Rainbow Babies - hoping and trying for rainbows, loving and remembering our Angels xxx

wtw that must have been so hard. Its so hard not to think that ligthening will strike twice.

When I am pg I'm going to crochet a rainbow blanket.

Oh fan it must be impossible not to symptom spot. I have everything firmly crossed that this is your month. Miserable weather not helping with the tiredness too.

Glad you're taking a bit more time little

Well we've spent the day shopping for some baby stuff Have bought some early baby clothes as I think newborn/0-3 will be too big at first and a gorgeous blanket for her and stuff for hospital bag. Had some tears in mamas and papas as we saw the soft toy and blanket we had bought for Erin that we buried her with God I hope we actually get to bring this baby home. I'm so scared.

August Blue Mias Trickle how are you ladies all doing? xx

I am very tired this afternoon, I feel like af is on the way but then again not. I have lower back ache. So I'm symptom spotting, ahhhgggghhh I really hate this. I can't get my hopes up but there's certains parts of me that can't help it.

Little I am glad your Dr and boss are being sympathetic and supportive. You are certainly not letting anyone down, if you go back before you are ready you won't be any good to anyone!

I haven't gone back to work yet, can't until they take my gallbladder out which is really frustrating me. The allergy just means they have to use drug B not drug A. My mum has it and nearly died having c-secs with the three of us before it was diagnosed.

Judging from how my insides feel this morning, this is not our month either! Which I knew, we are not really allowed to try yet, but would mean I have had two periods since Dexter was born. Which I am pleased about, that is two more than I had the 18 months before he was concieved! Never thought I would be looking forward to AF!

Wishing us peaceful weekends. x

little9 dont be forced back to work by the thought that you are slacking or letting them down, you are greiving for your little baby, its doesnt matter how many weeks you were. You need to adjust to your life and you need to be selfish a bit and take your time.
I thought I was ready to go back to work I had 4 months off but I ended up having a mini break down on the way to work, luckerly my boss was understanding and he met me at the gate and took me in to talk to individual people. I then started work for good the next week, looking back I think I should have staggered by days going back. I should have just done a couple of mornings and worked my way back. I had plenty of days where I just had to be sent home as I couldnt handle it.
Be gentle with youself.

That's good Little take it easy! those first few weeks are so hard to get through! I went back to work after a month, but it was the same time this year and just a few days with the schools to do before they broke up for summer holidays... and after that it was just preparing stuff at home which took my mind off things!

I've decided I need a little more time so Dr has signed me off work for another week. My boss is really supportive and I was going to ring him today to discuss returning to work but couldn't face speaking to him so realised I'm not quite ready to go back at all. Am aiming to go back a week on Monday, so will speak to him next week about it. Just feel guilty for leaving them in the lurch (my boss would scold me for that!!).

Had a bad morning, but feeling a little more positive this afternoon. I just feel really drained all the time; need to find some energy from somewhere if anyone has any to spare?? Must try to get back to the gym at some point.

I didn t take mat leave I changed to sick. My employer pays 8 weeks full mat pay then 16 weeks half + SMP so 2 months after Georgie died I came off mat leave & went on sick as we get 6 months full sick pay & there was no way I was loosing £500 a month whilst grieving.
Little as Whatever says you re dr will give you sick notes if you want xxx
Morning all: TGIF nice lie in tomorrow xxx
Looks like the suns gone here that was summer!!! Xx

Sorry little I didn't realise I'm sure your gp would sign you off though?

Hi little- sorry I missed your posts. Do sorry about little Daisy, such a beautiful name!

My dd Zoe was stillborn at 41 weeks on 28th feb 2011. Dh and I have been ttc since May 2011, hoping it happens very soon for us.
Your dogs sound fab!

wtw little can't take normal maternity leave as just like me she lost her little girl before 24 weeks :( it is so unfair!

We went to see the Queen today at RAF Cosford today! The weather was gorgeous and E stood on the front row as the Queen drove past and absolutely loved it!
Absolutely exhausted now!

blizy yes its due soon, not sure when it will be here as I had a couple of extra days of spotting before AF came fully so not sure if Im on CD27 OR 25. Im trying so hard not to be hopeful. I dont think we caught my ov time this month, ov tests were a diaster as I was testing after work. So we kind of did it when we thought so not sure really.
Got my fx for you.

Mecha- hope you are feeling better soon.

Green/mecha- the dates are hard, I still struggle a bit on the 26th and 28th of each month. Thinking of you both and of course Merryn and Dexter. X

I was never measured during my pregnancy. At the pm consultation I was told Zoe was small for dates and if I was measured I'd have been sent for a growth scan. That scan may well have shown up the problems with the placenta.

Well the SWI for the month has started, I'm due to ov on sat.

Fan- is you af due soon?

Thinking of you mech and green today. I still find the 25th of each month hard and it'll be 11 months this month. I remember how hard 2 and 3 months were. Big hugs xx

Sorry it's not your month green xxx

Little like angel I had 5 months off work. I was due to go back after 4 mths but got my bfp just before I was due to return and it threw me so I had another month. Take your time you are allowed your normal maternity leave xx

Ah soothills fan Best bakery ever! Their sausage rolls and cream slices are amazing!! Mmmm might have to go and get one at the weekend! No further with names. Think we are going to have to wait and see what she looks like and hope inspiration strikes!

wtw hows the baby names coming along?

angel its a blackberry, and its being slow, trying to make it work like it did is a nightmare, but think I have fixed it for now. Im on a contract too, got it for another 8 months I think. Can you not do a free upgrade?

wtw maybe little girl is turning which makes the measurements bigger, thats what happened with Ophelia I was measuring 35 weeks at 28. Then at 34 it went down to normal. Went for a growth scan and all was normal and they said then that she had probably turned on that day.

mecha thinking of you and Dexter today.

Ive just eaten a big bag of wispa chocolate naughty, and thats after eating a Soothills pasty (wtw do you like them?) and a belgium bun for lunch. yum.

Little take your time off work I had 5 months off then went back on phased return. Don t know what you do? But my job is especially hard as I come in to lots of contact wit pg women, girls etc.. So even when I returned my first few clinics I only saw men!!!
Whatever good day Phebs measured ahead all the way through at 32 weeks she was measuring 36!!! & she was a whopping 10 lb,0:5 oz!!!!
Fan hope u re phone's fixed? Not an I phone by chance? I ve got one & totally hate it ... It's always playing up. Last night I recieved a text from my SW consultant ( a group text to 105 members) which subsequently forced my messages to freeze for 6 hours... Even when I ve got 3G on you can t calls everywhere it's shite.i pay for mine & Ant's & we re stucjk in our contract to next May. Looked at buying us out of the contract but was way too much!!!!
Green time flies but drags doesn t it? Sad cx
Love to all: yes, not to brag but an actual day without rain here... Don t get too jealous don t think it's lasting much longer!!
Knackered glad it's Friday Phebs still having disrupted sleep & hard when getting up for work!!!
Love to all xxx

Thanks for the thoughts ladies... It's been a tough one, long time since I've felt quite this rubbish. I really miss my girl today, and I'm also def not preg this month, which doesn't help much either. I have quite vivid memories of my boys becoming more 'real' at the three month mark, somehow more individual and a little more obviously the children they would become, if you see what I mean. It's really hitting me I'll never have this with Merryn, no matter how often I speak to her or wish I won't get to see her grow up. I don't know where to put that feeling right now, it feels a bit much again, my head keeps running from it. It's also really getting to me reading about other parents losses. There is so much misery, I find myself fearing for my boys and how their life will be. It all seems a bit harsh and random, I want to wrap them up.
Sorry, bit miserable today.

MECHA. ..... Aaaaauch! That sounds bloody awful you poor thing! Allergy to anaesthetic is a bit crap, do they use a different drug then?
How are you today? I hope it's been gentle on you. I'll think of your little man as well as Merryn tonight.

green I thought of you and Merryn all day to day. How are you doing luvly?

green thinking of you and Merryn today. Such a beautiful name for your little girl!

I ended up with a trip to A&E the other night, sent home after a morphine injection. That really helped with the pain and lack of sleep! Seeing the hospital again tomorrow to talk about my allergy to anesthetic, hopefully get an op date soon.

Little do you get on well with your work? It is worth talking to them if you can and seeing if you can go back slowly. Only you know what you are ready for.

Two months today since we lost our little boy. Really no time at all. We still miss you Dexter. Love you and we always will.

Hi Little...... Sorry you had a tough night. I think it's just a complete roller coaster, and not that obvious which days are going to be up or down. It does even out a wee bit as the time passes.... Although I still have days that blindside me! Glad you got some sunshine and enjoyed your dogs!

My beautiful Merryn would have been 3months old today. I can't believe I've been without her so long already. I wonder what she'd of been like... Whether she'd have been as calm as her brothers were, as contented while feeding, as happy cuddled in a sling. Her hair would be curling by now and her eyes would have shown their true colour. She'd have smiled weeks ago. I miss her. Love you my girl xx

wtw if you did could you facebook me.

little have work suggested a staggered return? I found returning to normal life extremely hard, especially work.

My phone isnt working properly so cant access the web which means no mumsnet at work, but for some reason it will let me access facebook. Very annoyed, DH is going to have a look at it later for me.

wtw did you get my pm?

Hello all. Just lost everything I had typed.. ruddy laptop! Had a bad day yesterday (cried all night!) but have had a good day today (may have something to do with the sun being out today!).

Went back to agility training tonight which, once the sympathies and tears were out of the way, went well. Amazing how much my lovely doggies remembered seeing as we haven't been for a month. They are my babies, bless them!

Was thinking about going back to work next week, but DH thinks I should take another week off to make sure I can cope. Not sure what to do now.

Hope everyone has a good night's sleep. :o

Fan and whatever.... Torch procession sounds lovely, if the rain doesn't get it that is!

Angel, I think like you I know nothing will split us up if we can survive what we've been through this year... It has in a sad way made us realise how strong we are as a family. But he's still such a bloody..... MAN......sometimes!!
Glad you got some sun, and time to enjoy it, it's been nice here too!

Whatever, my mum and I have a strained relationship, I've lived far away since my first job and only see her a couple of times a year usually. She's just a bit unsupportive and blamefull.( She didn't think I should have been pregnant 'at my age') and that sort of thing. She doesn't mean badly, she is just a bit egocentric, and it will all be about her and her drama. She didn't come down while we were in London when Merryn was born because it all happened so suddenly, and she doesn't keep all that well, and since then she has found reasons not too. I am used to her, but I like to feel strong when she's here, and I'm not sure I will this time.
It sounds like your little one is growing well then! I do think the tape measure is a bit comical at times though! (They predicted both my boys as 7 pders, and they were both 9 pds 10 oz!! Big boys! Merryn would have followed suit, she was already 6.5 pds at 32 weeks... And they didn't guess that even on ultrasound!)