Rainbow Babies - hoping and trying for rainbows, loving and remembering our Angels xxx

wtw when my mum was pregnant with my brother she was very ill towards the end and ended up in hospital for the last three months. I was like your K, I would stay at Dads in the evening and Nans at night. My Nan would come and pick me up. I still remember bits of it even though I was only 2. I have a very close bond to my Nan because of this.
Work oh well, its just, I don't know. I love working outsude but I'm not a gardener by study, I should be a countryside ranger and sometimes it gets me down that I have all these degrees and stuff but not the job I wanted. I just feel down I guess because I should be doing something else. It seams my life is never easy. I'm just in the grumps. But yeah the politics really get me down too. I am bored, that's why I became union rep.

Yes she came in as soon as her gym camp had finished and stayed about an hour and a half She went home to have some time with daddy and he's now on his way here having dropped her back at my mums for the night as he'll be off to work again at 7am. What a palava I've caused!

Can't believe tomorrow is Erin's 11 month anniversary and I'm going to be in here.

Enough about me have severely hijacked the thread, sorry - how is everyone else doing? Are you feeling any better angel?

How are you and bumps coping in the heat Miasmum, Blue and trickle?

What is it you most dislike about the job fan? is it the politics more than the actual work? xx

Love to all - so grateful for the support - wish I could buy you all

wtw good to hear LO is totally oblivious to you suffering, not so good you are suffering. Hears hoping you get out of hospital soon - I'm afraid I don't understand the urine analysis but I assume it means you are still dehydrated.

Klien Hello, sorry to meet you here, hope today wasn't too difficult.

blitzy Sounds like GP is a good idea, I think sands and cruse (sp?) do berevement councelling - might be worth checking out

www.uk-sands.org/Support/Talk-to-someone.html

Fan I think people often underestimate how bad doing a job you don't want to be in can be. Been there done that bought the T-shirt, the problem is you just spend so much of your life at work it can't help but drain you, sounds like you're making some really good moves, and you know what they say it's always easier to get a job if you already have one.

wtw oh dear, poor you. But yay for LO being ok. Has K been into see you?

Oh bum temp back up to 38.2. Def staying in tonight as well. But have had scan and baby looks absolutely fine so that's the main thing. My consultant is now on holiday until the day before my section - eek! She's the only one that totally knows my history. What bad timing it was to get ill!! Feeling a bit sorry for myself - need to buck up!

angel I've become union week to try and make work more interesting and also in the hope it will help with moving jobs. Hope u feel better soon.

wtw so glad that your being looked after now, and also LO seams fine. Ouch about your hand. Fx your hydration levels go back to normal so you can get home.

green waves hope your having a good time.

Progress! Have had my canula re-sited to the other hand (which is much better as it was in my left hand and I'm left handed!) new one is much less painful. My left hand is like a balloon but will hopefully go down soon. Have also had a lovely reassuring ctg which shows baby is completely oblivious to the drama and is perfectly happy so im feeling better knowing she's okay. Cons is coming around 4pm to do a scan as well which is good. Bad news is for some reason despite the massive amounts of fluid being pumped in to me I'm still severely dehydrated and my urine is now showing 3+ ketones 1+ protein and 1+ leukocytes and I still can't keep anything down so think I'll be staying in tonight as well

Wtw xxxx some midwives are good some crap ... Go to the desk & make sure you get your venflon resited ASAP , try & maintain oral fluids if feeling nauseous. Ask them for an anti-emetic injection.... See if u can go for a trace? Good luck xxx
Fan maybe you ve identified another downer in your life , hopefully a new job will become available that ll make you a little happier. We are at work many hours so need to be relatively happy in / at work. Feel if you re thinking you shouldn t be at work unfortunately, you ll never be happy there.... Xxxx
Blizy go for it girl!!! Counselling was best thing I ever did . I had mine via occ health at work. My counseller was experienced in bereavement , though not stillbirth or the loss of a baby, but helped me a million times over. When I was pg again I re-referred myself however , I never got chance to attend. It helped a lot ; with ways to cope & just to off load to someone nuetral.... Good luck xxx
August good luck xxx
Gave in took the day off chilling & reading want to be better for euro-Disney next week... Got tomorrow off also... Nice xxxxc

Hi, I haven't got time to post to everyone as mum taking up lots of time....

Have read back since sat, and so so so sorry you are having such a rough time WTW. It's bloody unfair, and I too want to give the hospital staff a good shake and tell them to look after you much better than they are. Your little K will be scared now, but you'll be home with her soon, and she'll see you are both ok.

Will catch up with others tonight when everyone's gone to bed! Xxx

WTW thinking about you and sending all sorts of good vibes. What is it with midwives and not reading notes!! Mine were the same!! "Where's your baby? Oh he's in neo-natal? Why's that then? Oh that is very premature, isn't it?" For Nine days!!!!

Smiling at your clever little nurse. I know she must be very worried too but it sounds like you have a lovely family to help and care for her and like other have said, you can concentrate on you and this little one. Is there a counsellor or someone available you could talk to? Do you think that would help?

Am rushing off out so waves to everyone else. Thinking about us all xx

wtw rant away we are here to hold your hand and support. Poor K but she will be ok, you have to look after yourself and baby. And you are in the best place, even though they seam to be slacking. Is your consultant in today?

wtw ring the bell and let out your frustration on them, can't beleieve this! Makes me want to come down and shout at them on your behalf! What's your midwifes name? You poor thing this is not what you need. I agree with miasmum make a fuss.

Gah the wee sample they took was left in the sluice un-named so they can't use it so have to do another one even though that could be hours! Still no doppler. And they turned my fluids back on but my canula has tissued (?) so it's just made my hand swell up like a balloon so have to have my canula re-sited. Just burst in to tears when they said that as it's f-ing painful! Sorry to rant on here but don't want to worry dp (he's at work) or my mum.

Spoke to K on the phone before she went to gymnastics and she told me she'd been crying last night because she thought I was dead and she couldnt sleep because she was so worried. She was staying at my mums because dp started work at 7am. I really need to get home to her!

whatever I would be teary too!! In fact, I would be crying and buzzing for a nurse to come and sort things out. I am so for you. You don't need this, and it is awful that they are allowing you to be scared and upset totally unnecessarily... hope it all turns around soon. But make a fuss!! xx

Argh I'm getting totally fed up with this. 7am they said they were getting a Doppler to have a listen to baby. They put my anti B's on the drip so turned off the fluids. Said they'd be back in 20mins to re-attach fluids. 7.45am I ask for a pot to do my urine sample as i needed a wee. 8.15am have to buzz and ask someone to take it away to test as it's soaking through the cardboard. Still don't know the results, my drip hasn't been re-attached and they've not listened to baby. And I've just been badly sick again. No doubt they'll be new midwives today who I will have to explain to again that my baby died at this gestation last year because they don't seem to read my notes. But most of all I miss Katie and want to give her a big cuddle but she can't come in until after 4pm as she's at gymnastics camp today. Sorry for rant just feeling very teary!

poppet your welcome, and thank you.

I hate my work, I've realised its this that gets me down more than anything else, and the only way out of it is to get pg. I'm always looking for a new job but nothing so far. I'm not going back to work when I have my next baby, well I wasn't going to with Ophelia, so maybe that's the problem, I don't think I should be there.
Next month is the month we conceived Fi, can't believe its been nearly two years.

Sorry to post and run but just wanted to pop back on quickly, as I remembered that I'd never said thank you to fan for saying that E sounds like a special little girl. They were lovely words and meant a lot - thank you x so so sorry about Ophelia x

Wtw, doesn't sound good, your wee being honey-coloured! Have you managed to keep down any more water? You're reminding me of my experience in labour with Thea - my wee had ketones in it and despite being on a drip my catheter bag had hardly anything in it. The doctor was worried that my kidneys were going to shut down, so they moved me into their operating delivery room (room that could be used as an operating theatre if the need arose) just in case. Once Thea was delivered, though, it all went back to normal very quickly. That was one reason why they were querying pre-eclampsia, although the consultant (who wasn't even there!) said later that there wasn't enough evidence to diagnose that. She said dehydration in labour was normal - all we could say was that if that was the case, why was the on-call doctor worried enough to move me into the special room? I'm so pleased to hear that the ctg went well and LO is kicking away. Has anyone mentioned the possibility of early delivery? If so, don't worry - 35 weeks is so nearly there! I was a 35 week baby (EMCS because of cord prolapse) and both me and my twin were absolutely fine. We spent a little time in special care because we were very small, (4lb and 4lb 12), but your LO will already be bigger than that. Also, think of Cheese's Ella - she was born at 34 weeks, wasn't she, and she got home pretty quickly. Thinking of you lots!

Also thinking of August - hope things are moving or have moved and she's cuddling her rainbow baby!

Blizy, good for you for being brave enough to seek help with your depression. Hope you get seen quickly. DH was told there was a year's waiting list and sent links to websites to read about CBT in the meantime, grr! Still, Mum got CBT very quickly in her area - postcode lottery! Anyway, it won't be CBT that you get, because that's not suitable for bereavement.

Angel, well done you with the weight loss! I have been doing Dr Briffa's Paleo diet and lost 11lbs in 5 weeks, yay! I've got another half-stone to go before I'm at my pre-Thea weight, and ideally I'd like to lose another stone after that, but it's a start.

Maia's been up since 6.15 after not letting me go to bed until midnight (she fell asleep at 7 and then woke up just as I was getting ready for bed at 10.45, grr!), plus a 3.30 awakening as well. I've got visitors coming tonight and need to do heaps of cleaning up, so no napping for me. Gaaah!

angel well done on the weight loss! I've stalled mine after the miscarriage but back on it this week.

wtw so glad you are feeling better, but that wee sample sounds horrid. Hope you get some answers today or at least a chance to go home.

blizy maybe give counselling ago and see how you feel.

poppet take it easy today, its very brave of you to see your friends.

Talk soon just off into work.

klein baby steps my friend. x

wtw Oh crap about your urine!

I have to wait until Wednesday to phone for an appointment, they only accept apps one week in advance!

Sorry Blizy cross posted. Counselling might be a good idea - you've been through so much it's not wonder you feel down xx

Thanks wtw and blizy. I have told my pg friends that I'd like to see them, individually and without their other kids, before they pop, as I don't think I'll be able to bear it while they have a newborn. But I want to show them our photos of E and tell them all about her, otherwise I'll have missed the chance to talk with them in detail about my gorgeous girl. They are all lovely, and all know that I might slam the door in their faces if I just can't do it... I've managed one already though
(The friend who had a little girl three weeks before E was born has, though, been informed that we won't be seeing them for a LONG long time. Argh.)

Really glad you're feeling a bit better wtw and hope you get to go home.

Blizy so sorry you're feeling so low. I agree that the idea of counselling is scary. We are going to try it sometime soon, as I think that DH will need it before/during TTC (and doubtless I will too). Will you go to the docs soon?

Angel hope you feel better soon too, this isn't the weather for a cold!

I meant to say Blue I love the idea of pennies from Sterre. Is Sterre a Belgian name btw?

Right, off I toddle to start my day x

Oh crap my wee is the colour of dark honey. That's not good!

kleine I was in the sam situation as you re: friends, one had just had a baby and 2 were heavily pregnant. It was/is hard visiting them. I hope you day is ok.

wtw I have everything crossed that you get out of hospital today. How sad and horrible for the couple in the bereavment suite.

angel Hope you feel better soon. x

I had a massive talk with dh last night. I found it very hard to tell him how I am feeling, he thinks I am a bit depressed (I think I agree) I am going to the doctors with a view of asking for councelling .

Thank you guys. You are very lovely. Though please don't feel sorry for me hearing that poor couple I was just desperately sad for them. Feeling a little brighter this morning and desperately hoping they will let me go home today as I will finish the iv antibiotics this afternoon and can finish the course with tablets. They have said it depends on my urine and blood tests showing I am hydrated enough to come off the iv fluids. Am hoping so as I've now managed to keep about a cup of water down without being sick so that's progress and i've now had a bag of fluids with potassium and glucose in so that should help. Might try a slice of toast this morning. Still terribly achy in my muscles but think just being at home in my own bed will help that. Baby is kicking around like a good 'un this morning, midwife coming to listen to her with a handheld Doppler soon

Kleine sounds like you've a tough day ahead. Just remember it is okay to put yourself first at the moment. If you don't feel up to seeing pg friends and babies then don't. They should understand.

Angel sorry to hear you're all full of cold still. Rubbish!

How are things with dh Blizy?

Has anyone heard from august? saw on her Fb that nothing was happening early hours of Monday morning.

Love to all - thanks for keeping me sane! xx