Rainbow Babies - hoping and trying for rainbows, loving and remembering our Angels xxx

wtw I would stand at the top of the road, its going down the main road to g-town, so it will go past your house. Its going through the town centre and I think there are stalls and stuff around there. Have a look on the torch relay website they show you the route and what parts are being run and what parts are done by other transport.

Sun you say Angel?! Fan and I are lucky we didn't get washed away today never seen rain/hail like it and certainly not in fecking July K's sports day was unsurprisingly cancelled today. Some time to yourself sounds good and well deserved!

Green that sounds hard with your mum. I hope I'm not speaking out of turn why hasn't your mum been to see you since Merryn? I must say you're a kinder person than me to go on holiday with her now. Tell me to sod off if I have spoken out of turn I know families can be strange things xx

Fan can't believe you were outside today!! Getting everything ready for the torch procession? We're hoping to watch it if it will just stay dry! Where's the best spot do you think?

Saw midwife yesterday for 32 week check and bump has suddenly gone from measuring spot on dates to measuring 35 at 32 weeks. Know the tape measure is not entirely accurate but will be interesting to see at my scan on Tuesday if she's had a sudden growth spurt

How is everyone else? August you must be nearly there?? xx

green anniversarys are hard, hugs to you. And what with your added stress of having a holiday with your mum, you poor thing. Men do deal with it all differently, mine bottles it up and thinks he has to be strong for me. But sometimes that all comes crashing down. We all deal with grief differently, my mum has sometimes gone over the top with things and in stead od quietly acknowledging Ophelia, she sometimes shouts it. Which can be just as bad as never mentioning at all (both sets of gran Nans).
I hope your holiday goes well and you get along with your mum as best you can.

angel having time by yourself is sometimes bliss! I got drenched today, wasent fun, but did have a laugh with the guy I work with.

And us xxx we all know what it's like.my friend's little girl is 2 months older than Georgie & a constant reminder of what Georgie should be doing now... Crap about your mum... My family live 150 miles away but they re absolute angels including 1 of my sisters & my brother I wouldn t have survived without my family & Ant. Don t worry about rowing with DH we had lots I remember repeatingly asking Ant why had it happened to us & Georgie? What had we done to deserve it , the same questions over & over... I thought he didn t care as he didn t show his emotions as much as I do. ( apart from the day of Georgie's service when he carried her coffin I ve never seen him cry so much) however , as a result of counselling I can/ could see he grieved differently. His way of coping is to bottle it up & not talk about Georgie. Now , he's slightly better he ll bring Georgie up every so often but not as much as me but I know he loves her & cares.even when I hated him I came back to Georgie wouldn t have wanted us to spilt up because of her & we ce been through some shit in the last 13 years but I can honestly say if , as we did , got through Georgie & a subsequent pg together nothing will spilt us up now...
Take care be kind to each other but as I see it's the ultimate stressful situation you're experiencing so surely you wouldn t ve human if you didn t row???
Take care...xxx
Skived off work for a couple of hours as the sun actually out here been shopping now chilling..,Phebs at nursery all is blissfully quiet , apart from the damn cat!!!!

Mecha.... How are you today? My friend had gallstones and it seemed like a terrible pain to have.... Is your op soon?

We are off to Wales for a week on sat. My mum is coming, and I've not seen her since I was 28 weeks pregnant. I am struggling hugely with the thought of having to go through everything again, all the hard stuff. (She hasnt even seen a photo of Merryn. We are not v. close, and it's difficult anyway) I thought it would be easier to meet away from home, but now I'm thinking it's going to be impossible anyway and I'll not be in my own space... She is coming back with us for a week more before going home. I've reconciled myself years ago that I don't have anything much that's possitive from our relationship, but just right now it would have been nice not to have to be as defended as I will have to be for two weeks. Sorry I'm not making much sense...... Anyway the upshot is I'm in a state, and prob because of that just had massive argument with DH. (first since Merryn). Feeling a bit sorry for myself. Merryn would have been three months tommorow. No one else will remember this but me.

Blizty love it you ve done exactly what I ve been meaning to do every time they disturb me in my home & my time to preach to me!!! That's funny!!!! Xxx
Names? So many aren t there? Such a responsibility to give your child a classic name that won't date!!!
No one up for Destiny or Crystal then???? as many of our patients tend to favour!!!! Mmm....,

I was an adult convert to Catholicism and have had such a crisis of faith over this. The only options I can see are there is no god, or if there is s/he is either cruel and heartless or powerless. I don't know how that will change or if it will or what. For Dexter we had a wonderful Humanist service which didn't mention any religion or afterlife at all. Just the love we have for him and his place in our family.

In the middle of a particularly painful gallstone attack so feeling cynical and sorry for myself!

I do love baby names. DH and I bandy them about when we hear names that haven't occured to us. It is fun!

The whatever happens thoughts scare me, but I guess all pregnant women have them and we can expect to have a slightly worse dose!

Wishing us all peaceful nights xx

Wow lots of things happening in this thread tonight.

I am a non religous person, I believe in evolution, being an ecologist (who works as a gardener) I went to church as a child but I never believed. I have just never been able to get my head around a god making us, when I was very I used to ask all the time if there is a god who made him? Any way DH was religous before ophelia was born but now is not!

I love names, I love writing them down and saying them. Was looking at your fb thread wtw and thought what a great name Georgia Iris with your surname would be. Can't wait to hear what you name your rainbow. Loving your fav's as well.

Aww green To me names is a 'safe' topic as she will need a name 'whatever happens'. Same as it's okay to pack a hospital bag and to have a first outfit as I will need them 'whatever happens'. Its the things like pram, cot, car seat etc that only a live baby will need that freak me out and make me feel like I'm tempting fate. Twisted mind

Oh and I wanted to share with you, a lady I know who lost her dd last year at 41 weeks gave birth this morning after being induced at 37 weeks to a gorgeous healthy 7lb 4ozs little girl

green fingers crossed it will be you asking us for advice about names soon

Well it is a lovely name even though I say so myself... pity it's taken already

Yes, I think Mia, Maya and Mya are all different names... Ella Kirsten is very pretty, then my own is quite similar, so p'raps a little biased Liking both your choices very much, blue and whatever. Not up to thinking about names yet here...

My niece is called Hannah Apparently I chose it when I was 12!

It's so so lovely to hear you talk about names...... This is why I love this thread and you lot! Smiles, tears and really bloody brave ladies! X

Hannah? or doesn't that work with your surname? :)

See I think Maya is a different name altogether and pronounced as it is spelt May-A Love Lotta and Noah good choices! Ella Kirsten is gorgeous. I really like Anna but K's middle name is Anne.

I like Mia too :) pronounced as Mee-ya, if you'd pronounce it as My-a surely you'd spell it Maya?
We had Erin on our list as well but last week we decided names and for a girl it's going to be Lotta, and for a boy Noah. As they are both pronounced the same in Dutch and English and can't be shortened. I don't like names that can be shortened. Although there is one of the aunties at E's playgroup who calls her E... Grrr... I always cringe when I hear her say that, but it's only for 1,5 more weeks.
Still thinking about middle names though. E would like the baby (if it is a girl ) to have the same middle name as her, which is Kirsten, it is also my middle name.

Now this is going to sound stupid but I'm so glad you said that because in my head she's always been Mia (Mee-ya) but then I was looking at baby names and I realised it could be My-a. I'm glad I havent been pronouncing it wrong

We just cannot settle on a name (see my fb!) Current contenders that we both like are Holly, Vivian and Nicole. We want something classic, simple and not trendy/popular. Am hoping she will look like a name iyswim. Erin was so definitely an Erin as soon as we saw her.

It's Mee-ya. I know you must be doing some serious thinking about names at the moment. Are there any favourites which are emerging? Or is that a cheeky question?

Miasmummy I've been wondering do you pronounce your Mia Mee-ya or My-a?

It's a hard one, I was raised catholic and had both Katie and Erin christened by a catholic priest and Erin had a catholic funeral. I felt very strongly that I wanted to but as for faith I'm not sure I do have any anymore. I remember praying harder than I ever have whilst they were trying to resuscitate Erin but it didn't work. Both my mum and dp's mum are very religious. Dp's mum is a lay preacher in united reform church and I know both of them have struggled to reconcile their faith with what has happened.

I hate it when people say 'it's gods plan' or 'she is in a better place with Jesus now' or similar stuff. To me there is no better place a child could be than with loving parents.

I've realised over the last few days how much I've changed since Erin. I don't crave company and busyness anymore. I still spend a good deal of time on my own feeling sad and heavy.

Don't worry green I think we can all be civilised about it on here and tell each other what we believe in without offending each other, no?
Very sad you had to pay to go in the cathedral! That is just wrong, I know it costs a lot of money to keep these buildings up and running, but people who would like to go in and pray should not have to pay for that...

Sorry, I didn't mean to start that off, but since I have .... I don't believe in god, not in any loving father sense, I just can't, because I know that loving parents don't let their children suffer when they can prevent it, it's just that really. I wish I did have some faith as it would be lovely for me to believe in the idea of being with Merryn one day, but it's just not how I think. Every respect and slight envy of those who do have faith though.... Having said that the other da I was on my own in Exeter, and the skies opened just as I walked past the cathedral, and I thought I'd go in and sit for a while. I got the the entrance and they have installed pay gates, it's a fiver to go in! Tears actually came to my eyes it felt so wrong, I felt totally abandoned by whatever faith I ever had. I was surprised at how much it hurt. Anyway, enough of that!

The sun is out today, I hope you all had it shine on you for a while too!

I simply have to say "I don't understand. I will never understand. If I do, then the world becomes an even darker place. I have some sort of belief in a higher presence, although the celebration of Mia's life was non-religious. My father gave me some sort of comfort when he explained that

a/ parallel universes are scientifically possible, so in theory, another me and DH could be happily enjoying a life with Mia. I like that thought. I just wish I could feel that the happiness that the other me is undoubtedly experiencing, watching my beautiful girl grow up.

b/ God gave us the greatest gift possible, that of self determination. That means that God cannot control life and death, as much as we would like to think it is possible. That's why the world can exist with such terrible things occurring, such as murder and war, and the death of our innocent children. I imagine God crying alongside us, at the death of our children, just as we do as God is also bound by a higher set of laws...

Truly hope this hasn't offended anyone, with religious beliefs or otherwise. I don't normally delve into such issues, as everyone has the right to their own views. x

Angel- I am of the same persuasion as you. I had the JW at my door and I did let rip about if there is a god why the feck did he take my daughter? They didn't know where to look or what to say!

See for me it's different, I had quite a high sense of God being with us when I was in labour with Sterre and explaining me why this was happening to me... And I can understand somehow, it's just difficult to explain. And God is a bereaved parent as well, He gave his only Son for us to be saved. I truly believe God is with us when we suffer, and He feels our pain.
And yes crap happens, unfortunately! :(
spilt I too prayed for Aillidh, a lot, but I prayed that whatever needed to happen, happened, I so wish it would have been her pulling through, but it wasn't to be :(