Just MC and ready to try again? Pregnant after MC and seeking somewhere safe to hide? Come on down to the mosh pit for some serious metalling and cake

sorry don't know where that stray l came from!

jaffa oh my God having to listen to other women labouring & fetal heart monitors is like something out of a horror film. I'm so sorry.

I seem to be really 'lucky' (ha!) in this context as they gave me a private room on the gyne ward. Can not believe MrsN might have to be on a ward- it is an absolutel disgrace that this is acceptable practice.

I feel realy lucky, I opted for surgery with my first mc but my 2nd and even giving birth to Jacob were pain free.

I guess with Jacob because my cervix was failing it opened realy easily. I only needed g&a when having internals as the ab gave me realy bad thrush and having the stitch made me realy sore.

I can't imagen how awful it must be to be in such mental pain and having to deal with physical pain too.

I do agree the way they manage mc can be absolutely shit

Reading this has brought a lot of things back to me. From my own experience, I completely agree that mc treatment fails to take into account the mental impact of setting, even when it is performed to a high standard.

I had my first mc in the delivery suite at my hospital. That was their policy, because I was 17 weeks. The nurse wiped ' welcome' of the whiteboard and wheeled the crib out when we entered. I could hear labouring women and fetal heart monitors all around. This was mentally hard to cope with. But, I had my own room, with walls, and a fabulous midwife who was excellent. So in some respects, it was good. Then I had retained products, they made me stay in delivery again, overnight for observation due to the bleeding, and I slept on the birthing bed. It was like some sort of mockery. It has definitely made me dread going into labour there.
And even now, in the EPU waiting room, I kept looking at these young girls sitting with their mums, wondering why they were there. Google told me the clinic is also part of the hospital that deals with abortions.
It is just like mc is not something in its own right, with its own requirements. I can see that it needs to be near the obs and gynae team, but not jumbled in. Or worse, not recognised at all like your situation MrsN.
It is something that I have been feeling increasingly strongly about as time has gone on, and I have been able to process it properly. Miscarriage is so common, and yet it is treated like a tag on. Which is crap, considering the mental health ramifications of it all. And of course it will be shit, no matter where it takes place, but privacy, dignity and context would make it less traumatic.

I am so pleased not to have been hospitalised for my MCs given the sound of it. I know I had mini-toe in the hospital but I had labour ward for that and went straight home. Coffee Bean I did at home, the positives that came from her labour were that having done a 18 hour labour at home on my own I had no fear of how I would cope with the pain of having DD at home (and indeed DD was much, much easier - different but certainly not more painful than Coffee Bean) I think I would go crackers on a ward. There should be facilities for things like this :( I am sorry MrsN :(

Ah shite, mrsn, more uncertainty is brutal. Obviously I hope that there's some chance of things being OK, but if not I hope matters don't linger on too long. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I was in a gynae ward with another woman having a m/c and an older woman whom I assume was in for some other lady parts issue, I'm beginning to realize how lucky I was. Even if the older lady did insist on watching the sodding X factor at a volume audible to all.

No.
Ive been to Liverpool specialist reoccuring mc clinic. Last year.

After many many tests and appointments, trying hormone injections asprin & high does FA and STILL miscarrying they told us that they could not help, had no answers nor expalnations for us and that we were likely to continue to mc, they discahrged us.

So we decided to end it there and then, stopped ttc. Im 41, dh is 39.

This has been a surprise.
I have never considered ercp, its just not for me. Medical management is better for me..
Just going to wait for nature to intervene now.

Mrsn sorry to hear what you are going through.

Do you hAve the option of an erpc? I Find it much more civilised than the situation you describe. I hate the general anaesthetic but other than that there's no pain and not much bleeding ime.

Are you going to be able to get tests or a referral to st marys?

I hAve booked my private appointment with raj rai for mid may. I am a bit excited - which is a big weird but I am hoping for good things.

mrsn this link got really good info on Fetal pole length gestational age etc. I've found it pretty useful in the past.
www.americanpregnancy.org/duringpregnancy/concernsearlydevelopment.htm

Basically the info shows if you are more than 8 weeks chances of positive outcome low but if you are in fact 6 weeks there is hope. That is taken from gestational age so date since last lmp.You are having such a shit time again.

kirrin it would appear a scan stops us metalling for about 2-3 days on average but if you are lucky it may last up to 2 weeks. Good luck x

missc 18 plus 2. Get you. I am doing a belly dance on your behalf. And yay to tits and farafell . Check us out being all normal for a bit.

manda we get what you are saying. A miscarriage is shit wherever you have it. we would all like a bit of good care and some good drugs to get us through. Bastards have never given me good drugs though.

I am knackered. This metallic is bloody draining isnt it? X

Aw. Isn't it such a bloody shame that I think I've found some of the loveliest women I know online (actually... irl too, if I'm totally honest!) through one of the shittiest things that can happen. Flowers, wine AND chocolate right backatcha, mrsN.

Manda...nonono! you have been lovely and you have helped me to work through the reasons for feeling the way i do and also you have allowed me to rant and be emotional and unreasonably awful, so please dont appologise and please dont explain as i know what you mean. No offence taken at all, and no, you were not being insensitive at all.
I have enjoyed talking to you, i always enjoy alternative ways of looking at things. I need people to talk to me about these things, hugs are wll great but i want to actually talk about stuff and of course there is so much surrounding mc, not just the actual event itself, but as we discussed, where people are nursed, how they are nursed, pain relief, priorites and lack of funding. It needs to be talked about.
so here and here have these xxx

Oh god, I hope I didn't seem to imply I think you want 'special' treatment by wanting provision within the gynae/epu! Seriously, not. Of course you should expect fair provision instead of having a curtain pulled around you and left to get on with it. What I was, badly trying to say is that it's gonna be rubbish where ever, y'know? ANd neither was I trying to distinguish between earlier/later losses myself - just feel pretty sure if there was a private room on a general gynae ward then I'm sure some sort of prioritising would come into play. I'm so sorry - my brain these days isn't functioning at it's best and I seem to have said a load of stuff pretty badly.

But, of course, you're so very right - the people looking after you should be experienced in the situation you are in (and that applies to the bowel resec/breast op too.. to anyone having surgery!) - a sign of money shortage that they just lump everyone intogether? Presumably it doesn't turn out too badly as far as those signing off on where the money is directed are concerned - as long as you don't die, they're not going to admit it's less than ideal, are they? They don't really care about the long term effects (particularly in mental health, cos, well, it's not gonna come out of their budget is it? Incidently, did any of you see MN are campaigning to improve how micarriage is handled by the NHS?). It does suck major donkey balls. And, again, I'm really sorry you are facing the prospect again (and that I came across as insensitive before).

MrsN so sorry :( it's awful that you have to wait so long, but I guess they wouldn't do that if there was no hope?

Welcome bottlered sorry you've had to join us.
I used a CBFM after both my losses and it worked fine. It says you should wait 3 cycles after a mc before using it, but i started as soon as af returned and got pregnant that cycle.
My WTF cycle was actually shorter than my normal ones, albeit only by a couple of days.

Congrats to taigo farfall midget and tits
My scan is tomorrow - should be 9+5 - the fact that I had a good scan on Saturday is making no difference to my metalling.

I am so sorry mrsn have a huge hugorama. I am still hoping for a miracle for you.

8+4 since lmp, 6+4 since ovulation & conception.
No tilted uterus, just God awful fucking luck.

mrsn is it 6+4 since your period or since ovulation?

If since your period and you are therefore at 8+4 then its unlikely to be a good outcome at this stage. I don;t want you to have false hope so sorry if that sounds harsh. Do you have a tilted uterus by any chance? This can make early scans quite misleading and make you measure a bit behind.

My point is that the nurses are not trained to deal with mc, i had pv bleeding and yet was not checked at all for how heavy this was, i was left all night, no BP no pv loss checked.

Speaking to the gynea trained nurses on epau, they dearly want ward beds on their dept, one side for over 16 weeks, another for below 16 weeks. Gynea wards for abortions/hysterectomies etc. Seperate.

Im not arsed about gold plated stuff, just properly trained nurses and an appropriate private place to go through the horror & pain. It is truly horrific to go throuhg in the middle of a ward with curtains round.

My losses although always early, are sufficiently painful to force me into hospital for mophine and gas & air.
I labour, literally have labour pains for 12 hours plus.
I dont think that anyone can decide on priority based on gestational age of the loss.
It is so very individual. Friends have coped with paracetamol and hot water bottle at the same gestational age as me.
Gotta wait..and rave on here thanks for talking to me, i really appreciate it x

(gah, and I also want to make it clear after my post before last that I am, despite how it sounds, pro-choice. Not a choice I could make for myself, mind. And not something I think I could be around if I were miscarrying. Just to be clear!)

Gah, and in true foot in it stylee, I've cross posted with you mrsN whilst it took so long for me to waffle on (and do other stuff).

Chinese sounds good. I am just so sorry you couldn't have had better news today.

Haven't backread, but I think I recall you saying the other day, mrsn that you think you are 6+4 from O/conception, but as far as 'they' date things, you should be two weeks further on? There is always a glimmer of hope, for those that want to believe/cling - there certainly are plenty of 'good news' stories that abound on the net. But I can understand your reticence to allow yourself that train of thought.

But one thing I wanted to add wrt to 'the final insult' - a gynae ward really isn't great, either. You could be next to/near women having abortions. Or with confused old women having hysterectomies. Or both. It's only when a hospital has decided to get a bit more 'with it' that you would then get a private room on a gynae ward (and then, possibly they'd only prioritise later losses).

I guess what I'm trying to say is as much as it'd be ideal if your local hospital had much better facilities the thing is that the grass isn't necessarily greener, y'know? Grass is grass, once you're standing on it. And if this is another BO for you then even green grass isn't actually gonna make you feel better, ultimately. I dunno, maybe I'm odd in thinking that I'd rather take my chances with a bowel resec than be next to someone who is willingly ending their baby's life.

The only part that would be unacceptable, to me, is if the general surgical ward is mixed sex?

Either way, even if you were headed to a gold plated room with top class drugs for the pain... it IS shite to have to be thinking this way again, it IS shite that you may have to go through a traumatic time in a hospital that offers you little to no privacy for your grief so OF COURSE YOU'RE FLIPPING ANGRY! Angry is perfectly acceptable, nay, expected. And you may vent it here as much as you wish; especially if you feel the need to hide it irl. for you.

Thanks grandpooh, ive known for the 3 weeks ive been spotting to be fair, it could have happened anytime for me.

There is a tiny slither of hope that the next scan may be more positive..but again, been there before and still miscarried.
dooom gloooom.

now, happy thoughts, chinees takaway and snuggle on the sofa with DH tonight

MrsN, not necessarily, there are cases where there's no hb yet - especially if you maybe implanted a day or two after you ovulated. My friend was nannying for an obstetrician when she got pregnant and her boss gave her a cheeky early scan and they had a similar situation. A week later, there was a heartbeat. The fact that this hasn't followed your usual course maybe means there's something to hope for? You're not out till you're out and it is still early enough that a couple of days either way makes the difference.

Fx for you, but look after yourself whatever happens. If its not to be, then the scan may be the trigger for your body to 'let go' - with my blighted ovum miscarriage, diagnosed at 8+4, I'd been spotting for weeks in the run up to the scan but it all kicked off a couple of days afterwards - it's like your mind allows for it to happen then.

im exsactly 6+4 today which is what the scan said.
Just no hb, no baby and continuing bleeding. there should be a hb & baby by now.

They said that they cannot advise any form of action now, as the rules have now changed. The sac needs to measure 7cm with no contents before they can recommend either medical or surgical management. I measured 6cm. Hence coming back in 10 days to give it time to either go naturally or grow and develop.
Been here 5 times before, this will be my 5th blighted ovum, so i know the score. (have had 2 other mcs where a baby & hb were seen)

So there it is. The most shittest thing of all, is that my local hospital does not have a gynea ward. I will be put into a general surgical ward, last time in between a breast abscess and a bowel resection, after being moved to 3 different locations within A&E, dragging my gas & air cylinder behind me!

Thats the shittest part and final insult/kick in the tits.
oooh im even angrier than i was yesterday! sorry girls

Oh Mrs N more bloody waiting. Poor you. Hurried post from phone at work. Basically if your dates are right there should be something tere. If they are wrong and theirs are right there is still hope. I had no HB with DD, I think at 6 weeks but then did at 7 plus something so a similar situation. If your dates are right though I say the chances of a positive outcome decrease drastically as you would expect HB at 8. Fetal pole encouraging I would think though. Sorry such a hurried post but didn't want to read and leave. Personally I would go back in a week, 7plus 4 is enough to have developed. 2 weeks is cruel.

Sorry mrsN, guess what I was trying to say was I did mc, but what they saw at my scan was much worse than what you have described. I think there is some hope for you.