so much fun, and before you have your little one it won't be, but after she's here, you'll really enjoy it! Why not think of it like that? You deserve the good stuff WTW, some of it might just work better after she's with you! Another day passed, another day nearer.... Your doing so well, not far to go now....

BLIZY... Sory y AF here.... Wine and chocolate at the we then?!

trickle thinking of you today, hope evrything goes well. x

fan af has arrived right on time (this morning) after spotting for 5 days! I feel yuck though, quite sicky and have supe cramp.
Well done with helping wtw!

wtw I'm glad Erin's grave will be all ready for her birthday.

Arh I see Trickle was confused. Good luck today xxx
Whatever I didn t buy anything apart from a going home outfit we had everything from Georgie so didn t need anything. I just couldn t xxxx

trickle thinking of you.

Trickle... Will be thinking of you tommorow, hope the journey is ok and the scan goes well for you. X

wtw after we got told the cord was fine I've gone out and bought one outfit (and I've got 10 weeks left). Needed to can't quite explain why, just felt the need, can imagine it's like everything else in this, roll with it and do what you feel like you want/need to at the time. If your DH really wants to get something and you don't feel like you can't why not go with how he feels - that's how we've been doing things anyway. I have most things already too though, inc my free pack of nappies from the first bounty pack, but then I had just sent and stored everything at my mums.

Green So glad to hear your DS is doing well - must have been really scary for everyone. Grrr at the bad nurse - hope that gave her a kick up the bum for being so uncaring on a childrens ward of all places.

elly I didn't have any councelling about Sproglet, but I've actually had quite a lot over the years and it was the things I learnt about myself and coping mechanisms I learnt already that helped me cope without it. There are different types, but everyone is different and not everyone needs it. I always looked at myself to see if I was feeling 'stuck' - if I couldn't express how I was feeling and bottling it up, or if I had very low mood for longer than two weeks.

Angel I have to book tickets and then assistance for the train so that we can use the ramps to get my wheelchair on. I live in Hull and the MRI is in Sheffield. It's then complicated further because I have to book assistance for specific trains but can't book the wheelchair space on those trains. It's totally possible to end up with assistance and no space, not happened yet though so hope it won't happen tomorrow.

DH is currently in the kitchen making sure we have food for the journey tomorrow. This is the easy bit really - make sure we get there, eat and get home, can contend with everything else later. I'm a bit worried it might put me in bed for a bit, but I can still get MN on my phone Thanks everyone for the handholding, I've really needed it, I'll know far more tomorrow after the scan and time with the consultant. I think it's one of the perks of being in a research study, everything moves much faster than usual which is fantastic.

wtw that is such a hard question, we have everything we need for a new born. But I guess I would buy an outfit. And that's it I think. Ophelia wore the outfit I bought for her, so maybe I would let DH choose the next one. I would pack my bag so early incase I went into early labour. And then I wouldn't look at it.

ellypoo remember we are always here, you can say whatever you like. I found this thread helped me so much and still does.
I also found it easier to talk to DH once I had written it down here.
I was thinking yesterday that those first six months really were hell, I felt like I was losing it. Be kind to yourself and rant and shout and scream on here if it helps, we will not be shocked.

green boo to the bad nurse, how is DS now?

angel I hope you get some better sleep tonight.

blizy how's it going? Did AF arrive early?

Ooh holidays sounds good angel I love anything Disney Whereabouts are you staying at eurodisney?

Elly sorry lovely I missed your post earlier, I was so bowled over by fans kindness. I went to about 6 counselling sessions after Erin died. I really don't know if it helped or not if I'm honest. It probably helped me work through things in my head but although the lady was lovely I just felt quite uncomfortable with it all. Stress and grief have so many physical symptoms. Take care of yourself - treat yourself as you would a friend who was going through an awful time xxx

Deep breath, dp mentioned going baby shopping soon to sort out hospital bag etc and getting pram/carseat ready. In reality we don't need loads of stuff but I'm scared to buy anything 'just in case'. In my head it would be okay to buy say 2 outfits and a blanket for her as she will need them 'no matter what happens' but the stuff we need for her actually coming home alive I just don't know. I know practically everything can be bought after the event and there's no actual need to buy anything now but I think dp wants to to make it feel more 'real'. How would/did you handle preparing for your rainbow? Just 6 weeks left on Sunday.....

Green bad nurse!!!! Love to your son , spoil him rotten... We re off to Euro-Disney in 5 weeks & Ibiza at the end of Sept...woo-hoo
Love to all ; too hot for work... Phebs not settled to midnight again last night. We re trying to get to bed earlier tonight
Just awaiting delivery of the shopping!!!
Love to all xxx

Elly all your symptons sound like stress.. Have you tried counselling before? I had it after Georgie , thought it would be a waste of time but it helped me a lot. I referred myself back when I was pg with Phebs but never got there ( ironically we had to have 1 of our cats put to sleep on the day I had an appt) however, everyone's different; it may not be your cup of tea at all. It helped me greatly having someone else to talk to instead of saying the same over & over to Ant... What have you got to loose if you try it? Only thing i'd say is if you do try it give it a few sessions to work , don t expect miracles. It's a working progress...sending you cuddles & love xxxxx

wtw your very welcome.

ellypoo Hun I just want to give you a hug, a real one not a mn hug. How are you feeling now that you have told the doctor? I guess the doctor doesnt think there is anything wrong, blood tests will rule out most things. When are you going to have them done? Have you thought about counselling before?
My brother went to the doctors the other day complaining of dizzy spells, chest pains. the doc had a word and asked about his life, he mentioned about his son being born prem and having to stay in the hospital for a few weeks, also he mentioned about me and Ophelia and when he did he burst into tears and couldnt stop for some time. The doctor told him he thought the symptoms were pointing to my brother bottling up his feelings and not having a break. He did some bloods and found nothing, since this my brother has been taking it easy, having quality time with his family and also talking to me about Ophelia, he says he feels alot better and the symtoms have nearly gone away.
Not sure if that is helpful in anyway.

Oh fan thank you so so much. I honestly can't tell you how grateful I am xxxxxx

wtw I'm in the cemetery at the moment working on the flower bed and I've just been and had a look and Erins grave has been leveled and topped with topsoil and grass seed.

Oh Fan you have bought tears to my eyes. That is incredibly kind of you. Thank you so so much xxxx

wtw had a word with the guys at work today and they said they will go and level out Erins grave and re-seed it today. Fx they do but I've told them your my friend and that you would like it done as its Erins birthday soon. So hopefully they will. I will check maybe today or tomorrow to see if they have. They said they remembered you and that they've been busy and sorry its taken so long.