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Original poster

The BESH Republic Of Rulvakia

987 replies

queenrollo · 15/05/2012 10:41

Welcome to The BESH Republic Of Rulvakia. The national drink is of course gin, state funded to get you into a state. We have many traditions and customs, such as sechsing, swearing for the fun of it (optional) and urinating on little white sticks.
Enemy of the state is Droid, who must be heckled heartily should it put in an appearance. There is an ongoing lottery to win a baybee, being granted citizenship of The Republic is your ticket to the lottery.

As a democracy all members are entitled to put forward any customs or rules they would like and we can all adopt important but silly titles if we like. See the George Carlin sketch about hats and religion and make your own mind up about whether you would like a ceremonial hat to accompany whichever title/role you bestow upon yourself.

Newcomers should find and complete the BESHtionnaire so we can make sure you are cynical and non-fluffy enough to be granted Citizenship.

OP posts:
FriendofDorothy · 15/05/2012 13:05

Oh no, I don't need a title (other than Madam of course)... the bell will come in very useful though. Ta.

Original poster
queenrollo · 15/05/2012 13:03

There you go dor, make yourself at home. Feel free to claim yourself a hat and impressively titled ministerial position if you like.

OP posts:
FriendofDorothy · 15/05/2012 12:59

Just checking that I am still allowed to be here?

Checking in. I will pom-pom twirl if necessary.

Northey · 15/05/2012 11:33

I think I will style myself Warwick the Baybee Maker. I don't quite recall what he did apart from live in Warwick Castle and plot (unless I've really misunderstood and he actually worked for Madame Tussaud's, modelling monarchs), but his name adapts easily for my purposes, and that suffices. Also, I have a vague idea that he had a private army, which will come in handy for staring down ribbon twirlers.

sinkingflameofhilarity · 15/05/2012 11:26

If I wasnt quite so busy wearing and stroking, I would fit right in your dept rollo

norf, I don't want to pull rank so early, but you should be aware that I command the mighty combined forces of Rulvakia. The many and varied skills of professional ribbon twirlers and paper folders will mobilise at my merest nod. Paper cuts can really smart. How much do you really want my hat?

Original poster
queenrollo · 15/05/2012 11:18

I would like to be the High Commisioner of Procrastinating Proper Jobs in Favour of Doing More Interesting Things. To invest myself properly into this role I'm going to start by ignoring the housework and knitting myself a ceremonial hat, while drinking tea and eating cake.

I've also decided to refer to my DH as HOLB, which either stands for HusbandOfLittleBrain (because he is often very forgetful about things like where his keys/wallet/mobile phone are) or HusbandOfLargeBrain because he has an annoying capacity to remember pointless stuff about history/politics/music.....

OP posts:
Northey · 15/05/2012 11:10

Is it too soon to stage a hat-stealing coup? or have I been watching too much Game of Thrones?

sinkingflameofhilarity · 15/05/2012 11:01

Fair doos.

You know, I could get used to Rulvakia.

Northey · 15/05/2012 10:55

It was self preservation. We all got fed up a few freds ago with constantly having to answer the question "how do I find the BESHtionnaire?".

sinkingflameofhilarity · 15/05/2012 10:53

And norf, you are far too nice to potential noobies!

sinkingflameofhilarity · 15/05/2012 10:53

Ooooh. I like it. I would like to stake my claim as Frenzied commander in chief Sinky of the united military forces of Rulvakia.

My job shall be mainly wearing and stroking my hat, made from jaguar pelt and peacock feathers. And protecting the state from Droidal invasions (my attention to wearing and stroking of the hat means I am slightly poor at this)

Northey · 15/05/2012 10:51

BESHtionnaire/citizenship test:

  1. Do you like gin?

  2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

  3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
    a) weewee
    b) poopoo
    c) foofoo
    d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

  4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
    a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
    b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

  5. Is R2D2:
    a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
    b) the source of all evil.

  6. Number of pets?

  7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

  8. Lesbian crush?

  9. What are your views on camping?

  10. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    ii) Over 100 quid
    iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

Finally, tell us how you found the BESH and why you'd like to join us pliz.