Fantastic 40+ thread - part 6

I mean we did a letter in my NHS weight loss and Life style class!

sparkleysappire welcome, what a lovely name, where did you pick it from? Enjoy your time off line.

I just wanted to say a quick thank you for the lovely welcome from everybody as I'm about to head off to an internet free zone (my mum's) and I should have left several hours ago.

twirly I hope your scan brings you better news than you expect

italian you seem to be coping amazingly well, and your calm and wise words over the last few weeks have been inspiring (as I said, I've been lurking for a while)

I hope everyone has a lovely bank holiday.

hopeful quiet not quite!

Sorry masses of spelling mistakes and typos, in that post hope you can read it. Diege is the bistro open? If so, if you are there I will have a salad, a protein shake and a coffee with Tia Maria!

knicky thanks for your kind words. I am sure it will lesson in time but I wonder if maybe it will never be totally out of my mind and maybe it is something I will just adapt to. I had thought I was totally over it but my friend?s new baby has kind of brought it all back to me! For me M and S knickers are posh! I don't think you should feel bad that you embarrassed someone else, because in reality maybe it is good for people to realise that some of us struggle to do what others do easily. It is wonderful if you do not feel jealous of others and of course that is the best way to be. I can't explain exactly why I feel jealous of some and not others, and jealous at some times and not other times! Because of my bloated tummy due to IBS I am often asked if I am pregnant (even though I am 47!) so that often leads to embarrassment in the other person when I say no I am not. But that if life and I think it is not a big problem for people to feel embarrassed at times. A new staff member stated at my work and I very nearly asked if she had kids but luckily did not! Now it turns out (because I shared about my fertility problems) that she has some too and sadly unlike me she does not have a birth child at all. We got chatting and can hopefully comfort each other, Though I realise that as she has no children she will feel differently from me, and I do feel sure it is my darling daughter who has enabled me to move on so swiftly (if you can call 6 plus years swift! - and God helping of course too). I guess what I am saying is that for so many people it is a problem and jeooulasy or envy or whatever comes ito it and it seems only righht others understand a little. I woudl never ask a person in a wheel chair if they wanted to walk! But infertility or secondary infertility is hidden. And sometiems we who ar involved in it find it so hard to speak up. I guess what I mean is don't feel bad.

Twirly sorry you feel so down , I have for a few days now but the bank holiday looming is making me feel better, even if I ahve to get up an db eta the cinema tomorrow to watch the Muppet movie at 10.00!!

Thanks Miaalexandersmummy I am mostly fine but every now and then I get a blip! My dd has said she wants to see the baby and so we will go and meet her. I think if her mum (my friend) had not spent quite so much time moaning over the last 9 months I would not feel quite so unsympathetic! Luckily, I keep my moans to myself, the four walls, my DH (get more response from 4 walls!) and you guys so actually it has not damaged friendship, and that glazed look comes in handy! Speaking to people on the adoption threads here is helpful. Hvae counselling appointment booked for next week and feeling positive. Any prayers, please pray I shift this weight! We did an interesting exercise, a letter to ourselves for 6 months time, two versions, one where we had lost a pound a week (recommended ONLY 1 or 2 pounds per week to keep it off) and one where we had not lost it. Very interesting!

Lol hugs to you and may it all go smoothly.

BB any news?

Hopefulgum is quite in Oz, not got by a kangaroo, I hope! Sending hugs across the miles.

Hugs to Hippy, Jolly, Diege, Angelgeorgie, clickingtock , Elena, Tina, Marythersa, Blackcatdancing, Shandy and all.

italian it's not surprising that you are so tired, as you put yourself through emotional turmoil listening to news about other babies and forcing yourself to be polite, after all these last few difficult months. On the bereaved mothers' thread, we have a name for people like this, which is equally applicable here - DHACs. (Don't Have A Clue)... I am so sorry. I hope you have a gentle time for the next little while.

sparkly I agree, what a beautiful name!! May your time here be short and sweet, useful and fruitful.

knicky I think you handled that very awkward situation admirably. Like twirly, I don't ever ask about children or parenthood ambitions, as there are simply too many potential difficulties. It's also very personal, when you think about it. I don't go around asking people if they enjoy sex or have a happy marriage... it's weird that the topic of children is considered to be 'fair game.'

clicking ah, yes, those symptoms sound very familiar! How many weeks will you be on 18 May? Apparently, you can't reliably see anything until 8 weeks, as that is when the heart is developed enough to start beating. We were very keen to have an early scan, simply because we wanted to know one way or another as soon as possible, although I am back to worrying now. The private clinic also offered us a free reassurance scan in two weeks, possibly because of my history, which I thought was very kind.

twirly oh, my poor friend. I feel for you. It is hard to have any peace of mind when you are scared of disappointment, and you have no idea what is going on inside your body. Let us know if we can help you in any way. I am sending you plenty of nausea vibes as my own special contribution... x

Ah - thanks Knicky, you are so luffly. It is easy to lose focus that all that matters is the safe arrival of a newborn (and having our lovely LOs safely with us). Will you have to see that lady again at the nursery? I'm sure she is devastated at the thought of hurting your feelings. I think you handled it v elegantly.

The NHS fertility consultant we saw on 11 April (who basically suggested ICSI was the best way forward!!!) has just offered me an early scan on 18 May. Would you guys snap it up or is it just a bit paranoid/jinxing things to go for an early peak?

Twirly - we are all thinking of you. Let us know how you get on please.

Actually, I think they're called reassurance scans, not comfort, but you know what I mean!

Hi knicky I'm really lucky in that my hospital seems happy to give me scans whenever I want one; they've said that, if it does go ahead they'll set up comfort scans as and when I think they would help, as well as all the usual ones which is very kind.

Thanks for the lovely words, it means a lot that you are all here when required!

Oh twirly, I completely agree. Not jealous in the slightest for others who get pregnant at the drop of a hat (or anything else they drop). Just thankful, when another little one arrives that everyone is all safe and sound. I'm keeping everything crossed that things are going to plan with you. Maybe a private scan if affordable just to give you some peace of mind? Some people really do just seem to cope well with pregnancy and apparently it seems it doesn't matter how your body responded in previous pregnancies - so if you had a rough time first time round, it's not necessarily that it'll be like that again. Hugs twirly and hoping that you are able to get some peace of mind soon xxxx
clicking fab fab fab! A midwife appointment means things are progressing as they should. Very exciting. Understand why you feel nervous about lifting DS - thankfully he's of the age that he doesn't need constant carrying around (don't know how ladies avoid this when they have younger children).

twirly and clicking For today you are both pregnant. Marvellous stuff.
Much love xx

Thanks clicking - you never know I guess!

Twirly I really hope your scan gives you a happy surprise and not as you suspect. You have been through such a lot so impossible not to feel anxious. Thinking of you.

Xxx

clicking - I can have as many scans as I like, the hospital is very good that way and will get one next week just to check, but think I know what it'll be . . .

knicky - that must have been horrible for you and awkward for her. I'm aware that I never ever ask anyone those sorts of questions because my own experiences and those people have shared here, make it all seem so tactless when someone just wades in, even if they don't mean any harm. However, i do sometimes think there is a gap with some people I meet where they're almost expecting me to ask as normal conversation, and when I don't, it is awkward too. I wonder whether they're the ones who have had a relatively easy time and wouldn't mind blase comments? No way of knowing, so I just keep quiet.

Someone did say to me the other day that I must be very jealous of one of the mums at the school gate who pops babies out like they're going out of fashion, smokes like a chimney throughout, and then shouts at them all once they're here. I can honestly say I don't. I've never felt that way. When I see someone pregnant, I'm just desperately hopeful that it works out for them and that they both get out of it safe and well; not because I'm not judgey (I most certainly am!), but I only want my babies and I don't care who else is pregnant. I don't know their stories, so I can only wish them and their babies well as it makes no difference to my chances or outcomes. So, it doesn't bother me when someone announces they're pregnant again or they put pix on FB, or they show me what's in thier pram - another safe baby is always a blessing, and, for all I know, there are plenty of people who have cursed me when it has seemed like I do it easily (as I never really tell people things in RL so they have no idea really).

Well, that was a bit of a rant.

Hope you're all well - hugs to MiaAlexandrasMummy

Btw Knicky - we had to chase our GP about SA. It took about a week but they didn't make any effort to contact us with results. And 8dpo you say?! I'll be checking in on you soon. xxx

Oh - Knicky - that's really tough. In a good way, she obviously thought you looked young and made assumptions it would be easy for you and you had made a choice to hold off. But it really wasn't very sensible to ask like that. For people who conceive easily I guess it just doesn't cross their minds. I really do believe you will get there and all these weird experiences will be a thing of the past. Keep going KK and I'm gunning for you.

Thanks for asking re' pants etc - that's lovely of you. Still overexcited. I am seeing a midwife on 18 May. My only worry is about lifting DS (and checking my pants!) but I am trying to encourage him to do as much for himself as possible. For today... etc

Twirly - poor you. I don't know what to say, unless you would be prepared to go for a private scan if that would reassure you? Until you're actually giving birth and get the baby in your arms it might just be this way - some people really do breeze through.

Waves to sparkly and wishes her good luck.

Hi sparkly - welcome and good luck!

A bit down in the dumps here I'm afraid; don't think I could possibly feel less pregnant .

Hi there Sparkly as FF says, I really hope it's a short stay on here for you (though it's lovely to have you on board).

italian, given the past few months, it's no wonder you feel as you do. Wrought out from the whole business and coming to terms with a new stage in your life. The sadness you feel is normal when ladies are speaking to you about births, though I hope that it lessens in time. Hugs lovely lady.

clicking how you doing? Hoping the pant checking is under control, though understand why you're doubly checking them. I'm still v. excited about your BFP.

I'm doing OK. 8 DPO, and no signs of anything out of the ordinary this month. I still think I can feel a twinge down there, but really don't think it's anything other than my over imagination trying to play tricks (or still those cheap damned M & S knickers. Must treat myself to some posher ones). Will give us one more cycle then back to the docs. Next month, around our SWI week, DH is on a course, so will be home everynight, so there'll be no excuse go give it our best shot (as it were.....) No news so far on hubby's sperm analysis. Hoping no news is good news.

Had a tricky conversation at DDs nursery last night when I was collecting her. Another lady who I know only from collect and drop off times is heavily pregnant. As she was struggling to pick her daugher up, I said to her, it's hard work when it gets to this stage of pregnancy. We then made a few bits of pleasant conversation when she said 'do you think you'll have a second?'. I never know what to say, but just said 'we would love to, but it's just not that straightforward for us'. She looked embarassed, I felt gutted and that was that. I also felt sorry that I had embarassed her in some way for asking. Gosh, I wish it was all so different.

Anyway, onwards and upwards. It's a bank holiday weekend and I hope you all have some lovely plans. Carpet shopping, a christening and a trip to the park for us. Woohoo! Lots of love to all xxxx

welcome sparkly , i turned 44 in Feb and am TTC second, first is an adult . Had a MMC earlier this year and hoping to have better luck next time. Realised if i get pregnant right now i'll be just short of 45 when its born. I'm giving it another few months then moving on .

Welcome Sparkly, from another newbie

Welcome sparklysapphire. Lovely name! You have defo found one of the best forums on MN. I can't keep away!! You can find some acronyms
here, as for etiquette, I'm sure you will do just fine. Good luck! May your stay be a short one, but ask away and join in while you're here. Ff xx

Hi ladies,
Would you mind if I join you too? I'm going to be 44 very soon, my DD has just turned 4, and we've been TTC for about 3 months, or more accurately not using contraception and hoping for the best. I've been lurking for a while, and you seem a lovely, supportive, knowledgable bunch, that I've finally joined MN for this thread - this is my first post, so apologies in advance if I'm not quite up with the abbrieviations/ettiquette etc.

I'm still here. 38+5 today. due a week on Saturday, but have no expectations of the baby coming then.

I finish work tomorrow!! and can't wait. (am too huge to walk comfortably now).

congratulations clicking and also Jolls! Your pregnancy seems to be progressing much quicker than mine has

That should be glazed not galzed and weird not wired! And yes, you guys feel free to talk about YOUR birth experiences!

Miaalexandersmummy WOW fab, great news.

Lol glad you have resolved it.

Twirly, Tina and co thanks for kind words.

Hugs to hippy and co.

Feeling OK personally but sad, some things going on, friend had her baby, not sure how I will feel about meeting up with new baby, met friend's mum and even she talks non-stop about birth etc (I mean my friend's birth not the baby's!!!), just adopted a galzed look until i could get away, feel like getting a T-shirt printed that says 'no, please do not tell me about your birth experiences!'. VERY sadly another friend lost a baby, and it is all very hard (for them). So wired time, and for me I am feeling physically tired - as lot on, even managed to miss end of Appentice as fell asleep!

Hugs to all.

Thanks jollster and Angel. Lots of pants-checking but otherwise reassured by irritability and general sense of changes afoot in the womble area, plus weird-feeling in my boobaloobs. Will try some fried-egg sandwiches too ; obviously a must if you're diffed. Can't believe you are 17+5 already jollster - great stuff and not long til your next scan!

Lol - that's it, stick to your guns! I'm dying to know the actual name now!

congrats clickingbean so pleased for you - hope all progresses smoothly and happily.

Mam, I can't remember if I've congratulated you out loud - I whooped when I read your news. Ditto above x

Lol glad you are sticking to your guns. Good for you.

waves to everyone.

Am 17+5, quite tired and anxiously awaiting some movements. Nowt as yet, but I didn't with DS til way past 20 weeks. Quite a bump though, but that might be fried egg sandwiches .